Temporary

Today, when discussing the matter of my being pointedly excluded from the meetings and training, one young guy said, ‘They’re doing a great job of making you feel temporary!’

I replied, ‘Right! Exactly! I was actually crying on the phone to my cousin last night because of that exactly!’

We were all smiles, actually laughing at the absurdity of it all, and my smile was truly genuine – I felt so much love coming from them.

Afterward, that young guy came to me to tell me clearly that he hadn’t meant to be u kind with his words – he had been joking, and hadn’t realized it would be true, that I really felt that way and was having that experience so strongly.

I told him comfortably that I was in no way offended by his comment – it was truly the perfect way of putting words to the situation, and I took no offense whatsoever from it.

He then shared even more love-positive words with me on the matter, and I was just so fully loved, I almost didn’t care about having missed all the meetings… plus, he took notes in the meetings for me after that, which was super sweet (and actually extremely helpful!).

Yes, I am in a temporary position at this work.

But my department really showed me the love today – I am looking forward to having them around these next months. πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2019

Granny at heart?

I’ve never really been one for people my own age. Β I’m not sure what it is about me or about them, but I just have never much meshed with people my own age. Β A recent party was no exception in proving this.

See, I was attending this party, and there were people of various ages. Β The handful around my own age all got on really well with one another, in a few groups that all would mix and mingle off and on with one another. Β I was not part of any of them, really, at any point, though various individuals greeted me briefly throughout the evening. Β Near the end of the party, they all started going on about whether everyone else was going to the afterparty. Β They weren’t really asking the older folks; just the youngish people, the ones around my own age.

Except, in all of the inviting and discussing, no one ever mentioned the after party to me. And it wasn’t as though it had been announced or anything, and so I had heard all about it, and everyone was invited. Β No. Β Someone commented publicly the day before that there would be an afterparty, almost in a joking manner, yes. Β But, at the actual party, it was a one-on-one or one-on-two topic of discussion. Β And I was never included in any of those small groups. Β I only heard the, “Are you going to the afterparty?” questions posed among friends as I passed by them. Β Multiple times.

And it’s not like I reallyΒ wanted to go to the afterparty, anyway. Β They were going to some bar, it sounded like, and in the opposite direction of my home (which was already half an hour away). Β Neither of those ideas appealed to me. Β Plus, throw in the factor that I’m not exactly wanted there, and I definitely am less than thrilled at the idea of the afterparty.

The thing is, I wanted to be invited. Β It hurt ever so slightly that I wasn’t even invited. Β That I never expected them to invite me made it hurt that much more. Β I spent most of the party chatting with people quite older than I am (at least a decade or two), and I loved that. Β It felt almost like I actually belonged inΒ that group. Β But I still am a tiny bit disappointed that the my-age people seem not to like me. Β I’m not sure if they dislike me, or if they think I dislike them or something. Β I am, at the very least, unimportant to them. And, while I don’t really like them all too much, anyway, – I don’t dislike them, let’s be clear – I would invite them along to something, if I were doing something tied to that group of people. Β I wouldn’t exclude them. Β I don’t wish the feeling of exclusion on anyone.

Anyway, the bottom line is: I really just don’t get on easily with people my own age most of the time. Β This party the other night emphasized the fact that this has not changed as I have aged.

Post-a-day 2017