Author: hannah.ananas

Ice cream

I wanted ice cream to go with dinner tonight. I asked early about it. However, by the time my husband actually got to the store and back with it, it was beyond bedtime, and I was already ready for bed. So, I didn’t get any, after all.

But yes, I still want it now, sitting here in bed, about to turn out the lights and go to sleep.

Aahh… denial for Lent.

God, help us both to sleep well tonight, please, that we pursue and fulfill your will tomorrow. Keep my husband safe and well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Protein

Supposedly, if I manage my protein intake better, that could have a huge impact on my exhaustion recently. Ever since rodeo stuff started, I’ve been barely making it, what with getting to bed so late at night. I’m able to sleep in sometimes, but the sleep is never as good, nor does it truly give much more time sleeping, since my body tries to wake me up, anyway. But having a bit more protein and having it spread throughout the day could make a very positive difference. So, let’s give it a go. I’ve been good with protein for breakfast and lunch, but then regularly don’t end up with a dinner at all, and suddenly throw together whatever random things I can find to avoid the midnight headache from not eating enough.

Looking forward to be better rested, and soon.

God, help me to be well, please, and help me to take care of myself well. Same for my husband, please. Thank you for him and for this life. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Sleep

The day went decently well, but tonight wil be all the better because it, simply, is here now, and I will be able to sleep.

Thank you, God, for the rest tonight offers me. Keep my husband and me safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Layers

Because, when I looked for a word to express my exhaustion, “layers” came to mind. Why? Because exhaustion has layers, and I am at a much deeper one than usual. My brain is even struggling to work fast enough actually to do anything.

So, I’m going to sleep now, mostly satiated from the day’s activities and time spent both with people and alone.

God, help me to sleep well and effectively tonight, especially, and all nights. Keep my husband safe and with me, please. Help us both get to Church tomorrow (well, today), please, and to be kind, both to others and to ourselves. Thank you for this life. Help me to be well and to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Double shifts

I worked for one committee this morning, which started at 6:00, and for the other this afternoon, before the first technically finished, until close to 10:30pm. I got home at about 11:00, and was really struggling. I ate, because I needed to eat more. Now, I am grateful to go to bed and crash hard.

Goodnight.

Good, thank you for the successes of today. Keep us all safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Police

I love and support Police. I despise their quotas and the system of issuing traffic tickets. It is unfair, unkind, and truly unjust. I constantly see unsafe drivers, yet they receive no repercussions. Because the rodeo has begun and it is the end of the month, my husband got pulled over while exiting the highway… for going 60 miles per hour as he exited onto the feeder road. And he was given a ticket straight up for it.

What makes it worse is that half the information on the ticket isn’t even correct. It wasn’t daytime, it wasn’t medium traffic (it was 10:21pm and there were very few cars out), and his license plate is not even similar to the one listed. So, the officer didn’t even take the time to put the correct information. The entire pull-over process was completed within four minutes, from lights on to the officer completely gone.

Given that today is the last day of the month, all this information had us both wondering how many exact same tickets the officer gave today from that same location, getting people as they exited the highway, so they effectively would be speeding on the feeder road for three-to-five seconds.

But don’t worry about all the drunk drivers leaving the rodeo or the folks driving high, actively smoking in the car as they drive. Just be sure to meet those quotas. And then deny that they exist.

It is not justice… it just isn’t.

It really hurts to see a system so terribly implemented by an organization created to do good in society, to promote and to give safety and justice. Instead, they give $500 traffic tickets to people who have been actively working on driving not with traffic when traffic inevitably speeds, and who have just lost their jobs and can’t afford such a price. And they don’t bother pulling over the fancy cars, because those always get out of paying the ticket… which they actually can afford financially. So, we have inflated tickets prices for folks who can’t afford it, and most of the bad drivers never even see them, anyway. Ugh…

God, give us all justice, please, and help us to help each other alway to be better. Help us al to pursue and fulfill your will and give your justice and love on Earth. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Rodeo

