I am grateful for my work and my job. As Chris Gardner said about his own life, I feel like I am in a version of the Israelites being led through the desert, heading toward the promised land, and God is gifting me with manna to sustain me on the journey.
May God guide me to do his will. Amen.
Post-a-day 2023
Well, it happened. And it went well. It was odd, to be sure. But it was still good. I truly believe and see that God has put me here on purpose, to fulfill His will in service. It is still, however, very easy for me to forget that I am trusting in God wholly, and not to freak out about the sense of instability and financial crisis in my life right now. Someone commented today that I seemed very stressed. I told her clearly that she was right and that I am very stressed. I am finally starting to have periods throughout the day in which I do trust God wholly. But I still have much time during which I only trust Him partly – unintentionally so – and end up worrying about what to do to take care of myself and my family. So, I most definitely cried on my first day. And that’s okay and perfect. It built bonds I hadn’t known I had longer to have built. So, that also was really cool, in addition to odd. 😛
God, take us into Your hands, please, and care for us as You love us. Help us to love one another with more and more of Your love each day and night. Help us to be strong. Help us do and fulfill Your will in all that we do and in all that we are. Help us to find through that fulfillment of our own dreams that You have granted to us. Thank you for this life. Free me to let go and give it all up to you, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
P.S. It is very weird to me when I am taking to you, God, and I use the capitalized letters to reference you. Talking about you? Works perfectly. Talking to you? Feels super odd, and I have to keep reminding myself to do it. Thank you for understanding me, and especially all of my silliness. I love you. Amen again. Amen.
Post-a-day 2023
I shared with my aunt today about the kakizome and the idea of these dreams God has given me being like the center of a labyrinth – they were recently just within sight and reach, but have suddenly swooped far away, like I have gone to the outer edges of the labyrinth… yet a labyrinth only has one path, and it eventually will turn all the way to the center goal… we just have to walk the whole thing, which weaves inward and outward many a times. She commented that the labyrinth comparison was a very good one to remember for all of life, that, yes, God is with us and guiding us and there is truly the one pathway on which He is guiding us, even though it seems to wander near to and far from our goals again and again…, but it still will reach there eventually. We just have to trust in God and follow His guidance.
On that note, she also commented that, when we trust in God, everything is easy. ‘That’s why He says to trust Him as children trust,’ she said. Because children trust wholly. As they grow up, they experience betrayal and they learn to be distrustful of others and of the world. But, when children are children, they trust wholly, and it is easy for them to be happy and free. Even when something bad happens, they are sad for a bit, and then bounce right back to being happy and free. They are trusting that they are cared for, that they are safe, that all is well.. even if they aren’t aware of it, they are trusting. And life is easy for them then.
What if we could trust God as children trust life? How free and easy we could be…
So, that is my goal: To keep an eye on my trust. If I am not free and easy, I can look to see where I am not trusting God in that moment. And then I can let it go and give it up to God, and trust in Him there, too. Just from our conversation this morning, I was able to see so much of how I was resisting trusting God, which was why I was so stressed still. As soon as I let it all go and gave it up to God, I suddenly was lighter physically, and was ready to go run errands I had dreaded so much, I had anticipated avoiding them entirely and skipping them. I went and shopped for – and found! – tops for work that fit me at two separate shops. And I had a great time. I wasn’t even stressed about it, though I had been the other day. I noticed the marked difference in how easy it was to find things and also to be okay when things didn’t fit, and just to move on without getting upset. It didn’t even occur to me to get upset when things didn’t fit, be they too big or too small, though that had not been the case the last two trips I’d made to look for work clothes. I’m not saying life was happy-go-lucky today. But it was significantly easier than it had been. And I actually had a great time today doing all of it.
