Improving

I accepted where I was in my relationship with my part-time job. I created a rough plan of action to resign. And then, an opportunity arose. I will trust myself and God as I consider this opportunity and see where it may lead, because it feels genuine and right to do so. I don’t know what will come of this next week and the planned conversations, but I expect I will be complete with what to do about the job in a week’s time.

Thank you, God and Universe, for this beautiful response to my trusting myself and taking action. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Tomorrow, tomorrow

I receive my black belt tomorrow. I still have a ridiculous cough. It is extremely aggravated whenever I talk. We shall see if I can manage okay just not talking tomorrow. It would be a terrible time to cough the whole day, during the fancy awards and presentations of the day… yikes. Oh, God, heal me, please! I’m supposed to make an announcement with no microphone tomorrow, too(!). Help, please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Quick Karma

Firstly, yes, I am still sick. Improved further, but still breaking into uncontrollable fits of coughing here and there, making my throat sore sheetlet from the intense coughing. My abdominals are less sore, which is a clear improvement. And my throat doesn’t have the burn to it anymore. Also, there seems to be less coming out of my nose as a whole from either direction, which is good. I also can kind of talk again. Though, the taking aggravates the coughing, so it is only so helpful… 😛

Now, down to business: quick karma., as I called it.

So, my man is juicing. Why? He’s struggling with learning portion control and containing himself in general when tasty food is around. He’s doing a fitness challenge right now, and wanted to do six days total (with two rest days in the middle) of having only these set juices as his ‘food’ for the day, as they help ‘cut’, as the guys all call it. Juice cleanses and juicing in general are by nature very low in calories, making them one of many ways people choose to help cut down their fat levels, especially after bulking up.

Well, that’s what my man is doing right now: cutting, in the form of juicing.

However, he keeps eating little bits of valentine’s candy here and there. :/ And then, here’s the kicker. I heard him say earlier how he wanted pizza. Clearly, he saw the leftover pieces from our Valentine’s Day meal together – yes, we had agreed ahead of time that we wanted our meal together to be Costco pizza, because it’s amazing and because a slice is almost like a heart shape – sitting in the fridge. However, he doesn’t seem to act on the desire, and so I say nothing about it, so as not to make it harder on him by talking about food. (He really struggles mentally on these cleanses, in ways I’ve never understood.)

Hours later, he finally rushes out the door to go to the gym for his nightly workout session. It takes him multiple trips back and forth to the car, but he finally sets out, and I start to get ready for bed.

I notice that I’m feeling a little low on something in my own diet, and so go to the fridge to see what can help remedy my situation. The berries I bought will do just the trick, I think. As I pull out the box of blackberries, I end up glancing down at the pizza slices on the edge of the bottom shelf.

But something is wrong… There is too much space. How can this be??

I take a closer look at the pizzas. I know in a moment what is odd about them. They aren’t odd… they’re even… they’re only two.

P——!

I send him a message. I state his name first. Then send another message. “I’ll let you guess what I’m about to ask you…”

He quickly replied with a clever, “Stop.
“🔨🕰️”.

I reply, “Collaborate and LISTEN
“Last chance to guess
“Let’s collaborate on ideas of what this problem might be haha”.

We’re idiots, I know.

He responds, “Yes I left some lights in
“On*”.

“Not a problem, love”

And then I add, “What I’m wondering, is how, when I wrapped and placed three pieces of pizza in the fridge yesterday, there are, somehow, only two in there now… how could that be, when I didn’t eat any pizza today, and you’re on a juice cleanse?”

He immediately responds, “Lolololol”.

A moment later, he adds, “I knew I forgot something… look near our pantry”.

Sure enough, sitting atop the aluminum foil box and zipper baggies is a massive slice of Costco pizza, still wrapped up in foil and cool from the fridge. It hadn’t been there long.

After I discover the pizza slice, he adds, “Dang
“And I still didn’t get to eat it”.

