Tag: surprise

As planned

Well, that did not go as planned… nor did it go as promised.

So, I need to see how best to proceed with this. Feedback is important in improvement, – actually, feedback is valuable in everything – and improvement is important when things don’t go well. Degrading and denying feedback and avoiding responsibility for things that didn’t go well helps nothing and hurts much.

As hard as it is to accept that we have messed something up, it is extremely valuable to all parties involved just to acknowledge that we see that we messed up. What makes it even better is also acknowledging that we are committed to something better than what we produced. Then and only then can we truly improve something.

Please, keep that in mind whenever you mess up in the future (we know we all do it often enough, so it’s coming!).

Dear God, thank you for our safety today and our time together as a family. Thank you, also, for this opportunity for growth. Please, help me to grow well, pursuing and fulfilling your will in the process. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Halloween

Tonight, we got to join my friend and her husband and two little girls to go trick-or-treating. It was the first time for real for the three-year-old.

When we pulled up, they were all out front, and another friend of my friend was with them. As we set out, we realized that we were three different families present for the two children of only one of those families. It cracked us up, at least. The one family was dressed to theme together as characters from the movie “Encanto”. The mom was Luisa and the baby was a donkey, dad was Bruno, and the three-year-old, of course, was Mirabel. And yes, she wore the glasses. We actually had to stop at one point, because her glasses were falling down, and she had to fix them. (Of course, my man actually fixed them for her, because they’d popped out of socket on one side, but she was the one who was adamant that they had to be fixed before we could continue walking.)

Nonetheless, she would hold one of our hands while we walked, then would climb onto the front walkway of a house, run up to the door or table with her (meaning our) pumpkin, usually say, and adorably, “Trick or treat!”, receive or grab candy, often say even more adorably, “Thank you!”, run back down to us waiting adults (with the baby), grab ahold of a hand again, and then jump off the curb. For the first several times, she also then would add, “I got candy! I got candy!” Then, as we continued onward, she would declare, “I wanna go to Mimi and Pawpaw’s house! I wanna go to Mimi and Pawpaw’s house!” (Keep in mind, she is excited and adorable, not whiney and annoying. Just to be clear here, because that matters.)

Once we finally got to Mimi and Pawpaw’s house, they came along with us for a bit before going back home. At that point, the declaration from the street, after getting candy, had become, “I wanna do another one… I wanna go to someBODY’s house! I wanna go to someBODY’s house!” Why was she emphasizing the “body” part of the word? I genuinely have no idea. But it was stupidly cute, and she was just so excited to be trick-or-treating, which she also occasionally declared that she was doing, none of us minded about correcting her emphasis.

When we got back to the house, she immediately took off her shoes and then told us she wanted to eat a piece of chocolate. So, I had her pick one, and then I opened it for her. When she was ready for another piece, I showed her how to bring the bucket to the floor, and to sit down and dump it out with us, making that glorious candy waterfall and then pile. She clearly enjoyed both the dumping and the shoving her hands through it all to see what all was there. Right move!

And she actually had a surprising spread. I made her parents both feel how heavy her bucket was before we dumped it out, because no one understood how strong this kid had been. She was adamant about carrying it herself the whole time. But that thing was genuinely heavy, and she’s only three years old. Her commitment and success were impressive, to be sure. We were all both surprised and proud of her.

And we were proud of her for all of it, really. She had gone up to most houses all on her own. She’d remembered her lines almost every time. When she forgot the “Trick or treat” part, and my man asked her, “What do you say?”, she quickly then said to the ladies, “Thank you!” Not the direction he was aiming, but also not a bad line to pick(!). She did a really good job and clearly had a blast, and we were proud of her.

And we had a good time, too. It was fun being all together just hanging out, while also providing for this both adorable for us and fun for her time for the three-year-old. It was great.

Oh, and she also occasionally would declare, “I’m Mirabeeel!” Everyone enjoyed that one, too.

It was just a lovely night, and I am grateful for it. I’m sorry my man and I both felt kind of unwell afterward, and that we didn’t hand out any of the candy we’d purchased specifically to hand out this year, but I think we both are glad we went with my friend and them all, nonetheless. It was a surprisingly lovely time.

