Cookies

My girlfriend said her husband didn’t need the cookies, so to eat or take as many as I wanted. So, I took loads. I think she made around 40 cookies. I probably ate ten of them. I left four for her husband. Maybe he had a couple last night already. I took a box of them to school and made the day of several girls – they were certainly surprised to be getting delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies when they showed up to class! Then, I took another box-full of them to the boys’ soccer game tonight, and they delighted in the cookies after the games. One small act of love – my friend baking cookies for me to enjoy on Valentine’s Day – turned into exponentially larger acts of love. Put differently, this loved expressed by one person to another turned into love experienced by roughly 30 different people. And my friend doesn’t even know about it yet.

So, just remember that our love is way more powerful and impactful than we may ever know or likely ever could imagine. And it is always worth it to love, even when it seems almost insignificant.

Post-a-day 2022

(Yeah, almost got the year wrong again… I guess we are going back in time now…)

Soccer

I went to two soccer games tonight for school. I convinced two other teachers to go with me, with ease (surprisingly), and they brought another faculty member along, too. We were the faculty section at the game, and we were front and center. It was funny, but it was also extremely cold. We’re talking 8° Celsius with a feels like of 5 or 6°… it was miserably cold.

And yet, it was an absolutely wonderful experience. I loved watching the kids play, and though my toes hurt big time by the end, despite being wrapped in a sweater most of the games, it was all quite fulfilling for me, and I am extremely grateful. I have missed soccer.

At the end of the games, one particular student clasped hands with me in greeting. He hadn’t played due to an injury, and he was explaining this to me as he greeted me, clasping my hand. It was only a short few moments, but it was a small eternity of gratitude and love coming from him. Supporting these kids to be their best selves is one of the greatest things one can do to honor God’s love and creativity in this life, and I am extremely grateful that I have been granted the honor of doing just that. Thank you, God and Universe. Help me to share your love powerfully and effectively with the world through who and how I am this weekend. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Show me how you work…

Alas, tomorrow, I will be back to judging young individuals on their fitness to be part of a very specific group. We shall see how things go this time ’round. Hopefully, it will go beautifully and smoothly, and we will find some outstanding folks to be part of it all and to bring some wonderful things to the table.

Helping make the world a better place over here, on an individual and global scale! Woohoo! Thank you, God and Universe, for this all. May we continue on such paths with my being your love in the world. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S. I can hardly contain my excitement about this soccer game Friday. I even have a tam shirt now to wear, and I am delighted! Ahh! ❤

Post-a-day 2022

(Got it twice now!)

Deep listening

Today, my Advent Calendar’s task for me was to identify somewhere where I have needed to speak up for myself, and then to be brave and to speak up for what I need in that area.

I didn’t know this until tonight, because I forgot to look at the calendar page until tonight.

And yet, somehow, it seems some part of me knew that this was today’s task.

Why do I say that?

Because that is exactly what I did today.

I’ve been wanting to go watch someone play soccer for quite some time now.

Supposedly – and I believe it – he is an amazing soccer player.

Since he is so good, I cannot imagine he would play on a team with players who aren’t also at least quite good players.

Therefore, I can only see one of his soccer games as being a very high and beautiful level of play – the exact kind of play worth watching, worth admiring, even.

When I initially asked if I could see him play sometime, he agreed easily, and he seemed unconcerned.

Yet, every time I would send him a message, asking about when his upcoming games are, there would be radio silence… he would reply to whatever I sent after that message about the games, but never to the message about the games.

After this most recent occurrence of said behavior – this past weekend – I felt myself at a limit.

Either he didn’t want me to come or not – whatever the case, I needed to be done with the wondering about whether he was avoiding my coming to a game.

I wanted first to give up altogether, say nothing, and do what I could to forget about it and to write it – and thereby him – off forever.

But then I noticed how uneasy I was with that plan, how degraded I felt, like I wasn’t good enough in his eyes for some reason, and then that my avoiding getting clarification was a personal admittance that I didn’t believe myself good enough.

Even if he somehow thought I was trying to go to a game because I wanted to date him, I was good enough – I am good enough – to date him.

(And, let’s be real here: He is quite possibly the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in real life… and that’s saying something.)

However, upon consideration, I am clear that I do not want to date him – I hardly know him.

I would need to get to know him a lot better before I could genuinely consider if I were genuinely interested in dating him.

And – super big star here – it hardly matters, anyway, since he’s already in a relationship.

And I am not interested in playing any kind of role beyond friend or acquaintance in that sort of situation.

But that’s a bit beside the point: the point was that I needed to stand up for myself and find out from him why he keeps avoiding answering my requests for soccer game details.

I prepared myself mentally last night, and went through what all I might need to say when I saw him today.

I set myself a reminder for just before I was likely to be seeing him, with my general comments, with what I wanted to say – I didn’t want to forget, and then have to live with that for the next month while I’m gone.

And I put the reminder in French, just in case it popped up on my phone when someone was around to see it.

There were two parts to the message, but I found that I only needed to use the one part, the part of simply asking why he always ignored the messages.

I had to work myself up to it, but I did it, and I walked right up to him, and I asked him.

And it was loud, so I actually had to repeat myself, which only encouraged me more, somehow.

And I stood my ground on my point that he always leaves me with no response; just a “read” message.

And he said that he sees it, gets distracted, forgets to go back and reply, eventually sees the next message, whatever it is, and responds immediately and directly to that (suggesting that he doesn’t notice what was just above it in the conversation).

And he said that he likely has a game tomorrow night.

And that he will let me know which of the two times it ends up being.

And he told me approximately where it will be.

I don’t know if I will be at a soccer game tomorrow night or not, but I accept this as 1) progress on the soccer-game-watching front, and as 2) a beautiful win for standing up for myself, and on multiple levels.

Also, it is a total bonus that it just so happened to be my Advent Calendar task for the day.

I guess, when we are doing our best and being our best selves, we tend to be in sync woh the world around us, and things like that are more and more likely to happen.

For that, and for my strength today, I am grateful. 🙂

Peace

Hannah

Post-a-day 2019