Durn straight he doesn’t get to eat it. In case anyone forgot here, HE’S ON A JUICE CLEANSE(!!!!)! What’s he doing here, trying to cut with a juice cleanse, and then eating a massive slice of calorie-rich pizza??? No wonder he has trouble with self-control under normal circumstances… Ugh! This man… boy, do I love him, but, sometimes, I just can’t see where he’s coming from on things. 😛

And talk about instant karma… he sneaks a slice of pizza, but ends up forgetting it at home. What’s more, if I hadn’t mentioned anything about it, the dog likely would’ve found the slice before I did. Then it would’ve been long gone and made a mess on the carpet in the dining room (where the dog, no doubt, would have eaten the pizza). So, his getting caught actually made the situation better for all. Because the dog doesn’t need that much pizza either – she’d hurl in the middle of the night. Yet another mess he’d have to clean up…

Anyway, with that, I’m going to sleep: I probably rambled telling that all, but that’s where I am in my need for sleep. I wish you a lovely night and day. May God bless you all. Amen.

P.S. Please, God, heal me. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Improvemeh…

Well, the coughing proved to be a big problem last night. After hours of being in bed, I had barely slept a wink – I just couldn’t stop coughing, even when on the brink of exhaustion. My man came through for me and delivered some specific single-ingredient medicine – typically the only kind I want going into my system – to help stop the coughing. Well, not to stop the coughing, but to lessen it significantly. And it did just that. It took a bit to kick in, but I finally fell asleep around 3:30 or 4:00 this morning. And I actually slept. Thank you, God, for some real sleep, at last.

I had hoped only to take that medicine at night, but my coughing grew so terrible by late afternoon, I couldn’t even function. I’m still taking it easy as a whole, but I don’t like having to be on medicines like this. My body can’t truly tell where it is in recovery and what it may most need. Tomorrow is the last day of the antibiotics, and I hope I will be able to back off the rest by tomorrow night or the morning after, too.

Oh, and I hope I have a voice to use again soon, too. That would be helpful… though, I have very much appreciated this opportunity not to speak. It has been frustrating at times, but very good as a whole… a great lesson in patience for me and for my family. Makes me really want to get us into some ASL classes asap, though. You never know when you might need or want to use another language.

Prayers for healing, if you are willing and able, please, for me and for all the world.

Dear God, heal us all, please. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Still…

Sick. Yup. I barely slept last night, for all the coughing and the crazy stuffy nose that came on last night for the first time. I couldn’t get the neti pot – it is the off-brand this time – to run water through the right side of my nose before I went to bed, so I was a touch concerned at that. Sure enough, I was up around 2am, coughing up more loads of yellow gunk in varying shades. By the time my alarm sounded to get up for my volunteering, I knew there was no way I could make it out there today. I couldn’t even stop coughing long enough to drive safely. Don’t even mention how my abdominals and throat were in big pain, or how I couldn’t talk at all. No way could I be up and out the door in two and a half hours, and then last through 1pm, helping people with things outdoors all the while…

My man had offered around 3am for me to have an ibuprofen half, and I accepted, as I was in such tremendous pain that was keeping me from sleeping, making it all the worse. After that, I actually was able to sleep a bit, with only the small interruption of my alarm, seeing I wasn’t well enough, messaging the team, and going back to sleep.

Now, getting ready for bed tonight, I feel better than I did last night, but still not well. We considered and discussed today my taking antibiotics. How I wake up tomorrow will determine our route for that. I avoid antibiotics whenever my body can handle something itself. But, if it can’t handle the germs, I’ll accept what is needed. Since I’ve been over-busy that past several days, sleep and water and food haven’t been at their best. Hopefully, my body will have a better chance, now that I rested today at home and have tomorrow fully open for rest.

Now, off to shower and another run with the Neti Pot, and then off to bed. Wish me well!

Post-a-day 2023

Well, I passed(!)

I went early today and made up everything I’d missed last night and the night before. I was still definitely sick and under recovery, but I had to go, so I went.

It took a lot out of me just to hold up my hands, let alone do the self-defense techniques, and multiple times in a row. We usually yell on the last strike, and it felt really odd not doing that today (saving my throat from torture, you see, and helping me to keep breathing as a whole – even a deep breath would send me into a fit of intense and slightly scary coughing).

After that, people started showing up for the fight night. We each sparred 16 people for 90 seconds on ongoing sparring each. The ongoing part means that we have no break during those 90 seconds – the clock doesn’t stop, and neither do we.

It was tough, especially being so short of breath and low on energy to start the whole thing. But I made it through, and decently well. I even received several call-outs on having done a great job sparring, which was quite unique and cool. I don’t typically have a bunch of people watching me spar… nor do I have them watching me spar for 16 rounds…

For our last round of 90 seconds, when we are at our end of energy and have our last effort to give, we are meant to spar the person who has been the most influential for us in our karate career. Now, that can be interpreted in various ways, though most people choose their main instructor for this last match. Not all, but most.

