Misery

Some things necessitate misery. This is one of them.

I noticed this morning, having stayed home from work for the day, that I was filled with a sense of ease I had not had for a long time. Not really interacting with anyone was good for me today. When an app helper person responded dumbly to some feedback I had given, I was, in a way, enraged. I just couldn’t take it, either the stupidity or the disrespect… it has me a bit worried that I am not actually ready to be around people tomorrow.

It is likely to be a difficult day for me, and on multiple levels. I’m almost hoping that I have a sort of freak out, just so I can go ahead and leave for the day. We don’t have school Friday, so tomorrow is the last day of this week for us. And yet I still don’t want to go.

But I’m only paid by the day, and we need as much financial support as we can get right now. So, I’m going in, it seems.

I’m not ready for this.

Post-a-day 2024

The Apostles

A priest just said that the apostles likely were roughly in their late teens or early twenties…

Somehow, that is really odd for me to grasp.

And yet… perhaps it does make sense, considering how they reacted to so many things in very… young ways… huh…

Well… time to sit with this totally new idea that they weren’t all Jesus’s age!

Haha

Weird. 😛

Post-a-day 2024

OCD

It is kind of bad right now… it acts like it’s getting better each day, but then seems to backtrack by the end of the day…

Oh, dear…

God, help me to balance out everything, that I pursue and fulfill your will. Help me to be healthy and well in all ways, through you and your guidance. Keep my husband safe and well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Society

Society calls for us to hide our pains from the world around us. And yet, how hurtful has it been each time we have learned that someone has been suffering silently, and often entirely alone, right by us, but without our knowledge… and wished we could have helped?

Perhaps we aren’t made to keep it hidden inside. Perhaps we were made to share, including our struggles, with those around us.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

I think we were. How else would we grow truly close to those around us? How could we learn to love each other fully, to show our love fully? Perhaps it is why everyone seems so far away these days…

Post-a-day 2024

Ugh

I ate reasonably today. Though, I definitely likely should have eaten more. I’m going to bed feeling slightly ill, and I’m hoping I’ll have a good appetite in the morning, and eat some good eggs. I need to make sure I have snack bars for lunch, though, because school has been doing only breaded stuff for Fridays during Lent, and that won’t do for me right now, especially not fried fish (I can’t stand it).

I wish my husband were home right now. He has a meeting. But I miss him.

Anyway, I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight.

Thank you, God. Be with us always, please, and take over wherever you see fit, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Bellyache

Well, it seemed a bit easier to eat today than yesterday, and definitely easier than the previous week. I missed lunch, due to the schedule at school and the fact that the one location didn’t have anything I could eat (and not be massively ill), and so couldn’t get to the other location in time before class even to get salad and quinoa. But, since that made me very hungry by the end of the school day, I went ahead and went to one of the Chinese places to get a dish I had kind of been wanting for several days already.

So, I arrived at home with a bunch of food for us both. I kept gluten out of it, and the only grains was a box of steamed rice that we barely even touched. (Genuinely had a single bite with the rest of the food, then a few bites after we got home later from shopping.) I overate, but we went for a digestion walk, so that helped.

However, as we headed out to pick up a few things from the grocery store and to look at a shelving unit at IKEA, we discovered that the food had hit us a bit. Walking through IKEA, my husband kept saying things like, “Don’t follow me,” as he casually walked away from me… to pass gas. And no, it was not even silent gas most of the time. It was a good thing the store was almost empty, because people would have been 1) shocked and 2) on the floor. They were bad. At one point, I was running away from one, and I hid my face so the approaching woman wouldn’t see that I was holding my nose. However, a few seconds later, she was covering her own nose with her jacket as she rushed down the main aisle. ::face palm

But, before all the gas started – yes, I had gas, too, but it was silent and meager compared to what was going on chez my husband – we had gotten some cake and coffee at the cafe, since the thing downstairs was closed and we couldn’t get any soft serve. It was a nice little date that cost us only the price of the cakes, since we’re IKEA Family members.

Oh! And we got our pillow and mat for the back door for a total of a dollar, seven, because I had a $10 discount birthday reward. So, yay to that, too! Double yay!

Anyway, I’m lying in bed now, clearly with gas still in my belly. Hopefully, it can release at least a bit more before I go to sleep, or it will be a tough night for sleep. I’m glad it was easier for me to eat and to stomach food today, but this gas… yikes. Haha

Yes, I’m sure you were delighted to hear all about that part of our evening. 😛 But imagine how surprised someone would have been if I’d allowed my husband to leave one of his noxious gas deposits in one of the drawers that have the “Look inside!” sticker on them… that would have been a terrible experience for the poor soul who opened it to look inside, to be sure. (Totally hilarious, of course, but also very uncool and not appropriate or loving to our fellow humans.)

Post-a-day 2024

Flawed

The system is flawed. How are we supposed to be healthy if we can’t eat healthy foods – or just about any foods at all – and drink heathy drinks, including water, without getting totally ill? Who made this plan? Why? How do we do it??

The body does this consistently with food poisoning, sure. It needs to clear out everything and start over. But anything more than a few days… that’s just absurd.

Dear God, help me to eat and drink well, that I be healthy and be my best self with and through you and with and through your aid. Please, keep my husband safe and well, same for me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Chiropractor

I finally got to visit the chiropractor today, after days of pain. Though I am still achey in my back and neck, it feels different. Also, she gave me something to help with the digestive issues I’ve been having the past week or so. So, I might actually be able to sleep tonight.

I certainly hope I do!

God, help me to sleep well tonight especially and each night afterward, please. May your will be done, even, and especially so, if it isn’t my will. Thank you for this life. Please, keep my husband safe and well. I hand over all to you, that it be done by your will, not merely by my own. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024