Tag: emotions

Fitness

I’ve gotten lazy as of late, and it is not okay. My mind is also not okay, because of it. So, I need to sort out myself and see what I need to make this happen. I weight more than I am comfortable weighing right now, and that is not cool. My natural instinct is to eat less, which isn’t always the right answer. Presently, the answer is very much to exercise again. Almost no exercise in two weeks is too long for me, both in mind and in body. Too long by a lot.

So, I’m going to do a touch of ab work right now, even though I’m lying in bed to go to sleep. Then, I am going to do at least what I consider a half-workout tomorrow whenever I get up. It’ll be abs and some weight movements, but nothing to crush me or to crush my will to work out the next time. Something I can handle in my current state of fitness, but that still stretches me for growth in my fitness. And I’m looking forward to it, though I am a bit too tired right now, going to bed so late.

At that, goodnight!

God, help me to sleep well tonight and to do well tomorrow, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Done

We are done with our rodeo shifts for this year’s rodeo. “We” being my mom and sister-in-law and I. My husband still had two more to go with my stepdad. But we are finished for the year now. We finished this afternoon. And then we had prime rib for having paid our dues early as a team, then tres leches for my miniature surprise birthday celebration. My brother brought the cake and the surprise, and my husband joined us, too, for the planned family hangout. We then strolled around with purpose, aiming to have the random terrible-for-you food stuff we had wanted to try this year. So, we each had a fried Oreo, we shared a funnel cake, my man and I shared a fried Snickers – actually, I like those lots better normal than fried, because it just seemed like warm crunchy peanut butter when fried (Not that it wasn’t good. It just wasn’t snickers.) – we considered some Fruity Pebbles things – it sounded kind of awful, in the end, either with friend shrimp or pineapple – we sat in absurdly expensive massage chairs that were so-so, and we watched some steer being judged in one of the youth shows for ‘lightweight’ steers, which are up to 1150 pounds… can you believe that is considered light weight?

Anyway, it was a good time. I am grateful to be done with shifts for the year and I am grateful to have had a good time with my family this afternoon and evening. Now, I shall sleep and truly relax.

Thank you, God, for the good time. Help me to recover well with my sleep tonight, please, that I may continue to improve our home tomorrow and the rest of this week. Help me to honor you through honoring my family and our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Action

Today, I woke up after close to 11 and a half hours of sleep. I took some time to consider things, then got to work. I did only a few things at the house today, but they made a big difference in terms of creating easier forward motion with things this week. I have the week off school, and I want to get our house in order. We have some simple but major changes we’d like to put into place, and this week is a big chance to get all of that started.

So, I swapped a dresser in the bedroom today. Tomorrow, I have a rodeo shift and will get almost nothing done at home. Likely, I will create more mess by using dishes and eating food just before I pass out tomorrow night.

Clean up office: Clear out shelf by desk; remove shelf
Find bookshelf options for 'library' feel
Fold laundry and find where it all will live going forward
Vacuum everywhere
Mop floors
Tidy up the stuff left out in the living room from our trip
Tidy up and restore order to the guest room

That may not seem like much, but it is loads. I have a lot of work I want to accomplish this week. Even half of any of these would be massive progress, so I will give myself grace on it all. My big goal is to accomplish all of it. However, even doing one of these fully and another in part will be a valuable accomplishment for me.

So, let’s see how it all goes!

God, help me to serve you this week especially though caring for my home and family. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Rodeo

I love volunteering with the rodeo. But things I love can become things I dread when I don’t get enough sleep. And that is somewhat the case today. I still love the rodeo and doing our shifts, but I found myself feeling worn out by the one committee and not being interested in our shift tomorrow morning, let alone the fact that we have another on Monday. I noticed that I could hardly wait to be done with the Monday shift, so I could be done with all my shifts for the year.

I think I’m just worn out in general.

Yes, from rodeo, but only in part. Mostly from work, I think. I have to strike a balance between doing all the stuff I really want to do for my students and what I’m actually being paid to do for my students – hint-hint: I’m paid roughly half a regular teacher’s salary this year, since the previous teacher quit right before school started – as well as between the two possibilities of whether I will be offered the position for real for next year or not, which determines whether I’m doing things one way now in preparation for next year or in preparation for leaving. And it’s a lot mentally, especially on top of all the regular stress of teaching I have in the first place. And on top of those caddy and rude girls in class… that, too.

And my sleep schedule has been wrong for me. I think I need to be absurd to society and go back to an 8:30pm bedtime. Lights out, goodnight. My body wants to be up before five AM, and I need to give it sleep when it will allow itself to sleep best, so that I can be my best.

Anyway, going to bed now, totally worn out but grateful to have had a delicious steak for dinner earlier.

Thank you, God, for my husband and our home. Please, help us both to be our best selves each day and night, always growing closer to each other and you. Keep us safe, please, and thank you for our food today especially. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Ice cream

I wanted ice cream to go with dinner tonight. I asked early about it. However, by the time my husband actually got to the store and back with it, it was beyond bedtime, and I was already ready for bed. So, I didn’t get any, after all.

But yes, I still want it now, sitting here in bed, about to turn out the lights and go to sleep.

Aahh… denial for Lent.

