“Do you see me ever having kids?”
Mom considers for a few moments, then answers in all honesty, “Yeah,” nodding her head, which is tilted to one side, an after-effect of consideration.
“…I mean,” I whoosh my hands downward together, going from just in front of my chest to around the tops of my lazily outstretched legs, “… having kids.”
We both smile at this as I say, “Which is different from just having kids…”
I have discussed the idea of adoption much, and my mom has participated in some of these conversations, so she knows what I mean, and why I clarified.
We share a few moments of silent chuckling before she renews her, “Yeah,” and then we smile and chuckle silently some more.
We are at my friend’s baby shower.
There have been various games and activities throughout the evening, and she and I are sitting at a table over to the side, mostly away from the current conversation and action of the party.
She is filling in one side of the paper, on which was sentence starters regarding wishes and thoughts we want to share with the baby-to-be.
I have been casually adding to the other side on the paper, on which we had done a baby name game in which we took only letters from the first names of the mother and father, and had to come up with as many names as possible.
Some of mine were just words, but I wrote them anyway, as it helped the brainstorming process along, as well as added a funny aspect to the game.
(Examples of words: Barista, Tank, Narita, Kirin, Stink, Bad)
Though we weren’t in the current action of the party, we were enjoying ourselves, and also enjoying that we got to do it together.
When the gift-opening began, we stood by where we had been sitting, so we could see over people’s heads to the gifts and my friend and her husband, but without actually having to go sit in the mix with everyone else.
Neither one of us discussed this, of course – we each just did it naturally.
I think that part of it is a matter of our being able to comment freely on things, without having to worry about offending anyone, on the likely chance that we find something silly or tacky, or that we are reminded of something absurd.
Even if we each were alone at such a party, we likely still would end up in a similar location relative to the crowd and gift-opening area.
A bit later, just as I was stepping away to go floss-brush-floss to put my aligners back in, I commented quietly to my mom, “I love how, even though no one is here to hear is, we always have a running commentary going on over here.”
Before I’d even said the word ‘commentary’, we were both already laughing silently, but heartily, and she was nodding her head almost vigorously.
But it’s true – we always have a running commentary on things.
No, we don’t say it aloud when it could offend, and no, it isn’t always bad commentary – not at all.
It is merely commentary.
Usually, though, it is commentary that sends us both into fits of giggles at least a handful of times in an evening.
Until last night, I hadn’t realized that my mom and I shared this trait.
Yes, we share many things, and we have many similarities, but I had never noticed this one until last night.
Perhaps it was due to the fact that we had enough to say that we knew at least half the room would not find funny, and so dropped to more of a whisper on several comments, bringing attention for me to the fact that we were doing it in the first place.
And mind you, we don’t have nasty comments we’re exchanging – they just aren’t always event-appropriate.
For example, some people were discussing Disney Princesses and how they have advanced in diversifying the princesses, and how they might advance next.
My friend who is pregnant loves Disney, and had commented about dressing up as a Disney Princess before.
My mom and I exchanged the idea of, ‘Guess she can’t do that right now,’ and chuckled.
‘Yeah, teen pregnancy princess just doesn’t sound right..,’ and our silent chuckles increase, tears now considering making appearances in our eyes…
And then, upon further consideration, we add, ‘Unless Disney wants to take a big step in furthering its diversity, and somehow have a young, super-huge-pregnant Princess…., do a Juno plus Disney Princess… but I don’t think they’re ready for that one yet…’
‘Not for a while…’
Yes, the ideas are absurd.
No, we are not mean-spirited with them at all.
And, since people don’t necessarily know that we are merely brainstorming and thinking of different things, and then simply sharing about them with one another, they could become quickly offended, thinking we are trying to be rude or nasty in some way.
We love Disney and Disney Princesses.
We also know lots about the ideas to progress the diversity of them, and the struggles Disney has had with complaints regarding them.
We support the movement of diversifying the Princesses, but we also love the original Princesses, too, and understand and accept the reasoning behind them all.
We also find humor in just about anything – not in a bad way, but in a genuine way… we do not demean through the humor we find, but typically find increased fondness of the topic after finding that extra tidbit of humor in it.
Anyway, I’ll not bother with the explanations anymore – I notice that I’m worried someone will be offended – I already know that my thoughts offend people, and that’s a big part of why I tend not to share them with most people.
Perhaps that’s how we discover truly the people who love us: by sharing our thoughts with them, and their still showing up in life, without judging us harshly and leaving us out to dry, so to speak.
I’ve said for years and years that judging is natural for us – it is only human.
The difference comes in when we recognize that it is only a judgment, and not necessarily the truth.
At that point, we can choose freely whether to accept the automatic judgement we have made, or whether to set it aside and be open to discovering who and what a person truly is.
When people tell me, “Don’t judge me,” just before they do or say something seemingly silly or stupid or absurd, I often let them know something akin to,
‘I’m definitely going to judge you – I can’t not – but I won’t hold it against you in any way.’
Anyway, I’m off to bed.
I slept half the day today… my mom woke me by knocking on my door at 9am (I’d gone to bed by 11:30pm at the latest), I was tired most of the morning and midday, and then I passed out on the sofa around 3pm, only to wake up to eat some peaches a while later, and then fall right back asleep until around 6pm… and I’m still exhausted right now, struggling to get through this.
I guess my early morning workouts are taking more out of me than I thought, and sleep really is somewhat like a gasoline tank or rechargeable battery, able to be replenished at any time down the road, but demanding refueling after so many days of running on low-power mode… if that makes sense…
Anyway, goodnight, World… hasta mañana.