I even had the first shop accidentally not give me the shoes I’d purchased, and I didn’t find out until after dinner tonight. I was loaded with adrenaline when I realized the error, and I was hoping they hadn’t re-sold the shoes to someone else, but I didn’t have this heavy sense of panic I typically might have gotten (or would have gotten recently, anyway). I just took action, found out the shop still had them for me, and got back dressed instead of showering and going to bed, and went to pick them up. I’m getting to bed an hour later than planned. And yet I had a good time even going to pick up the shoes. I’m still in a good mood now, and hour and a half past when I’d hoped to be in bed tonight. And it’s okay. I’m taking steps to improve, and I am trusting in God on a whole new level now… and it is amazing. And it is growing. And I love it all.
And I even had horrible diarrhea today, and I’m still in a great mood. It’s ridiculous and wonderful.
Thank you, God. Amen.
Post-a-day 2023
I got an interview today. It was short and sweet and to the point, and I very much enjoyed it. It seems to have gone well. We shall see what comes next.
But I know things would have been different for me today with this interview if I hadn’t stood my ground yesterday (and, possibly, earlier this week).
Thank you, God, for helping me to trust in you. Please, continue to do so – continue to make it clear for me which way you are calling me in each moment. Help me to pursue you and your will as also my own. Help me to love and to be loved, with and through you always. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2023
P.S. I really would like to get this job, just so we’re all clear.
God is calling me, encouraging me to take a stand, yet something, too – the devil, perhaps? – is pulling me to feel guilty at this desire to stand for myself, to stand my ground, to stick with what feels right, though it may seem selfish at a glance.
I cannot explain it any other way right now, but it feels like God is calling me to be here right now.
Ironically, I was just sharing Sunday how I’ve determined that I need to trust wholly whatever call I feel from God right now, as that will lead me to where I need to be. And now, mere days later, I am having to do just that in a very difficult way, and I almost didn’t stand up for it.
Post-a-day 2023
Ave María, grátia plena, Dóminus tecum. Benedícta tu in muliéribus, et benedíctus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. Sancta María, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatóribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostræ.
Amen.
Things are starting to shift significantly within me. I can feel the progress being made at present while I let it all be in the face of God. I have let His hands begin to work rather directly with it all, and He is incredibly capable, I am seeing firsthand.
Thank you, God. Amen.
Post-a-day 2023
*oder – (German) or
These beautiful and wonderful things keep coming up. I am grateful for each and every one of them. However, they have rather kept me from pursuing the main goal I had to pursue, now that my teaching position has ended: coding. I had set myself up for this path toward coding, and the main resource has been delayed, and I haven’t reached out yet to the secondary resource, because I’ve been so busy managing the tutoring that’s come up, along with the part-time job work and the other part-time job work and the tidying and catching up on things at home…
Have these things been coming up because they are distractions, requiring me to prove my dedication and desire to pursue this goal of coding right now? Or are they actually directions from God and the Universe, answering my prayers for clear guidance, showing me that diving fully into the coding is not what they need me to do right now?
God, help me to follow your will fully. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
No, it isn’t poorly pronounced French, but I almost rather it were every time I encounter it. Despair is an odd one. For me, it is both kind of the worst and, in a small way, sort of the best. Sure, the bad part makes sense, but what’s this with the goodness of despair? Well, whenever I find myself in a state of despair, it is always the point at which the straw breaks the camel’s back, so to speak – it is the turning point for me. Simply by seeing the despair, by noticing and acknowledging it, I inevitably start to do something about it, and sort the whole situation out in a way that leaves me, well, being fully myself again. And isn’t that just wonderful?
So, as I said, despair is, while despairing, also gladdening for me. Thank you, God, for showing me this current state of despair. I trust wholly in my ability through your love and will to clear this up beautifully and to restore myself fully to life, better than ever, and every day showing more of the magical and astounding woman you created me to become and to be. I love you. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
Funny how, when we just trust in God, and we do what we truly feel is what is consistent with who’s kid how we want to be in life, things just fall somewhat perfectly into place. We’ve been working hard to figure out something these past several months. Phone calls and internet research and meetings have happened. We finally accepted the fate we didn’t want, and went with what seemed to be the best option of that particular fate.
