Author: hannah.ananas

The Panic of Packing

In the morning, I’m going to a friend’s wedding.  The wedding isn’t until Saturday, but I’m going early, so that I can be sure to make the wedding, and so that I can have some time to play around the town/island.  I’ve never been to Singapore, so this is an exciting adventure for me, in mini form.  (I wonder if they have Minis there…  Also, on which side of the road do they drive?  I don’t remember…)

However, this means that, inevitably, I am up late tonight.  I am always up late the night before a trip – be it packing or just general this-and-thats, I am always up late, and usually much later than usual for that given night of the week (this time being a Wednesday night).

Aaaand, along with that being up late, is that ever-present (when prepping for a trip) sensation that I am forgetting something, something vital.  I have my passport, phone, and boarding pass, so I technically will be able to survive…, but that doesn’t ease my mind off this feeling.  As I was making final touches, I realized that I still hadn’t packed the two pair of shoes I’d needed to pack (for the dance party one night and for the wedding outfit)… things which had been on my mind every day for the past week… thereby giving me evidence that my experiencing this feeling of having forgotten something important is not falsely or without sufficient evidence created – it is not every time that something like that happens, but it is every time that the trip is somehow important that I feel this panic.

Yikes, yikes, yikes, I say!  (Well, I didn’t actually say it at first, but then I read aloud the sentence I’d written, so I did, in fact, say that sentence…, but I’m going to leave it as the italicized thought, because that’s more how it originally occurred as a feeling and all.)

 

Anyway, I’m hoping for the best!

 

P.S.  Does Singapore have beaches??

 

Post-a-day 2017

The impossible and a new look at time

Last night, as I was thinking on how the impossible had happened for me that day, and then hula classes I’d just asked two friends about helping me do, I got onto wondering about new beginnings and fresh starts.  I started to think about the idea of treating today as the beginning of my time in Japan.  Like how I’ve visited other countries, and then gone there later for several months to study, I can see Japan in that same sort of timeframe.

Yes, I came and did a semester in Japan before.  And, now, I’m back in Japan, but just for a semester.  In six months and a week, I’ll be finished, my semester over.  I only just arrived, and so have to get going with the things I want to do and see, and the relationships I’d like to build.  But, since I’ve been to Japan before (when I studied (read “worked”) here the last time), it should be easy to settle into place, and to start picking up the language again.

Sure, I remember that there were things that were really rough when I was here before, and I suspect things will be hard again.  However, it is only a single semester, and I’ll be so busy doing this and that (to make sure I get it all in, since I definitely didn’t last time), it’ll zoom by me quite quickly.  (So, I’d better get started, eh?)

Huh… I’m actually quite excited about my brief visit to Japan this semester.

Who’d’a thunk?

Who says we have to relate to time as directly sequential?

I thank my most recent audiobook for this beautiful thought idea – The Time Traveler’s Wife.

 

P.S.  I actually wrote this last night, as I just didn’t want to forget it for today’s post.  😛

Post-a-day 2017

Glee

Can I just have GLEE for my life?  I mean it.  Real life Glee Club.

Get together with friends, say once a week, and each prepare a little song to perform for the group.  We can do themes, and even mashups, and maybe even just copy themes from the show at times (the ones we like, anyway).

I can only see this as a beautiful idea – it will help boost our confidence in performing in front of others (as well as being vulnerable in front of them), improve our musical skills, keep our creativity working in various ways (song selection, how specifically to perform the song in terms of instrumentation and speed and key, how to express ourselves through it, music (duh), etc.), bring more music into our lives, get a taste of music that our close friends like, get to know one another better, build beautiful bonds of trust between one another, and just plain bring joy to us all via music and welcoming camaraderie.  It’s fabulous.  And it’s totally terrifying.  But I still want to do it!  Yes, I do.

…I was thinking that I only wanted to start it once back home, when with friends with whom it is easy to communicate (my ideas in general, as well as just speaking the same language fluently), but I am now thinking that this might be something worth attempting here.  Even if it is only with one friend (I have one in particular in mind for it), I think it would be a good step for me, both on the I want to go home level and the musical creativity and confidence level.  : )

I’m not decided yet, but I think I want to do it with her.  I know for sure that I am creating this club once back in the US.  However, I’m leaning towards trying it out here first…  Maybe I’ll be able to work out some kinks over these next six months, making it all the better in the Fall.  😀

 

Post-a-day 2017

A dAy of Rest

Sometimes, it is really, really good to keep Sunday as a day of rest.  I have often wondered how life might be if I truly stuck to the concept, but have never done it successfully.  There was one stage during which I did a very good job at not doing any work on Sundays, but that didn’t necessarily mean that Sundays weren’t fully of activities and business and whatnot.

