Today has been my birthday. Thank you, God. For once in less than a blue moon, my birthday is not the last day of the month this year. Happy leap year, y’all!
Thank you, God. Keep my husband and me and our family safe, please. Help us all to heal through and with you. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Today, there was much setting up done on the rodeo grounds here in Houston. I was volunteering for one of my committees. There were many times I could have left, but I stayed and worked more. I had hopes of getting something specific accomplished before leaving, but that didn’t happen. As I said to my husband on my way out, the true point of my being there was to be of service, and I was very much of service – I accomplished and helped loads. Though I was a bit sad and disappointed not to have achieved this one particular thing, and so have a tendency to be sad and disappointed about the whole day, I notice that I was actually very fulfilled every time I got to accomplish something for someone else. That is, I felt fulfillment in being of service.
Perhaps this is a big guide for me in life. In all that I do, I find true joy in making a difference for others.
Then again, there is also the thought that the reason I want to be of service is so that I become invaluable and thereby worthy of being loved.
However…
I once functioned that way. If I wasn’t being of service, I became somewhat stressed and panicked. I had to be of service. Because that was my unconscious way of guaranteeing love for myself. Once I saw that, though, I was able to do something about it.
When I am not of service now, I am not panicked. I do want to be of service. But I want to be of service. It is not longer a sort of necessity or obligation for me. It is something I can want freely, and do. And, when I am of service now, I find joy in sharing love. When I walk away from it, I am not crushed it is over or wonder if it was enough and if something will come along soon enough next… I just get to be happy about the service I gave.
So, that’s cool. I’m not sure I had really thought about that in recent years. And I may not have explained it well here, but the difference is massive to me, transformational, from back then to now. I love to serve, and I get to serve freely now. And I do it. And I love it. And I’m grateful for that.
I’m still bugged I didn’t handle what I had hoped to get done today (even though I did accomplish something very useful for myself and for many on my other rodeo team, which wasn’t expected for today), but I guess that’s okay. I didn’t speak up about what I wanted – I was embarrassed and opted not to ask. Okay, got it. Space for improvement next time. But I kept my integrity, which is more important to me than getting stopped by embarrassment on something that isn’t critical on any level. I’ve been working on speaking up, though, so I am still frustrated with myself. And it’s okay to be frustrated with myself. It’s part of my process of growing. I had a breakdown. Therefore, I now can have a breakthrough.
Work on the courage, babe. And, also, acknowledge when it feels greedy, and get clear on everything. Perhaps you need only share your concern of its being greedy to ask, and that will communicate clearly that you understand if the answer is no to the request. That’s okay. And it’s okay that you failed at this today. I’m still proud of you for keeping your integrity and for letting go of control many times today, especially considering that it often meant things being done less efficiently. Some people can only give certain service. Sometimes, being of service means letting people do things an inefficient way, so that they can contribute, too.
Thank you, God, for today. Thank you for the lessons of today. Thank you for my husband. I love him and am grateful for him constantly. Keeps us safe, please, and help us always to be our best selves through you, pursuing and fulfilling your will in our lives. Thank you. I love you, too. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
I love being married. And I love specifically being married to my husband.
It’s just a wonderful thing to be able finally to live a part of life we have longed to live, to be husband and wife, together in all ways, and blessed by God.
Thank you, God. Keep us safe, please, and help us always to pursue and fulfill your will as we work to be our best selves. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Having the adventure in Galveston was lovely, and I am grateful for the wonderful weather we ended up being able to enjoy yesterday and today together and with the dog. I love our little family we have right now, and it was wonderful doing something different from usual together. One family said they thought the dog was a lamb, because of the way she trotted (and that she was wearing a white Christmas sweater, though they didn’t mention that part). That was hilarious.
Nonetheless, we had horrible sleep in a terrible bed under a ceiling that made monstrous noises every time the folks upstairs walked (which was every half hour to hour from 10:30pm to 7:30am, unfortunately). I didn’t sleep almost at all the first night. Other guests were gone last night, so we merely had the horrible bed and pillows with which to contend, give us a significantly better horrible night’s sleep.
I am grateful for the trip we took together.
And I am grateful to be home from it.
Thank you, God, for the pleasantness of this weekend, and thank you for our wonderful home. Help us both to honor and respect it better going forward than we have in the past. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Yesterday was Mardi Gras, also known in other states who know no French as Fat Tuesday. It is the day before Lent begins, the period of 40 days of meditation and fasting before the celebration of the coming of Christ, Easter. All the sugar and fat stores are meant to be used up on Mardi Gras, thus the name. This includes the idea that we will not be eating sugary or fatty things during Lent, even if they don’t come from one’s own making. The first day of Lent, as well as each Friday during it, is a day that specifically includes fasting and having no meat. That day is called Ash Wednesday. It is called so for that ashes are distributed to all, via a cross on the forehead, to remind us that we have come from dust and shall, one day, return to dust – we are the creations of God and will return to him after this life for eternal life. Ash Wednesday…
Ash Wednesday was today.
