Today was an interesting day for me.
I accomplished so many things – so many check boxes were fulfilled – yet felt so utterly unfulfilled for the day.
I had an amazing little re-bonding experience with the Vespa, as we first rushed to an open bank to handle an online discrepancy before it closed thirty minutes later, and then, when heading home, first took a small detour loop to see one of my childhood favorite spots, and then continued along a road just to see what came next, where it went…
By the time I was out of the main city congestion and buildings blocking the view 45 minutes later, it was clear that the forecast only hours ago was utterly incorrect: the sky was a dark, dark blue, with clouds and rain approaching from what I guessed was the North (I wasn’t entirely sure where I was st this point – the road had just kept on going, and wiggling around all the while).
The pace of the storm was slow, but the rain was definite.
This will hurt, I thought to myself, considering how it would be to be caught in this storm.
I needed to get home as quickly as possible.
So, when I found myself somehow crossing under a convenient highway, I turned off my ever-going road, and headed onto the highway, back to town.
Now, this was our first trip in a month-ish, you see, as I haven’t been going anywhere but to pick up things, which means I use the car every time (and that’s already rare enough as it is).
So, we had a slight struggle to start in the first place, but got it worked out.
With little surprise, after almost an hour of riding – albeit easy riding – and then getting in the highway, the Vespa decided that it needed an immediately rest to re-energize.
I pulled to the shoulder, strategically placing us underneath a set of overpasses, in case we had to wait a long while, and the rain arrived while we were still waiting for the Vespa to regroup.
After a few minutes, though, with a bit of encouragement and coaxing from me, the Vespa was ready to go again, to get us the short remaining distance home.
So, we arrived home safely, took a victory photo together to celebrate our exploratory outing, and then I rushed inside just as the rain began to pour.
As we all say in German, “Perfect timing.”*
Then, I checked off a bunch of boxes, including cooking and eating real food and a real meal, making another gorgeous mala, continuing one book and beginning a yearly-ish reread of another, making and having golden milk, and doing some more henna… while the floor shook from lightning, and the deluge continued off and on outside.
But, the biggest thing I realized, is that I miss having someone care about my life… I felt a clear desire to be heard, and recalled how helpful a journal always has been at such times… a journal is not only always there to listen, it accepts me exactly as I am, and helps me to work through any issue, and celebrate any victory, and allows me to cry all I need, without ever growing impatient with me… a journal is, in many ways, even better than having a person to ask how my day has gone, what I did today, and how I feel about it all…
Yes, I wish someone would hold me close, pet my hair, and murmur sweet nothings to me, as I share about my day as much or as little as I desire…, but journaling and then snuggling up with stuffed animals somehow seems to get me by every time, so I’ll rely on them again tonight… and hope that I will have the real life person option quite soon, surprisingly soon…
So, yeah… thanks for being my journal tonight – the one who always has room for me, and always is ready to hear anything and everything I have to share…
P.S. Do you ever feel like the person you are becoming, while it is true to yourself, does not quite fit with the life you have been leading, pursuing…?
*Yes, we use the English phrase, the English words, even though we are otherwise using German to speak… is that not ticklingly delightful?