Day one of rodeo is completed. And I am exhausted. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will go by the rodeo because I told folks I would go by and because I have some printouts I said I would do and bring. I might even attempt the pull-up challenge with the Marines if they are still out there, though I’ve been doing a terrible job with pull-ups and general strength lately. But, after that brief stop, I think I will head back out and go to dinner with my family. Have a nice dinner with good, loving company, and then go to bed early and happy…. yes, that sounds great. 😀

Thank you, God, for this life and its many gifts. Keep my husband and me safe, please, and help us always to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Prayer

I was already doing the daily readings each morning and the rosary each night. Now, for Lent, because of a specific 40-day prayer challenge offered, and then a specifically relevant one offered, as well as one that includes a priest I know personally, I have between 25 and 50 minutes of extra prayer and intentional meditation each day. It’s a lot, but I have enjoyed it so far. In a way, it keeps me focused. And I like that it is giving me all different ideas thrown to me each day, from different directions. It is keeping me rounded in my thinking and exposing me to more good in the world than I had known previously, which is always a wonderful thing.

So, thank you, God, for the Hallow application and for this prayer opportunity that is actually more than forty days, even though it’s called a 40-day challenge. Thank you, also, for that silly irony. Keep us safe, please, my man (this is my husband) and our children (once they begin), especially, please. Help my mom to breathe easily and comfortably. Help to heal my dad’s daily pains by his turning closer to you. Thank you for this life. And thank you for my husband. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Being of service

Today, there was much setting up done on the rodeo grounds here in Houston. I was volunteering for one of my committees. There were many times I could have left, but I stayed and worked more. I had hopes of getting something specific accomplished before leaving, but that didn’t happen. As I said to my husband on my way out, the true point of my being there was to be of service, and I was very much of service – I accomplished and helped loads. Though I was a bit sad and disappointed not to have achieved this one particular thing, and so have a tendency to be sad and disappointed about the whole day, I notice that I was actually very fulfilled every time I got to accomplish something for someone else. That is, I felt fulfillment in being of service.

Perhaps this is a big guide for me in life. In all that I do, I find true joy in making a difference for others.

Then again, there is also the thought that the reason I want to be of service is so that I become invaluable and thereby worthy of being loved.

However…

I once functioned that way. If I wasn’t being of service, I became somewhat stressed and panicked. I had to be of service. Because that was my unconscious way of guaranteeing love for myself. Once I saw that, though, I was able to do something about it.

When I am not of service now, I am not panicked. I do want to be of service. But I want to be of service. It is not longer a sort of necessity or obligation for me. It is something I can want freely, and do. And, when I am of service now, I find joy in sharing love. When I walk away from it, I am not crushed it is over or wonder if it was enough and if something will come along soon enough next… I just get to be happy about the service I gave.

So, that’s cool. I’m not sure I had really thought about that in recent years. And I may not have explained it well here, but the difference is massive to me, transformational, from back then to now. I love to serve, and I get to serve freely now. And I do it. And I love it. And I’m grateful for that.

I’m still bugged I didn’t handle what I had hoped to get done today (even though I did accomplish something very useful for myself and for many on my other rodeo team, which wasn’t expected for today), but I guess that’s okay. I didn’t speak up about what I wanted – I was embarrassed and opted not to ask. Okay, got it. Space for improvement next time. But I kept my integrity, which is more important to me than getting stopped by embarrassment on something that isn’t critical on any level. I’ve been working on speaking up, though, so I am still frustrated with myself. And it’s okay to be frustrated with myself. It’s part of my process of growing. I had a breakdown. Therefore, I now can have a breakthrough.

Work on the courage, babe. And, also, acknowledge when it feels greedy, and get clear on everything. Perhaps you need only share your concern of its being greedy to ask, and that will communicate clearly that you understand if the answer is no to the request. That’s okay. And it’s okay that you failed at this today. I’m still proud of you for keeping your integrity and for letting go of control many times today, especially considering that it often meant things being done less efficiently. Some people can only give certain service. Sometimes, being of service means letting people do things an inefficient way, so that they can contribute, too.

Thank you, God, for today. Thank you for the lessons of today. Thank you for my husband. I love him and am grateful for him constantly. Keeps us safe, please, and help us always to be our best selves through you, pursuing and fulfilling your will in our lives. Thank you. I love you, too. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024