Thank you, God, for these friends, big and small. Thank you for tonight. Please, help us to sleep well tonight and to pursue and fulfill your will in all we do. Help my friend A-J to experience the love we have for her and the gratitude so many have toward her. Help her to feel your love and the love and gratitude she so well creates and inspires. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Shame

There is already a conversation on the concept of “Catholic Shame”, which is the idea that one feels intense shame at certain thoughts, feelings, and actions that may be somewhat commonplace or only a small deal in terms of sin, and it is especially strong for the realm of sexuality and sexual acts. I have both heard of this and experienced this much in my life.

What I hadn’t heard, however, was the idea of the Madonna-Whore complex as tied to Catholic Shame. Separate from the whole Sigmund Freud idea, it is the concept that Catholic (and Christian) women, once married, have trouble transitioning from the idea that sexual acts are always sinful to that they now are an acceptable and encouraged act of love with God at their center. Put differently, when, as a married woman, she participates in sexual acts with her husband, though those acts are blessed within the marriage, she feels like a whore… because she’s spent the first however many years of her life believing she must be a whore if she even wanted those acts, let alone participated in them.

So, that’s a new one for me… and I believe it most definitely will apply to me once I marry… :/

Post-a-day 2023

Sharing is caring

I shared last night my recent stresses about getting out with my man. It has grown increasingly difficult to get myself to go anywhere that isn’t absolutely necessary. I already had the touch of depression, then my hormones and such got a little more off than usual. Add to those the stress about money, and we have an effective recipe for my sort of agoraphobia to pop back up.

Granted, it has come in tiny waves the past few years, popping up in little bitty sports here and there. But it always settles back down and disappears into the sand after a couple weeks at most, and it never gets very bad in the first place.

But this has been different. It has been increasing steadily the past several weeks or so. I almost didn’t notice at first that it was stronger than usual, because I normally adjust my ways and it goes away. So, I don’t have to out much thought into it. By the time I paid it closer attention, it had progressed significantly.

And it isn’t that I’m afraid to go out and be around people. It’s that the idea of leaving the house and going somewhere that isn’t necessary seems a nearly-insurmountable task. And, when I consider surmounting it, I come close to breaking down and crying, feeling utterly inadequate, and just wanting to cuddle up into a blanket and someone’s arms (preferably my man’s) on the sofa and slowly fall asleep.

So, I told all this to my man last night. I was embarrassed to tell him, and even more so because I had waited so long to say anything to him. Clearly, I have been having an increasing issue, but I haven’t wanted to share about it, because I had felt like he would be mad at me, or maybe just even more frustrated at my stupid OCD-related crap… because my whole thing is that I’m not worth it, and this would be one more reason to hand him that would show how very much I am not worth it… Likely that is the real reason I didn’t say a word about it, though I never put much thought or conscious intention into not telling him.

Nonetheless, I told him. And I was sad and ashamed. And he said that he was okay. And I cried very hard.

And then I felt better. By the time I woke up today, definitely not rested enough, due to the crappy sleep thing right now and waking up constantly for the second half of each night, I felt loads better. I dealt with a lot of crap at school today, and then had no struggle heading to volunteering. I hung out there afterward a bit, then headed to Costco for gas and groceries for my man, forgot about Costco, because I was on the phone with my man, and went home to see my man before he went to the gym. When I was down the street, he asked what I was doing, because I was supposed to be at Costco. Oops. I would give him a kiss, then, and then go. And the next part was awesome, in its way.

He said he was worried I wouldn’t be able to go back out, if I came home first. I thought about it, and I realized that I was totally okay and that I would have no issue getting back out. I was grateful for that feeling. But I also was grateful that we had been able to discuss it clearly and honestly. I think that alone could have helped me tonight, had I needed the help to get back out. Though I didn’t need it tonight, this opportunity to discuss my struggles openly together could prove to be immensely helpful in the future.

And I am incredibly grateful.

Thank you, God, for guiding me to share last night. And thank you for this man. He is such a beautiful piece of your Creation, and an absolute blessing to me (not to mention the perfect kind of thorn in my side [or is it a rib, in fact, and we just never realized it?]). Thank you. Help us sleep well at night, please. Heal us all, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Great Films

Tonight, we finished watching Top Gun: Maverick… again.

We started it the other night, and stopped about halfway through to use the bathroom, and decided it was smartest to go to sleep immediately. So, we did the second half tonight.

And I was almost ready to hit start all over again once it ended.

