Tag: exhausted

Bedtimes

I despise going to bed late. I always feel terrible the following day or three, and it takes me forever truly to catch up on sleep. Even if I get to sleep in late, that just doesn’t do it. Only going to bed early gives me the truly restful sleep.

The sleep I actually need.

And yet I keep staying up late.

And I keep being miserable.

When will I cut it out and just give up and go to bed early like both my mind and body want me to do?

God, help me sort this out, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Bedtime

I’m tired. And I want to be held. And I’m tired of going to bed alone. And I’m tired of not exercising enough.

I did actually get in some exercise both yesterday and today, though both were only partial exercise. However, they were more than I did the previous two weeks, which was an improvement, and I am grateful for that. I hope to do some tomorrow, too. Even that little bit today helped and that chunk yesterday helped, too.

I also wakes the dog today. It was the longer route, and we went kind of fast. I kept up my pace, which meant I was basically dragging the dog along by the final third of it. But it was good for us both. I got depressive today, which felt all the more terrible than I had been feeling lately for lack of sleep and for rodeo stress – aka people being stupid very unnecessarily. So, going outside into the sunlight and also doing a brisk walk we’re both helpful. And the dog’s being with me helped me feel like I had company. (I had thought my husband and I could spend the day together today, but hadn’t known until last night that he had his onboarding stuff at the office all morning today, then flying all afternoon. So, sad for the day’s plans, but good for his work, for his mental health, and for our income.)

But we got to have a Costco pizza pie for dinner (and a hot dog for me) to celebrate Pi Day together. We even shared one of the coffee freeze things that are delicious, which is rare for us – my husband doesn’t exactly share single servings of things, so that was big. We had a great little date night out at Costco, and we also got my grandma’s coffee things and fresh organic blueberries for myself (I’d say we got them for ourselves, but he never ate his half of the last batch, and they went bad, so I’m not bothering to share this time. Not in a mean way. Just in a practical sense. If he wants some, he can take them, but I’m not leaving any for him intentionally this time.).

I’ve been really wanting fresh fruits and veggies lately. I want all those awesome smoothies and juices from these couple super healthy smoothie places. But that’s super unaffordable. Why the stuff without all the added junk is so much more expensive is still baffling to me. It tastes better and is better for us, plus is easier to make, but costs loads more. I just wish I were better at making smoothies. I somehow mess them up 60-70% of the time and make something terrible, though healthy. That 40% where it is tolerable or delicious is giving me ever-decreasing confidence in trying to make them at all anymore.

But I really want a good smoothie. I can make this one morning one really well still. But making ones that don’t have too much sweet (to where they don’t give me gas) has been difficult for me the past few years. That’s why I stopped making them altogether, really. I need veggie smoothies, but don’t have any good recipes. I always just made it up. (Also why they often sucked.)

Anyway, I’m worn out. Off to snuggle with my stuffed animals and sleep half-upright, because that pizza was so bad for my digestion, I can’t even lie down flat without risk of things going back upward right now (hours later). Ugh…

Anyway, goodnight, folks! Sleep well, sweet dreams, and May God bless you beautifully and unexpectedly this week.

God, be with us all newly this week, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Done

We are done with our rodeo shifts for this year’s rodeo. “We” being my mom and sister-in-law and I. My husband still had two more to go with my stepdad. But we are finished for the year now. We finished this afternoon. And then we had prime rib for having paid our dues early as a team, then tres leches for my miniature surprise birthday celebration. My brother brought the cake and the surprise, and my husband joined us, too, for the planned family hangout. We then strolled around with purpose, aiming to have the random terrible-for-you food stuff we had wanted to try this year. So, we each had a fried Oreo, we shared a funnel cake, my man and I shared a fried Snickers – actually, I like those lots better normal than fried, because it just seemed like warm crunchy peanut butter when fried (Not that it wasn’t good. It just wasn’t snickers.) – we considered some Fruity Pebbles things – it sounded kind of awful, in the end, either with friend shrimp or pineapple – we sat in absurdly expensive massage chairs that were so-so, and we watched some steer being judged in one of the youth shows for ‘lightweight’ steers, which are up to 1150 pounds… can you believe that is considered light weight?

Anyway, it was a good time. I am grateful to be done with shifts for the year and I am grateful to have had a good time with my family this afternoon and evening. Now, I shall sleep and truly relax.

