Month: November 2023

Something’s Different…

“What’s happening?” he mouths to me across the room, edges of a smile on his surprised face.

I smile back, slightly incredulous myself. “I don’t know…”

It’s half an hour past the end time of the event, and yet we are all still standing around chatting happily. Our hosts are animated and involved in their conversations with us all. No one has come to kick us all out, either gently or forcefully.

This has never happened before.

Usually, ten to fifteen minutes before the end time, a group of staff are going around kindly saying goodnight and reminding us to turn in our name tags as we leave. Then, by one ‘til, they have come back around to walk us kindly and smiling to the door, gently kicking us out by two minutes past the end time.

Tonight, however, none of that happened. We all are still wearing our name tags, even. I went to the bathroom at a quarter ‘til, so that I wouldn’t stand out as a problem at the end or have to wait on anyone else needing to go before driving the long way home. After I came out, I was looking briefly at some brochures before they got picked up – which definitely would be within the next five minutes or so – and our main host is suddenly opening up some double doors that had been, different from usual, closed tonight. I watch, smiling as he figured out the western door’s latch system. Once he gets it open, he turns right to me and invites me to come into the now-open room… to see his wife’s flower arrangements. 😛 He says he doesn’t know why it was closed the whole time, but he wants us to see the flowers, now that it is opened.

I begin to look around with him and am very much impressed by her arrangements – think beautiful Japanese ikebana, not western flower stems in an upright vase – saying so to him. He then suggests that we need to get the others, and so proceeds to go gather the majority of the remaining guests and bring them into the room.

More than half an hour later, we’re all still there. My small group has had multiple comments from me already about the not-being-kicked-out-yet situation. This is when a friend turns around across the room and mouths his question to me. He and I both know how it usually is. Most of the others are here for the first time, and so really just don’t get it. When he joins me, we both laugh in our amazement.

He thinks at first is it because our hosts have no children, but the previous hosts did. But no, we were still kicked out promptly for other events with these particular hosts.

However, I add, these hosts have always been very sociable and excited at having us all here. They never seem to be wanting to stop the party, and actively engage guests right up to the time those guests are kicked out by the wranglers. Perhaps, because they have no specific schedule or plans for this weekend – one of them told me so at the start of the event – they told the wranglers to hold off this time. Or something of the sort… because no one tried kicking us out. I joke that, perhaps, they are still on daylight saving time, and just don’t realize it is so late as it is – they still have another 25 minutes on a DST schedule!

I finally went to check in with one of the staff folks, who was chatting happily himself in the next room over, and even he had no idea why we all still were there and hadn’t been kicked out. He and I agreed to go ahead and give a gentle nudge to everyone by my making a big-ish deal of saying goodbye to our hosts. I began to do so, but, given how much the hosts love to chat, I then just straight up went and told the Americans that we were supposed to leave now. We have little issue with such a direct and clear communication between ourselves, so long as we aren’t mean about it, of course. Then everyone rallied together to say goodbye to our hosts, and the party actually ended… about seven minutes later.

At four ‘til nine, we all wandered out through the drizzling rain to our vehicles, and headed home after a bizarre and wonderful night… a whole extra hour later than we were supposed to be. 😛

Never done that one before at the Consul-General’s Residence!

Thank you, God, for this lovely evening of camaraderie and surprise. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Limits

“Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone,” so often declared my German professor in college. She was quoting roughly Neale Donald Walsch (It seems he said it first, anyway), of course, and she was saying it as a means of encouraging us to be uncomfortable and to speak German anyway. But it stuck with me beyond just that class. Here I am, 12 years later, and I still reference the quite and idea regularly.

Tonight, I stepped beyond my comfort zone by joining a service event that involved working in a sort of soup kitchen help staff role… not a comfortable thing for me in the first place. And it required a lot of me that is nigh on painful for me emotionally. I did adjust and shift a bit within the flexibility of the volunteering, so as to be of service without freaking out. However, I was still very much outside of my comfort zone in terms of my OCD. Many of my limits were hit.

Even the dinner we had together after the service required me to step beyond my comfort zone on multiple levels with the OCD.

And I had a very enjoyable time as a whole.

And I was uncomfortable for a lot of it.

But I adjusted, and it got less uncomfortable. By the end of the evening, I was genuinely comfortable. Looking back on it all – and act that alone gives me discomfort due to the circumstances of the service and dinner – I am impressed at how comfortable I ended up being in both locations and in driving between them. I won’t get into details, because that just helps to bring on the panic. However, I’ll add just that I impressed myself. I found a place of ease within myself as I did these things this evening, these things that, even considering doing, give me anxiety and stress. I almost didn’t go at all tonight, for that reason. But it felt right.

And that feeling was right. It was life, asking to be lived. And I did. And it scared me. And I’m so glad I went.

(And now, due to the OCD, I must set aside any clear memories I have of details, in order to be able to function the rest of the week!)