Today, however, I ended up having my Sunday as a true day of rest – I slept in, watched part of a movie when I finally woke up, and went back to sleep for a while, before finally getting up, getting just a bit of sun and fresh air, and then watching movies and crocheting and knitting off and on while watching them the rest of the day.  And it somehow worked wonders for me.  When life seemed beyond comprehension on the scale of stress last night and this morning, after today’s true rest, I am heading to bed at ease on so many levels.

I think I need to do this sort of Sunday more often for myself.  Really.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017

Dreams that inspire tears

This morning, I woke up in such comfort as I had not known in months.  As I began to come to, though, confusion roused within me.  When I finally discovered where and when and what I was, I pitifully crunched myself under the blankets, smashing my face into the mattress, and resisting the intense, despairing urge to cry.

Why all of this, just from waking today?  My dreams.  I cannot say how many times this has happened, but I do know that it is incredibly rare for me – when I awoke this morning, I initially believed that what had just been my dreams were, in fact, memories from actual events.  They, of course, were only dreams.

On this occasion of dreaming, I was wandering around a warm, beautiful place (beautiful in the sense of the space, as opposed to scenery) with a friend of mine.  His parents were in and out of the events, too.  At one point, we were all participating in a fun effort to help a group play fabulous music (It was like a modern-day version of pumping the organ, but for the musical ensemble as one large unit in need of this pumping.).  We all sighed happily from the effort when the music was finished, and walked separate ways from the band’s setup to relax after the sort of workout.  My friend handed me a local coin, mentioning the nickname people have for it, and thus his reason for giving it to me.  We both laughed as he passed it to me with a slight flourish-esque bow (think old-timey British servants presenting something to the master), and then he gave me a kiss on my forehead, rather casually.

I smiled, and even gave a small chuckle at the gesture, both via the sweet joke about the coin and comparing it to me and the loving kiss.  We each briefly said something else, immediately after which, he casually lifted my chin and gave me a full, brief, and, again, casual kiss, this time on the lips.  I was surprised, though not opposed, and even had willingly accepted/participated in the act.  We both turned to resume whatever it was we were doing before these two kisses, but glanced back at one another as his eyes went wide and he made a face of “Uh-oh.”

  1. He’s not one for public displays of affection.  2.  His parents were nearby.

Naturally, his mother, though across the room, had noticed, as we could tell by her loud and calmly delighted, “Aaaaaaaaah, whaaaat is thaat, exactly, hmmm?”  And his dad expressed a chuckled agreement to the question.

I replied quickly and with honesty and ease, “Oh, we don’t even know, really.  He can’t seem to make up his mind about it, and I’m too lazy to do anything about it.”

And we were all, in a semi-silly way, happy and together and lovingly content.  My friend slipped his arm around my waist, and pulled me into a big sideways hug as I said the words to his mother, and everyone had a nice laugh or chuckle of true and easy contentment.

 

And that was it, really.

And it was all so believable, because of the experience of being there.  It was real joy and caring for one another (all of us) and ease – life was easy with all of us together, where we were, just like it is when I am with family and my closest friend (a different friend from this one).  So, when I awoke this morning, I was going from perfection (you know, the goofy ‘life is perfectly imperfect’ kind of perfection) and the bliss that followed after such an experience, to a cold (literally) realization that my circumstances are actually the opposite from how it felt they were…

How’s that for a start to a Friday, huh?  Though, I do recall how our dreams help us handle all sorts of psychological struggles, it kind of makes me even sadder.  How bad off am I right now that my sub-conscience decided I needed that kind of and that specific dream?  Kind of made me hope for it to have been an accident that I’d had such a dream, as opposed to intentional in any way.

