Author: hannah.ananas

OCD

Having OCD really, really…, really sucks, sometimes.

But I am grateful to be married to a man who loves me so well and whom I love.

…

But OCD can just really suck.

God, help to heal me, please. Ease our communication struggles with one another, and help us to find comfortable and easy communication, especially on the hard moments with one another. Thank you for this man, my husband, and this opportunity to grow together and through and with you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S., God. Would you make clear for me my next step regarding my work, please? I feel a change coming, but am unclear right now what specifically to do in the moment. Help me to see it clearly, so that I may do it, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Oops…

Well, we were supposed to have a Texas flag that flew over the capitol building on our wedding day… only the will of God can make that happen now. My man will look into it to find out. God willing, he will get one. If not, I asked him to get one for the anniversary of the day we met. Not exactly the same, but still cool.

I was really looking forward to this for us. But it wasn’t my task to manage, and I forgot all about it until today. We shall see what happens, though. I trust that God will give us exactly what we need to be our best selves, and that is the ultimate goal.

God, thank you for this life. Help us to find the joy and fun and community pride that this small yet significant luxury offers to us. Help us always to pursue and fulfill your will. Thank you for my husband and his love and your love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Exhausted

Happy Groundhog Day and day we almost used for our wedding date!!

Actually, I almost cried several times today. And not even over anything individually worth crying. I was just so pushed to a point that all the normally manageable hassles and annoyances and unkindnesses were just too much for me today… I could take it, but I was nearly unwilling to take it… I didn’t want to make the effort anymore.

I apologized or clarified to my students several times today that I was not trying to be mean or harsh, and that I was just stressed and exhausted and worn down, and I didn’t mean for it to come out negatively toward them. I didn’t want to have to be saying that to them, but it was the responsible thing to do. And they got it. A few of them were also very worn down from the week for their own reasons, so they could relate at least somewhat.

But, man, were my buttons pushed today… and I so was close to not caring anymore and throwing out reason for revenge. Sometimes, people just [curse-word] suck. Ugh(!!!!!!!)!

Thank you, God, for this free day tomorrow to recover and sort out storing clothes in our marital home. (And thank you for our marital home!!!!) Keep us safe, please, and show us clearly our next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will. Help us to see clearly when to make a baby, please. Or just handle that for us when it is time, please, and help us to trust you on it. Thank you for this life and our marriage. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Reminiscing

I know most brides want to look at photos like crazy after their wedding. But I am enthralled by the videos of the music from our wedding. If we had a play count for the Ave Maria that my friend sang to start the Mass, I’d be probably close to twenty at this point. And I’ve only had the video since Tuesday night. It’s Thursday night right now. She just sang it so spectacularly and with so much love… it’s hard not to listen to it on repeat… and to play it for everyone I know. (I already played a clip of a practice recording she had sent me the other week for one of my classes… This recording is even better than that.)

I was a little worried when a lot of the photos didn’t turn out. I was very worried when the Zoom sound wasn’t set right, and I found that none of the music had registered on the computer at all, and so the recording of the Mass had no genuine music in it – just blips here and there of random sounds that make it sound like maybe music was playing somewhere in the background… or something? However, I expressed my sadness and frustration and let it go.

And then God blessed me.

My brother truly took to heart that I wanted the music recorded on my man’s phone. I only made him confirm that he would do a recording of the Ave Maria, but had expressed that I truly wanted all the music recorded, if it were at all possible and feasible. And he had made it happen. I was crying in relief watching all the videos he had done. He had basically gotten the entire service that had to do directly with us or with songs. The only one he missed was one that probably wouldn’t have turned out great anyway, as my cousin had been too far from the microphone for it in the first place. ::shrugs

But I accept happily – with immense joy, really – the videos my brother did get. And, as a special bonus blessing, he also got most of the photos I had truly wanted, too. I think my cousins got in their heads about what wedding photography was “supposed” to be, and didn’t remain present to what I had specifically requested. I’d given them a list of about twenty photographs I wanted, and they were extremely open to interpretation, but were clear and easy to make happen. But, like I said, I think they got in their heads and created a stress from pressure that didn’t actually help them do the job requested, and they missed the majority of the opportunities for the photos I had wanted. The few they did get were not of very good quality as a photo – meaning not something high enough resolution etc. that I could print for the wall… which was what I had specifically requested for these photos. So, I was saddened greatly by their photos, and also disappointed. They both do great photography usually, and this was not at their par.

