Tag: self-expression

The Opriest of Operas

Or the oprarest, if you want to be British about it…

Tonight, we saw Tosca, which is by Puccini. It was great. As our family friend said, the tenor really did steal the show. He was spectacular. Spectacular. And, given how great the lead and the other main supporting roles both were, that’s truly saying something. They were all awesome.

However, that same family friend had informed us ahead of time that the production was great. He saw a final dress rehearsal of it the other week, you see. (He also is a musician by career, and has worked many years in classical radio, so he knows what he’s taking about with opera.) Apparently, Tosca is possibly his favorite opera and was the first he ever saw, working as an usher with his mom forever ago.H

He and my mom were messaging before the show tonight, as well as during the intermissions. He said specifically before the show started that Tosca was, ‘the most opera of operas,’ and, therefore, to expect a lot of people to die, as well as lots of drama.

As we hit the first intermission, he shared that the music ending the first act is his favorite and he has been singing it constantly since seeing the show recently. At the second intermission, the end of the second act, he said that he had started listening to a recording of it just after our show started. Ha! My man responded, “I’m listening to it, too.” (He has a lot of trouble staying fully awake at the opera, as we usually go weeknights, and, let’s admit it, it is Hard to stay awake at the opera when we’re sitting in a dark theatre, far from the stage, and we’re tired before the show even starts.) 😛

My mom sent a final message that, ‘Only two people have died so far, so I’m guessing the third act will be busy!’ He laughed at it, gave a confirmation of its accuracy, and then added, “‘Only two people have died so far,’ is the most opriest thing one could say”. We cracked up so hard right as the lights were going down. And he wasn’t wrong, not on any account. (This includes his ironic statement of its being a light little, family-friendly show with good moral values. It very much is not, and comically so at certain points.)

In the end, yes, just like almost all the other operas, death reigns, hope tries really hard with a really pretty and powerful aria, all the stupid people get what they had coming all along, everything is ridiculously dramatic, and the music is practically divine in how spectacular it is. Indeed, Tosca is very much the most opera of operas. Though, I now will hold this classification in mind for all operas I see, and determine if I can find an opera more opera than Tosca!

Post-a-day 2023

Nice People

Has anyone noticed that so many nice people tend to be the people at whom so much of our culture currently seems to be mad? In my experience, the youth who hold the doors open and say, “Yes, Ma’am,” “No, Ma’am,” “Yes, Sir,” “No, Sir,” are the stereotypically declared ‘dumb country rednecks’. And their ‘dumb country redneck’ parents tend to behave the same. They are actually usually very kind and respectful. And they seem to be some of the only ones these days.

It is starting to make me wonder if most of the stereotyping-based hate and noise around them all might truly just be tied to a very small percentage of the population’s actual actions, and be drastically blown out of proportion, quite possibly by people who aren’t willing to step up for themselves and let go of being victimized and making themselves victims to life.

I was a victim of abuse, but I didn’t victimize myself for it. I didn’t make it such that life happened to me and ‘poor me,’ I need everyone to stand up for me now and hate that man and get him back. I didn’t make a big fuss or demand that the horrid actions be addressed by reparations. He owes me nothing. I repeat: He owes me nothing.

Sure, I have trouble forgiving and letting go at times, and I have very angry and aching feelings at times. But that doesn’t mean I bash the man or bring it to the media. How does that make the world better? How does that help me to heal and let go and move forward in life, rather than fixate on the past abuse and keep bring it up again and again? I can’t find a single way it doesn’t harm my progress instead of help it.

Instead, I pray for healing and ask for God’s help. I share what I need to share with those who want to help me to heal. I pray to release my ill will toward that man. I help create safe spaces for others where I had once found none. I help others to be heard and to heal. I help to make a positive difference in the lives of others. I use my terrible experience as a means of making the world better. In short, I love.

And, when I want to hate instead, I remember that his horrible actions come from his own life of hurt, whether he is aware of it or not. And I pray not to hold that against him. I don’t want him in my life, but I don’t have to make his life end – figuratively or literally – in order for me to live mine. The two are separate ideas entirely, independent of one another. They truly are…

I just can’t help but wonder if, instead of throwing out so much anger and hate to people – especially to people we do not know directly but whom we stereotype based on specific interactions with disproportionately select individuals among the group – if we looked for how to solve problems with love, the world would be so much brighter and genuinely better. Like what I said about my fear of guns – if we got to know one another better, it might be a completely different story altogether. The biggest part of the fear – and, thereby, anger and outrage – is the unknown behind that face or culture or lifestyle or way of thinking or way of dressing or way of eating… If we used love as our foundation, perhaps we might find a lot more common ground than anyone ever thought possible… And perhaps the problems would be fewer and fewer and be handled much more easily in the moment through love and communication…

Just some thoughts on my mind tonight.

Post-a-day 2023

But Why Guns?

Okay, to clarify, as I realized I might never have done so:

I am working on my comfort around and with guns. Why? Because I noticed how utterly uncomfortable and incapable I was with them. Let me explain.

