Month: January 2017

Costco

Today, sitting with a friend at Costco (yes, Japan has Costco, oddly enough), I noticed how at home I felt.  I used to go to Costco with my dad, and Sam’s with each of my parents long before that.  Now, being at Costco gives me a sense of everything being alright, and that I am loved and surrounded by those who love me (or at least am in the same town as they, and I will be with them soon enough).  So, naturally, it was odd when we walked out of the store, because the crashing cold extinguished any and all warm feelings of home and home-y-ness, returning me to my current locale…  

I’m okay here, certainly.  I do believe what my mother once commented about me, though: I am European.  She didn’t mean that I actually am European, of course, but that my style and my ways are very much in sync with those of Europe, and not with those of Asia.  I imagine that I one day will be excited by a Japanese shop or this or that, when I am off elsewhere in the world.  However, I am starting to see that the sentiment will not reflect that of when I cross a European cafe or restaurant – the former is likely to be a thought of “Well, that was a neat time,” and the latter occurs as an actual piece of me.

Post-a-day 2017

Self-discovery and second opinions

Today, I am sharing with you (whoever you may be) an e-mail, which I wrote earlier today. I feel it expresses the exact reason for which I have been calm and at ease today and tonight, and even did laundry without a fuss just a bit ago, and have made plans for my next load tomorrow (and with ease of mind).

Note: The thing I am referencing, the thing to which I listened Sunday morning, is a Ted 250 talk on making hard decisions, which my dad had sent me.

 

Listened to this Sunday morning, and been thinking about it ever since.  Mom, I just sent you some texts about my current thoughts, but here’s an e-mail to keep you two in the loop on my thinking, and to give a space for each of your thoughts on the matter.

As I mentioned to you, Mom, I think I’m not a big business person.  (I’d been considering looking for work with Schlumberger or the likes)  I could be a big business person, and I don’t want to be one… not really.  I only want the money and the prestige for it, the respect from others, and their high opinions of me.  As you mentioned recently, Mom, other’s people’s opinions of me are none of my business.  An initially difficult thought, but a powerful and releasing one.  If I were to be a big business person, I realize (and I have always known this on some level) that it would be a never-ending effort to keep the real me alive, to maintain who I am at heart…, because the big business is not who I truly am, you see.  Suits are fun, but only on occasion – I don’t want the daily suit lifestyle.  (Though, to be fair, I might like it better if this were the norm!!  Is it weird that I can So see Rob in these?  But I digress…)
So, I think I want to do art school.  I am constantly thinking about how I want to be trained in art skills (since high school, actually), and have always somehow seen myself being in a million art classes.  I’m not sure exactly how to go about doing it, but I think I want to start with working and schooling together in [—].  I can do [Community College] evenings as a start, with subbing and tutoring and potentially teaching a couple classes part-time, as well as reffing (and possibly coaching) lacrosse.  Perhaps, after I’ve done some art classes, I’ll know if I want to go into an official school or something – I’ll at least know if I like what I’m doing, and it will only be one university semester to figure that out (as opposed to a high school semester or an academic year or more).
My main thought is that I need to focus my life around the things for which I most long, instead of finding work that provides the money to do the things I want to do, and just doing those things on the side, and often ending up not having time for them in the first place.
Mom, I know you already said, and quite perfectly, “If you build it, they will come.  Follow your heart, and the money will follow.”  (Yes, I added commas for myself.)  Nonetheless, I would love for y’all’s thoughts and ideas on it all.  You two know me best, and in two different ways, so I look most to you two for… well, everything.  😛
Love y’all!
Peace

Hannah

Okay, two e-mails – I also want to share my follow-up e-mail to my mother’s response to the initial e-mail…

 

Haha!  Yep!  Get it.  Got it.  Good.  And I liked how what she said inspired my thinking, as opposed to all of the specific things she said for their own value and meaning.  Some was great, and a lot was “Okay…..?”  The end result, however, was an inspired thinking and evaluation of my current situation of “hard decisions” to be made.  I like looking at it as Who do I want to be out of this decision/choice? and What has integrity for who I want to be?

 
Love y’all.
Peace

Hannah

Post-a-day 2017

a Turn in the Road instead

Something I have learned about Japan is that roads that appear to be turning into a dead-end almost never are at their ends.  That is, they are all false dead-ends.  If you keep going on the road, almost as if magic were at play, a continuation of the road appears just past that house or those bushes – things only appear to be ending, when the road merely has turned (and quite sneakily in my opinion).

Some days, I wonder if this is a sort of big picture lesson for me to learn.  We always talk of life as a road or a path.  Perhaps these Japanese roads are a new take on the road of life, the path we are taking, which seems to be coming to a dead-end…  and, perhaps not.  Nonetheless, I find myself wondering often about it, because it is such an odd thing to have discovered, I feel.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017

A poem from Vienna

I lived in Vienna, Austria, briefly, and apparently wrote this on January 8, 2013:

I love life.
And all its experiences, too.
Really. Honestly.
Truly, I do.

