Tag: love

Nerds

My man and I just unintentionally got into a Duolingo battle to win the family scoreboard for the week, simply by coincidence. We both happened to do a lesson, and also happened to see how the score had changed for the other.

In the last seconds of the timer, he passed me up and got first place. I had a 30-point lead on him, but he eeked it out, nonetheless, by completing half a legendary round with bonus right before the time ran out for the day. So, even though he hadn’t finished the lesson, he’d gotten halfway through it, and it gave him the first 40 points for today and the next 40 points for tomorrow’s scoreboard. Ridiculous.

It was a fun little event.

I love this man.

Even though we have really been passing each other off lately, I remember that I love him despite it all, and even because of most of it.

Thank you, God, for our idiocy and nerdiness. Thank you for, even after all this time, giving me someone who can enjoy this adventure so well with me. Thank you for all of it. Also, please, heal all my mosquito bites, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Mother’s Day

Has anyone else ever struggled on Mother’s Day, due to the sudden overwhelming amount of everyone your own age and even significantly younger putting up photo after photo of how happy they are being mom’s? For some reason, that hit me really hard today, and I was in actual tears over it all. It felt like a slap in the face, over and over again… like they and God were just dangling their joy in front of me, showing me what I still cannot have yet have wanted for so long. Though, I suppose it would not be God dangling something like that – that would be more akin to the work of the devil, would it not? ‘Go ahead, covet what they have,’ he might say, ‘Hate them for it,’ he would encourage, ‘Be angry with your God.’

But I shall not. I shall do just the opposite.

Dear God, thank you for my current state. Thank you for not making me a mother or a wife sooner in this life. Thank you for giving me the man who is perfect for me and for whom I am perfect. Thank you for helping us to become perfect for each other before we met. Thank you for giving us the time and experience to let go of and get over so many things that do not serve us or you. Thank you for taking the time to work on us before we get to be together and get to be parents. Thank you for such care and concern and love. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

The Opriest of Operas

Or the oprarest, if you want to be British about it…

Tonight, we saw Tosca, which is by Puccini. It was great. As our family friend said, the tenor really did steal the show. He was spectacular. Spectacular. And, given how great the lead and the other main supporting roles both were, that’s truly saying something. They were all awesome.

However, that same family friend had informed us ahead of time that the production was great. He saw a final dress rehearsal of it the other week, you see. (He also is a musician by career, and has worked many years in classical radio, so he knows what he’s taking about with opera.) Apparently, Tosca is possibly his favorite opera and was the first he ever saw, working as an usher with his mom forever ago.H

He and my mom were messaging before the show tonight, as well as during the intermissions. He said specifically before the show started that Tosca was, ‘the most opera of operas,’ and, therefore, to expect a lot of people to die, as well as lots of drama.

As we hit the first intermission, he shared that the music ending the first act is his favorite and he has been singing it constantly since seeing the show recently. At the second intermission, the end of the second act, he said that he had started listening to a recording of it just after our show started. Ha! My man responded, “I’m listening to it, too.” (He has a lot of trouble staying fully awake at the opera, as we usually go weeknights, and, let’s admit it, it is Hard to stay awake at the opera when we’re sitting in a dark theatre, far from the stage, and we’re tired before the show even starts.) 😛

My mom sent a final message that, ‘Only two people have died so far, so I’m guessing the third act will be busy!’ He laughed at it, gave a confirmation of its accuracy, and then added, “‘Only two people have died so far,’ is the most opriest thing one could say”. We cracked up so hard right as the lights were going down. And he wasn’t wrong, not on any account. (This includes his ironic statement of its being a light little, family-friendly show with good moral values. It very much is not, and comically so at certain points.)

In the end, yes, just like almost all the other operas, death reigns, hope tries really hard with a really pretty and powerful aria, all the stupid people get what they had coming all along, everything is ridiculously dramatic, and the music is practically divine in how spectacular it is. Indeed, Tosca is very much the most opera of operas. Though, I now will hold this classification in mind for all operas I see, and determine if I can find an opera more opera than Tosca!

Post-a-day 2023

Nice People

Has anyone noticed that so many nice people tend to be the people at whom so much of our culture currently seems to be mad? In my experience, the youth who hold the doors open and say, “Yes, Ma’am,” “No, Ma’am,” “Yes, Sir,” “No, Sir,” are the stereotypically declared ‘dumb country rednecks’. And their ‘dumb country redneck’ parents tend to behave the same. They are actually usually very kind and respectful. And they seem to be some of the only ones these days.

It is starting to make me wonder if most of the stereotyping-based hate and noise around them all might truly just be tied to a very small percentage of the population’s actual actions, and be drastically blown out of proportion, quite possibly by people who aren’t willing to step up for themselves and let go of being victimized and making themselves victims to life.

I was a victim of abuse, but I didn’t victimize myself for it. I didn’t make it such that life happened to me and ‘poor me,’ I need everyone to stand up for me now and hate that man and get him back. I didn’t make a big fuss or demand that the horrid actions be addressed by reparations. He owes me nothing. I repeat: He owes me nothing.