God, help us both to sleep well tonight, please, that we pursue and fulfill your will tomorrow. Keep my husband safe and well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Protein

Supposedly, if I manage my protein intake better, that could have a huge impact on my exhaustion recently. Ever since rodeo stuff started, I’ve been barely making it, what with getting to bed so late at night. I’m able to sleep in sometimes, but the sleep is never as good, nor does it truly give much more time sleeping, since my body tries to wake me up, anyway. But having a bit more protein and having it spread throughout the day could make a very positive difference. So, let’s give it a go. I’ve been good with protein for breakfast and lunch, but then regularly don’t end up with a dinner at all, and suddenly throw together whatever random things I can find to avoid the midnight headache from not eating enough.

Looking forward to be better rested, and soon.

God, help me to be well, please, and help me to take care of myself well. Same for my husband, please. Thank you for him and for this life. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Layers

Because, when I looked for a word to express my exhaustion, “layers” came to mind. Why? Because exhaustion has layers, and I am at a much deeper one than usual. My brain is even struggling to work fast enough actually to do anything.

So, I’m going to sleep now, mostly satiated from the day’s activities and time spent both with people and alone.

God, help me to sleep well and effectively tonight, especially, and all nights. Keep my husband safe and with me, please. Help us both get to Church tomorrow (well, today), please, and to be kind, both to others and to ourselves. Thank you for this life. Help me to be well and to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Rodeo

Day one of rodeo is completed. And I am exhausted. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will go by the rodeo because I told folks I would go by and because I have some printouts I said I would do and bring. I might even attempt the pull-up challenge with the Marines if they are still out there, though I’ve been doing a terrible job with pull-ups and general strength lately. But, after that brief stop, I think I will head back out and go to dinner with my family. Have a nice dinner with good, loving company, and then go to bed early and happy…. yes, that sounds great. 😀

Thank you, God, for this life and its many gifts. Keep my husband and me safe, please, and help us always to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Prayer

I was already doing the daily readings each morning and the rosary each night. Now, for Lent, because of a specific 40-day prayer challenge offered, and then a specifically relevant one offered, as well as one that includes a priest I know personally, I have between 25 and 50 minutes of extra prayer and intentional meditation each day. It’s a lot, but I have enjoyed it so far. In a way, it keeps me focused. And I like that it is giving me all different ideas thrown to me each day, from different directions. It is keeping me rounded in my thinking and exposing me to more good in the world than I had known previously, which is always a wonderful thing.

So, thank you, God, for the Hallow application and for this prayer opportunity that is actually more than forty days, even though it’s called a 40-day challenge. Thank you, also, for that silly irony. Keep us safe, please, my man (this is my husband) and our children (once they begin), especially, please. Help my mom to breathe easily and comfortably. Help to heal my dad’s daily pains by his turning closer to you. Thank you for this life. And thank you for my husband. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Being of service

Today, there was much setting up done on the rodeo grounds here in Houston. I was volunteering for one of my committees. There were many times I could have left, but I stayed and worked more. I had hopes of getting something specific accomplished before leaving, but that didn’t happen. As I said to my husband on my way out, the true point of my being there was to be of service, and I was very much of service – I accomplished and helped loads. Though I was a bit sad and disappointed not to have achieved this one particular thing, and so have a tendency to be sad and disappointed about the whole day, I notice that I was actually very fulfilled every time I got to accomplish something for someone else. That is, I felt fulfillment in being of service.

Perhaps this is a big guide for me in life. In all that I do, I find true joy in making a difference for others.

Then again, there is also the thought that the reason I want to be of service is so that I become invaluable and thereby worthy of being loved.

However…

I once functioned that way. If I wasn’t being of service, I became somewhat stressed and panicked. I had to be of service. Because that was my unconscious way of guaranteeing love for myself. Once I saw that, though, I was able to do something about it.

When I am not of service now, I am not panicked. I do want to be of service. But I want to be of service. It is not longer a sort of necessity or obligation for me. It is something I can want freely, and do. And, when I am of service now, I find joy in sharing love. When I walk away from it, I am not crushed it is over or wonder if it was enough and if something will come along soon enough next… I just get to be happy about the service I gave.

So, that’s cool. I’m not sure I had really thought about that in recent years. And I may not have explained it well here, but the difference is massive to me, transformational, from back then to now. I love to serve, and I get to serve freely now. And I do it. And I love it. And I’m grateful for that.

I’m still bugged I didn’t handle what I had hoped to get done today (even though I did accomplish something very useful for myself and for many on my other rodeo team, which wasn’t expected for today), but I guess that’s okay. I didn’t speak up about what I wanted – I was embarrassed and opted not to ask. Okay, got it. Space for improvement next time. But I kept my integrity, which is more important to me than getting stopped by embarrassment on something that isn’t critical on any level. I’ve been working on speaking up, though, so I am still frustrated with myself. And it’s okay to be frustrated with myself. It’s part of my process of growing. I had a breakdown. Therefore, I now can have a breakthrough.

Work on the courage, babe. And, also, acknowledge when it feels greedy, and get clear on everything. Perhaps you need only share your concern of its being greedy to ask, and that will communicate clearly that you understand if the answer is no to the request. That’s okay. And it’s okay that you failed at this today. I’m still proud of you for keeping your integrity and for letting go of control many times today, especially considering that it often meant things being done less efficiently. Some people can only give certain service. Sometimes, being of service means letting people do things an inefficient way, so that they can contribute, too.

Thank you, God, for today. Thank you for the lessons of today. Thank you for my husband. I love him and am grateful for him constantly. Keeps us safe, please, and help us always to be our best selves through you, pursuing and fulfilling your will in our lives. Thank you. I love you, too. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024