But, after the rough day that has been today, I’d be quite happy to continue these dreams tonight.  Even though they have a near zero percent chance of coming true, I’ll be able at least to go back to sleep in the morning, free and at ease, because it will be Saturday, and one with no specific daytime plans but to sleep in.  And everything feels better when you get to sleep in.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017

A towel in your hair

Tonight, just after showering, towel still on my head, I took out the trash.  I had kind of hoped someone, anyone, would see me, but, alas, not a single person or car passed me on that brief voyage down the street…

But it was still cool (and quite cold), because I had mostly kept on the towel simply because it sounded like a fun thing to do, going into public with a towel on my head.  Sure, it isn’t the same as waking into Kroger one night with my hair wrapped in a towel, but that was back in the US, and I needed something silly in my life here tonight.  ðŸ˜›
Peace and love and goofiness to all, and to all a good night!
Post-a-day 2017

Costco

Today, sitting with a friend at Costco (yes, Japan has Costco, oddly enough), I noticed how at home I felt.  I used to go to Costco with my dad, and Sam’s with each of my parents long before that.  Now, being at Costco gives me a sense of everything being alright, and that I am loved and surrounded by those who love me (or at least am in the same town as they, and I will be with them soon enough).  So, naturally, it was odd when we walked out of the store, because the crashing cold extinguished any and all warm feelings of home and home-y-ness, returning me to my current locale…  

I’m okay here, certainly.  I do believe what my mother once commented about me, though: I am European.  She didn’t mean that I actually am European, of course, but that my style and my ways are very much in sync with those of Europe, and not with those of Asia.  I imagine that I one day will be excited by a Japanese shop or this or that, when I am off elsewhere in the world.  However, I am starting to see that the sentiment will not reflect that of when I cross a European cafe or restaurant – the former is likely to be a thought of “Well, that was a neat time,” and the latter occurs as an actual piece of me.

Post-a-day 2017

Self-discovery and second opinions

Today, I am sharing with you (whoever you may be) an e-mail, which I wrote earlier today. I feel it expresses the exact reason for which I have been calm and at ease today and tonight, and even did laundry without a fuss just a bit ago, and have made plans for my next load tomorrow (and with ease of mind).

Note: The thing I am referencing, the thing to which I listened Sunday morning, is a Ted 250 talk on making hard decisions, which my dad had sent me.

 

Listened to this Sunday morning, and been thinking about it ever since.  Mom, I just sent you some texts about my current thoughts, but here’s an e-mail to keep you two in the loop on my thinking, and to give a space for each of your thoughts on the matter.

As I mentioned to you, Mom, I think I’m not a big business person.  (I’d been considering looking for work with Schlumberger or the likes)  I could be a big business person, and I don’t want to be one… not really.  I only want the money and the prestige for it, the respect from others, and their high opinions of me.  As you mentioned recently, Mom, other’s people’s opinions of me are none of my business.  An initially difficult thought, but a powerful and releasing one.  If I were to be a big business person, I realize (and I have always known this on some level) that it would be a never-ending effort to keep the real me alive, to maintain who I am at heart…, because the big business is not who I truly am, you see.  Suits are fun, but only on occasion – I don’t want the daily suit lifestyle.  (Though, to be fair, I might like it better if this were the norm!!  Is it weird that I can So see Rob in these?  But I digress…)
So, I think I want to do art school.  I am constantly thinking about how I want to be trained in art skills (since high school, actually), and have always somehow seen myself being in a million art classes.  I’m not sure exactly how to go about doing it, but I think I want to start with working and schooling together in [—].  I can do [Community College] evenings as a start, with subbing and tutoring and potentially teaching a couple classes part-time, as well as reffing (and possibly coaching) lacrosse.  Perhaps, after I’ve done some art classes, I’ll know if I want to go into an official school or something – I’ll at least know if I like what I’m doing, and it will only be one university semester to figure that out (as opposed to a high school semester or an academic year or more).
My main thought is that I need to focus my life around the things for which I most long, instead of finding work that provides the money to do the things I want to do, and just doing those things on the side, and often ending up not having time for them in the first place.
Mom, I know you already said, and quite perfectly, “If you build it, they will come.  Follow your heart, and the money will follow.”  (Yes, I added commas for myself.)  Nonetheless, I would love for y’all’s thoughts and ideas on it all.  You two know me best, and in two different ways, so I look most to you two for… well, everything.  😛
Love y’all!
Peace

Hannah

Okay, two e-mails – I also want to share my follow-up e-mail to my mother’s response to the initial e-mail…

 

Haha!  Yep!  Get it.  Got it.  Good.  And I liked how what she said inspired my thinking, as opposed to all of the specific things she said for their own value and meaning.  Some was great, and a lot was “Okay…..?”  The end result, however, was an inspired thinking and evaluation of my current situation of “hard decisions” to be made.  I like looking at it as Who do I want to be out of this decision/choice? and What has integrity for who I want to be?

 
Love y’all.
Peace

Hannah

Post-a-day 2017