::Sigh…

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t just be better to get a high-paying job in an office, and start saving up.Β  Then, after a couple or few years, start the process for adoption.Β  The only work so far that I have loved doing, without almost any question ever, is doing things with other people’s kids (nannying).Β  Maybe having a somewhat terrible corporate job in suits is worth it for having a kid…

I just don’t see myself happy each morning and each bedtime in a job like that, and that means bad sleep each night and a tough start to the day each morning.

I don’t know… sometimes I get depressive, and then desperate, and start calculating what β€˜makes sense’ for life, as opposed to β€˜listening to my heart’.Β  Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve even asked my heart what I/it want/wants to do with my life and time…

Now is as good a time as ever, I suppose.Β  πŸ™‚

 

P.S. Β I’ve noticed that, whenever I get upset in the depressed,Β my life is going nowhere experience, I have an almost panicked desire to move to Europe, and it is most often France. Β It’s not like I have any idea whatsoever what I would do there, or how that would solve any of my current issues. Β Plus, it wouldΒ create the issue of being away from almostΒ everyone I know and love and who loves me, since most of them are in the US. Β However, there’s just this feeling that arises that living in Europe somehow would just make everything okay, and in a good way (not just tolerable okay, but good okay). Β Anyway, just something I noticed tonight.

Post-a-day 2018