Today was also the feast of Saint Valentine, also known commercially as Valentine’s Day. It is a day filled with treats and commercialism and indulgence and, even, waste. It does not line up with the morals of Ash Wednesday… which was also today.
So, today was a bizarre Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday combination – one I haven’t known to happen previously in my life. Definitely interesting to have the solemn day land on and, therefore, trump the celebratory day.
But also interesting that, as someone noted today, “Lent” is right in the middle of “Valentine”, you could say at the heart of it… 😛
Interesting thought to have us reconsider how we want to do Valentine’s Day in the future, too.
Thank you, God, for your love and your creativity and your forgiveness and generosity. We love you. Keep us well, that we pursue and fulfill your will for us in our lives. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
“How’s married life?” she asks.
Bizarre stresses, but good.
Job stuff isn’t sorted yet, but improving for both of us.
But, fortunately, we don’t have a horrible green splotch in our hallways or this terrible white section of paint in the hall bathroom anymore, and it feels Really good having them both gone.
“Haha. It’s amazing how little things like that make such a big difference”
…….
And, boy, is she right…
A friend of mine offered to help with whatever when she came to town for my wedding. I didn’t have any wedding stuff that needed help, but a last-minute panic of my man’s had us wanting to paint these two spots that have been the same for actual years. But, since his family was coming over, he suddenly cared about them… them being these two areas of painting that needed to be covered and that drove me nuts every single day… My friend has spent much of her career working in technical theatre, building and designing and painting sets. She also taught shop classes and such. I knew she could handle it and wouldn’t at all be upset at the idea. I asked, and, sure enough, she not only agreed immediately, but agreed with excitement. Just up her alley, she’d said.
So, they got fixed.
And it’s been amazing not staring at the green strip next to the updated A/C panel in the hallway or that horrible white section where the piping had been redone in the bathroom, and it was only ever painted with white, instead of the grey of the bathroom walls.
Post-a-day 2024
… And Saturdays are for sex!
I mean, yeah…
I imagine, every day is a good day for sex, given the relationship is founded for such an act. But, after resting Friday night, Saturday is a great day to be super active and to exert much effort doing things one loves, right? Right. In married life, things can get away from folks, schedules can get busy, things can be pushed aside. So, keep it simple and easy to remember. Fridays are for rest and Saturdays are for sex. Saturday’s just about always a good day for married couples to have sex, so let’s go ahead and let them rely upon it, keep it in the books, put it on the weekly schedule. 😛
I know. I’m ridiculous. Thank you for noticing. 😛
God, help us to be well and to be in your image. Help us to lead the lives you long for us to lead. Help us to confess our sins often, that we be made whole more and more frequently in life, drawing ever closer to you and to the people you call us to be, our best selves. Thank you for this life and this opportunity. Help us always to honor you. Help me, also, always to honor and respect and also to serve my husband, helping him to be his best self, who you can him to be. And thank you, especially, for him in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
To me, courage is being afraid and doing what is needed anyway. Today, I had courage. And the meeting went really well. A couple very important things have now been both communicated and sorted out. There is space now to address a couple other minor things. And I feel incredibly heard, justified, and supported by my administration.
Thank you, administration. And thank you, God. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Tomorrow, I have the meeting with the administrator to discuss both things that have not been appropriate and my future with the school. We shall see how it goes, of course, but I am a bit nervous. In a way, I want to be embraced and want not to be rejected. However, more than either of those, I just want to be clear as to my future with this school. If I get to stay here, I will be delighted. If I do not get to stay here, I eventually will be delighted by whatever comes up on my path. Whatever the case, I will be okay and I will be in God’s hands. I am just currently really struggling with this lack of clarity. When I have nothing clear towards which to work, I struggle to work. I know that knowing, whatever the direction, will make all the difference in helping me finish out this year strongly and effectively, both for me and for my students.
So, whether I’ll be crying in frustration at being rejected or feeling hopeful, I hope I get a clear answer tomorrow morning.
Dear God, I pray to speak the words that communicate my points effectively and appropriately. Help me to speak best to the listening tomorrow in the meeting, and help me to learn exactly what I need to know to proceed best in my work and in my life. Keep us safe and in your graces, please. Thank you for this life and your guidance. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Today has been a breakdown day. I had a couple extremely helpful conversations around the breakdown. As always, it takes a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough. Today has been no exception. I guess I have been needing this breakdown, because I seriously have been needing a breakthrough around my work. I think I have clear steps that I am excited to take tomorrow and onward.
Thank you God for this support in this opportunity. Help me to pursue exactly what you need me to pursue around my work. Show me clearly my next step, and I will trust you and take it. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
hannah ananas 