This movie is just that great. And knowing how much of it was true flying, actually filmed in jets and all that jazz makes it all the better. Just such a good film. I really love it.

Thank you, God, for the blessing of wonderful art, especially wonderful films. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen! ❤

Post-a-day 2023

Opera

We went to the world premier of an opera today. It was called Intelligence, and was composed by Jake Heggie, with libretto by Gene Scheer. Also part of the team, directing and choreographing for her first time on an opera, was Jawole Willa Jo Zollar.

Now, a friend had originally scheduled to attend with us, but had to cancel due to a scheduling issue. So, someone else went with us at the last minute. The replacement person was truly delighted by the show, so we were really glad he was able to attend with us.

Not long after the show had ended, however, I got a message from the first friend, “How was it!?” (He could hardly stand that he hadn’t made it, and was already figuring out when he could get a ticket to go on his own later this week.)

My responses, in order:

It was cool
Very American opera
Haha
It was kind of weird in terms of flow, but I believe that was kind of the point
Cool how it’s based on a true story
Seeing how these two women significantly helped end the war
It was a cool combination of time period and cultures
But also totally an American opera, through and through 😂

I didn’t even have to explain myself, and I’m pretty sure he got it. Because, even though opera is opera, the old European opera is definitely a different animal from the modern American opera.

The friend’s response?

“Love that”. 😛

Opera nerds.

Post-a-day 2023

Sleep

Tonight, I’m going to bed in – and, hopefully, sleeping in – the living room. I got this older Tempur-pedic bed, and I’m going to test it out on the proper box base. I hope it is clear to us which bed is right for us to keep. It’s stilly having a queen size mattress (and box frame) in the living room. But we also kind of really like it…

Just not something we ought to grow accustomed to having, I’d guess. Don’t need to turn into lazy bums or anything, here.

Dear God, please, help us see clearly what to do about these mattresses. Help us to sleep well tonight and every night. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Chicken crates

My mom came across a load of milk crates being thrown away, and brought us five or so of them. We don’t have an official use for them, of course, but we both grew up using them for any and all outside applicable uses, and two that we had recently had broken. No, I don’t remember why we use them beyond as step-stools and seats, but I know we have been a bit hassled at not having those two anymore lately.

So, we got new crates.

Tonight, we used a few of them for the first time. ‘How?’ you may wonder. For the chickens.

Yes, one was a stool inside the coop for my man to sit upon while administering the medicine (for the mites, recall, second round of treatment). Two others, however, I used to catch chickens. It’s much easier than grabbing them with hands, when they decide they want to run instead of submit, that is. Funnily enough, one got trapped immediately, right by the coop door, and we actually forgot all about it for a bit, because it sat so quietly under the black crate at night, with no light on it. My man trapped the very skittish chicken under a crate, only for me to see the chicken walking around casually a minute and a half later.

‘Honey, who is Blackie walking around?’ Because it was one of the old crates, and it had a massive hole in one side. She had merely walked right out after he’d set it on top of her. 😛

But we got it right for the others. Drop the crate over one, and then nab the one next to it that submitted. Administer medicine. Return them to their sleeping quarters. It actually went on rather well, despite the debacle it was to start, wings flapping like crazy and diatomaceous earth poofing all about. In the end, we got them all treated and back I to their sleeping area, and we didn’t forget any under crates in the dark.

Post-a-day 2023

Nerd / Baseball

While I do enjoy watching a good – me sing active and well-played – baseball game, I certainly am not into it like the average person who watches professional sports is. I do not have a strong association with this group of people who are not from my town or neighborhood, often, even, country, and who are here merely to play a sport. I find nothing wrong with their doing that. But I only would have immense interest in their games if they were people either who came from the same exact background as I did, or if they were people I knew personally.

For example, when the hockey team plays well at school, I am very proud of them. I go willingly to their games. Why? Not just because they are at my school, but because I know several of the players. Same for cross country. Yet it changes every year. I once cared a lot about the football games, because my students played in them. This year, not a single one plays football, and I haven’t made it to more than about twenty minutes or so of the first game of the season. I don’t know the players this year. But I do know members of the hockey and cross country and water polo teams, and so I watch their season with interest and enjoy attending their events when I can.

Anyway, all this is to say that, though I don’t exactly go wild for watching professional baseball, I really do enjoy the part where it often brings family and friends together just to sit around and be together for several hours at a time. It is truly a great pastime, and I appreciate and am grateful for it.

