Tag: goals

Friday

The appointment went well. I had to have blood drawn, but she didn’t tell me about it until the very end, so I was able to be calm about it until the last seven minutes or so before it actually happened. And that was a good way to have it for me!

As far as the rest of it all goes, it was mostly very good news, plus a touch of slightly annoying but expected and totally fair news. A good outcome so far.

Now, I just am waiting for the blood test results. I hope they are clean and clear and under control, so life may proceed freely again.

Thank you for the good experience this morning with the doctor. Thank you for letting me make my last class, so I can still get paid something for the day. Please, make the balance bike safe and effective for Grace. Help us to tidy everything well tomorrow morning and to have a great crawfish bloom tomorrow afternoon. Also, please, help to heal W. Please. Bring him back to you fully, please, that he may truly heal and become who you call him to be. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Still here

Still here, being angry..

I’ve shared with a handful of co-workers at this point, and that ha scariest helped immensely. I’m still craggy and pissed off at regular life at school each day, but it helps, nonetheless.

I’ve started actually typing out a list of all the crap with which I have been dealing with my job this year, all the unfairness. I’ve reached out for contributions from my mom and husband, as well was a co-worker who has been there to hear it all and help me through a lot of it throughout the year so far. I think I’ll ask another coworker for his input, too, tomorrow. Then, once I’ve gathered all the points, I’ll put them in order and in a letter, and send a printed and a digital copy to the principal early next week, I guess. If I am granted the requested meeting with him sooner than that, then I will have it ready to hand him in that meeting. Whatever the case, my points will be communicated and documented, and I can move forward complete on it all, having been in clear communication.

Anyway, though I’m really relieved about that, I’m still utterly exhausted. All this emotion and all this lack of sleep has been especially tough this week.

And I really miss the dog. I miss the future we were living into, becoming a family of four. Now, we are a hopeful but woeful family of two. My husband is my dreams come true, of course. But the rest of this has been sacrificial suffering, without our understanding the ultimate goal of the suffering, which has made it al the harder.

Nonetheless, I am exhausted, and so I am going to sleep now. Getting closer and closer to being in bed when I truly want to be these days(!). So, yay for that(!). 9:30 lights out tonight.

Thank you, God, for the home and bed and husband. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Shelves

We are working on resolving the bookshelf need/desire. Hopefully, we will find a beautiful, effective, and affordable solution soon. I have a few boxes of books at my mom’s right now that I would like to have here, displayed and in my life. But I can’t even currently display all the books I have here.

So, something to figure out.

God, thank you for this life. Thank you for helping me see clearly and without shame that we need help with cleaning our home, at least for now, if not for always. Help us to improve continuously in caring for our home and our marriage. Help us to love fully and freely in our home, guided always by your love and hand. We trust in you fully. Please, take care of everything. Have us do as you will, and help us always to want your will, as you do. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Bedtimes

I despise going to bed late. I always feel terrible the following day or three, and it takes me forever truly to catch up on sleep. Even if I get to sleep in late, that just doesn’t do it. Only going to bed early gives me the truly restful sleep.

The sleep I actually need.

And yet I keep staying up late.

And I keep being miserable.

When will I cut it out and just give up and go to bed early like both my mind and body want me to do?

God, help me sort this out, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Bedtime

I’m tired. And I want to be held. And I’m tired of going to bed alone. And I’m tired of not exercising enough.

I did actually get in some exercise both yesterday and today, though both were only partial exercise. However, they were more than I did the previous two weeks, which was an improvement, and I am grateful for that. I hope to do some tomorrow, too. Even that little bit today helped and that chunk yesterday helped, too.

I also wakes the dog today. It was the longer route, and we went kind of fast. I kept up my pace, which meant I was basically dragging the dog along by the final third of it. But it was good for us both. I got depressive today, which felt all the more terrible than I had been feeling lately for lack of sleep and for rodeo stress – aka people being stupid very unnecessarily. So, going outside into the sunlight and also doing a brisk walk we’re both helpful. And the dog’s being with me helped me feel like I had company. (I had thought my husband and I could spend the day together today, but hadn’t known until last night that he had his onboarding stuff at the office all morning today, then flying all afternoon. So, sad for the day’s plans, but good for his work, for his mental health, and for our income.)

But we got to have a Costco pizza pie for dinner (and a hot dog for me) to celebrate Pi Day together. We even shared one of the coffee freeze things that are delicious, which is rare for us – my husband doesn’t exactly share single servings of things, so that was big. We had a great little date night out at Costco, and we also got my grandma’s coffee things and fresh organic blueberries for myself (I’d say we got them for ourselves, but he never ate his half of the last batch, and they went bad, so I’m not bothering to share this time. Not in a mean way. Just in a practical sense. If he wants some, he can take them, but I’m not leaving any for him intentionally this time.).

I’ve been really wanting fresh fruits and veggies lately. I want all those awesome smoothies and juices from these couple super healthy smoothie places. But that’s super unaffordable. Why the stuff without all the added junk is so much more expensive is still baffling to me. It tastes better and is better for us, plus is easier to make, but costs loads more. I just wish I were better at making smoothies. I somehow mess them up 60-70% of the time and make something terrible, though healthy. That 40% where it is tolerable or delicious is giving me ever-decreasing confidence in trying to make them at all anymore.

But I really want a good smoothie. I can make this one morning one really well still. But making ones that don’t have too much sweet (to where they don’t give me gas) has been difficult for me the past few years. That’s why I stopped making them altogether, really. I need veggie smoothies, but don’t have any good recipes. I always just made it up. (Also why they often sucked.)

