Baby steps

I seem to be making progress on various things, though it is heavy-going. I am grateful for the progress, but it isn’t feeling much lighter, likely because I am carrying a lot for a lot of things right now – lots of progress to come, one could say! (Others might say it’s a long way to go yet… so, pick your flavor!)

I asked for something today, too, and not angrily or meanly – just straightly. And the answer was a very decent and respectable one. Nothing firm or final, but a promise to have a back-up option, which is more than I would have had if I hadn’t asked. So, yay for being courageous and asking!

Thank you, God, for all the encouragement and progress of today. Please, help me continue to pursue and fulfill your will by my life. Help me to achieve the goals you have granted me and placed before me. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Mixing

Two different directions for class right now. One would be super easy and fun, the other hard but important. So, I think I am at a point where I just need to mix the two together and just roll with it. I won’t be doing the best of the best options, but I will be doing better than the one I was originally following.

Ugh… not doing the best stresses me out, though…

Dear God, please, let me know clearly how to proceed with this all. Give me the clear guidance that shows me your will through me and my work. Help me to fulfill it always and in all ways. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Calling and Stressing

Sometimes, it feels like God is calling me in a certain direction, yet the world seems to be setting itself against my going in that direction. And sometimes, it feels like I am being offered a choice between two seemingly similar yet extremely different directions, and I truly cannot tell which is the one God is asking, recommending, calling me to pursue.

And sometimes, it’s both at the same time.

God, help me, please, to see clearly your will for me and my family and our life. Help me to see this next step clearly and to pursue and fulfill it with comfort, ease, and confidence in your guidance and will and love. Thank you for this life. Please, help me to live it at my best possible. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Jobs

I suddenly got the urge to check up on job postings for my man tonight (as I’m getting into bed, of course, because what else would I need to do when I’m needing to go to sleep?), so I did a quick search. I sent him one actual serious listing at first. Then I sent another that seemed interesting. Of course, it had shown up under the search criteria of “remote” for location, but, after checking after sending it to my man, I saw that it lists specific locations. Basically, that part was dumb. However, I’d already sent it to him. So, I iust added that I don’t actually want to move. It just sounded cool, and I liked that they included the salary range in the posting, so I was sharing with him.

But seriously, why do jobs not include a salary range in the posting in the first place???????? It actually matters, and it makes a difference on many levels. Plus, it would save a lot of time for a lot of people, including the ones who are doing the hiring in the first place. They waste loads of time interviewing overqualified candidates for low-paying positions, and also waste loads of time interviewing under qualified people for high-paying positions. Plus, who wants to get a job and find out after the fact that the company gave you the lowest possible salary, even though you’re massively qualified? Just be up front about it, please. Everyone.

Post-a-day 2023

Didn’t I just say…?

And here I am today, stressing out to tears about what I do not know about my job status. Was I even there yesterday when I thought all about how the need to know has its roots in the devil himself, and then I wrote all about it, too??

Granted, I slept a total of about three hours last night – woke up at 00:44, and couldn’t ever fall back asleep – so I was ridiculously tired today. I even thought about the whole conversation at one point in my crying misery today, and it helped, but I could tell I was just so tired, I couldn’t fully apply it to my present situation and just let go. I was genuinely sad and terribly tired. Not an easy combo for letting things go and feeling rational.

Fortunately, a coworker let me just be with what I needed to express, and she accepted and understood my sadness and acknowledged that it made sense on all accounts that I was feeling that way… and then she just hung out with me for an hour and a half, and we got to be totally normal people for a short while. And it was just a huge gulp of fresh air that I have been wanting and needing for quite some time. It feels now almost like we played hooky for an hour. But, really, I still went and got loads of work done afterward, anyway, so it was clearly rejuvenating for me.

I think I just need to get some good sleep tonight, and to take good care of myself and my work tomorrow, and then go to bed early tomorrow night. Once I’ve rested well, I can look to see what I actually need and want to do about all of this. Perhaps I will need to have a conversation with an administrator about my position, but there’s a high chance that conversation will be a bit different from the one I mentioned possibly having today. So, we shall see.

For now, goodnight and sweet dreams and blessings be upon you. In God’s name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Problems

Well, I got one thing resolved today at work, and so am grateful for the resolution. It made an immediate difference, and I was instantly relieved. I think a big part of the relief was that it all confirmed that the people who hired me had no idea the hassle and struggle I was having. As soon as I brought it to their attention this morning, the problem was almost instantly handled. So, it was a good feeling to know that the higher ups didn’t want me to have the hassle I was having and that they believed I was supposed to be treated as an actual teacher – which I am, despite my official status on the payroll – in this matter. I think that part relieved me almost more than the actual issues having been resolved…

Thank you, God, for that clear bit of care and love and of being wanted and appreciated and valued. Thank you. Please, heal those in need of healing. Help me to be a spectacular teacher and to support my family well. Keep my man safe, please. Thank you for him and his love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A first for the first day of school

For the first time in my life, I slept well the night before the first day of school. I went to school today rested and ready for the day, and I was, at one point, amazed when I realized just how rested and easy-feeling I was. I had a peaceful, easy feeling, and it was mostly due to a good night of sleep last night.

What a great first to experience.