Sure, I have trouble forgiving and letting go at times, and I have very angry and aching feelings at times. But that doesn’t mean I bash the man or bring it to the media. How does that make the world better? How does that help me to heal and let go and move forward in life, rather than fixate on the past abuse and keep bring it up again and again? I can’t find a single way it doesn’t harm my progress instead of help it.

Instead, I pray for healing and ask for God’s help. I share what I need to share with those who want to help me to heal. I pray to release my ill will toward that man. I help create safe spaces for others where I had once found none. I help others to be heard and to heal. I help to make a positive difference in the lives of others. I use my terrible experience as a means of making the world better. In short, I love.

And, when I want to hate instead, I remember that his horrible actions come from his own life of hurt, whether he is aware of it or not. And I pray not to hold that against him. I don’t want him in my life, but I don’t have to make his life end – figuratively or literally – in order for me to live mine. The two are separate ideas entirely, independent of one another. They truly are…

I just can’t help but wonder if, instead of throwing out so much anger and hate to people – especially to people we do not know directly but whom we stereotype based on specific interactions with disproportionately select individuals among the group – if we looked for how to solve problems with love, the world would be so much brighter and genuinely better. Like what I said about my fear of guns – if we got to know one another better, it might be a completely different story altogether. The biggest part of the fear – and, thereby, anger and outrage – is the unknown behind that face or culture or lifestyle or way of thinking or way of dressing or way of eating… If we used love as our foundation, perhaps we might find a lot more common ground than anyone ever thought possible… And perhaps the problems would be fewer and fewer and be handled much more easily in the moment through love and communication…

Just some thoughts on my mind tonight.

Post-a-day 2023

Prayers

When I first learned how the rosary wasn’t just an “Our Father”, ten “Hail Mary”s, and a “Glory Be”, I was overwhelmed with how long and complicated it was. It seemed an impossible prayer setup, and far from being meditative.

And, for most of my life, it was just that. I had to look it up every time to read it, and never could keep it all straight. It was only meditative for short bits on each of the “Hail Mary”s. Otherwise, it was stunted and jolty and not so enjoyable.

Fast forward to tonight. I have been listening to and praying the rosary with Mark Wahlberg on Hallow for months. I finally know which mysteries are which day of the week, and remember it rather easily. I’m not sure I know all the mysteries, but I believe I am close. (Those Luminous being only once a week makes it hard to remember them, especially with their being on events I don’t quite know very well into he first place… still need to look those up, actually…) Tonight, I forgot to play the rosary while I got ready for bed, because I did things a little out of order tonight. So, I went to play it when I remembered this, and it wouldn’t play – it was past midnight, and the app changed the availability of the rosary. It used to be available always, but now is only available on the respective day for that rosary. Quite annoying for someone who’s wanting to pray the rosary only eleven minutes after midnight.

Anyway, so I endeavoured em to say the thing all by myself. And, I kid you not, as I am no goat, I was able to do it. Granted, I say the “Apostles’ Creed” in German – started confusing it in Mass with the Nicene, and don’t want to ruin all that hard work, so switched to learning it in German instead – but everything else is in English.

I did all the mysteries, and even got almost all the fruits for them all – just wasn’t sure on the last one. I know and said the “Hail, Holy Queen” and the closing prayer. And I had a great and surprising time of it all.

Thank you, God, for this really cool and actually meditative experience I’ve had tonight with the rosary – and with Mark Wahlberg still in my head for most of it. This has been a blessing, and so look forward to more time with the rosary throughout my life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

With Supernatural Speed

Dear God, we ask, through your love that you have granted to us, that this paperwork be handled and approved and granted to us with supernatural speed. As C— prayed, give all those involved in the process and on whom others must wait an inexplicable need to complete their portion effectively and with haste – wake them up in the middle of the night to go complete their portions. Help them experience an urgency with this process for us, that we may pursue fully and live the life you have so graciously offered to us. We wait with patience, yet anticipation for the beauty we will be able to create, especially once this paperwork is granted in our hoped-for direction. If it be your will, please, complete all necessary steps of this process, and grant us the declaration we long to receive. In your name, we pray. Amen.

P.S. Please, heal us all. We’ve got some sick bodies right now, even with our friends. Heal us all, please, all in need of healing. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Prayers

Dear God, please, let our prayers be received and answered directly from tonight. Thank you for this blessing of life. Help us to live this life with full abandon in you, that we be our best selves, the people you made us to be. Help us to marry as we long to do, a longing given to us powerfully and blessedly by you. Set clear our paths, that we do spectacular things in your name in all that we are and all that we do. Help us to live the lives of our dreams and better, and help us to have always better dreams, wrapped up in you. In your blessed name, I and we and we all pray. Amen.

P.S. Please, make that paperwork happen – give each person involved and inexplicable urgency to do your will with it immediately. Grant us this space to create this life you now have offered to us, and now. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023