Anyway, I’m worn out. Off to snuggle with my stuffed animals and sleep half-upright, because that pizza was so bad for my digestion, I can’t even lie down flat without risk of things going back upward right now (hours later). Ugh…

Anyway, goodnight, folks! Sleep well, sweet dreams, and May God bless you beautifully and unexpectedly this week.

God, be with us all newly this week, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Fitness

I’ve gotten lazy as of late, and it is not okay. My mind is also not okay, because of it. So, I need to sort out myself and see what I need to make this happen. I weight more than I am comfortable weighing right now, and that is not cool. My natural instinct is to eat less, which isn’t always the right answer. Presently, the answer is very much to exercise again. Almost no exercise in two weeks is too long for me, both in mind and in body. Too long by a lot.

So, I’m going to do a touch of ab work right now, even though I’m lying in bed to go to sleep. Then, I am going to do at least what I consider a half-workout tomorrow whenever I get up. It’ll be abs and some weight movements, but nothing to crush me or to crush my will to work out the next time. Something I can handle in my current state of fitness, but that still stretches me for growth in my fitness. And I’m looking forward to it, though I am a bit too tired right now, going to bed so late.

At that, goodnight!

God, help me to sleep well tonight and to do well tomorrow, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Done

We are done with our rodeo shifts for this year’s rodeo. “We” being my mom and sister-in-law and I. My husband still had two more to go with my stepdad. But we are finished for the year now. We finished this afternoon. And then we had prime rib for having paid our dues early as a team, then tres leches for my miniature surprise birthday celebration. My brother brought the cake and the surprise, and my husband joined us, too, for the planned family hangout. We then strolled around with purpose, aiming to have the random terrible-for-you food stuff we had wanted to try this year. So, we each had a fried Oreo, we shared a funnel cake, my man and I shared a fried Snickers – actually, I like those lots better normal than fried, because it just seemed like warm crunchy peanut butter when fried (Not that it wasn’t good. It just wasn’t snickers.) – we considered some Fruity Pebbles things – it sounded kind of awful, in the end, either with friend shrimp or pineapple – we sat in absurdly expensive massage chairs that were so-so, and we watched some steer being judged in one of the youth shows for ‘lightweight’ steers, which are up to 1150 pounds… can you believe that is considered light weight?

Anyway, it was a good time. I am grateful to be done with shifts for the year and I am grateful to have had a good time with my family this afternoon and evening. Now, I shall sleep and truly relax.

Thank you, God, for the good time. Help me to recover well with my sleep tonight, please, that I may continue to improve our home tomorrow and the rest of this week. Help me to honor you through honoring my family and our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Action

Today, I woke up after close to 11 and a half hours of sleep. I took some time to consider things, then got to work. I did only a few things at the house today, but they made a big difference in terms of creating easier forward motion with things this week. I have the week off school, and I want to get our house in order. We have some simple but major changes we’d like to put into place, and this week is a big chance to get all of that started.

So, I swapped a dresser in the bedroom today. Tomorrow, I have a rodeo shift and will get almost nothing done at home. Likely, I will create more mess by using dishes and eating food just before I pass out tomorrow night.

Clean up office: Clear out shelf by desk; remove shelf
Find bookshelf options for 'library' feel
Fold laundry and find where it all will live going forward
Vacuum everywhere
Mop floors
Tidy up the stuff left out in the living room from our trip
Tidy up and restore order to the guest room

That may not seem like much, but it is loads. I have a lot of work I want to accomplish this week. Even half of any of these would be massive progress, so I will give myself grace on it all. My big goal is to accomplish all of it. However, even doing one of these fully and another in part will be a valuable accomplishment for me.

So, let’s see how it all goes!

God, help me to serve you this week especially though caring for my home and family. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Rodeo

I love volunteering with the rodeo. But things I love can become things I dread when I don’t get enough sleep. And that is somewhat the case today. I still love the rodeo and doing our shifts, but I found myself feeling worn out by the one committee and not being interested in our shift tomorrow morning, let alone the fact that we have another on Monday. I noticed that I could hardly wait to be done with the Monday shift, so I could be done with all my shifts for the year.

I think I’m just worn out in general.

Yes, from rodeo, but only in part. Mostly from work, I think. I have to strike a balance between doing all the stuff I really want to do for my students and what I’m actually being paid to do for my students – hint-hint: I’m paid roughly half a regular teacher’s salary this year, since the previous teacher quit right before school started – as well as between the two possibilities of whether I will be offered the position for real for next year or not, which determines whether I’m doing things one way now in preparation for next year or in preparation for leaving. And it’s a lot mentally, especially on top of all the regular stress of teaching I have in the first place. And on top of those caddy and rude girls in class… that, too.

And my sleep schedule has been wrong for me. I think I need to be absurd to society and go back to an 8:30pm bedtime. Lights out, goodnight. My body wants to be up before five AM, and I need to give it sleep when it will allow itself to sleep best, so that I can be my best.

Anyway, going to bed now, totally worn out but grateful to have had a delicious steak for dinner earlier.

Thank you, God, for my husband and our home. Please, help us both to be our best selves each day and night, always growing closer to each other and you. Keep us safe, please, and thank you for our food today especially. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Sleep

I go to bed early, but it isn’t early enough, and I struggle with sleep for more then half the night. I plan to go to bed even earlier tonight, but can’t have dinner due to a filter’s being not-replaced-yet. So, I finally have a late dinner and am almost ready for bed just before eleven PM. I had wanted to go to bed at 7:30 tonight… I’m just so tired. And my body really wants to wake up between four and five in the morning. So, working on that… ineffectively, it seems…

God, hep me to find the balance my mind and body need to be my best self, please. And do the same for my husband with himself, please. Thank you for this life and my husband. Keep us well and help us to heal. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024