Dear God, thank you for my sleep last night. Please, help me always to sleep well, that sounds have the full and easy energy to pursue and fulfill your will always. Thank you for this life and this work – they are both blessed. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Monday

Well, I went and got the adapter from IT to be able to connect my external hard drive (with all my teaching documents on it) to the computer they gave me. Then I promptly returned to my office to get to work, only to find that I had left the hard drive at home… ugh! Haha

So, I got other stuff done today, and then left a little early. I then went to the chiropractor, who made a small huge difference for me immediately, which was awesome. And then I went to IKEA. They have a teacher discount right now, so, I went to re-purchase and then return the dresser we had just gotten (rather than hassle with a price adjustment that places don’t like to do, though it is the same thing. Anyway, we had gotten it at a 5% discount recently, because I’m an IKEA Family member. Awesome. But the teacher discount was a 15% discount, which was a difference of going from $16.50 of savings to $49.50 of savings. It was only $33, but every dollar counts right now especially. I confirmed twice with my man that it was worth doing, and we finally determined that it really was and today was the day.

So, I go to purchase the dresser, and, when I look up the item location, I discover that it is on sale… for a hundred dollars off the original price. (!!!) And then I went to pick it up, and ended up helping this nice woman/girl load up her cart and not lose her wallet, then I got all my boxes in my cart and went to check out. I was worried the teacher discount wouldn’t work on already-discounted items. I was thinking about that before I even knew the item was discounted. But the discount still applied! So, instead of saving an extra $33, I saved an extra $141.25 (because of tax). Well worth the trip!

And then I celebrated with my free coffee (decaf, of course) and the currently anniversary-discounted apple cake that I’d never tried for a total of 87¢ with tax. And they were wonderful together. I felt like I was in a Scandinavian version of Café du Monde. And it was delicious. And then my man came and had coffee with me, and spun around a lot in the spinny high chairs I had picked for my snack time. 😛

So, anyway, be kind and love all, including yourself.

Thank you, God, for the successes and growth of today. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Sleepy

I need to sleep hard tonight, as I have a sort of long day tomorrow that starts early. But there is a chance it might be a very interesting time, as well as educational. So, that gives it a chance of being great, despite my likely being tired and kind of generally wiped from this week’s work stuff.

I didn’t get any lesson stuff done today, though I’d hoped to have at least my framework for making lessons set up today. But it didn’t happen either. Technology changed, so I couldn’t connect my external hard drive to the new laptop that only had USB-C ports on it. But IT said I can easily come pick up an adapter on Monday, so I’ll do that then, and get down to some business. Some very important business called, “What on Earth I am doing in classes for the start of school.”

Dear God, help me to be a great teacher this year especially. I look forward to fulfilling your will and to being your servant in this fulfilling role. Guide me always, please, and help me always to have the right words. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Progress

I wasn’t as stressed today as yesterday. I was clearly still stressed, though, because I actually started to cry a little bit when I discovered that my “office” is a former storage room and is the only office that has no window at all. And it has no built-in shelving or storage like everyone else has… because it was a storage room.

Nonetheless, I went to the bathroom, and came back with the perspective of figuring out something workable. I turned the heavy (and dirty) desk to face the common area (that wall is glass, so it acts like a secondary window, you could say, getting natural light from the windows that lead into the rest of the office suite), and it fit just perfectly there. I then cleaned the desk.m and left it opened up to dry, so I could reevaluate if more cleaning would be needed tomorrow.

I then sat at the center table in the common area (which is filled with natural light), right outside my door, to handle the bit of computer work I had to do – well, wanted to have done – today before I went home. While there, I ended up meeting the rest of the residents of the office suite as they trickled in, and it was almost magical. This was truly the place for me to be this year. It is downstairs and the next building over from where all my classes will be (versus down the hall from the classroom on the same floor).

I was initially okay with the idea, though, because it would mean my own space instead of four cubicles in a single room, and my own locking door for keeping things safe at my own discretion. The lack of window, as I mentioned, put me over an edge of stress, though, and made me cry a bit. But I shared a photo with my brother, who is very high up in his company and recently ran into the problem of having no office at all to himself, due to a hiring surge. He had said repeatedly that he didn’t care if he only got a closet – he just needed his own space to work privately. He laughed at my photo and offer for him to take my storage shed office, and sent me a photo of his recently-found closet. He said I had him beat on space, and that he didn’t even have one of the adjustable standing desks he usually has. His photo cracked me up. Sure, the one wall was painted like the outdoors beautifully, but his office truly was like a closet. He said he can barely wheel out his chair to sit down in it, and he definitely cannot do any advanced yoga poses (his words, not mine). So, we both have former storage closets for offices now. But we are both glad to have them to ourselves, especially since I turned the desk and it made all the difference(!).

Now, to dive right into the real work tomorrow: preparing for actual teaching.

God, guide me to do a wonderful job at school and always to do your will. Thank you for this job and this call. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S. I totally forgot to mention that, when I went to leave for the day, and I locked the office door, it didn’t actually lock…. That is to say that the lock is broken… the irony. Haha. But, we submitted a repair request and it likely will be fixed before school starts next week. So, yay! Haha

Post-a-day 2023