Thank you, God, for this evening’s events and developments. Thank you for helping me find a way to be of service. Thank you for helping me find a space of belonging and of being truly welcome tonight. And thank you for the innumerable blessings you have graciously planted in my life. And thank you for the story shared by Matthew Perry – May it help people as I believe it truly can. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Baby steps

I seem to be making progress on various things, though it is heavy-going. I am grateful for the progress, but it isn’t feeling much lighter, likely because I am carrying a lot for a lot of things right now – lots of progress to come, one could say! (Others might say it’s a long way to go yet… so, pick your flavor!)

I asked for something today, too, and not angrily or meanly – just straightly. And the answer was a very decent and respectable one. Nothing firm or final, but a promise to have a back-up option, which is more than I would have had if I hadn’t asked. So, yay for being courageous and asking!

Thank you, God, for all the encouragement and progress of today. Please, help me continue to pursue and fulfill your will by my life. Help me to achieve the goals you have granted me and placed before me. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Mixing

Two different directions for class right now. One would be super easy and fun, the other hard but important. So, I think I am at a point where I just need to mix the two together and just roll with it. I won’t be doing the best of the best options, but I will be doing better than the one I was originally following.

Ugh… not doing the best stresses me out, though…

Dear God, please, let me know clearly how to proceed with this all. Give me the clear guidance that shows me your will through me and my work. Help me to fulfill it always and in all ways. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Signs

I pray about things. And I do that both formally and informally. Sometimes, I sit and do the sign of the cross and address God, then say things to Him and, maybe, ask Him for things, and end ‘in His name, Amen.’

Most of the time, though, I pray more in an open prayer. That is, I turn to God, both physically and mentally, throughout the day, and interact with Him. I say things to Him either in my head or aloud – usually in my head, when others are around – and I listen for His replies. He always replies, but I don’t always understand at the time. One of my biggest prayers is for clarity in my next step with everything in my life. I pray that I want, pursue, and fulfill God’s will in all that I am and in all that I do, and I always ask for clarity as to how next to step in order to do just that. And, when it is time to do something other than what I’ve been doing lately, I receive some kind of clear sign – usually in the form of a strong and almost-sudden pull, desire, calling – and I can just feel that it is God’s will pulling me forward, showing me my next step on His desired path for me.

Lately, I have been in what has felt like a sort of limbo. I see not my path forward, and I have no idea how we are going to get to what comes next – because I can feel God’s promise of what is next, but just don’t yet see or know quite what or how it is to be – though I do see what I am to do for right now. He’s told me to do well by the kids – ‘Do a good job,’ He has told me, and I feel that He means for the students.

Naturally, I started stressing at how I’m not being a good enough teacher right now, as soon as I understood that to be His present will. So, I’m working on that.

However, there are so many directions life could go in the next six months, and I find myself getting scared and stressed about that. I cannot yet see where God is taking me, and it is scaring me a bit.

But, of course, now that I’m saying all of this, my obvious answer is, Well, that would be because you are not trusting in God. No duh, banana. No duh… So, I guess it is time to trust fully in God and to let go of the not knowing. He will make sure I know when it is time for me to know. And He will take care of me. All I need do presently is continue to choose Him every day and to do His will of doing a good job. And I do. And I will.

Okay, God. I let go. You can have back this fear I’ve been picking up, and turn it into something gloriously beautiful in a new form, please. Thank you for this life, and thank you for prayer. Thank you for being with me so much and for always being ready and able to listen and, also, to respond. Thank you for your guidance. Please, help me to see exactly how to proceed to create and to realize this amazing life you are offering to me. Help me always to pursue and to fulfill your will by my life. Heal those in need of healing, please. And let me know whatever I need to know, please. In your name, I pray in immense gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

As planned

Well, that did not go as planned… nor did it go as promised.

So, I need to see how best to proceed with this. Feedback is important in improvement, – actually, feedback is valuable in everything – and improvement is important when things don’t go well. Degrading and denying feedback and avoiding responsibility for things that didn’t go well helps nothing and hurts much.

As hard as it is to accept that we have messed something up, it is extremely valuable to all parties involved just to acknowledge that we see that we messed up. What makes it even better is also acknowledging that we are committed to something better than what we produced. Then and only then can we truly improve something.

Please, keep that in mind whenever you mess up in the future (we know we all do it often enough, so it’s coming!).

Dear God, thank you for our safety today and our time together as a family. Thank you, also, for this opportunity for growth. Please, help me to grow well, pursuing and fulfilling your will in the process. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Safe travels

We are off on our bicycles in the morning, heading to the port! (Woohoo!) And then heading back.

And then we’re heading up north to an airport! Hadn’t thought about that(!). Haha

Anyway, it’s the annual Park-to-Port bicycle ride for Hermann Park Conservancy and the Port of Houston tomorrow, and we always do it as a family affair. I very much enjoy it. And everyone enjoys the free St. Arnold beer at the end. (Though, I, personally, really like the random dry cider St. Arnold handed out for the first time last year, and that I haven’t been able to find anywhere since. [This is ironic, for those who don’t know, because I basically can’t stand a single cider I have ever tasted, as they all always remind me of the formaldehyde and how cider tastes the way formaldehyde smells.])

