Still processing…

Have you ever had those things in your life that show up out of left field (when you aren’t even playing a field sport), and shock you so terribly that you can’t even seem to find a reaction?

You can see myriad ways that one might react or could react, and yet you can’t actually seem to react, yourself.

It’s like someone else’s made-up horribly terribly bad dream… but you can’t seem to find a way for it not to be so that this thing has happened…

And then, out of nowhere again, comes the desire to go talk with the person involved, in order to find out what on Earth happened… how did this ever come to be, this horrible, dreadful, awful thing?

Because maybe then you’ll be able to figure out how to react, how to respond to it all… maybe then you’ll be able to process this nightmare-you-never-even-imagined-come-true…

Have you???

As of tonight, I have. :/

Post-a-day 2020

News of Note

I gave up watching and reading the news several years ago, due to the fact that almost nothing in it was ever positive.

What was the point?

Rather than being the new information being shared, the news has merely become the show about as much negativity shared as is possible.

‘What other bad thing can we share with people?’ felt like the question news channels seemed to be asking themselves constantly.

It made society feel horrible and almost hopeless… made humanity seem utterly terrible…

And that is not something in which I want to participate, so I just gave it up altogether – if something noteworthy happened, someone somehow would let me know.

And it has worked really well these past several years.

Truly.

I am grateful that I did it.

No, I don’t necessarily know what they’re talking about on SNL’s Weekend Update most of the time anymore, but I don’t really watch any television anymore in the first place, so it hardly matters.

(Can you believe it’s been over a decade already since I gave up watching television?!… wow…)

I’ve contemplated many a times creating a magazine or newspaper – almost certainly digital – that only shares good news, positive news, because that’s the stuff that we all really want to hear about anyway, and almost no one seems to be sharing about it… and, if someone is sharing about it, very little time is given to it, especially when compared to the negative and sad stuff in the news.

Tonight, for the first time, I crossed someone who did something quite similar to what I would like to do: share things worth sharing.

By the end of the article – okay, I only looked at the pictures, but that was totally the point, anyway – I was delighted, my spirits were totally lifted, and I was really interested in learning more about all of the topics given… basically, I want articles to go with each of the positive pieces of news…, but I guess that’ll just have to be something saved for my future newspaper/magazine. ;P

Enjoy the picture article here!

It is well worth the quick read-through! 😀

Post-a-day 2019

Third Grade

And, some nights, you begin telling your mom about various memories from third grade – a class you’ve always remembered as one of your favorites – and she ends up telling you that it is time for you to go to bed, because you have become a bit of a blubbering mess of surprise emotions…

I mean, I do, anyway… 😛

I had no idea how much negative emotion I had stemming out of that class…., a lot of which came from that teacher.

I’ve always loved that teacher.

Tonight, in recalling these incidents and the way they made me feel at the time, and how they somehow exploded me with tears tonight, I said to my mom that, as a teacher, I never want to make my students feel that way – embarrassed, incompetent, incapable, unworthy…, unloved.

I hadn’t ever had these particular incidents in mind, but perhaps these third grade memories have played a somewhat significant role in my open expression of love to my students.

I’m not sure a single student of mine could say honestly that he/she thinks I don’t love them – they all know that I do.

As if my actions weren’t clear enough, my constant verbal expression kind of makes it too hard to miss – but my actions, most likely would say, are already sufficient for them to experience and to know that I love them.

My mom said that it is merely part of life, and that I, therefore, necessarily will end up making a student feel that way at some point… I need merely make sure I clean up the situation immediately, whenever it does happen, whenever the student is distraught by my words or actions…

Part of me is terrified at the idea, but part of me feels like I already do a version of this.

I tell kids constantly that they are wrong or have done the wrong thing.

At the beginning of the school year, their faces look momentarily panicked, until they realize that I have clearly put no grade of them as people into my comment – I mean exactly what I have said, and only that which I have said.

In a rather short time, students don’t even flinch at my words that, traditionally, when coming from a teacher, end up embarrassing the student and making him/her feel stupid or inadequate or [insert upsetting self-identity adjective here], because they realize that I love them and that my words have nothing to do with that love dissipating – I tell the kids they have something wrong, because I love them and I want them to learn the right ways, which happens to require them to learn, too, what is wrong and how to fix it.

And they always learn how to fix it, and are praised for their success – their joy always being evident.

In short, I might make a student feel inadequate, but the feeling lasts no longer than a few seconds, before being replaced by something amazing instead.

What was missing for me in all of these memories, was the follow-up, the release of my feelings of inadequacy… the teacher left me to be embarrassed, and so I stayed that way onward and upward in school.

It kind of sucked.

However, if it, in fact, plays a reasonably large role in my expression of love toward my own students, then, perhaps, I needed the negative experiences for myself, in order to be able to love my students so well…

And, therefore, if it does end up being inevitable that I will leave students feeling the ways I felt in third grade at these incidents, perhaps it is merely so that they, in turn, can go forward in life to love even more powerfully than they can love at present.

You know what I mean?

Post-a-day 2019