***Note: If you don’t want spoilers for Fifty Shades of Grey, don’t read the following.***

When I read the Fifty Shades of Grey books – yes, I read them eventually, and as audiobooks… not sure I could have continued reading if I’d been reading them as text! – I eventually got to the part where Anna opens Christian’s desk drawer and finds a gun sitting there. Her immediate reaction is that she proceeds to pick up the gun, she checks if it’s loaded, and then she sets it back down in the drawer. At no point does she express any nerves or unease at doing any of this. Her only thoughts are of why he might have the gun in the first place, as it surprised her to find one in his desk drawer.

Initially, I was panicking. I felt like some accident would ensue from her unintentionally mishandling the firearm. But then I remembered that her stepdad, who helped raise her, was a military man who had taught her everything he knew how to do. So, she likely had grown up knowing guns very well and using them comfortably and with ease. She wasn’t being unsafe by picking up this handgun. She was actually been even safer than Christian had likely been with the gun, as she truly knew what she was doing with it and how to handle it safely.

I was awed. When I thought about it, I was certain that I could not have done what she had done – check if it was loaded – even though that was about as simple as it gets with firearms. If I ever were to come across a gun or, God forbid, please, have to fight one away from an attacker, I wouldn’t even know how to pick it up and know that it wouldn’t fire as soon as I touched it. I knew not to touch the trigger itself, but that’s about all I knew. I couldn’t even turn a weapon in to the police if I crossed one. So, how would I make sure no one else came across it on accident, if I didn’t even know how to pick it up and unload it? And, God forbid, if someone were to attack and have a gun, if the gun got loose, how I could pick it up safely and keep it away from the perpetrator, let alone use it for defense, if needed?

What’s more, later in the book, she actually carries the gun with her, fully concealed, and then saves her own life by using it at the right time as she is being attacked by a man who means, likely, to kill her.

My mind was doubly blown by that part, especially considering we the readers don’t even know she has it until she draws it… I think, anyway… Nonetheless, this again brought up that I wouldn’t even know how to go about any single part of that whole scenario, let alone the whole thing. In addition to everything else about it, I just kept wondering how on Earth she knew she wouldn’t accidentally get shot with the gun in her waistband…

This determined for me that I knew too little about firearms and weapons handling.

And, for whatever reason, this weighed heavily on me for years after reading the book. Eventually, I knew I had to do something about it, and somewhat soon.

Last year, I had the opportunity for someone, in the comfort of a home, to show me how to take apart a semi-automatic handgun – think of the most typical black handgun you can imagine, and that’s what that means – and to guide me to do it all myself and put it all back together myself, including unloading and loading each bullet into the magazine.

Once I finished it all, I set the weapon down on the counter and declared I was finished for the day. The weapon was put away directly, and we raked some more about what all we had just done and discussed. It was absolutely terrifying for me, but extremely informative and good for me to do. Talk about having courage… courage was what got me through it all, along with the grace of God. This was important to me to learn – truly learning and getting to know something removes a great deal of fear from it, as history has shown us often, especially with peoples*.

I went through a similar thing with makeup. Once I learned how to do all the fancy stuff – and I do mean all of it – and I was comfortable with it all, I no longer was afraid of wearing make-up. Sure, I actually wear make-up even less now than before all of that, but I have no anxiety around make-up anymore. And I truly only wear it when I want to wear it. And I can pick it up on the fly and do it easily, every time. Basically, that’s how I want to be with guns. I’m not trying to become a competitive shooter and gun-hoarder for any zombie apocalypse or anything. I just want to be able, should the need ever arise, to handle and, if needed, use a firearm both safely and effectively.

Thus my reasons for working on my relationship with guns. I highly encourage everyone to lean into those intense fears that could change your life for the better, let alone possibly save it one day. I believe that, when we learn about what we fear, we have the potential to transform for the better the world that we face every day.

*Yes, I mean that plural use exactly as I wrote it.

Prayers

When I first learned how the rosary wasn’t just an “Our Father”, ten “Hail Mary”s, and a “Glory Be”, I was overwhelmed with how long and complicated it was. It seemed an impossible prayer setup, and far from being meditative.

And, for most of my life, it was just that. I had to look it up every time to read it, and never could keep it all straight. It was only meditative for short bits on each of the “Hail Mary”s. Otherwise, it was stunted and jolty and not so enjoyable.

Fast forward to tonight. I have been listening to and praying the rosary with Mark Wahlberg on Hallow for months. I finally know which mysteries are which day of the week, and remember it rather easily. I’m not sure I know all the mysteries, but I believe I am close. (Those Luminous being only once a week makes it hard to remember them, especially with their being on events I don’t quite know very well into he first place… still need to look those up, actually…) Tonight, I forgot to play the rosary while I got ready for bed, because I did things a little out of order tonight. So, I went to play it when I remembered this, and it wouldn’t play – it was past midnight, and the app changed the availability of the rosary. It used to be available always, but now is only available on the respective day for that rosary. Quite annoying for someone who’s wanting to pray the rosary only eleven minutes after midnight.

