Month: September 2023

Well, then…

I was supposed to go to the rodeo with my friend and her husband and baby (and the husband’s stepmom) tonight. But the friend was so exhausted, she ended up not going. Therefore, I turned in my exhaustion card, too, and stayed home. So, it is 7pm, and I am already in bed and finishing up my bedtime routine.

I wasn’t joking when I said I was exhausted. While I would love to wake up early tomorrow, I have a feeling I will need all the sleep between now and 7am… we shall see!

Thank you, God, for this unexpected blessing of having plans cancelled. Help us all to sleep well tonight and to prices and release that which holds us back from loving you fully and pursuing and fulfilling your will on Earth. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Homecoming

Tomorrow is the homecoming football game. I’m not going. Not even for a few minutes. And, for the first time, I’m excited about that fact.

I normally love the homecoming game. The buzz is exciting already, but I also really enjoy all the silly and utterly stupid mums that kids are wearing nowadays. I aim not so much to consider the cost of these things, though. Haha

Nonetheless, I normally like to go, at least for a little bit, and am sad if I cannot attend. This year, however, I am so darn tired, I can hardly wait to go home and go to bed tomorrow after school.

(Coincidentally, I just remembered that I’m signed up to go to the Pasadena rodeo with a friend and her family, though she did say this evening that we might not be going after all… so, we’ll see.)

Post-a-day 2023

The room was a buzz… with static

I went to adoration… for all of five minutes, and then I ditched. Why? I had to get out of there. Just as with every other time I have gone into that chapel, my ears were assaulted by the loud humm-buzz of what only could be a speaker not in use but on or terrible dimmable lights… as we discovered today, it was both.

I’ve been casually asking for years who is in charge of the technology of the place, but have always simply not received an answer. Today, however, when I couldn’t even stand to be in adoration, a place I wanted and love to be, I made it happen. I went to the offices and found someone who, though not officially in charge – turns out no one truly knows ‘who’s in charge’ there – had a key to all the locked doors and had authority to investigate the sound with me.

I explained to him my theory. When he had replaced the blessed sacrament back into the tabernacle, I got to troubleshooting. After only a few tries and one google search, I had my main solution: Yes, the amplifier hanging on the ceiling was left on all the time, thereby giving a constant feedback sound.

Displayed here:

After the massive sound was gone, we did find a much smaller one that ended up coming from – you guessed it – overhead dimmable lights.

Though the lights may or may not stay off (there are two sets side-by-side), I now know which ones make the buzz. As for the speaker, I wrote a note to say specifically what to turn on before each Mass and to turn it off after each Mass. Until that becomes normal for folks, I at least know how to turn it off myself. Just have to find someone with the right key… and yes, I have considered asking if I might have a copy of that key, specifically for the purpose of being able to silence the buzzing roar of the speaker when needed. We shall see what happens.

For now, though, we have a wonderful start and a functional real of possibility and plans. And I am grateful for that.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Did we grow up?

My cousin is staying with me the next few nights. My alarm is set for just after 4am tomorrow. I usually aim to go to bed no later than 9pm on such nights. Yet, she and I stayed up until after one o’clock just talking and hanging out together. Frankly, the disregard for a need to sleep and for the responsibility of sleeping enough reminds me of any sleepover we had as kids. The only thing missing was being yelled at by my aunt for being too loud and up so late. It all calls to kind the question of, “Did we actually grow up? Or are we still totally kids?” At least when we’re together, it seems to be the latter idea that is more true… 😛

And I am grateful for that. Though tomorrow might be more than a little tough at school. (See? School. Totally still a kid. 😛 )

God, thank you for this friendship and family tie. Thank you for the time we now get to spend together. Help us both to sleep well tonight and the next few nights, that we be energized during the waking hours and ready and able to take on the days and to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

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A day of rest

Tomorrow, we have no school. It will be a Tuesday. (To be clear, something is happening, but only with some students, and it doesn’t involve me. So, I don’t have school tomorrow.) An odd time to have a rest from school, but I accept it with gratitude even still.