With every person we meet, 
every sunset we see, 
every breath we take,
and every mistake we make,
We are given a choice to learn
or to let it all crash and burn.

And here and now and in all that I am
I choose to learn whenever I can –
To develop myself and keep sharing my love,
using strength on Earth and strength from Above.

For every lesson, yes every single one;
Each moment in darkness, each spent basking in the sun;
For every night and for every day;
and for every one who comes my way;
From dog to plant to Jung to Mädel,
For all in my life, I am forever grateful.

Post-a-day 2017

Ouch

I decided Friday that I wanted to do another running challenge with my birthday as the deadline/goal line.  I had just run a bit over two miles, and I could feel the pain (though it was slight, I am not accustomed to two miles being any sort of painful).  And so I decided 66 miles total by my birthday, the end of February (most years, anyway).

With the consideration of upping it to 100 miles, I got myself out on another run today – I realized that running two miles every day would get me close to 100 anyway, and so, the more I run, the longer the distances get, and the less often I have to run (meaning not daily).  It ended on top of the riverbank hill, watching the sun set behind the clouds blocking Mt Fuji (Bummer, I know, but it was still beautiful.).  And that was great, except that, once I attempted to walk back home, I could barely use my legs.

As I had been running, it had felt like the second day of cross country practice all over again – a painful, when will this ever end beginning to my dislike of what was once one of my favorite pastimes.  Standing in my hot shower after the run, my right knee was swollen, and my legs felt worse than they have in years, as though preparing to give out beneath me, and crying silently all the while.

So, now I’m unsure as to what will happen with my running challenge, as I also have a swollen spot on the right side of my lower back (first time for that one), which also hurts… hmm.

The whole idea was a sort of way for me to release pent-up energy regularly, and to get myself fit like I want again.  Kind of like a Happy Birthday to me thing.  Let’s hope I wake up revived and well in the morning, shall we?  Yes, let’s. 🙂
Post-a-day 2017

Ice Cream in the Cold

I’m not sure when it started for me, but, for some reason, I regularly crave ice cream in the cold weather.  And, typically, I find a way to satisfy that craving, despite the crazy looks I usually tend to receive.

One early December in college, a friend, Genevieve, and I each got a pint of ice cream, and went wandering around our campus, eating our ice creams.  I think it was in the 50s (Fahrenheit, of course), but there we were, wandering outdoors with our ice creams that wouldn’t melt on us.  I believe this was also around the time that I carried around my “I love you… you should, too” sign…, but that’s a different story to tell.

Anyway, eating ice cream has become one of my preferred pastimes in recent years.  Once, in Vienna, a girlfriend and I attempted to go have some ice cream or froyo, only to discover that the shop was closed for winter.  (We ended up eating specialty cupcakes elsewhere, which were delicious, but just not the same.)  While living in Vienna, I would treat myself to an Eiskaffee every so often (coffee with ice cream, topped with whipped cream), although it was cold throughout almost my entire stay.  I would say that was where it all started, as I had regularly enjoyed ice cream as a casual outing while living in Germany that summer, and so it was only logical that the habit continued into winter in Vienna.  However, that was after the college campus fun with Genevieve, so it could not have begun there (based on the sort of time structure we currently follow in our world, anyway).  Oh, well… it is of little importance right now, anyway, so I’m alright with not knowing how it all began.  The point is: I love ice cream, and I love eating ice cream when the weather is cold.

Also on that note, I finally made myself an Eiskaffee today.  However, my judgement on that it would be alright having it well after 10pm was ridiculously proven incorrect – it’s now 4am, and I’m only just growing truly sleepy.  We’ll see if I’m able to sleep in just a few minutes!  Anyway, here’s to sleeping for a healthy body, mind, and spirit.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017

Nerd Jobs to the Rescue

So, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with myself come August, when my current job’s contract will be complete, and I will need to have a different job.  In brief, I have gone back and forth from calm serenity and trust in the universe and God to utter disaster, self-doubt, and depression.

Today, I happened to look into copy-editing, as a book I recently was given (I’ve only listened to the first bit so far) made it sound rather exciting.  The article I found was quite nerdy and helpful, but I eventually moved thoughts elsewhere, and forgot about the copy-editing.

Later on, as I was thinking about what I had done at work for the day, – slept two hours, done some research on the computer, played on Facebook a bit (truly only a bit today), chatted with a couple coworkers (while they were around, anyway), sat on the floor while listening to music, used the bathroom several times, and looked up grammar and punctuation rules – I chuckled at the last one on the list.

