Tag: stress

Terrible blessings

I wasn’t ready to go back to school today. I felt it with my whole being. But I couldn’t afford not to go, financially. I’m only paid by the day, and I had already taken off yesterday.

So, I went to school today.

I had my first class. We did our work, and it went well. Then I went to see the one teacher who knew. We chatted briefly, but well.

And then she asked/told me that how about she go ahead and take my other class, and I go ahead and go home now, so I could rest. So, I cried some more in gratitude, told the department head what the other teacher was going to do and that I needed to leave – and he accepted without question – and I left.

It was a terrible thing that made any of this relevant, of course, but it made the blessing all the more powerful.

My mom and I had planned to meet at Costco after school today, so we could get groceries for Sunday. So, instead of going this afternoon, we went this morning, basically right as the store opened. After we finished, I had a slice of pizza that I had been longing to have for some time, as well as a soft serve and a frozen coffee thing, both of which I had also been wanting for some time, and enjoyed my lunch thoroughly.

Then I went home and rested.

I talked with my dad, and it was a really good conversation.

I got the body wash I had been wanting.

I visited my grandma for what was likely the last happy hour at her place, and my mom and husband joined, too.

And I rested some more before going to adoration… which wasn’t actually happening as the church had advertised. So, I jumped into the end of the Spanish Mass that was happening instead and adored Jesus through receiving Communion with immense gratitude.

And then I went back home to rest some more before bed.

Now, I’m ready and going to bed.

Oh, and my best friend surprised us with a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to the house today with a kind note.

So, goodnight.

God, thank you for the many blessings of today, including my ability to spend time with those I love and who love me. Help me to heal fully, especially with and through your grace and love. Keep my family safe and well, please. Stay with us, powerfully, please. Help me to feel your arms helping me, healing me, guiding me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Misery

Some things necessitate misery. This is one of them.

I noticed this morning, having stayed home from work for the day, that I was filled with a sense of ease I had not had for a long time. Not really interacting with anyone was good for me today. When an app helper person responded dumbly to some feedback I had given, I was, in a way, enraged. I just couldn’t take it, either the stupidity or the disrespect… it has me a bit worried that I am not actually ready to be around people tomorrow.

It is likely to be a difficult day for me, and on multiple levels. I’m almost hoping that I have a sort of freak out, just so I can go ahead and leave for the day. We don’t have school Friday, so tomorrow is the last day of this week for us. And yet I still don’t want to go.

But I’m only paid by the day, and we need as much financial support as we can get right now. So, I’m going in, it seems.

I’m not ready for this.

Post-a-day 2024

Society

Society calls for us to hide our pains from the world around us. And yet, how hurtful has it been each time we have learned that someone has been suffering silently, and often entirely alone, right by us, but without our knowledge… and wished we could have helped?

Perhaps we aren’t made to keep it hidden inside. Perhaps we were made to share, including our struggles, with those around us.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

I think we were. How else would we grow truly close to those around us? How could we learn to love each other fully, to show our love fully? Perhaps it is why everyone seems so far away these days…

Post-a-day 2024

Ugh

I ate reasonably today. Though, I definitely likely should have eaten more. I’m going to bed feeling slightly ill, and I’m hoping I’ll have a good appetite in the morning, and eat some good eggs. I need to make sure I have snack bars for lunch, though, because school has been doing only breaded stuff for Fridays during Lent, and that won’t do for me right now, especially not fried fish (I can’t stand it).

I wish my husband were home right now. He has a meeting. But I miss him.

Anyway, I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight.

Thank you, God. Be with us always, please, and take over wherever you see fit, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Flawed

The system is flawed. How are we supposed to be healthy if we can’t eat healthy foods – or just about any foods at all – and drink heathy drinks, including water, without getting totally ill? Who made this plan? Why? How do we do it??

The body does this consistently with food poisoning, sure. It needs to clear out everything and start over. But anything more than a few days… that’s just absurd.

Dear God, help me to eat and drink well, that I be healthy and be my best self with and through you and with and through your aid. Please, keep my husband safe and well, same for me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Chiropractor

I finally got to visit the chiropractor today, after days of pain. Though I am still achey in my back and neck, it feels different. Also, she gave me something to help with the digestive issues I’ve been having the past week or so. So, I might actually be able to sleep tonight.

I certainly hope I do!

God, help me to sleep well tonight especially and each night afterward, please. May your will be done, even, and especially so, if it isn’t my will. Thank you for this life. Please, keep my husband safe and well. I hand over all to you, that it be done by your will, not merely by my own. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Shelves

We are working on resolving the bookshelf need/desire. Hopefully, we will find a beautiful, effective, and affordable solution soon. I have a few boxes of books at my mom’s right now that I would like to have here, displayed and in my life. But I can’t even currently display all the books I have here.

So, something to figure out.

God, thank you for this life. Thank you for helping me see clearly and without shame that we need help with cleaning our home, at least for now, if not for always. Help us to improve continuously in caring for our home and our marriage. Help us to love fully and freely in our home, guided always by your love and hand. We trust in you fully. Please, take care of everything. Have us do as you will, and help us always to want your will, as you do. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Bedtimes

I despise going to bed late. I always feel terrible the following day or three, and it takes me forever truly to catch up on sleep. Even if I get to sleep in late, that just doesn’t do it. Only going to bed early gives me the truly restful sleep.

The sleep I actually need.

And yet I keep staying up late.

And I keep being miserable.

When will I cut it out and just give up and go to bed early like both my mind and body want me to do?

God, help me sort this out, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024