I had planned to go down to Galveston for a while, but the weather is expected to be semi-bleak and stormy, so I’ve reconsidered that idea. I wish it were going to be a Sunny and gorgeous day or a cool and sprinkly day. Alas, it is not to be. I just want to experience a day of holiday, a time of vacation from the toils and obligations of life, a chance not to do anything in particular and not to have to feel bad for not doing something more important or better or whatever.

That was part of why I wanted just to leave town. This stuff with my grandma is already sad and scary. I don’t want to feel the pressure of, ‘You should be here, helping,’ the way part of my family has kind of been being lately. (Not forcibly so, but in a passive-aggressive way that may also be 99% unconsciously done. Nonetheless, it is a lot of pressure.) If I’m not around, I couldn’t have helped, anyway. Just like when I’m at school.

Anyway, I think I have been over-stressed lately. A true vacation would be really good for me right about now.

God, help my mind and body to be at ease tomorrow, please. Help them to receive the love and the rest they so need. Help me to see clearly my next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will for me in this life. Bring my man and the dog home to me safely and happy and well, please. Heal my grandma and my brothers’ dad, please. Thank you for this life and your love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

An abundance of bishops

This morning, the auxiliary bishop led Mass in a special celebration of and for police and all law enforcement who wear blue (like border protection, etc.) at the Blue Mass. It was an unexpected surprise for me, the bishop, not the Blue Mass. It was all really cool.

Tonight, I attended a donor event (not as a financial donor, but a time donor, an employee), and guess who also was there. The auxiliary bishop! A fun and entirely unexpected surprise, indeed.

When I sent the second round of photos to my mom and man, to let them notice his presence at both events in my day today, my mom replied with photos of her own from dinner, though having not yet figured out that the bishop had been in the photos I’d sent. In her photos, I am reminded that she was at a celebration for a family member, and I see that she, too, was at a dinner attended by another local bishop… but she had dinner at the same table as that bishop. Swanky and fun and the same time.

So, in a way, today, we had an abundance of bishops in our immediate lives. How fun!

Thank you, God, for the love and offerings of your devoted servants and family who so clearly love your children and devote themselves to sharing your love and your word in all that they do and in all that they are and in all that they represent and for which they stand. Thank you for the priesthood and those who choose it so lovingly and freely. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

P.S. Have you seen Mark Wahlberg in Father Stu, yet?? If not, definitely go watch it! 🙂

Prayer

Some nights, when I’m getting ready for bed, after I’ve already prayed the rosary with Mark Wahlberg, I listen to a chanting-sung version by a German-born, Ecuadorian-raised sibling-group called “Harpa Dei”. Their prayer-song-chant is called “Rosary of the Nations”. It is sung with what I call a Latin base, and accents in Hebrew, English, Spanish, German, and French, with each decade having a different focus language. It is lovely and it is calming. Every night I play it before bed, I go to bed calm and feeling easy and somewhat light. Perhaps it releases the yoke, somehow…

Whatever the case, it is lovely. I actually donated to have the real version of it – high quality audio for the win – instead of the YouTube one, but here is the YouTube one, in case you’d like to give it a listen. I love it and I love how it improves my life each night.

Thank you, God, for sharing these prayers and this version with me. Please, bless Harpa Dei for these gifts they share so wonderfully with the world. Thank you for the love. Please, heal my grandma and my brothers’ dad. Thank you for this life and all of its love and opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S. If you would like to learn more about the group and consider purchasing any of their albums, via donation, click here to see their website.

Post-a-day 2023

Didn’t I just say…?

And here I am today, stressing out to tears about what I do not know about my job status. Was I even there yesterday when I thought all about how the need to know has its roots in the devil himself, and then I wrote all about it, too??