“I just spent an hour looking up punctuation, because I wanted to.  Can I just find a job that lets me do that kind of thing all the time?”

And then it struck me: Duh!  Copy-editing.

I already love editing people’s e-mails and papers and letters and websites and such.  That was part of what the article said as an early step to becoming a copy-editor, and I already do it…. and just for fun!

As my mom said when I mentioned copy-editing to her this evening (morning for her), it sounds terribly boring.  Really, I agree with her completely on how it sounds.  And yet, as I just mentioned on here, I already do it, and I do it for free and for fun. <– Yes.  See that?  I meant it, and still do mean it.  I do the editing for fun right now, and there’s an actual paying opportunity for doing just that, so I think it would be well worth my time and effort to take strides in the official copy-editor direction.  😀

Post-a-day 2017

Across My Dreams

In high school, I had this playlist entitled “Sleepers”.  Every night, after I turned off the lights, I would snuggle into my bed and put in one earphone (because the opposite ear was against the pillow already) to listen.  The first two songs were from the early release of the music from the film Across the Universe, “All My Lovin'” and “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”.  The third song, which was on the playlist three times in a row, was “Iron and Wine” by The Postal Service.

I’m not too sure what had me pick these songs in particular, but there was something magical to me about them.  It was as if they were the first steps into my having beautiful dreams, that they began and represented the life I wanted, but could only dream.

Something like that, anyway.  And I was truly happy in my life at the time, too, which makes it almost silly that I wanted something more, even though I was happy exactly where I was with it all.  🙂
Post-a-day 2017

The Goofy Tour Guide(?)

One of my favorite things recently was the time I got to take some of my students around London and Paris.  They literally chased after me at times, as I wound them through the buzz and hub of the cities and their transit systems.  And, from what I understood during and after the trip, they totally loved it.  As did I.

In all the photos, of course, my friend and I looked like two of the kids on the trip, instead of the adult chaperones, but that was okay – it wasn’t like we acted much differently than the kids, anyway. 😛  Sure, we were responsible and all, but also totally silly and fun like kids.  And, while I loved getting to be with a group of people who could be fun and goofy with me, that wasn’t the best part.  

What I loved most was what I was able to give to the kids, what Inwas able to share with them, impart to them.

Everywhere we went, I kept buying them snacks of all sorts (all local favorites, of course).  I was sure to take them to do the silly things you don’t usually get to do on an organized travel tour (like experiencing a grocery store, taking time to sit and enjoy street music, discreetly convincing a pub to let you use their bathroom without having bought anything, finding your favorite books for half the price and in the language you’re learning – things like that, and much more).  I literally spread joy and enhanced people’s world views just by sharing my own knowledge and experiences with them.

Ever since then, I have wanted to do more and more of that.  Sure, I get to do it every time someone visits me, wherever I happen to be at the time, but it just isn’t the same as that trip… perhaps discovering the difference will lead me to a way to make it happen on a consistent basis… That would be awesome.  😀

Post-a-day 2017

Unexpected Student Interactions

As a teacher, I have always enjoyed running into my students outside of school.  I’m not sure all of my students enjoy seeing me (I’ve never noticed them ducking and hiding, but it’s totally possible), but a good number of them run up to greet me whenever they see me out in the real world.  Here, in Japan, has not been too different in that sense.  Yes, students are ridiculously shy compared to the US, however, keeping that in mind, students are still, relatively speaking, quite outgoing and excited to see me out in public.  Sometimes that just means the boys smile, blush, and wave at me.  And sometimes it means girls scream my name across the train station (yes, it has happened).  😛  Nonetheless, they always greet me in some way when they notice me, and are happy to see me (trust me; I’ve seen them when they’re unhappy to see someone – they are definitely happy to see me).

Tonight, as my train pulled into the final station, which happened also to be my station, I roused myself from my half-sleep, for which I had had my head leaning semi-comfortably against a partition next to my seat.  Approaching normal consciousness, I notice a face turned towards me over to my left.  When I stand up, I realize that there is a group of boys with that face, and that the face is familiar.  Sure enough, they are students from one of my schools.

I casually waved with a smile, and, walking towards them and the door, asked how they were doing (though, seeing as I was not fully conscious yet, I ended up talking to them in Japanese).  They seemed delighted, and in a goofy sense of the word… and, seeing as this is Japan, they could have been delighted just from seeing me out in public during the school holidays.  Too, though, I might have been dozing on the train with my mouth open, which would have made for a fun spectacle for the boys.  Though the latter is less likely, as I wasn’t ever fully asleep, and I didn’t have drool on me or any other signs of having been sleeping with my mouth gaping, both are entirely possible.

So, who knows?  Perhaps they’ll mention it one day at school next week, and I’ll learn the truth of it all.  Perhaps not.  Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed it all.  The nap included.  😛

 

Post-a-day 2017