Tag: exhausted

A change of plans

We were scheduled to do the fun Stein-hoisting competition tomorrow at an Oktoberfest event, and enjoy the related Oktoberfest bier vom Fass at the brewery. However, when we found out it wouldn’t be happening until 4:45pm, we bailed. We had tried to find the time all last week (We totally would have gone last Sunday, though they had no contest Sunday, if we’d known the contest happened so late in the day.), but there was never a schedule available.

You see, we’re scheduled to take our miniature vacation this weekend at my uncle’s spare house in Wimberley, and only had delayed from today to tomorrow afternoon so we could do this contest and get the Steins and have the lovely beer, all for a great price. But, with the contest so late, we weren’t interested in staying in town so long. So, we went and had a single beer each at the brewery this evening, then had hot pizza at Costco. Now, we can get up casually in the morning and head on out.

The whole point of this vacation is for us to go not-home together for a couple days and to be able to enjoy the nice weather. Basically, I want us to have some breathing space, but together. We’ve both been struggling lately with not getting done the things we want to get done, especially at home. So, rather than stay home to do the things, since I have off school Monday, we are taking advantage of my long weekend and taking a trip for ourselves. We’ve had to cancel every other trip we’ve planned this year already. He got to go work in Mexico for a month last month, and for a couple weeks in early summer. But I haven’t done any kind of vacation, and I have been miserable lately, drowning in my own stresses and failings. I need to leave the house and go somewhere that doesn’t cause me even more stress for just a bit, and I want him to be with me.

Next weekend, I can go back to getting stuff done at home. But I just need to take a step away this weekend and breathe and spend un-stressed time with my man in a place where we both are at ease and have nothing pulling at us to be done.

We almost had to cancel, because none of our dog-sitting plans were planning out. Both back-ups failed after the original pulled out. Fortunately, we found someone today who could help us, and I feel like I can finally start to breathe a little bit more deeply now that that is handled, at last.

Anyway, I think I need to go on this trip so badly, because I’m already feeling so depressed and like a failure for leaving home instead of getting things done here. I think that is exactly the reason I need to step away from home for a couple days…

God, help me to find the rest and relief I seem desperately to need right now, and help my man to do the same for himself. Keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Faith

Sometimes, I have trouble having faith that all will work out perfectly, that God will take care of us, that things are going as they are right now for a very good and valuable reason in my life and in the lives of those I love.

And yet, as someone mentioned tonight, whenever we have no faith at all, everything just feels even worse… we have no hope, no true love embedded naturally in life, no trust that we will be taken care of in the end, even if we feel we have failed to do our part.

And so, even though it sucks when I struggle to trust in God, it sucks even more when I give up on Him entirely… so, I’ll take my struggling faith over no faith any day.

Dear God, I am sorry that I have doubt toward you and your plans. I am sorry that I give in to the temptations of the devil and his workers. And I accept that I will continue to do both for the rest of my life. Please, help me to grow in my strength to resist the bad and to uphold the good. Help me to grow always in my trust in you and your works. Help me always to pursue and to fulfill your will. Your son, Jesus Christ, suffered in our stead and died in sacrifice for our sins such as I have mentioned. In his name, I pray in gratitude and faith. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Just be

Tonight, instead of going straight to bed, I watched a terrible show with great dancing and waited for my man to finish exercising. After I shower in the evening, I don’t like touching anything dirty, so I purposely waited so that I could hug him when he arrived.

What was really awesome, though, was that he sat down with me to watch this terrible show with good dancing, and we just got to lie there together, half snuggling, half just lying on top of each other. It was lovely just being physically against one another, especially after having been apart for so long.

Thank you, God, for this man and his love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Oh, my head…

It hurts. And it has been hurting since late this morning. It got loads worse tonight, though. It could be tied to menstruation and it could be tied to not enough food or water for the day. Frankly, I think it’s all three, the food and sleep especially. So, I shall sleep now… in hour and a half increments, because of the menstruation… and see how it goes.

God, grant me restful and healing sleep tonight especially, please. Bring my man and the dog and all their luggage stuff home safely tonight while I sleep. Heal my grandma and my brothers’ dad, please. Heal us all. Help us to pursue and to fulfill your will always and in all ways. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Well, then…

I was supposed to go to the rodeo with my friend and her husband and baby (and the husband’s stepmom) tonight. But the friend was so exhausted, she ended up not going. Therefore, I turned in my exhaustion card, too, and stayed home. So, it is 7pm, and I am already in bed and finishing up my bedtime routine.

I wasn’t joking when I said I was exhausted. While I would love to wake up early tomorrow, I have a feeling I will need all the sleep between now and 7am… we shall see!

Thank you, God, for this unexpected blessing of having plans cancelled. Help us all to sleep well tonight and to prices and release that which holds us back from loving you fully and pursuing and fulfilling your will on Earth. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Homecoming

Tomorrow is the homecoming football game. I’m not going. Not even for a few minutes. And, for the first time, I’m excited about that fact.

I normally love the homecoming game. The buzz is exciting already, but I also really enjoy all the silly and utterly stupid mums that kids are wearing nowadays. I aim not so much to consider the cost of these things, though. Haha

Nonetheless, I normally like to go, at least for a little bit, and am sad if I cannot attend. This year, however, I am so darn tired, I can hardly wait to go home and go to bed tomorrow after school.

(Coincidentally, I just remembered that I’m signed up to go to the Pasadena rodeo with a friend and her family, though she did say this evening that we might not be going after all… so, we’ll see.)

