Being of service

This week, I chose to be of service. I was only signed up for work on my rodeo committee on Sunday and on Wednesday. However, I was there and working every day this week. I didn’t have to be there. I just genuinely wanted to be there. And, once I was there, I always asked what our leaders needed. Usually, they had an answer. Oftentimes, I didn’t even need to ask – just by seeing me, they would ask me to go do this or that. Why? Because I’m reliable and I get stuff done, they said.

And I am grateful for that. All of it. Thank you for this amazing week, God. Thank you. Please, help me continue to be of service and to learn and to better myself and to make a positive difference in the world. And, if you would, help me to do that while earning lots of money, please, so that I may care even more so for my family and loved ones . In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S. I hope everyone had a happy Texas Independence Day today!

Post-a-day 2023

Happy Birthday to me

My man planned to take me to dinner for my birthday tonight, since we agreed to plans with some neighbors for tomorrow night, my actual birthday. (It’s comfortable drinks with them at their house in celebration of her birthday, also the same day as mine, so it makes sense.) He spent a lot of time planning our flight to nearby College Station, recalling that I had mentioned recently that flying there just for dinner would be fun.

However, for my birthday, it has always been important to me to see my aunt (who is also my godmother). Usually, she makes every effort to make it happen. However, she and my uncle recently moved, and aren’t anywhere near as close as they used to be. So, it didn’t make sense for her to drive three hours plus each way just to have dinner with me the day before my birthday (because I was busy all day today and will be busy most of the day tomorrow, too).

In a last-minute change of events, my man determined that we could change the flight plan almost entirely, pass College Station by, and go to Waco to have dinner with my aunt and uncle. He was going to an airport of which he had never even heard, let alone visited, and was more than doubling the distance… and at night. Despite all the changes and uncertainties and newness of this plan, my man came through stupendously. Yes, I still had times of real terror and panic – how could I not? But, for the most part, he did a great job of informing me about what was happening with all the adjustments and all throughout the flights, and helping me thereby to be somewhat calm and alleviated from panic when compared to the previous and only time I’d flown with him before tonight.

I was running late getting home, due to traffic and being overly helpful volunteering at setup today for one of my rodeo committees, so we got to the airport way later than planned. Then, with the change of flight plan, my man had some things to sort out newly before we could depart. That meant that, instead of having dinner around 7:30pm, we ended up arriving to Waco at 9pm. We ate at one of the only restaurants open late in Waco – though, it supposedly is a big deal one, culturally there – which was heavy southern food, and had an amazing time with my aunt and uncle. Their car was completely decorated with streamers and mini balloons and shiny unicorn cut-outs all throughout the backseat when they picked us up, and it was quite the delight.

After dinner, they stood out where they could see the full runway, and watched us take off, wave the wings, and then do a quick low-flying pass over the runway, before we headed home. Until tonight, apparently, they hadn’t known that my man even has a private pilot license. Well, now they know(!). 😛 Haha

The flight home had some tiny technology/mechanical issues, and his fidgeting with controls to see about sorting it out somehow really freaked me out. In my head, something was going to go just perfectly wrong that a wire somewhere would spark and catch fire… Really, though, I just don’t know enough about how planes work, I think, in order to feel comfortable with such a scenario as we had tonight. I struggled immensely to let go of this fear and to give it up to God. And I had to do it over and over again, every time he tried to fiddle with it and fix it again. I was seriously distressed and working very hard to trust in God that the outcome would be His will, whatever it may be. I trusted my man’s own skill and training, but I had much trouble trusting the plane itself and God’s will.

Within ten minutes of landing back at the home airport, fog overtook the whole area. Had we been ten minutes later, we likely would have been unable to land (for safety reasons) due to the immense fog. We were just in time.

Now, as I’m falling asleep anyway, I’m going to sleep.

Post-a-day 2023

Improving

I accepted where I was in my relationship with my part-time job. I created a rough plan of action to resign. And then, an opportunity arose. I will trust myself and God as I consider this opportunity and see where it may lead, because it feels genuine and right to do so. I don’t know what will come of this next week and the planned conversations, but I expect I will be complete with what to do about the job in a week’s time.

