Asking for help

Why are some things easier to ask for than others? I ask the Universe and God to show me what next to do, that I might find my work that I will love and that will serve the world best. Within days, I am engrossed in a world I had previously believed – and am still not entirely convinced is not – over my head. It wasn’t until a week or so later that it even occurred to me that, yes, I had distinctly and clearly asked, fervently, for this guidance that I had so clearly received.

And so, today, I am having a conversation with the same person who had asked me the other week if I had actually asked for help from God and the Universe regarding my work. He brings up about a boy, asking me if anything has come of that situation. No, it really hasn’t. “If he isn’t on my level, then he isn’t for me,” I reply, “And that’s okay.”

As we get into the fact that I really do want to have someone in my life already, that I’m tired of not having a partner and significant other, I notice that, though I definitely could ask for this situation to arise in my life, I feel an immense hesitation to do it. It only makes sense to ask, especially after the last request I made for help. But something is stopping me. I am stopping me, that is. But why?

I suppose it is the same as always: I am scared. I am scared that I will end up settling, and hat I will miss amazing opportunities because I picked someone. No explorations in partners to be made, once a partner is set.

But let’s be real here: I’ve had plenty of time, yet have had almost no interest in anyone I have crossed. What explorations am I even referencing? I don’t actually want to pursue any of them. But, as soon as they are unavailable, it feels, I would want to pursue them, somehow.

How silly…

Okay, so, here’s the thing. I want the man who is perfect for me and for whom I am perfect. Together, we want nothing, and we have everything. We are filled and fulfilled together. While we can – and have done so – live apart, we choose to live together, as we love and live better when together. I want a partner who allows me to think happily on other possibilities of men, as I think today on candies. (Okay, that reference was not intentional, eye candy and all…) That would be awesome! But I’ll leave it to everyone else – I don’t truly want it.

So, yeah… come on, Man. Bring it. I’m ready to step up onto our level, and be together going forward now. Yes, I am still terrified. All the better. Bring it.

Post-a-day 2021

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s