Granted, I slept a total of about three hours last night – woke up at 00:44, and couldn’t ever fall back asleep – so I was ridiculously tired today. I even thought about the whole conversation at one point in my crying misery today, and it helped, but I could tell I was just so tired, I couldn’t fully apply it to my present situation and just let go. I was genuinely sad and terribly tired. Not an easy combo for letting things go and feeling rational.

Fortunately, a coworker let me just be with what I needed to express, and she accepted and understood my sadness and acknowledged that it made sense on all accounts that I was feeling that way… and then she just hung out with me for an hour and a half, and we got to be totally normal people for a short while. And it was just a huge gulp of fresh air that I have been wanting and needing for quite some time. It feels now almost like we played hooky for an hour. But, really, I still went and got loads of work done afterward, anyway, so it was clearly rejuvenating for me.

I think I just need to get some good sleep tonight, and to take good care of myself and my work tomorrow, and then go to bed early tomorrow night. Once I’ve rested well, I can look to see what I actually need and want to do about all of this. Perhaps I will need to have a conversation with an administrator about my position, but there’s a high chance that conversation will be a bit different from the one I mentioned possibly having today. So, we shall see.

For now, goodnight and sweet dreams and blessings be upon you. In God’s name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Knowing

An employee is suddenly not at work on a Monday. The office is cleared out. The employee’s information is wiped clean from the online directories and website pages. It is almost as if the employee never existed… though the employee was there on Friday…

Not a word is said about the sudden disappearance and near-erasure of this employee.

In such a situation, we have a tendency to want to find out – to want to know what happened. We want to speculate. We want to discuss.

On one hand, we want to make sure we don’t make the same mistake or mistakes that that employee must have made. On the other hand, we just want to know. We don’t actually need to know, and we have no real reason we can name for wanting to know other than, simply, wanting…

And this landed for me in a new way today, as I discussed this whole scenario with another:

Is that not the work of the devil? I asked, almost surprised to be saying it myself. That was the whole deal with Adam and Eve – he set up a sense of ‘needing to know’, which had them eat from the Tree of Knowledge. That was the spark and the downfall for Adam and Eve… and it has been handed down to us, that same need to know.

He and I both sat there silently for a few moments, letting the idea sink in.

“That’s… a really good point,” he said.

We both kind of chuckled as we processed further exactly how good a point it was. Clearly, it had struck a chord in us both, for more than just the present scenario.

I mentioned how I was now reconsidering whole chunks of my life with this new perspective, and it was all occurring very differently suddenly. After all, I have already admitted plenty that one of my biggest struggles in life is when I have an experience of not knowing… either about how something is done or what is expected of me, and especially about what is to come next for me in life as a whole. When I now consider these instances of not knowing from the perspective of ‘the devil is who’s telling me I need to know,’ suddenly, I have a place of freedom around them all. The overwhelming thought is that ‘I don’t actually need to know, do I? God will make sure I know what I need to know. And He likely won’t tell me what I don’t need to know. So, I genuinely DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ANYMORE ABOUT NOT KNOWING…’

About anything in life… I have no idea what actually will happen with my job in the next eight months. And, as I saw today, I truly do not need to know. That doesn’t mean I don’t prepare for different scenarios or prepare for success. It simply means that I don’t need to worry about the fact that I don’t know which scenario will be revealed. When it reveals itself will be the time for me to know and the time for me to respond. Until then, I can do my best where I am and head in the direction I feel called to go, to the best of my ability. I don’t know if I’ll make it that way, and that is totally okay. I’ll find out when I get there. If I don’t need to know, I likely won’t.

Perhaps life actually is on a need-to-know basis. Perhaps it is too heavy for any individual to carry, knowing everything… you know? My yoke is easy and my burden is light… because you don’t have to know everything I know. 😛

Goodness gracious… God is gracious, and God’s Grace is miraculous and wonderful.

Thank you for this blessing today, God. Thank you so much. And thank you for this love and this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023