Terrible blessings

I wasn’t ready to go back to school today. I felt it with my whole being. But I couldn’t afford not to go, financially. I’m only paid by the day, and I had already taken off yesterday.

So, I went to school today.

I had my first class. We did our work, and it went well. Then I went to see the one teacher who knew. We chatted briefly, but well.

And then she asked/told me that how about she go ahead and take my other class, and I go ahead and go home now, so I could rest. So, I cried some more in gratitude, told the department head what the other teacher was going to do and that I needed to leave – and he accepted without question – and I left.

It was a terrible thing that made any of this relevant, of course, but it made the blessing all the more powerful.

My mom and I had planned to meet at Costco after school today, so we could get groceries for Sunday. So, instead of going this afternoon, we went this morning, basically right as the store opened. After we finished, I had a slice of pizza that I had been longing to have for some time, as well as a soft serve and a frozen coffee thing, both of which I had also been wanting for some time, and enjoyed my lunch thoroughly.

Then I went home and rested.

I talked with my dad, and it was a really good conversation.

I got the body wash I had been wanting.

I visited my grandma for what was likely the last happy hour at her place, and my mom and husband joined, too.

And I rested some more before going to adoration… which wasn’t actually happening as the church had advertised. So, I jumped into the end of the Spanish Mass that was happening instead and adored Jesus through receiving Communion with immense gratitude.

And then I went back home to rest some more before bed.

Now, I’m ready and going to bed.

Oh, and my best friend surprised us with a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to the house today with a kind note.

So, goodnight.

God, thank you for the many blessings of today, including my ability to spend time with those I love and who love me. Help me to heal fully, especially with and through your grace and love. Keep my family safe and well, please. Stay with us, powerfully, please. Help me to feel your arms helping me, healing me, guiding me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Misery

Some things necessitate misery. This is one of them.

I noticed this morning, having stayed home from work for the day, that I was filled with a sense of ease I had not had for a long time. Not really interacting with anyone was good for me today. When an app helper person responded dumbly to some feedback I had given, I was, in a way, enraged. I just couldn’t take it, either the stupidity or the disrespect… it has me a bit worried that I am not actually ready to be around people tomorrow.

It is likely to be a difficult day for me, and on multiple levels. I’m almost hoping that I have a sort of freak out, just so I can go ahead and leave for the day. We don’t have school Friday, so tomorrow is the last day of this week for us. And yet I still don’t want to go.

But I’m only paid by the day, and we need as much financial support as we can get right now. So, I’m going in, it seems.

I’m not ready for this.

Post-a-day 2024

Society

Society calls for us to hide our pains from the world around us. And yet, how hurtful has it been each time we have learned that someone has been suffering silently, and often entirely alone, right by us, but without our knowledge… and wished we could have helped?

Perhaps we aren’t made to keep it hidden inside. Perhaps we were made to share, including our struggles, with those around us.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

I think we were. How else would we grow truly close to those around us? How could we learn to love each other fully, to show our love fully? Perhaps it is why everyone seems so far away these days…

Post-a-day 2024

Flawed

The system is flawed. How are we supposed to be healthy if we can’t eat healthy foods – or just about any foods at all – and drink heathy drinks, including water, without getting totally ill? Who made this plan? Why? How do we do it??

The body does this consistently with food poisoning, sure. It needs to clear out everything and start over. But anything more than a few days… that’s just absurd.

Dear God, help me to eat and drink well, that I be healthy and be my best self with and through you and with and through your aid. Please, keep my husband safe and well, same for me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Shelves

We are working on resolving the bookshelf need/desire. Hopefully, we will find a beautiful, effective, and affordable solution soon. I have a few boxes of books at my mom’s right now that I would like to have here, displayed and in my life. But I can’t even currently display all the books I have here.

So, something to figure out.

God, thank you for this life. Thank you for helping me see clearly and without shame that we need help with cleaning our home, at least for now, if not for always. Help us to improve continuously in caring for our home and our marriage. Help us to love fully and freely in our home, guided always by your love and hand. We trust in you fully. Please, take care of everything. Have us do as you will, and help us always to want your will, as you do. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Carnival

Tonight, we attended the rodeo carnival. My husband and I went in with my brother and his wife, because a friend gave us some carnival packs he never ended up using or reselling. Plus, we had a few free ride tickets from the volunteer appreciation brunch the rodeo had this year (which was quite cool, by the way).

I think we all went into it a little tired, but game. And I think we all ended up having actually a really good time. We walked around a bit to get an idea of pricing and availability, and then we rode the gondola across first (after I got a corn dog with the food card we had). It was actually quite neat, but also slightly terrifying. Something about it just felt kind of janky, when compared to ski gondolas, and we had this paranoid feeling that our phones were going to plummet at any second, and our hats would go flying, forever lost to us. It also stopped twice, though briefly. That didn’t make it feel any better. But it was still cool, and I’m glad we did it. Definitely a fun view to have of the whole complex.

Then we all needed a bathroom break, so we went over to Center to use real bathrooms and to see the youth agricultural mechanics contest. My committeemen who told me about this contest were not wrong: these kids make aMAZing things. We talked with one girl who is a senior in high school, and she presented her project to us. It was an automated washer and dryer for sheep, goats, and cattle (they do this for showing constantly, and it is actually kind of hilarious to watch folks struggle to clean and dry these animals by hand). It was immensely sophisticated, it boxed up neatly for transport, and it took her over a thousand hours of labor, which she did by herself, and cost $24,000 in materials. She plans to patent it in the very near future, her siblings will use it for their show animals this next year, and she hopes to get it contracted for production and sale at about $80,000 a pop. Oh, and she also demonstrated its functionality for us with life-sized stuffed animals. That was both awesome and adorable.