Thank you, God, for the good time. Help me to recover well with my sleep tonight, please, that I may continue to improve our home tomorrow and the rest of this week. Help me to honor you through honoring my family and our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Shift three

Today was our third shift of four. It started at 6:30am and finished around 3:30pm. I didn’t go to bed terribly late last night, but I didn’t sleep very well. I got home at nearly five PM and have had to force myself to stay up until now, seven PM. But I might need food still. I’ll go see what I can find quickly, then brush my teeth and pass out for the night.

Thank you for rest, God. Keep my man safe, please, and me and my family, too. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Rodeo

I love volunteering with the rodeo. But things I love can become things I dread when I don’t get enough sleep. And that is somewhat the case today. I still love the rodeo and doing our shifts, but I found myself feeling worn out by the one committee and not being interested in our shift tomorrow morning, let alone the fact that we have another on Monday. I noticed that I could hardly wait to be done with the Monday shift, so I could be done with all my shifts for the year.

I think I’m just worn out in general.

Yes, from rodeo, but only in part. Mostly from work, I think. I have to strike a balance between doing all the stuff I really want to do for my students and what I’m actually being paid to do for my students – hint-hint: I’m paid roughly half a regular teacher’s salary this year, since the previous teacher quit right before school started – as well as between the two possibilities of whether I will be offered the position for real for next year or not, which determines whether I’m doing things one way now in preparation for next year or in preparation for leaving. And it’s a lot mentally, especially on top of all the regular stress of teaching I have in the first place. And on top of those caddy and rude girls in class… that, too.

And my sleep schedule has been wrong for me. I think I need to be absurd to society and go back to an 8:30pm bedtime. Lights out, goodnight. My body wants to be up before five AM, and I need to give it sleep when it will allow itself to sleep best, so that I can be my best.

Anyway, going to bed now, totally worn out but grateful to have had a delicious steak for dinner earlier.

Thank you, God, for my husband and our home. Please, help us both to be our best selves each day and night, always growing closer to each other and you. Keep us safe, please, and thank you for our food today especially. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Sleep

I go to bed early, but it isn’t early enough, and I struggle with sleep for more then half the night. I plan to go to bed even earlier tonight, but can’t have dinner due to a filter’s being not-replaced-yet. So, I finally have a late dinner and am almost ready for bed just before eleven PM. I had wanted to go to bed at 7:30 tonight… I’m just so tired. And my body really wants to wake up between four and five in the morning. So, working on that… ineffectively, it seems…

God, hep me to find the balance my mind and body need to be my best self, please. And do the same for my husband with himself, please. Thank you for this life and my husband. Keep us well and help us to heal. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Protein

Supposedly, if I manage my protein intake better, that could have a huge impact on my exhaustion recently. Ever since rodeo stuff started, I’ve been barely making it, what with getting to bed so late at night. I’m able to sleep in sometimes, but the sleep is never as good, nor does it truly give much more time sleeping, since my body tries to wake me up, anyway. But having a bit more protein and having it spread throughout the day could make a very positive difference. So, let’s give it a go. I’ve been good with protein for breakfast and lunch, but then regularly don’t end up with a dinner at all, and suddenly throw together whatever random things I can find to avoid the midnight headache from not eating enough.

Looking forward to be better rested, and soon.

God, help me to be well, please, and help me to take care of myself well. Same for my husband, please. Thank you for him and for this life. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Layers

Because, when I looked for a word to express my exhaustion, “layers” came to mind. Why? Because exhaustion has layers, and I am at a much deeper one than usual. My brain is even struggling to work fast enough actually to do anything.

So, I’m going to sleep now, mostly satiated from the day’s activities and time spent both with people and alone.

God, help me to sleep well and effectively tonight, especially, and all nights. Keep my husband safe and with me, please. Help us both get to Church tomorrow (well, today), please, and to be kind, both to others and to ourselves. Thank you for this life. Help me to be well and to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Rodeo

Day one of rodeo is completed. And I am exhausted. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will go by the rodeo because I told folks I would go by and because I have some printouts I said I would do and bring. I might even attempt the pull-up challenge with the Marines if they are still out there, though I’ve been doing a terrible job with pull-ups and general strength lately. But, after that brief stop, I think I will head back out and go to dinner with my family. Have a nice dinner with good, loving company, and then go to bed early and happy…. yes, that sounds great. 😀

Thank you, God, for this life and its many gifts. Keep my husband and me safe, please, and help us always to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024