When I thought about this, I wasn’t sure whom to request. It went weeks without my knowing what to say or do about it. Eventually, when we were discussing my predicament, my instructor asked whom I wanted for that match, “If you could have anyone, who[m] would you pick?”

Instantly, I knew. “Sam C—,” I said. She smiled sadly, and understood why I had had so much trouble. The most influential person on my karate career had been my original instructor, when I was in the junior division. His classes were the whole reason I returned to the organization years later as an adult, as opposed to going to some other form of self-defense or fighting training.

He also passed away a handful of years ago, and I had only learned of this fact when I re-started karate a few years back.

My current instructor had only joined the organization after his death, and had not known him personally, though she had, apparently, learned much of him. He was a spectacular teacher and coach. And he was terrifying, in a sense – you were going to do as he said, and without hesitation – yet it was clear that he loved and cared about his students. I never consciously thought, He loves me, or anything like that. But, if I had been asked, I would have been able to say with full confidence that he loved me. The best teachers usually do love their students – that’s a big part of why they are such good teachers. They truly are here and teaching for us, and for our success.

Anyway, all that to say it really didn’t work to have the person I truly wanted for my final fight.

So, I thought again. Who else had been in similar standing with Mr. C— for me in karate? Well, that answer was clear, too, once I asked the question: my mom.

She’s the whole reason I started as a kid, and her having become a brown belt was the main reason I had ever wanted to become one. Granted, I had now surpassed her rank of brown belt, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that it was all through her that any of this was possible and actually happened in my life.

After weeks of allowing her space to ‘think about it,’ she finally agreed fully this morning. I had had a feeling that she would do it in the end, though she had declined my original invitation to join just as one of the 16 over a month ago. She understood why I was asking her now, as well as the importance and significance of it. And she also appreciated that I would be exhausted by the end of all the sparring, and so necessarily would ‘go easy’ on her. That definitely helped. And the fact that I’m recovering from a sinus infection, and so literally couldn’t breathe as well or move as well as usual. So, she messaged this morning for details about tonight, and I was ecstatic and grateful. She even had to borrow sparring gear for her hands, head, and shins, because I had commandeered her head and hand gear for myself a couple years back – naturally, my child-sized gear didn’t work so well for me anymore. But my foot gear and shin guards did. (I guess she missed her shin guards when she was looking.) But she borrowed the gear and pulled out her old uniform and t-shirt and all, and she showed up.

As soon as we started our match, I instantly began to cry with emotion, of course. Should have seen that one coming, I know, but I hadn’t. Haha

Our match was actually quite fun and a real match, which made it all the better. It was a great closer for the evening and the week and the whole candidacy season.

Afterward, we all retired our brown belts, and we were all granted our black-belts-in-waiting belts, which are brown belts with a black stripe through their length. Everyone else had their main teacher/parent – because multiples have parents who are black belts and teachers – accept the brown belt, hold it up, and pull it taught into its final tie/knot, officially retiring the belt. My mom got to do mine. She had already taken off her top and her belt, so no one likely even noticed that she wasn’t a black belt. We both thought it was silly that she was ‘sneaking in’, but it was also really cool. And it was perfect that she’d taken off her top and belt already, and was just in the old black shirt for our school under Mr. C—. It was perfecto.

Then we were given our eight-day belts, and it was sobs all over the place. Our main instructor started it, just to be clear. Haha

Okay, I must sleep now. So, final thing: Our final scores were calculated before the sparring began, and announced at the end of the sparring. The scores were based on our physical fitness tests, our kata performance, our self-defense skills, and our written test on history and rules of judging and sparring and teaching. The total was several hundred points all together. She announced our grades a percentages. And mine was the highest, with 98%. That was quite cool.

Also, my mom and my man came tonight and watched me the whole time. That was awesome, too. I am very grateful that both made it.

Thank you, God, for this blessing and this success I have had. Please, continue to heal me, and heal my body rapidly, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Another test

Tonight, we did katas. As usual, I messed up on parts where I never seem to mess up. And, also as usual, I am a bit bummed about that. But, again with this usual stuff, I didn’t put extra time and effort into practicing the katas, so that’s what I get. Granted, it isn’t like I did terribly or anything. I likely still got the second-highest score for all of them, which is great, considering how strict our instructor is with kata. So, it isn’t terrible or anything, but I know it could have been better, and I’m a touch bummed that I didn’t work on them more and sooner, you know?

