I have been experiencing depression and lots of other negative emotions lately, with a lot of it sourced from my gym, which has always been a place of welcome and homeyness and safety. With new management and a new organization to who does what, the entire experience has changed… and it hasn’t been for the good on our end. There is so much potential available to it, but it has been a very rocky start. And my man and I have certainly gotten the rough and short end of it all. What makes it worse is that the people running it all likely have no earthly idea… even though they’re kind of the ones causing it, both directly and indirectly.
So, I’ve been wanting to leave the gym the past month-ish. But I haven’t found anything that offers the same fitness opportunity yet, so I haven’t left. (That’s how bad it has been, yes.) Since there is nowhere else to go right now, I am seeing if we can work this out here, at least for the time being. Perhaps brutal honesty is what is truly needed.
I reached out to the person in charge today, asking to schedule a meeting within the next week-ish. It was a positive response. Now, we just have to align on a time.
That all being said, I pray for the guidance to communicate effectively in this meeting. Thank you, God, for this opportunity. Help me to grow and fulfill your will as I make a positive difference for myself and the gym and all of its current and future members by having this meeting. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Alas, it seems my man is ill, aches muscles and miserable feeling all over, plus a general experience of exhaustion and misery. How I long to stay with him all day and care for him, cook chicken soup for him, rub ointment on his achey muscles. But I must go to work to help provide for our lives, as well as to teach the young students. So, I have given him love and oils and muscle-rubs and let him get to bed. I will see him tomorrow. Until then, I can pray.
Dear Lord, I pray that my man get the rest and nutrition he needs in order to care for himself wholly. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Funny how, when we just trust in God, and we do what we truly feel is what is consistent with who’s kid how we want to be in life, things just fall somewhat perfectly into place. We’ve been working hard to figure out something these past several months. Phone calls and internet research and meetings have happened. We finally accepted the fate we didn’t want, and went with what seemed to be the best option of that particular fate.
In preparation for that to begin, I looked to see what final things I wanted us to do before the program started. From that, I knew I wanted to go to a particular location. We went there today. It was awesome, as I expected. And the thought popped up for me to ask about this whole fate-we-didn’t-love-but-had-accepted situation. And so, despite my fear, I asked.
And God gave us this spectacular answer that altered everything, and made it even cooler than we had originally been hoping to have it be. Blown away.
Twice now, within a few weeks, I have attended a birthday celebration for a child’s first birthday. (To be clear, they were for two different children.) In both cases, when it came time for that special cake smash and devour, the baby was utterly disinterested in the cake. Dads stuck a finger-full of icing into the baby’s mouth. The baby showed no interest in finding more of the sugary stuff to eat, let alone touching it.
And it has me wondering, Are babies already clear that they want the healthy stuff, but we just condition them to like the junk??????????(!!)
Do you ever find yourself, while in the middle of doing something valuable, feeling like you’re doing nothing to make the world a better place? Like you just need to go do something… as though you aren’t already on the middle of doing one of those somethings?
I’ve been sitting at school, grading papers, spending time around students, prepping for my classes that are later today… and I keep feeling so utterly antsy, like I can hardly wait to be done with this all.
And it’s weird for me.
I love to teach. And I love learning. I’m getting to do both of those things right now. So, what’s buggin’?
And I don’t know the answer to that. I am finally growing comfortable – rather, have grown comfortable – with this position, and I’m ready to move on. How come? Am I not making enough of a difference here? Am I bored by it? Am I constantly comparing it to something better that I’ve done, and seeing it fall short again and again? Am I starting to resent it and myself, because it isn’t enough, isn’t good enough on some level or other?
Am I upset, because it just keeps feeling like a constant reminder of how I have failed elsewhere, that I am in a temporary position that, though it makes a huge difference for the school and students, is merely a reminder of the fact that I don’t have my own teaching position… that I am only filling in for someone else for a short while? And so I can find endless issues with the position and the school… thereby making it fee even worse that this was all I could get…
Yeah… it’s looking a lot like that is the reason.
I’m just going to sit with that for right now, and see later what is calling me most in terms of what to do about it.
Until then, May we all experience the blessings all throughout and within our day today. Amen.
And, sometimes, the money just isn’t there, and we have to dial back. And that’s okay. But it still hurts to know that it has been one’s own lack of financial success that is the source of the problem in the first place. And it hurts even more to know that it is affecting others whom one loves.
God, please, grant me the grace to let go of this hurt around money and financial comfort, such that I may use these experiences as support for pursuing and achieving something unimaginably better, through your will. Amen.
Things have improved much on our trip. We talked through some things last night and this morning, and cleared up some important points in how we each were relating to the trip and aspects of it. We had a slightly tough start at the Jack Daniel’s Distillery, but ended up having a lovely time throughout it, and then an awesome time visiting with my sister tonight. We both tend to getvery defensive, very quickly, so it is certainly a process to stop relating to things as a potential threat or unkindness from which e must defend ourselves… but we are improving as a whole, and I am certainly grateful for that!
I think this will be a lovely visit with my sister tomorrow and Monday morning. Thank you, God, for these blessings so far. Please, help us to continue to honor you through our love in all its forms. In your name, I pray. Thank you. Amen.
Maybe it’s a pull and not a push, I wonder as I begin actually to focus my attention on the couple just ahead of me, the wife currently attempting to open a double glass door to the next portion of the museum…
It hits all three of us at about the same time, just as they shift apart a bit, and I can actually see the door…
It isn’t a door… not at all…
As if in reproach, the doors make themselves utterly known as we move a few yards to the side to find them:
However, to be fair, they were push doors! So, she had the right idea, but just at the wrong spot.
We three talked about it and laughed as we went through the actual doors. When we then all chuckled some more about it as they overheard me explaining to my man what had just happened, and I pointed it out to him, he commented to the older couple, ‘The cleaning person is probably gonna be like, ‘Uhp! More idiots’ finger prints to clean off today!’ And, for some reason, we all really cracked up at that – even the lady herself. I guess we could just picture that exact thing happening, and we wondered how many people did that every day. It is, after all, directly where the walkway leads from the front section…
Fun times at the Parthenon, y’all. And yes, Nashville has a full-scale Parthenon. It was quite bizarre and cool.
We’re going on an airplane to Tennessee tomorrow morning. I’m terrified slightly, as usual, for the flying part, and I’m excited for the Tennessee part. I’ve never been to Tennessee. So, we’ll be checking out some super famous places that I wasn’t ever sure I’d see, as we’re going to Nashville.