However, my brother seemed to nail it on a good handful of those photos I had requested. Not just the photo framing and contents, but also the quality and resolution. I haven’t gone through them all specifically yet, but I definitely saw a handful that were just what I had hoped to get. So, we might only have five good photos, but we actually have them now, which is beautiful.

Thank you, God, for this unexpected blessing. Help me to release this depression and stress I have carried with me lately, especially around my job and finances. Help me to see clearly and to take my next step in fulfilling your will as I take care of my family. Keep us safe, happy, healthy, and holy with you. Thank you for this life and for my husband. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Sleep

How long until I’ll be able to catch up on my sleep? I keep getting so close, yet never quite make it. Perhaps I will be able – and have a need to do so – to make it a priority for the whole weekend this weekend.

Because I am just plain exhausted.

God, help us to find vitality and good sleep each day and night respectively. Keep us safe, and make us happy, healthy, and holy with and in you. In your name, we pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Tuesday

“Happy weekversary!” she said. I commented that it likely would be something more like “hebdomadiversary” or “septimanaversary”, since anniversary has the Latin annus as its base… because I’m a nerd. But I also learned that the French term for weekly comes directly from Latin, as it is hebdomadaire.

Anyway, we celebrated our hebdomadiversary by planting the seeds of what could be something new for our life together.

Thank you, God, for this life. Keep us safe, happy, healthy, and holy. Help us to see clearly our next step in fulfilling your will always. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Not my kind of Monday

And some days seem like they’ll be fine, yet end up filled with an uncomfortable mix of great, good, tiresome, and frustrating, leaving you simply wanting to go to bed, so you can get to a fresh start tomorrow.

Today has been one of those days.

And, of course, after you notice this, it then feels all the more dreadful to want to go to bed, instead of doing something about it to make the day seem more worth it all… just upping the feeling of depression, when you know you aren’t going to do anything else about it today…

God, help me to sleep well tonight, please, that I awaken refreshed and ready for all that tomorrow holds. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

This man, my husband

We aren’t even on a honeymoon, and I have a high. I think, because we are having to do our everyday life already, I get so focused in on those tasks and whatnot, that my conscious mind forgets temporarily that we are married. And so, when it suddenly has something to remind it that, in fact, we are married now, I get all the more excited and delighted remembering it. I get surprised and delighted all throughout my day and night. And I love it.

Naturally, of course, my man, my husband, thinks I’m nuts for it. When I become newly present to the facet that we are married and that I am extremely grateful for this fact, I’ll often end up staring at him with ebbing tears in my eyes, and saying soppily, “We’re married,” or, “You’re my husband,” or something of the like. He chuckles and rolls his eyes most of the time, concurring that, yes, we are or yes, he is, and often telling me I’m ridiculous. Which, to be fair, I totally am. I have even jumped up and down or clapped or half-panted/grunted like an excited dog plenty of times already. I’m just super excited and grateful to be married to this man, and I show it. (!!!!!!!!!!)

And he actually knows me and still Chose me. That’s what’s just so cool about it all… opposite of my dear that people will know me and reject me, he knows me and chooses me, again and again, and chooses to do this for the rest of our lives.

And that’s awesome.

That is the love of God.

Thank you, God, for being with and within us. Please, keep us safe and together, and help us always to do your will. Show us clearly our next step always, please. And thank you for your love. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Sleep, please

We are both so exhausted from everything the past week and a half, we probably could sleep the whole weekend, if it were an option. Naturally, we had rodeo meetings today and we have the opera tomorrow. I passed out as soon as we got home, fumbled up a couple hours later for some dinner and the end of a movie we’d started weeks ago, and am going to bed for real now, still exhausted. My husband has gone to the gym – shocker – to get back to his regular routine, now that things have settled (and also to work off all the amazing food we’ve had around us the past week and a half that wasn’t going to last and so had to be eaten :P).

God, grant us useful and much-needed rest tonight and tomorrow, please. Help us to adjust to this life together well, always keeping you and love at our center. Help us to see clearly our next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will with our lives. Please, keep us safe and well. In your name, I pray. Amen. And goodnight. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024