Thank you, God and Universe, for this beautiful response to my trusting myself and taking action. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Improvement!

Today, as of this morning, I feel different. Yay! I feel distinctly different from how I have felt these past two-ish weeks now. I guess the weakness of illness has actually left me, now, and I have a sense of normality within my body’s bounds again. I even am genuinely considering going to the gym tomorrow midday. That’s huge. Truly.

Yes, I still have coughing, especially from too much talking. But it is significantly improved. No full-body convulsion-type coughing fits. Just the occasional few coughs and single coughs sprinkled throughout the day, hacking down that phlegm that is finally clear and white, not yellow.

Anyway, it feels like improvement.

Tomorrow, we go to the apartment to see if they’ll do a walk-through with us (because they no-showed for the walk-through today, our last contract day, since they decided to close the office for the day and ignored our appointment… we had to drop the keys in their dropbox… which never seems actually to work, as they’ve lost everything we’ve ever dropped to them in it…). Fingers crossed on that going well for us, please. Prayers appreciated. We really want to move onward from this apartment.

God, help us, please, so that’s e might dedicate our time, resources, and energy to other things and endeavours that will honor you and share your love with the world around us. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Hmm

Well, I received my black belt. It literally has my name on it. It’s actually quite pretty, really. And, as for the performance we did, it went really well. Also, my mom got to participate in the whole ceremony, too, kind of like last week. Everyone else had a black belt carrying in their belt to the ceremony and presenting it for us. Most of them had a parent as that black belt. But I had a brown belt, my mom, carrying and presenting mine.

When we removed our black-belts-in-waiting belts, the brown with a black stripe through the center, our head instructor had originally just told me we would be handing it to a family member in the audience. Okay, no big deal. I’ll hand it to whomever, so long as he or she is in the front of my family section. Easy peasy. When we actually tied the belts, and she announced to go hand them off, she announced that we were presenting them to ‘the person who had been the most influential in our karate career’. Uuhhh… not what she’d said before… Well, of the options, obviously my mom had played that role. Fortunately, she also was sitting on the front row, making it easy to present the belt to her. I was sure to turn it facing her before presenting it – true Japanese style, of course – and thanking her.

Then we went off with no belts on, breaking rules of the uniform – you never wear the top without the belt and the pants, and without wearing them all fully and properly. Only the pants can be worn without the rest. Then, we changed into our new white uniforms to receive the black belts, again and still breaking the whole uniform rule for another few minutes.

But then the cute and dramatic procession happened, presenting all the belts in rank order, alongside our individual black belts we would receive (carried by our selected black belts and my selected mother who has a brown belt) to music. And we all went back out there one at a time while a photo slideshow played for each of us. After that, we finally were given our belts, and they were tied on for us by our head instructor, and we were officially black belts. So, yay!

It was a good time. So was dinner afterward with my family, and the occasionally chatting with others at dinner.

Separately, I’m still sick. Ugh. Almost no yellow remains in my nasal passages, but the coughing just won’t give up. After tomorrow, I will know if I need to go for more doctor stuff. Ugh.

Also, my apartment lease ends tomorrow. We scheduled a walk-through with the office at 4pm tomorrow. My flat-mate sent me a screenshot of an e-mail she received today – but that I did Not receive, even in spam – that says the office is closed tomorrow. No idea how that is going to go down, but I’m going to pray much about it tonight and tomorrow. This process with this complex has been a huge hassle from the start, and I’m genuinely concerned about what they might try to do to us. Please, say a prayer for our easy move-out tomorrow, if you’re able.

God, help us move forward easily from all of this. Heal my body. Heal my man’s body. Heal all those in need of healing, that we might all serve you better and share your love more effectively. Help us to have a smooth completion with this apartment complex. Please. Please, help me to release this guilt I feel around signing that contract in the second place. Help us, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Tomorrow, tomorrow

I receive my black belt tomorrow. I still have a ridiculous cough. It is extremely aggravated whenever I talk. We shall see if I can manage okay just not talking tomorrow. It would be a terrible time to cough the whole day, during the fancy awards and presentations of the day… yikes. Oh, God, heal me, please! I’m supposed to make an announcement with no microphone tomorrow, too(!). Help, please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Seriously?