So, here’s to hoping for safe riding for all involved and for a successful fundraiser and awareness campaign for the two hosts! Cheers!

God, keep us all safe, please, and bless the event tomorrow with your love and generosity, please. Make our visit to the school afterward be also a success for us, please, and help us to have clarity on our feelings and the direction we need to go with everything. Thank you for this life and these blessings and opportunities. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Civic duty

I went to a town hall meeting tonight about a local fire. I learned a lot… mostly that my guesses were all accurate. Government does a lot of junk. Certain groups and people actually care and do their best with what they’re given. Most of them, however, don’t do a good job at all, avoid responsibility, and then hand off the absolute crap situations they allowed and half created to those who do care, and then those caring folks have to work even harder to pick up the pieces of junk handed to them.

So, yeah…

Oh, and the news article didn’t even report the right information that was given at the meeting. Talk about fake news… that was straight up false information in that article. When we read it, we had a feeling of, ‘Did you even attend the same meeting we did?’

People are dumb an unfortunate amount of the time…

God, help us, please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Halloween

Tonight, we got to join my friend and her husband and two little girls to go trick-or-treating. It was the first time for real for the three-year-old.

When we pulled up, they were all out front, and another friend of my friend was with them. As we set out, we realized that we were three different families present for the two children of only one of those families. It cracked us up, at least. The one family was dressed to theme together as characters from the movie “Encanto”. The mom was Luisa and the baby was a donkey, dad was Bruno, and the three-year-old, of course, was Mirabel. And yes, she wore the glasses. We actually had to stop at one point, because her glasses were falling down, and she had to fix them. (Of course, my man actually fixed them for her, because they’d popped out of socket on one side, but she was the one who was adamant that they had to be fixed before we could continue walking.)

Nonetheless, she would hold one of our hands while we walked, then would climb onto the front walkway of a house, run up to the door or table with her (meaning our) pumpkin, usually say, and adorably, “Trick or treat!”, receive or grab candy, often say even more adorably, “Thank you!”, run back down to us waiting adults (with the baby), grab ahold of a hand again, and then jump off the curb. For the first several times, she also then would add, “I got candy! I got candy!” Then, as we continued onward, she would declare, “I wanna go to Mimi and Pawpaw’s house! I wanna go to Mimi and Pawpaw’s house!” (Keep in mind, she is excited and adorable, not whiney and annoying. Just to be clear here, because that matters.)

Once we finally got to Mimi and Pawpaw’s house, they came along with us for a bit before going back home. At that point, the declaration from the street, after getting candy, had become, “I wanna do another one… I wanna go to someBODY’s house! I wanna go to someBODY’s house!” Why was she emphasizing the “body” part of the word? I genuinely have no idea. But it was stupidly cute, and she was just so excited to be trick-or-treating, which she also occasionally declared that she was doing, none of us minded about correcting her emphasis.

When we got back to the house, she immediately took off her shoes and then told us she wanted to eat a piece of chocolate. So, I had her pick one, and then I opened it for her. When she was ready for another piece, I showed her how to bring the bucket to the floor, and to sit down and dump it out with us, making that glorious candy waterfall and then pile. She clearly enjoyed both the dumping and the shoving her hands through it all to see what all was there. Right move!

And she actually had a surprising spread. I made her parents both feel how heavy her bucket was before we dumped it out, because no one understood how strong this kid had been. She was adamant about carrying it herself the whole time. But that thing was genuinely heavy, and she’s only three years old. Her commitment and success were impressive, to be sure. We were all both surprised and proud of her.

And we were proud of her for all of it, really. She had gone up to most houses all on her own. She’d remembered her lines almost every time. When she forgot the “Trick or treat” part, and my man asked her, “What do you say?”, she quickly then said to the ladies, “Thank you!” Not the direction he was aiming, but also not a bad line to pick(!). She did a really good job and clearly had a blast, and we were proud of her.

And we had a good time, too. It was fun being all together just hanging out, while also providing for this both adorable for us and fun for her time for the three-year-old. It was great.

Oh, and she also occasionally would declare, “I’m Mirabeeel!” Everyone enjoyed that one, too.

It was just a lovely night, and I am grateful for it. I’m sorry my man and I both felt kind of unwell afterward, and that we didn’t hand out any of the candy we’d purchased specifically to hand out this year, but I think we both are glad we went with my friend and them all, nonetheless. It was a surprisingly lovely time.

Thank you, God, for these friends, big and small. Thank you for tonight. Please, help us to sleep well tonight and to pursue and fulfill your will in all we do. Help my friend A-J to experience the love we have for her and the gratitude so many have toward her. Help her to feel your love and the love and gratitude she so well creates and inspires. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023