In preparation for that to begin, I looked to see what final things I wanted us to do before the program started. From that, I knew I wanted to go to a particular location. We went there today. It was awesome, as I expected. And the thought popped up for me to ask about this whole fate-we-didn’t-love-but-had-accepted situation. And so, despite my fear, I asked.
And God gave us this spectacular answer that altered everything, and made it even cooler than we had originally been hoping to have it be. Blown away.
Thank you, God.
Post-a-day 2022
You know the story of the man in his home as a storm hits, how the neighbors ask in a truck for him to flee with them, and he replies that God will save him? The flood waters rise, a boat comes, offers a ride, and he declines, saying God will save him. The waters rise more, a helicopter comes to him as he sits on his roof, surrounded by water, but he declines the ride. ‘God will save me.’ He then is sealed up by the waters. As he approaches the pearly gates, he asks God why God never saved him. God asks him what he thought the truck, the boat, and the helicopter were.
I felt a version of that story today, coincidentally right after having a student mention that story in class.
You see, I hit this issue with my part-time job, right? I prayed for clear guidance from God as to what to do. I needed to know if I was staying with the job, and, if so, how to go about picking up an extra shift, in order to meet the new requirements.
I felt initially like it might be to pick up a shift this weekend, today, but it had to work out just right. There was then an open invitation for 7pm to midnight work for tonight. But it just felt like too much struggle for me, staying out and up so late. It was too likely I would end up sick, as I usually have whenever I stay up and out like that.
Then a shift was available for 2pm to 7pm today… still later than I wanted. But let me think on it. It’ll still be there, if it’s meant to be. I trust you… After a bit, I decided to go ahead and go for it; suck it up and make it work. But the shift was gone. I couldn’t take it. I looked into it, and saw that no one had actually picked it up. So, I potentially could reach out to the original person and ask if she still wanted it covered… but that didn’t feel right.
Something kept pulling at me, though… there was something about today, since I was finishing at school so early. There had to be something… please?
Then, in our group message thing, I saw the most recent message from about 45 minutes beforehand. Someone had an issue arise and couldn’t go in. Could someone go in from now until 5pm?
Seriously?!
‘I could go in about an hour,’ I offered. It was true. I could handle enough work to have only a bit left to do before school Monday, and head out by noon, work until five, and get to my man not too long after he would be finishing work for the day. And it would fulfill the extra day I needed to work before the end of the month, without giving up tomorrow or a Sunday.
A manager responded, saying they would love to have me. So, I got my work handled quickly after all my classes ended, and I headed in just a few minutes after noon. I was ready to start working before 12:30, and was blown away when, halfway through the shift, a manager tells me that I’m only supposed to be there until 4:30. Even better! I love working at this place, but for four hours at a time. Beyond that, and it kind of wipes me.
So, I got home feeling really great this evening. Added bonus is that, when I have to work next weekend, my man will be playing golf with his brothers and dad for his birthday. Score on timing!
Anyway, the manager person who had sent me the surprising e-mail the other day talked to me intentionally today, apologizing for how it had been shocking, that she had had no idea that we weren’t aware of the new policy, and that I had not been alone – others had responded similarly when she’d e-mailed them about the same thing. We had a great talk about it all, and I felt quite relieved at having been heard in my shock and upset and concerns. I actually agree that the policy is a good one to have – it was just not communicated to any of us workers, and it was practically the opposite of what we had always been told previously. So, there was a major ball-drop on the leadership side there. She is now working to sort that out, though, fortunately.
All-in-all, it was a positive day, and I am grateful for how lovely it all turned out to be. Thank you, God.
With the whole available shifts thing, it really felt like offerings from God to handle the situation, combined with my own stubbornness, and also standing for my own health and well-being, being my best self. I feel as though, because I never got angry or nasty, but just stood with courage, I was given the beautiful opportunity I was.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for that helicopter. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
P.S. For a birthday on a Wednesday, how soon can we give the first birthday present? Is Saturday too soon, or must we wait for Sunday, so it’s officially in the birthday week? Or Monday for the mostly European one? Or simply Wednesday????? What would you do, hmm??
hannah ananas 