I’m still sick. I can talk a bit, but talking aggravates the cough. My nose is still dripping on the back, also aggravating the cough. My neck muscles are tired from coughing so much and from such intense coughing. My sides are tired, too, from the convulsions. I am weak and tired from not being able to eat enough, but eating anything causes immense coughing fits. So, I have to eat quickly and strategically – high protein, easy-to-chew, quick meals or snacks. Even then, I still cough up a storm.

Tonight, when doing the saline rinse in my nose, the right nostril suddenly closed up almost entirely – I suppose from something getting pushed over to it up top – leaving the solution to slide slowly but firmly down my throat instead of out my right nostril, as it had been doing quite decently. After too much of this, despite remaining calm and collected, my body revolted and vomited, right there in the sink. I let a little more water rinse through, just to make sure no vomit ended up in my nose, and I abandoned the rest of the saline rinse. I had hit my limit for the night. I had gotten most of the way through, anyway, and that was better than nothing. I had only thrown up a small amount, and didn’t want to consider what it might turn into if I kept at the saline rinse any longer. I’ll just do it in the morning, when my food is well and digested. Because I need that food right now.

Post-a-day 2023

Icky

Started the antibiotics this morning, after a miserable night of almost no sleep. I also took an ibuprofen piece with the antibiotics, and went back to bed. After a while, I finally fell into some only slightly disturbed sleep, which was a major improvement. We shall see how tonight goes. Though I relaxed most of the day, I am wiped. But the coughing doesn’t seem to want to go away – that tickling in the throat from drainage is being quite harsh on me, it seems. And my abdominals haven’t stopped aching, nor have they really had much of a break.

If you would, pray for my restoration of heath and beautiful and beneficial sleep tonight.

Dear God, thank you for this life. Please, heal me. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Well, I passed(!)

I went early today and made up everything I’d missed last night and the night before. I was still definitely sick and under recovery, but I had to go, so I went.

It took a lot out of me just to hold up my hands, let alone do the self-defense techniques, and multiple times in a row. We usually yell on the last strike, and it felt really odd not doing that today (saving my throat from torture, you see, and helping me to keep breathing as a whole – even a deep breath would send me into a fit of intense and slightly scary coughing).

After that, people started showing up for the fight night. We each sparred 16 people for 90 seconds on ongoing sparring each. The ongoing part means that we have no break during those 90 seconds – the clock doesn’t stop, and neither do we.

It was tough, especially being so short of breath and low on energy to start the whole thing. But I made it through, and decently well. I even received several call-outs on having done a great job sparring, which was quite unique and cool. I don’t typically have a bunch of people watching me spar… nor do I have them watching me spar for 16 rounds…

For our last round of 90 seconds, when we are at our end of energy and have our last effort to give, we are meant to spar the person who has been the most influential for us in our karate career. Now, that can be interpreted in various ways, though most people choose their main instructor for this last match. Not all, but most.

When I thought about this, I wasn’t sure whom to request. It went weeks without my knowing what to say or do about it. Eventually, when we were discussing my predicament, my instructor asked whom I wanted for that match, “If you could have anyone, who[m] would you pick?”

Instantly, I knew. “Sam C—,” I said. She smiled sadly, and understood why I had had so much trouble. The most influential person on my karate career had been my original instructor, when I was in the junior division. His classes were the whole reason I returned to the organization years later as an adult, as opposed to going to some other form of self-defense or fighting training.

He also passed away a handful of years ago, and I had only learned of this fact when I re-started karate a few years back.

