I have been experiencing depression and lots of other negative emotions lately, with a lot of it sourced from my gym, which has always been a place of welcome and homeyness and safety. With new management and a new organization to who does what, the entire experience has changed… and it hasn’t been for the good on our end. There is so much potential available to it, but it has been a very rocky start. And my man and I have certainly gotten the rough and short end of it all. What makes it worse is that the people running it all likely have no earthly idea… even though they’re kind of the ones causing it, both directly and indirectly.
So, I’ve been wanting to leave the gym the past month-ish. But I haven’t found anything that offers the same fitness opportunity yet, so I haven’t left. (That’s how bad it has been, yes.) Since there is nowhere else to go right now, I am seeing if we can work this out here, at least for the time being. Perhaps brutal honesty is what is truly needed.
I reached out to the person in charge today, asking to schedule a meeting within the next week-ish. It was a positive response. Now, we just have to align on a time.
That all being said, I pray for the guidance to communicate effectively in this meeting. Thank you, God, for this opportunity. Help me to grow and fulfill your will as I make a positive difference for myself and the gym and all of its current and future members by having this meeting. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Alas, it seems my man is ill, aches muscles and miserable feeling all over, plus a general experience of exhaustion and misery. How I long to stay with him all day and care for him, cook chicken soup for him, rub ointment on his achey muscles. But I must go to work to help provide for our lives, as well as to teach the young students. So, I have given him love and oils and muscle-rubs and let him get to bed. I will see him tomorrow. Until then, I can pray.
Dear Lord, I pray that my man get the rest and nutrition he needs in order to care for himself wholly. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Funny how, when we just trust in God, and we do what we truly feel is what is consistent with who’s kid how we want to be in life, things just fall somewhat perfectly into place. We’ve been working hard to figure out something these past several months. Phone calls and internet research and meetings have happened. We finally accepted the fate we didn’t want, and went with what seemed to be the best option of that particular fate.
In preparation for that to begin, I looked to see what final things I wanted us to do before the program started. From that, I knew I wanted to go to a particular location. We went there today. It was awesome, as I expected. And the thought popped up for me to ask about this whole fate-we-didn’t-love-but-had-accepted situation. And so, despite my fear, I asked.
And God gave us this spectacular answer that altered everything, and made it even cooler than we had originally been hoping to have it be. Blown away.
Twice now, within a few weeks, I have attended a birthday celebration for a child’s first birthday. (To be clear, they were for two different children.) In both cases, when it came time for that special cake smash and devour, the baby was utterly disinterested in the cake. Dads stuck a finger-full of icing into the baby’s mouth. The baby showed no interest in finding more of the sugary stuff to eat, let alone touching it.
And it has me wondering, Are babies already clear that they want the healthy stuff, but we just condition them to like the junk??????????(!!)
Whenever we do beer crawls at the gym, I tend to find myself wondering why everyone else seems to be so bad at them. Am I doing it wrong?? I wonder each time. And each time it then is confirmed that I am doing them correctly. So, what gives? How am I loads better at beer crawls than even the best folks at the gym??
One morning, as I lay on the ground before the workout, discussing this with a workout friend, my arms and legs resting in the air above me as I gazed at my outstretched fingers, I said aloud, “I feel like I’m part bear…” We both cracked up at both the words and the scene surrounding them, but I hold to this day that the statement must be true, for many reasons, including but not limited to the fact that I bear crawl very easily and the fact that I actually growl and roar and clench my fingers like they’re massive claws preparing to attack. Now, I’m not saying a human mated with a bear at some point in my ancestry. I simple mean that we somehow got some of the same DNA as those big ole bears…
Oh… and Duolingo know it (just like it seems to know everything else all the time about my life… stalkers.).
Do you ever find yourself, while in the middle of doing something valuable, feeling like you’re doing nothing to make the world a better place? Like you just need to go do something… as though you aren’t already on the middle of doing one of those somethings?
I’ve been sitting at school, grading papers, spending time around students, prepping for my classes that are later today… and I keep feeling so utterly antsy, like I can hardly wait to be done with this all.
And it’s weird for me.
I love to teach. And I love learning. I’m getting to do both of those things right now. So, what’s buggin’?
And I don’t know the answer to that. I am finally growing comfortable – rather, have grown comfortable – with this position, and I’m ready to move on. How come? Am I not making enough of a difference here? Am I bored by it? Am I constantly comparing it to something better that I’ve done, and seeing it fall short again and again? Am I starting to resent it and myself, because it isn’t enough, isn’t good enough on some level or other?
Am I upset, because it just keeps feeling like a constant reminder of how I have failed elsewhere, that I am in a temporary position that, though it makes a huge difference for the school and students, is merely a reminder of the fact that I don’t have my own teaching position… that I am only filling in for someone else for a short while? And so I can find endless issues with the position and the school… thereby making it fee even worse that this was all I could get…
Yeah… it’s looking a lot like that is the reason.
I’m just going to sit with that for right now, and see later what is calling me most in terms of what to do about it.
Until then, May we all experience the blessings all throughout and within our day today. Amen.
And, sometimes, the money just isn’t there, and we have to dial back. And that’s okay. But it still hurts to know that it has been one’s own lack of financial success that is the source of the problem in the first place. And it hurts even more to know that it is affecting others whom one loves.
God, please, grant me the grace to let go of this hurt around money and financial comfort, such that I may use these experiences as support for pursuing and achieving something unimaginably better, through your will. Amen.
Yeah… going forward, I want just to go ahead and go home on the late-night flight, instead of having to stay a single night at a hotel near the airport. I’m not a fan of this whole unpacking and repacking for a single night thing, especially at the somewhat overpriced mediocre hotels near the airports. I dislike getting home after midnight and all, but, if I don’t have to be anywhere early the next day anyway, I’d rather be at home in my own bed already.
God, grant us safe travels, especially tomorrow, please. Thank you for such a positive and beneficial trip for us all. In your name, I pray. Amen.