Post-a-day 2023

Did we grow up?

My cousin is staying with me the next few nights. My alarm is set for just after 4am tomorrow. I usually aim to go to bed no later than 9pm on such nights. Yet, she and I stayed up until after one o’clock just talking and hanging out together. Frankly, the disregard for a need to sleep and for the responsibility of sleeping enough reminds me of any sleepover we had as kids. The only thing missing was being yelled at by my aunt for being too loud and up so late. It all calls to kind the question of, “Did we actually grow up? Or are we still totally kids?” At least when we’re together, it seems to be the latter idea that is more true… 😛

And I am grateful for that. Though tomorrow might be more than a little tough at school. (See? School. Totally still a kid. 😛 )

God, thank you for this friendship and family tie. Thank you for the time we now get to spend together. Help us both to sleep well tonight and the next few nights, that we be energized during the waking hours and ready and able to take on the days and to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A day of rest

Tomorrow, we have no school. It will be a Tuesday. (To be clear, something is happening, but only with some students, and it doesn’t involve me. So, I don’t have school tomorrow.) An odd time to have a rest from school, but I accept it with gratitude even still.

I had planned to go down to Galveston for a while, but the weather is expected to be semi-bleak and stormy, so I’ve reconsidered that idea. I wish it were going to be a Sunny and gorgeous day or a cool and sprinkly day. Alas, it is not to be. I just want to experience a day of holiday, a time of vacation from the toils and obligations of life, a chance not to do anything in particular and not to have to feel bad for not doing something more important or better or whatever.

That was part of why I wanted just to leave town. This stuff with my grandma is already sad and scary. I don’t want to feel the pressure of, ‘You should be here, helping,’ the way part of my family has kind of been being lately. (Not forcibly so, but in a passive-aggressive way that may also be 99% unconsciously done. Nonetheless, it is a lot of pressure.) If I’m not around, I couldn’t have helped, anyway. Just like when I’m at school.

Anyway, I think I have been over-stressed lately. A true vacation would be really good for me right about now.

God, help my mind and body to be at ease tomorrow, please. Help them to receive the love and the rest they so need. Help me to see clearly my next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will for me in this life. Bring my man and the dog home to me safely and happy and well, please. Heal my grandma and my brothers’ dad, please. Thank you for this life and your love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Problems

Well, I got one thing resolved today at work, and so am grateful for the resolution. It made an immediate difference, and I was instantly relieved. I think a big part of the relief was that it all confirmed that the people who hired me had no idea the hassle and struggle I was having. As soon as I brought it to their attention this morning, the problem was almost instantly handled. So, it was a good feeling to know that the higher ups didn’t want me to have the hassle I was having and that they believed I was supposed to be treated as an actual teacher – which I am, despite my official status on the payroll – in this matter. I think that part relieved me almost more than the actual issues having been resolved…

Thank you, God, for that clear bit of care and love and of being wanted and appreciated and valued. Thank you. Please, heal those in need of healing. Help me to be a spectacular teacher and to support my family well. Keep my man safe, please. Thank you for him and his love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Breathing room

My man got real with me today about my current stress levels. I have been making an effort to see my grandma, who recently moved to town and is struggling with her physical body a lot at present, most days since she moved to town. He pointed out that I have been living as though my grandma were going to die within the next month… and that it is incapacitating me.

You see, I haven’t been able to get almost anything done at home. There is loads of tidying that I actually want to do, but I haven’t been able to do any of it. And I haven’t even been getting enough sleep at night as it is. I have so much work to do right now, that that, combined with visiting my grandma so often, has left me with no available time and still getting to bed later than I need to be getting to bed each night. What’s more, living on a lack of sleep means that everything with work takes longer and is a lot harder for me. So, basically, I’ve felt like I’ve been drowning for a few weeks now, and it really sucks. I normally get loads done at home whenever he’s out of town, and it currently feels worse than ever at home, though he’s been out of town for two weeks.

And I think he’s right. I can still love my grandma and not drain myself entirely. Even going every other day would be better for me and my physical body, as well as my mental state.

Plus, I need to honor not only my bedtime but my ‘be-home’ time, the time each day I need to be home in order to settle down and get ready for bed on time. I learned years ago that I cannot just slide into bed as soon as I get home. On a super fast night, it still takes me half an hour, which is usually rather stressful having to hurry everything along. A typical night makes my bedtime routine an hour to an hour and a half. If I’ve had a tough day, add an extra half hour of wind-down time. So, when my family thinks it’s no big deal for me to be hanging out for dinner at a quarter to seven, I need to speak up and leave, so I can actually be home by seven. Otherwise, I’m already getting to bed late. Just like tonight. I was just stopping by for 15 minutes. Over an hour later, after having been roped into helping with something, I was finally leaving, stressed and knowing I’d be starting the week off lacking sleep.

However, I did tell my grandma that I wouldn’t be back until Tuesday, the day after tomorrow, which was good for me. And she also seemed totally okay with it. I hope she is. As my mom mentioned today, my grandma hasn’t had so much company and so much visit time in who knows how long. She hasn’t had anything like it the past year and a half. And, even when she and my Opa still lived in their house the past decade or so, they didn’t typically have visits more than once a week from family or friends.

I just hope she will heal and will get to enjoy living here.

God, help us all to pursue and to fulfill your will. Heal my grandma, please. Heal, also, my brothers’ dad, please. Lots of healing and love over here would be awesome, of course. Help us all to be filled with your love and your grace. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023