My current instructor had only joined the organization after his death, and had not known him personally, though she had, apparently, learned much of him. He was a spectacular teacher and coach. And he was terrifying, in a sense – you were going to do as he said, and without hesitation – yet it was clear that he loved and cared about his students. I never consciously thought, He loves me, or anything like that. But, if I had been asked, I would have been able to say with full confidence that he loved me. The best teachers usually do love their students – that’s a big part of why they are such good teachers. They truly are here and teaching for us, and for our success.

Anyway, all that to say it really didn’t work to have the person I truly wanted for my final fight.

So, I thought again. Who else had been in similar standing with Mr. C— for me in karate? Well, that answer was clear, too, once I asked the question: my mom.

She’s the whole reason I started as a kid, and her having become a brown belt was the main reason I had ever wanted to become one. Granted, I had now surpassed her rank of brown belt, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that it was all through her that any of this was possible and actually happened in my life.

After weeks of allowing her space to ‘think about it,’ she finally agreed fully this morning. I had had a feeling that she would do it in the end, though she had declined my original invitation to join just as one of the 16 over a month ago. She understood why I was asking her now, as well as the importance and significance of it. And she also appreciated that I would be exhausted by the end of all the sparring, and so necessarily would ‘go easy’ on her. That definitely helped. And the fact that I’m recovering from a sinus infection, and so literally couldn’t breathe as well or move as well as usual. So, she messaged this morning for details about tonight, and I was ecstatic and grateful. She even had to borrow sparring gear for her hands, head, and shins, because I had commandeered her head and hand gear for myself a couple years back – naturally, my child-sized gear didn’t work so well for me anymore. But my foot gear and shin guards did. (I guess she missed her shin guards when she was looking.) But she borrowed the gear and pulled out her old uniform and t-shirt and all, and she showed up.

As soon as we started our match, I instantly began to cry with emotion, of course. Should have seen that one coming, I know, but I hadn’t. Haha

Our match was actually quite fun and a real match, which made it all the better. It was a great closer for the evening and the week and the whole candidacy season.

Afterward, we all retired our brown belts, and we were all granted our black-belts-in-waiting belts, which are brown belts with a black stripe through their length. Everyone else had their main teacher/parent – because multiples have parents who are black belts and teachers – accept the brown belt, hold it up, and pull it taught into its final tie/knot, officially retiring the belt. My mom got to do mine. She had already taken off her top and her belt, so no one likely even noticed that she wasn’t a black belt. We both thought it was silly that she was ‘sneaking in’, but it was also really cool. And it was perfect that she’d taken off her top and belt already, and was just in the old black shirt for our school under Mr. C—. It was perfecto.

Then we were given our eight-day belts, and it was sobs all over the place. Our main instructor started it, just to be clear. Haha

Okay, I must sleep now. So, final thing: Our final scores were calculated before the sparring began, and announced at the end of the sparring. The scores were based on our physical fitness tests, our kata performance, our self-defense skills, and our written test on history and rules of judging and sparring and teaching. The total was several hundred points all together. She announced our grades a percentages. And mine was the highest, with 98%. That was quite cool.

Also, my mom and my man came tonight and watched me the whole time. That was awesome, too. I am very grateful that both made it.

Thank you, God, for this blessing and this success I have had. Please, continue to heal me, and heal my body rapidly, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Another test

Tonight, we did katas. As usual, I messed up on parts where I never seem to mess up. And, also as usual, I am a bit bummed about that. But, again with this usual stuff, I didn’t put extra time and effort into practicing the katas, so that’s what I get. Granted, it isn’t like I did terribly or anything. I likely still got the second-highest score for all of them, which is great, considering how strict our instructor is with kata. So, it isn’t terrible or anything, but I know it could have been better, and I’m a touch bummed that I didn’t work on them more and sooner, you know?

I really like them, though, and I know that one of the ways I learn best is by teaching. So, I likely will teach my man how to do them, and also ask if I can teach them when we’re in class. That way, I can continue to improve with them and use them regularly. Even for my personal katas that I created…

Anyway, seeing as how we had to go ridiculously far for testing tonight at a certain location for karate classes, I didn’t get home until after 11pm. Yikes.

So, must sleep now. Goodnight.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023