Month: June 2018

Pride

Every so often – okay, let’s be real here… probably almost every month, and sometimes multiple times a month – I envy men for their lack of menstruation.  But then, out of nowhere, I remember that not only do they have an embarrassing display when they are, shall we say, stimulated in public, but they have penises.  I totally take periods over penises.  For females, we only have to hang around with our periods for about a week every month.  But guys, their penises hang around – and quite literally – all the time.  That just sucks, in my opinion.  I mean, I occasionally also think that breasts are a hassle with running and other bouncy sports.  But that is nothing compared to having to deal with something getting in the way of my stride and any other leg movement at all times.  Ugh… poor guys.

Post-a-day 2018

Self-expression followed by rejection?

Have you ever truly put yourself out there, honestly and in the open, and then been rejected?  I have, and in many situations and circumstances.  However, as much as it hurts to receive that rejection – and, believe me, it really hurts, because that is the best of and the truest of me that is being rejected – it is always somewhat of a good thing.  A really good thing, actually, because, you see, if that situation, or those people, or whatever, rejects who I truly am, rejects the inner and outer me, then I find it best that I not be around them – that is clearly not the place for me.  And so, despite the pain, it is always relieving and good for me, because, as important as it is to find where I belong in this world, where I am nourished and where I nourish my surroundings in return, it is equally important not to be where I don’t have that.  So, the pain is a good thing, after all.

I guess I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, though I hadn’t really noticed it until just now.  I’m preparing for something, something I plan to have happen soon, and I can see that I am afraid of it, because of how people might respond to it, how they might reject me (or, as is incredibly likely, and already common for me, anyway, so I’m not sure why I’m even worried about this part in the first place, misunderstand me).  But, just as I’ve shared here, I suppose it is actually a good thing.  I need not put it off for fear – if I will be rejected for that piece of my self-expression, even if it is someone misunderstanding that piece of my self-expression, then perhaps it is best for me to have that happen sooner, rather than later, so that I can create the space to be surrounded by the people and the world that are good for me and for whom I am good.  My waiting around for this serves no one, it seems, and my going ahead with it actually has potential benefits for many.  Huh… wow.

Post-a-day 2018

Unbelievable life

Do you ever find yourself filled with this unexplainable feeling of joy and excitement regarding the general idea of what’s happening in your life, and then suddenly realize that the feeling isn’t actually about your own life, but about the character’s life from a movie or book that you were just watching or reading?

And then, at that realization, do you find yourself suddenly totally miserable, and already considering what movie or book would be a good remedy for your current state, while simultaneously wondering if that wouldn’t just put you back in the same position as you are right now?

Life is nuts, I tell you… or, at least, I am, anyway.

Post-a-day 2018

Pallet Ingenuity

I’m spending tonight on a little pallet of pillows on the floor, and it is reminding me of that night I had in Japan, where we had all only just moved to Japan, and so, when I spent the night at a friend’s apartment, she had to make me a pallet out of her clothes, since there was nothing else to use for sleeping on the hard, wood-like floor.

We got creative and resourceful, and it was great.

😛

Post-a-day 2018

Dear Goodness, really??

I’ve noticed that I have been having trouble getting myself to go to bed recently.  I realized only just now that it is in large part due to my fear of roaches.  I’ve been housesitting, and there have been at least ten roaches with which I’ve had to deal over the past week-ish (not to mention the surprise flea infestation).  Talk about panic and paranoia taking over, I’ve been a sort of total mess this past week.  When I opened the door to bring something out to my mom this evening, a roach came rushing inside, and I screamed and broke almost instantly into tears.  I could barely speak, as I finished handing my mom the stuff, and headed back inside to deal with the bug.  It’s just not my cup of tea, so to speak, managing such a thing.  Quite frankly, I almost wish that I lived in a hermetically sealed box – at least then I would have clean air flow and no bugs, since it would be magical and all.

Sigh… now, that would be nice…

Anyway, my mom thinks that there is something that the world has been aiming to impart to me through this dreadful bag of events thrown at me this past week+.  I am inclined to see it so, too, though I’m not too sure yet as to what is being imparted to me.   Perhaps it has been something to the effect of being able to appreciate what I already have in life, or to show that even I can survive what I personally consider to be some of the most dreadful circumstances in life, and, therefore, I really can survive life as a whole (something which has genuinely concerned me at times).  Perhaps it is to be a sort of starting block for me to want something more for myself, as I see more and more clearly what sorts of things are important to me in my everyday life.  One thing is for sure: Living in town doesn’t matter much, if I don’t have friends and I don’t have activities in which I am involved.  I’m still on my own all day long, and it sucks just about as much in town as it does in the suburbs.

Yeah…

Post-a-day 2018

When what was easy, turns difficult

Menstruation.

Apparently, it is a beautiful thing, because of its cycle’s potential to create new life.  However, something’s potential is not the foundation of its quality or beauty.  It is only the potential – nothing more, nothing less.  So, while the process that involves menstruation could produce something beautiful, I argue that menstruation is not, in and of itself, a beautiful thing.

Quite frankly, I’m not a fan of it, almost at all, but I do think it is kind of miraculous that a person could lose so much blood, and so often, – and, for me, it is apparently even more blood loss than usual – without passing out on the pavement, ill beyond belief.  It is somewhat miraculous that women do not end up in the hospital every month, due to blood loss from menstruation.  Perhaps it is one of our magical powers as females.  Yes, we can bleed blood, and be totally fine afterward.  (I feel like I’m in Zoolander right now, with that mocking line.)  😛

Anyway, for some women it is totally a no biggie.  For some, it is one of the most difficult times of life, when it shows up each month-ish.  And, for others, it is somewhere in the vast expanse between the two.  (For me personally, I am guaranteed to have very little sleep for two nights in a row, and to have an incredibly strict bathroom schedule for those two days, with the occasional extreme discomfort in the mid-region.)  Whatever the case, it takes something extra, something special, something powerful for females to manage it all effectively, to get up and go, no matter what the body brings.  So, show some acknowledgement of the nonsense with which females have to deal so often, and go do something nice for the females in your life.  They deserve it.

Post-a-day 2018

Family Time

I did dinner and a baseball game with my dad tonight.  It was really good.  Spending such a good chunk of time together, just the two of us, has been something that I have missed greatly in recent years.  We do the occasional quick meal, or trip to the store, but it is never for very long at once, and it has become a rather rare occurrence this past year (and, naturally, nonexistent last year, when I didn’t live in the USA).  Tonight was exactly the kind of thing we both enjoy doing, and especially together.  I think this would be a good something to pursue, finding more circumstances that are similar to tonight’s events, so that my dad and I can hang out comfortably and casually (yet with a specific sort of activity at the source of our time, so that he’s permitted to be out for so long without hassle).

Tonight was good, and there was nothing specific that made it awesome.  It was just good time, and good for our relationship, too.

Post-a-day 2018