Pretty neat, huh?

Then we wandered back to the carnival to use up our tickets. Should have done it earlier, we quickly discovered, because the place was packed and the lines were long now.

Nonetheless, they rode a swing ride, a spinning ride with almost no line, and another flipping-spinning ride that went super high up and, somehow, had an almost-zero line as we walked up to it (which didn’t last).

We spent the final tickets on a game we had seen and called unfairly priced early on, where you get to throw baseballs at overturned beer bottles and try to break them. But you only get two balls per turn and have to break two bottles. (So, if you miss the first, why bother throwing the second? Exactly.) However, we had tickets to spare and no one wanted to wait in any lines for rides anymore, so we went for it.

The boys enjoyed it and did not succeed in breaking the bottles. They did, however, succeed in getting tiny bits of glass all over their hands from the used baseballs that had been falling on the piles of broken bottles all day (and all rodeo, most likely). So, that sucked. After they washed their hands, it was immensely better, but not all the glass was gone, apparently. I’m just hoping it’ll be fully clear from my husband’s hands during his shower, so he can come to bed with fully clean and safe hands. I’m too sensitive for stuff like that, and probably would freak out for weeks if any ended up in the bed.

Anyway, we then went to the club we enjoy, partly just to use he tickets my mom had given us, but also so my brother and sister-in-law could try the awesome frozen (think frostie-style) Jack & Coke and the awesome Milk Punch (also called Rodeo Punch), a milky drink with nutmeg that is like horchata, but not. On the way, a girl from one of my committees was clearly leaving and she could tell we were going up to the club, so she handed me a handful of drink tickets she was not going to be using before tomorrow night. (Not like we needed those, but more to share! And we did both sue them and share them, which was great.) We still ended up with three drink tickets leaving in my hat, but those had been a gift in the first place, so no monetary loss on our family’s end, anyway, and more money for the kids (scholarship money).

We finally left to go home at eleven o’clock, all of us wiped. But the highways were actually open tonight, free from construction shut-downs, so it was a quick drive home for once. (Yippee!)

So, yes, another night both out and up late for me. And I had a very nice time with my family, doing something we don’t usually get to do. So, that was fun, and so am grateful.

Thank you, God, for such a nice time with my family and for keeping us safe. I love you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Bedtimes

I despise going to bed late. I always feel terrible the following day or three, and it takes me forever truly to catch up on sleep. Even if I get to sleep in late, that just doesn’t do it. Only going to bed early gives me the truly restful sleep.

The sleep I actually need.

And yet I keep staying up late.

And I keep being miserable.

When will I cut it out and just give up and go to bed early like both my mind and body want me to do?

God, help me sort this out, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Bedtime

I’m tired. And I want to be held. And I’m tired of going to bed alone. And I’m tired of not exercising enough.

I did actually get in some exercise both yesterday and today, though both were only partial exercise. However, they were more than I did the previous two weeks, which was an improvement, and I am grateful for that. I hope to do some tomorrow, too. Even that little bit today helped and that chunk yesterday helped, too.

I also wakes the dog today. It was the longer route, and we went kind of fast. I kept up my pace, which meant I was basically dragging the dog along by the final third of it. But it was good for us both. I got depressive today, which felt all the more terrible than I had been feeling lately for lack of sleep and for rodeo stress – aka people being stupid very unnecessarily. So, going outside into the sunlight and also doing a brisk walk we’re both helpful. And the dog’s being with me helped me feel like I had company. (I had thought my husband and I could spend the day together today, but hadn’t known until last night that he had his onboarding stuff at the office all morning today, then flying all afternoon. So, sad for the day’s plans, but good for his work, for his mental health, and for our income.)

But we got to have a Costco pizza pie for dinner (and a hot dog for me) to celebrate Pi Day together. We even shared one of the coffee freeze things that are delicious, which is rare for us – my husband doesn’t exactly share single servings of things, so that was big. We had a great little date night out at Costco, and we also got my grandma’s coffee things and fresh organic blueberries for myself (I’d say we got them for ourselves, but he never ate his half of the last batch, and they went bad, so I’m not bothering to share this time. Not in a mean way. Just in a practical sense. If he wants some, he can take them, but I’m not leaving any for him intentionally this time.).

I’ve been really wanting fresh fruits and veggies lately. I want all those awesome smoothies and juices from these couple super healthy smoothie places. But that’s super unaffordable. Why the stuff without all the added junk is so much more expensive is still baffling to me. It tastes better and is better for us, plus is easier to make, but costs loads more. I just wish I were better at making smoothies. I somehow mess them up 60-70% of the time and make something terrible, though healthy. That 40% where it is tolerable or delicious is giving me ever-decreasing confidence in trying to make them at all anymore.

But I really want a good smoothie. I can make this one morning one really well still. But making ones that don’t have too much sweet (to where they don’t give me gas) has been difficult for me the past few years. That’s why I stopped making them altogether, really. I need veggie smoothies, but don’t have any good recipes. I always just made it up. (Also why they often sucked.)

Anyway, I’m worn out. Off to snuggle with my stuffed animals and sleep half-upright, because that pizza was so bad for my digestion, I can’t even lie down flat without risk of things going back upward right now (hours later). Ugh…

Anyway, goodnight, folks! Sleep well, sweet dreams, and May God bless you beautifully and unexpectedly this week.

God, be with us all newly this week, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024