Tag: stress

Over the Saturday morning work

I love Saturday mornings. But part of that love’s foundation is in the fact that I get to choose how to spend my Saturday mornings. I can be up early and exercise or do things on my own or with family or friends, or I can sleep in after a late night of fun the night before or just lounge through the morning, moving from the bed, eventually, to the sofa… But I get to choose how I see myself most enjoying the morning each time…

Except when I have to work. Every time I have had work on a Saturday, I have been stressed and annoyed, even if just a little. I dislike doing it. When I proctor these tests, I have to get up earlier than even when I go to school during the week. And, right now, that doesn’t work too well for me. I’ve been on a mix between my man’s time and my own, meaning I get to sleep later than I want, and so have to stay in bed an extra couple hours past when I naturally wake most days.

Ugh… and then I have to sit there all morning being vigilant while the students take this ridiculous test that they’ve been taught specifically by the company now how to take… nonsense… just nonsense.

Anyway… I’m exhausted and going to sleep now.

God, grant me restful sleep, please. Thank you for the financial compensation tomorrow’s work offers to me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Social energy

After my cousin and his friend left late this morning, his parents, my aunt and uncle, showed up to pick up my uncle’s boat that we had been storing for him. So, I spent the morning interacting with the cousin and friend, then the midday and early afternoon with my aunt and uncle. By the time our dads and their wives arrived for dinner (almost an hour late) close to five, I was kind of done with my social interactions for the day. 😛

Quite convenient, I know. So, I stuck it out and participated a reasonable amount, I believe. But the seating arrangement allowed for me to take it easy and talk to the grandmother in the living room while the dads and wives all chatted together at the dining table – their spending time to get to know each other was kind of the main point of the dinner, after all. And I got to do a lot of cleaning etc. in the kitchen, which helped me balance it all, too.

Nonetheless, I think the evening was a rather good time as a whole for everyone. I’m very grateful to be going to bed now, though it is after ten PM.

Thank you, God, for today’s blessings. He’s me and help me always to do your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Well, then…

I did not exercise today. I got a decent amount of work done instead, because I had forgotten that I was subbing during my off time today (which was when I had planned to exercise, you see). I also got to be extremely productive at the end of the school day, because the bookshelf I have been awaiting (technically since the first week of school, but I found this shelf myself two days ago) was moved across campus and delivered into my office today while I was in class). So, rearranging was necessary.

I got the study desk (think of a desk with sides that go upward like blinders for taking tests, because that’s what it was made to do) out of my office and into the common space, which might actually prove useful for all the teachers in my office suite, now, as we have kids constantly having to take tests and quizzes just in the open area with folks walking past them and around them the whole time. I then moved almost everything else around until I found an organization that I seemed to like. I had a small blip with the phone and desktop, as an internet outlet that should work doesn’t. But I found a way to swap out cables, and it resolved a dangling cable that used to drive me nuts as well as the phone’s having to be right next to my desk. (We’re more of an e-mail school than phone call one, you see, so I rarely use the phone in my office. Phones in the classrooms are more used than the office ones, as that’s how kids get pulled out of class for this or that.)

Anyway, I had some blips and re-shifting and such, but I was happy with the final result. To top it off, just as I was doing final touches, a co-worker walked by and almost immediately commented on how “awesome” and “bad-ass” my office was. Not a bad improvement from being merely a “large closet cave”. It still has no windows to the outside and no great overhead lighting, but the furniture arrangement and lamp make all the difference. Oh, and not having piles of stuff all over the floor anymore, now that I have hanging filing folders (arrived end of last week) and a bookshelf.

Thank you, God, for the blessings in my life, and thank you, especially, for the relief this office arrangement has provided. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A kick

Perhaps the fear was the kick I have been both wanting and needing. I have been busy and tired and not sleeping well and needing to do loads of work (though not necessarily being productive during the school day, anyway). I have not been exercising almost at all. Perhaps it has been once or twice a week for the past month. Three times one week, and only one or two since then. None last week at all. So, here I am, experiencing a terribly stressful level of fat on my body. It’s one thing not to exercise and to eat well. But not to exercise and then to continue eating the same easy way… bad recipe, as I have now proven.

Anyway, so here I am. And I exercised today, especially doing the interval cardio section that I really haven’t felt like doing lately. It was a good feeling afterward.

And I still feel and see the fat on me, so, hopefully, it will encourage me to keep going with the exercise. I was for so long at a point of not being as fit as I wanted but not being able to see excess fat… it led me to doing less and less, because it was neither inspiring/encouraging nor terrifying. Now, the scales have tipped, at last, and I am terrified. Though it inevitably will improve, until it is at the original ideal fitness I have for myself, the scale somehow always stays tipped to the negative.

Thus, to work!

Thank you, God, for this clarity and this opportunity. Help me to heal, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Possibilities

It is a good feeling when things start to feel possible.

It also can be a stressful feeling, knowing that the time has come to pick and to make things happen… fast. A fast deadline for a big-deal project is always kind of a stress ball…

God, help us to handle this all well and beautifully and perfectly with your guidance and will. Help us to fulfill these dreams you have granted us. Thank you for this life and for these new possibilities. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Limits

“Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone,” so often declared my German professor in college. She was quoting roughly Neale Donald Walsch (It seems he said it first, anyway), of course, and she was saying it as a means of encouraging us to be uncomfortable and to speak German anyway. But it stuck with me beyond just that class. Here I am, 12 years later, and I still reference the quite and idea regularly.

Tonight, I stepped beyond my comfort zone by joining a service event that involved working in a sort of soup kitchen help staff role… not a comfortable thing for me in the first place. And it required a lot of me that is nigh on painful for me emotionally. I did adjust and shift a bit within the flexibility of the volunteering, so as to be of service without freaking out. However, I was still very much outside of my comfort zone in terms of my OCD. Many of my limits were hit.

Even the dinner we had together after the service required me to step beyond my comfort zone on multiple levels with the OCD.

And I had a very enjoyable time as a whole.

And I was uncomfortable for a lot of it.

But I adjusted, and it got less uncomfortable. By the end of the evening, I was genuinely comfortable. Looking back on it all – and act that alone gives me discomfort due to the circumstances of the service and dinner – I am impressed at how comfortable I ended up being in both locations and in driving between them. I won’t get into details, because that just helps to bring on the panic. However, I’ll add just that I impressed myself. I found a place of ease within myself as I did these things this evening, these things that, even considering doing, give me anxiety and stress. I almost didn’t go at all tonight, for that reason. But it felt right.

And that feeling was right. It was life, asking to be lived. And I did. And it scared me. And I’m so glad I went.

(And now, due to the OCD, I must set aside any clear memories I have of details, in order to be able to function the rest of the week!)

Thank you, God, for this evening’s events and developments. Thank you for helping me find a way to be of service. Thank you for helping me find a space of belonging and of being truly welcome tonight. And thank you for the innumerable blessings you have graciously planted in my life. And thank you for the story shared by Matthew Perry – May it help people as I believe it truly can. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023