(And I still don’t support people being angry or mean in any way regarding sports rivalries. Not a chance. Grow up. Be a kind human being. Period. Support your team, and stop being nasty to others just because you support one team in particular and they don’t.)

Okay, and the nerd part is that I got an A on my Mandarin oral quiz! And I didn’t even have the full amount of time to prepare for it. So, extra-cool! Yay!

Thank you, God, for my success and for this opportunity. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Potato drama

So, hemorrhoids… prepare yourself now, or leave now, because onward we go!

I have hemorrhoids. I used to have them off and on, usually very clearly tied to stress and to sitting rarely on hard surfaces. As soon as I chilled out a bit or spent more time on chairs and less time sitting on the bed, they would pop back in like they had never come out in the first place.

However, for the past couple years now, I have HS them sticking out consistently. They improve and get worse off and on, but they haven’t gone away completely in at least two years, almost three now.

I mentioned it to the chiropractor the other day, just asking if she knew anything about them and if there were, perhaps, some connection to the other stuff going on with my body that could help me heal them. What she said actually surprised me.

What did she say? Well, she said, ‘You know there’s a natural cure for that?’

Uhm, no, I did not. If I had known, I most likely would have tried it by now. Haha

So, she then proceeds to tell me that potatoes have these healing enzymes that help to heal skin – never knew about that either – that also, supposedly, help to heal the end of the intestine’s development of hemorrhoids.

And so, I was prescribed a pure potato suppository. Just a tiny bit, peeled, not even the size of my pinky nail, but a potato suppository.

Yikes.

Naturally, I had to warm up to the idea for several days, as with just about everything else. Then, I went and bought a bag of organic potatoes – no need not to do organic when the whole point it for my body to absorb everything in the thing! – and did my first suppository.

Yes, it was stressful and I was very uneasy and my inner bum felt super weird for about twenty minutes while it adjusted and resettled on the inside. Then I was super stressed the next morning when I couldn’t seem to have a regular BM, and all I wanted to do was to be able to poo and get this potato piece out of me. Finally, my body decided it was truly ready, and not just faking it anymore, and the potato and all the rest exited my system, to my great emotional relief.

The next potato was to be two nights later. I did it. We had a similar experience with the morning bowel movement not happening at the regular time. Finally, after belly aches for hours, it all came out around midday.

The thing is, the previous morning, all had been normal, timing and all. The following morning, too, all was normal. So, I decided I needed to have a rest from stressing all morning while at school, and wait for the weekend for the next one.

The two I had already done, coincidentally, already had made a huge difference in my hemorrhoids. The size was down by half, at least.

But my body does not like to let go of these potato pieces. So, I waited for the weekend for the next one… and then I forgot. I remembered after I had already showered and gotten ready for bed, at which point, I couldn’t bring myself to go cut up the potato and deal with the whole process of getting it in and all that emotional stress involved… I still have OCD, mind you. Yes, it has improved massively. But I still have a very strong dislike of anything associated with dirtiness, especially after I’ve showered before bed. So, it didn’t happen this weekend.

Tonight, Sunday night, I made myself go get the potato piece ready when I remembered right before my shower. I want these things handled. I want my body to heal…

Of course, I forgot while I was in the shower, and had to do it right afterward, which freaked me out a bit. But I had to do it the other day that way already, so I knew I could manage, even though I really disliked doing it that way. And the piece was longer than usual tonight, which also stressed me a bit, though logic and physics and geometry told me it was 100% fine.

Nonetheless, I got it done, though I had a total struggle initially. I was yelping and whining at first, my man even came to see if I was okay. Somehow, he guessed exactly what it was when I answered that, ‘No!’ I wasn’t okay. “Oh. The potato?” No hesitation. He just knew. 😛

Eventually, I tried a slightly different angle and all, and it went in normally and relatively easily, and it was handled. Now, to walk around and suck my butt in for the next ten to twenty minutes, and all will be well. (And it has been.)

I just hope I don’t have to keep doing these for much longer. The first two seemed to help immensely. I hope this one does the same. I’m ready for my butt to be normal again, please. (We’ll work more on the rash next. She also gave me something to try out for that.)

Dear God, please, heal my hemorrhoids and bottom problems. Help my body to be strong and well and beautiful in all ways. Help me to be the best I can be, that I pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023