Anyway, so I endeavoured em to say the thing all by myself. And, I kid you not, as I am no goat, I was able to do it. Granted, I say the “Apostles’ Creed” in German – started confusing it in Mass with the Nicene, and don’t want to ruin all that hard work, so switched to learning it in German instead – but everything else is in English.

I did all the mysteries, and even got almost all the fruits for them all – just wasn’t sure on the last one. I know and said the “Hail, Holy Queen” and the closing prayer. And I had a great and surprising time of it all.

Thank you, God, for this really cool and actually meditative experience I’ve had tonight with the rosary – and with Mark Wahlberg still in my head for most of it. This has been a blessing, and so look forward to more time with the rosary throughout my life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Dinner

We went to an early dinner at the house of a friend of my man. The friend and his wife have two four-and-a-half-year-old boys – today is their half birthday – and a younger daughter, as well as a baby girl. Being at their house was loud, exacerbated by the open-plan two-story home, as well as the wooden floors and almost-no carpets or sound-muffling surfaces. It isn’t something I could or would handle every day, but I did enjoy being with all of them. The kids likely were extra wirey due to the rainy weather that’s kept them indoors all day today. We, on the other hand, we’re more drowsy for the weather, which was interesting to note for me.

However, the whole experience at their house was that of being in a space of managed chaos. They didn’t have control over the chaos, not directly. But they were able to redirect and manage parts of it all that affected the whole experience. There were ups and downs in the sound levels and the degrees of outright mania. And I enjoyed that. If it had been constant and consistent chaos, it would have been too much for me. But their management of it made all the difference. I truly enjoyed being with them all, and I look forward to spending more time with them, both in the house and out and about.

Thank you for these wonderful blessings, my Lord and my God. Heal us all. Help us to say what needs to be said in a way that it needs to be heard, always. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A change in plans

Today, I got to experience flying in a small airplane on a hot and clear day – loads of, basically, constant turbulence; high crosswinds with crazy-high gusts that made landing quite difficult and had several planes look insane as they were landing (successfully); an unidentified malfunction of the flaps – those help you slow down when landing, as I understand it – that prevented us from landing with those gusts, multiple times; the discovery that that malfunction was related to power… as all the plane’s electrical power eventually disappeared while in the air – remember that the engine still is running, just nothing else works, including the com system; navigating with no modern electrical airplane tools; and landing at a towered airport without radioing the tower, and, instead, by telephoning someone on the ground to let the tower know we have no power, and getting the all-clear from the tower through that person.

We never actually got to stop at the fly-in event we were going in the first place to attend, but we got to where we apparently needed to be today. Talk about a nutso flight… we certainly had it today! But I am extremely proud of my man and grateful for his passion and dedication to learning and practicing what he needed to learn and practice in order to handle it all safely and efficiently today. I mean, sure, I was definitely crying… a lot…, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t handling each situation well. That just meant I was terrified, which is really nothing new for me with flying.

(I know, it’s hard to believe, given all of my experience flying all over the world, but I genuinely am nervous and at least a little stressed every time I am preparing to travel by and am traveling by airplane. Walking off that plane and onto solid ground always gives me such immense relief. Seriously.)

Anyway, I prayed a lot today. I was definitely stressed as things were happening, but God and Mary and Jesus and Jude and Joseph of Copertino all came through and kept us safe and, eventually, gave us a safe landing… and on a real runway. (I kid you not, we never said it aloud, but we were both thinking that we were likely about to be emergency landing in one of the many fields we were passing.)

Thank you, God and Jesus and Mary and Jude and Joseph (of Copertino – grazie!), for keeping us safe and bringing us home, safe. Thank you for this training for the both of us. Please, help me to find a call around my man’s flying. And, please, help him always to have safe travels and departures and arrivals, especially for work. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

With Supernatural Speed

Dear God, we ask, through your love that you have granted to us, that this paperwork be handled and approved and granted to us with supernatural speed. As C— prayed, give all those involved in the process and on whom others must wait an inexplicable need to complete their portion effectively and with haste – wake them up in the middle of the night to go complete their portions. Help them experience an urgency with this process for us, that we may pursue fully and live the life you have so graciously offered to us. We wait with patience, yet anticipation for the beauty we will be able to create, especially once this paperwork is granted in our hoped-for direction. If it be your will, please, complete all necessary steps of this process, and grant us the declaration we long to receive. In your name, we pray. Amen.

P.S. Please, heal us all. We’ve got some sick bodies right now, even with our friends. Heal us all, please, all in need of healing. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Prayers

Dear God, please, let our prayers be received and answered directly from tonight. Thank you for this blessing of life. Help us to live this life with full abandon in you, that we be our best selves, the people you made us to be. Help us to marry as we long to do, a longing given to us powerfully and blessedly by you. Set clear our paths, that we do spectacular things in your name in all that we are and all that we do. Help us to live the lives of our dreams and better, and help us to have always better dreams, wrapped up in you. In your blessed name, I and we and we all pray. Amen.

P.S. Please, make that paperwork happen – give each person involved and inexplicable urgency to do your will with it immediately. Grant us this space to create this life you now have offered to us, and now. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023