I really like them, though, and I know that one of the ways I learn best is by teaching. So, I likely will teach my man how to do them, and also ask if I can teach them when we’re in class. That way, I can continue to improve with them and use them regularly. Even for my personal katas that I created…

Anyway, seeing as how we had to go ridiculously far for testing tonight at a certain location for karate classes, I didn’t get home until after 11pm. Yikes.

So, must sleep now. Goodnight.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Sunday, Fun Day!

A new girlfriend of mine invited me to come watch a live pigeon shoot today. I went, and it was really cool and I wasn’t scared almost at all, though there were shot guns out the wazoo. Also, real pigeons were being thrown into the air and nailed with shot gun shot constantly. Though, plenty of them got away unscathed (for the most part). It was like nothing I’d ever seen. And, though it was killing a bunch of creatures for sport, I, somehow, didn’t really mind it. I was most bothered by the fact that they pull out the tail feathers when they take them out of the boxes, then by the fact that they then catapult them into the air with a discus throw and then shoot at the birds. As my girlfriend said, in a way, they are doing a service to nature. Pigeons reproduce and overpopulate quite easily, causing infestation problems in different areas. Those areas have groups come in to deal with the infestation. Those groups capture them live, instead of poisoning them all, and then sell the birds to pigeon shoot venues. It’s still kind of nuts, but pigeons very much are rats of the air, so I understand what my girlfriend meant about its being a public service.

This friend is great at shooting live birds, and I had a blast finally getting to see her shoot. She didn’t have a great day in terms of her usual, but it was still really good, and I was properly impressed, nonetheless!

After she finished shooting, she had me try out shooting some pigeons (clay for me, not the real thing!) with a couple shot guns, and I actually managed to hit a handful of those! That was especially fun to do, though I definitely had the initial terror of how loud the bang would be and how much the gun would kick. After the first couple shots, though, I was ready for it all and actually enjoyed it, though it still took a lot out of me emotionally and physically.

Later, she and their gunsmith had me try shooting a few pistols they had there that people often use for concealed carry. I cried after the first shot of the 9mm, but then was clear and good to go for all the rest – no more tears! And I did hit the small plate target on most of my shots! I only missed them for the Hellcat, which felt really weird to shoot and which I did not like. But I got the target even with that one after a few rounds.

One really positive part of shooting the pistols was that I got to see the importance of keeping a gun clean – trouble chambering the bullets and clearing the casings – and the value of high-quality magazines. If the gun is great and the magazine is cheap, the gun is cheap, possibly worthless. We could only load one billet at a time with a certain gun, because the magazine was so cheap it wouldn’t work beyond chambering a single bullet, at which point it promptly fell out of the gun and spilled bullets and parts all over the ground. That was silly and nuts.

So, I got to experience a new shotgun and how still it can be to open and close, compared to a well-used shotgun of s out the same size, easily snapping closed and open. I got to see magazines go wrong. I got to see bullets struggling to chamber. I got to see cases struggling to eject…

Oh(!), and I got to see my man fly over several times in a airplane. That was extra awesome. Just saying. ;P

Post-a-day 2023

Moving forward

I keep feeling like it is time to move forward from this part-time job I have. Yet, every time I do the trainings and read its… actually that isn’t true. I was going to say that every time I do these trainings for the company and the job, I find myself really liking this company. Well, it is half true. I do find myself really liking that the company does certain things in certain ways. I thin they are a great company, to a degree. However, every time I do these trainings and read this company info we have to read, I also am shown more and more divide between my beliefs, morals, and goals with life and those of this company. Frankly, it is stressful, infuriating, and heartbreaking how isolated and wronged I feel simply for existing as I was born and as I aim to be my best self in this life… because of this company and the claims and stands and changes it makes. It aims to diversify and be inclusive, yet, in the process, excludes the majority… and doesn’t even seem to notice or to care. And that hurts, and not just for me.

So, perhaps it really is time to move onward from this job and company. It was exactly what I needed when I started working there. Now, I think it is time for what’s next in my life. It is time for something more, and something fulfilling, in the many ways this job no longer is.

God, grant me the grace and determination to do well with this move forward. Help me to have kindness and clarity as I communicate it effectively to those who need to know. Help me to be my best self and to pursue and fulfill your will. Thank you for this life and these beautiful opportunities, as well as your always-perfect timing. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023