Month: May 2018

What to do with my life…

Nope, no idea.  I really haven’t any idea.  I mean, sure, I have loads of ideas all day long.  But I open up the page – that dreadful, white, blank page – and it all just seems to melt away.  It almost feels as though none of it ever existed in the first place.  It isn’t that I have a block.  It is that I have an empty slate.  And being able to create anything for this nothing is not only amazing, but mind-blowing.  I always look for direction, instruction, guidance…, and yet, does that direction, instruction, guidance, even if ever so slightly, take away from the me of it?  Does that not remove the me from the creation, and put at least a part of the result under the specifications of another, when it could have been all generated from me?  It could have been purely me, but I wanted outside direction.  But I want me and I want the blank slate… sort of.  I want the slate however it may be, but perhaps I would like to paint it first, and then begin to work (although the painting would be beginning already), because blank and solid and white is just not me.  Yes, yes… perhaps I just need to paint, and then create further and further from that initial coat.

Post-a-day 2018

Absurd Mothering

I occasionally worry about the possibility of my having kids of my own.  And by kids, of course, I mean children, not goats.  My brother has goats already.  They’re really cute.

Anyway, the main genuine worry that I have regarding my having children of my own, is the concern of what I might name them.  I thought my cousin had it crazy enough, when she said that she would like to have a girl, and to name her Jacques, pronounced “Jake”.  But I’m over here in the shower tonight, contemplating having twins, a boy and a girl, and naming (and calling) them Penny Lane and Abbey Road (respectively, I think, but I’m not set on that).  And then I get all concerned, because I worry that I might actually do that, if I have children of my own to name.  Either that, or I’ll not actually give them set names until they’re six months old or something.  And, even then, I might still give them absurd names.  I could actually see myself doing this to my dear children.  Though, perhaps I would give them somewhat ‘standard’ names, so to speak, and then just call them these absurd names I have.  That way, I could use multiple absurd names on each child.  Having children is absurd enough as it is – at least give me a little bit of fun of my own to have, you know?  (And, yes, I do know that I am somewhat totally crazy here.)  🙂

If it didn’t really matter, what sorts of absurd names would you give your child/children? Think about it.

Post-a-day 2018

The Opera

Opera is ridiculous.  One night, I have a constant close-up of an incredibly-endowed woman’s exposed nipples, and another is packed with the gag-inducing stupidity and lovey-dovey total BS drama whose only competitor is telemundo’s telenovelas.  Actually, they are almost all packed with that last bit.  Most nights, eye rolls abound, and we occasionally have to restrain intense laughter at the nonsense of people’s declarations of what their love must mean and be able to do, or else what their rage and fury must now cause.  Tonight was one of those nights.

And yet, it is such spectacular music, it is what I long to hear most evenings, as I am settling in at home for the evening.  I feel as though most of the dramatic operas are best when the words are not understood.  Otherwise, they are all just idiots, and you really don’t seem to mind at their dying (slash you kind of want them to hurry up and just die already).

Let us be clear here: I love opera.  It is just painfully dramatic and ridiculous at times, that I just want to punch people and hit a fast-forward button, so that the stupidity will end already.  I get enough of that in real life.  Let’s not dwell on it so dumbly in our entertainment.

Post-a-day 2018

College

He had stayed home that night, because his program was intense – he had a lot of work to do.  He had been invited, but he didn’t go, because he did work instead.  His best friend went, though.  He wasn’t in such an intense program, and could spare the night off easily enough.  Everyone there had thought that the best friend had fallen asleep.  Perhaps he had.  Eventually, though, the combination of this and that and ecstasy had stopped the best friend’s heart and life.  But everyone thought the best friend was asleep.

He had stayed home that night, but his best friend hadn’t.

Contemplating how things could have gone differently, if he had gone to the party that night, now that is one easy way to go crazy.

So, I don’t.

Post-a-day 2018

We are geniuses

Delirious talkings late at night between cousins make for ingenious ideas.

Mark tonight as the night we developed and discussed the special foreign language idea, and pondered at how we could end up discussing it in a year, after its having become incredibly successful, and yet so meager and delirious had been its beginnings.

Let us see what happens…

Post-a-day 2018

Marry me, or leave me be

For some reason, I genuinely want friends, and I rather want males to leave me alone in the dating realm of life.  I usually struggle even talking with guys who show interest in me, until they seem to understand clearly that I am not interested (a process which usually includes utter bluntness, ignoring, a combination of the two, and possibly many other negative-type events).  So, it always feels like I just want guys to leave me alone – I don’t want to date anyone, so let it go, give it up -, but I’m fine with having friends and acquaintances, and actually prefer that to dating.

Yet I want to be with someone.

I think that 1) I am crazy, and 2) I am already in the mindset of being with that certain someone, whoever it is, because I feel so confident that it will be unbelievably obvious when the time comes that we finally meet and are ready to be together, that we are the ones for one another.  So, in a way, I’m already having a relationship with this someone – or myself, if I am the only one meant for me after all -, and so I naturally am bothered by guys expressing interest in me.  I already have someone, or else I won’t ever be having someone, so leave me be (on that front, anyway).

Yeah, so I suppose I have established that I am, indeed, just a little bonkers, then. 😛

Post-a-day 2018

Childhood fears growing old with the best of us

You know how the crescent rolls and biscuits come in a sort of cardboard and tin canister?  And you know how you “PEEL HERE” around the middle of the canister to open them up?  And you know that sudden POP! that comes at some unknown point in that peeling back/around process?  Yeah, I know I’m supposedly a grown-up now, but I am still slightly terrified of that pop.  I totally jumped and heard myself yelp today, when it did its little, shocking pop!.

Post-a-day 2018