Uh-oh, Ramen

I feel a little bit like I was part of the film “Legally Blonde” tonight.  Remember how Elle said that a sorority sister of hers threw up on a guy on their first date, and they ended up engaged/married?  (It was something very similar to that, anyway.)  Well, tonight, meeting up with a guy for the first time (outside of just seeing one another at work, and Maybe exchanging a word or two), something in that same category went down.  In a sense, anyway… you can judge for yourself, if you think it really is in the same category of events.

We met up to go look at these really cool buildings, with artwork all on the sides of them, done by this one particular artist.  As we were finishing up, we decided to go get some food together.  We settled on ramen, as it is kind of the go-to food in Japan, and I’m usually okay eating it.  However, for whatever reason, this ramen decided to disagree with me more than usual.  Much more than usual, in fact.

As I explained that my typical US diet  was one that included veggies, fruits, seeds, and nuts almost exclusively, and no meat, fish, or grains, my new acquaintance started apologizing to me.  ‘No, no… it’s okay.  Really.  I’m used to it.’

Except that it kept getting worse as we walked around the neighborhood, headed for the riverbank.  When we reached the riverbank, I had to lie down on the ground, my stomach was is such a miserable state.  After another minute or two, I suddenly changed my mind on the offer of a bathroom, and said that I needed one asap.  Hurry, please! I thought, as I focused on breathing deeply, he continuously asked me if I was alright, and little pebbles (from my lying on the ground) shoved their ways lower and lower down my pant legs.

We finally made it to the grocery store.  I told him to shop a while, we both chuckled, and I practically ran to the bathrooms.  I tell you, I almost cried while in there, so bad was the pain in my stomach.  I have no idea what was in that ramen, but it was one of the worst things I’ve had to eat since living here (in terms of effects on my body).

And, of course, I had to have this happen while spending time with this new guy.  Good thing I’m not too big on looking good and first impressions being amazing or anything.  This was just plain ridiculous.  However, he had an amazing attitude about the whole thing.  And that’s how it reminded me of Legally Blonde.  Rather than push us apart, it felt as though my mini illness actually brought us together – we made it through the hardship together, you know?
Anyway, that’s that.  And it might have even been a date (according to my Japanese girlfriends).  😛
Post-a-day 2017

my kind of friends

I miss having friends like myself.  Life is just so much more exciting when they’re around.

Tonight, I found out that a friend was on his way home on the train.  I knew his route, so far as trains were concerned, and his final station was a small one, with only one exit.  So, even though we have plans to meet tomorrow evening, I thought I’d surprise him tonight.  I got two different types of tea (green and milk), cold from the store, and headed to his station.  Based on where he was when he had last mentioned to me that he was on his way home, I would be just in time to meet him, and I might possibly beat him by a good ten minutes to his station.

I was already on the first train he could have taken home, and he didn’t seem to be on that one.  So, once I arrived to his station, I checked out the exit options – yes, there is only one – and then found a place to settle down and read on the platform.

Almost an hour later, I am on my way home, still carrying both teas.  He didn’t show.  I don’t know what happened, and I likely won’t ever know, because we don’t entirely speak the same language.  And I think I really don’t mind so much that he didn’t show.  It’s more just that the whole thing made me miss my especially close friends, the ones who would have known that I was waiting at the station for them, simply because I had asked where they were beforehand.

The thing is, I don’t do well with packing.  I’m not sure what is in the way of it for me, but I almost always seem to resist packing.  I so desperately want to get myself packed up, and like right now, right now.  But I’ve been unsuccessful in doing that for the past three-ish weeks already.

The worst part of it this time is that it is stressing me out extremely, and I still can’t seem to get over whatever it is, and just pack.  So instead, I get to be stressed and to think of all hear things I miss and of all the things that drive me nuts here.

That’s all I have to say about that right now.
Post-a-day 2017

Adding to the Bucket List?

“It’s not ON my bucket list.”

“Well, then add it right now.”

We laugh.  I consider, and then accept.  We all take a photo or video or two, and then Richard asks, “Who’s first?”

“I am,” I say.

“Okay, are you ready?”

“No, but go ahead anyway.”

As the suction cups grabbed hold of my tongue’s taste buds, I reacted with small and sudden shudders, but kept calm and chewed away.  Thank you, God, for allowing me the gift that is my life, such that I be granted this experience.  Thank you for the gift of this animal, and thank you for the camaraderie and friendship that its life has developed within this group of people with me now.  The taste and texture were quite acceptable, and the only movement I noticed was due to the fact that it kept grabbing my tongue in different spots, somewhat sporadically, with it’s tiny suction cups.  And then the live squid was no longer live, and it went into my stomach.

Only one other person (I believe) had the suction cups grab at his tongue, but most everyone tried a bit of this wriggling, writhing squid that somehow reminded me of maggots – a fact I happened to mention aloud just as we were about to begin tasting.

So, that was a fun thing to add to and then check off of my bucket list.  The mental one, anyway.  I actually have a written one here at home.  It’s rather in-depth, I think, and I only occasionally have anything to add to it, as I spent so much time initially thinking things through as I began the list in the first place.  Anyway, straying from the topic…

 

Another thing that I suppose I unintentionally added to and then checked off of my bucket list was changing clothes.

We were doing a little tour around town (Seoul, South Korea), and that was the reason for the squid in the market.  Before we arrived to the market, however, I found that I much needed to lose my pants and to switch to my shorts.  We were walking outdoors and in the sunlight a bit more than I had expected.  However, I had prepared by putting my shorts at the very top of my bag, for easy access.

My being who and how I am, and thinking as I do, I had already considered various ways for me to change into shorts, should the need arise.  Therefore, as we were going through the subway station, I announced to a girlfriend that I needed to change into my shorts, and what did she think?  We were easily on the same wavelength, and she lent me her sweater that she’d been wearing around her waist.  I tied her sweater around the back, and my own around the front, making a sort of two-toned skirt-type garment.

Standing in front of two of our guys, – and I must say that it seemed to me that they were rather unaware of the events unfolding directly in front of them – I calmly and quickly defrocked my lower half (shoes included), handed the pants to the girlfriend, slid up my shorts, and slipped on my shoes.  It was a beautiful and near-flawless performance on both our parts, the girlfriend’s and mine.  Essentially, it was just about perfect.  The only thing that could have improved the matter, would have been someone’s noticing that I had been in pants before, but was in shorts the rest of the day.  However, it was still worth the fun for the two of us, despite no one else’s having noticed anything… at all.  😛

 

Anyway, this feels to be poorly expressed, but I feel myself to be in a somewhat poorly state – think extreme exhaustion.  Therefore, I accept this story-telling as it is.  I hope you still enjoyed it, despite my feelings of its being utterly insufficient.  Peace and love.  Beware of squid suction cups, and go do something fun and crazy for yourself this week.

 

Post-a-day 2017

 

How to go home

I feel like I am going insane right now abouts.  I was talking with a new acquaintance today, and I came to saying that I think I am afraid of going back home to the US, after I’ve gone through so much development and transformation as I have this past year (with  all the depression and life experiences and all here).

I really think that I am afraid of being myself as I know myself to be now.  Or rather, … well… I’m afraid of being myself and being rejected, unwanted.  However, I think I already deal with that in the first place, and I have for a good chunk of my life.  So, that’s nothing new, then.  Therefore, I can keep that same concern as always, and just be myself anyway.  This way, I am fulfilled in who and how I am, and the people who do love me get to love me for who I truly am.
Sounds good to me.  Let’s do this, banana.
Post-a-day 2017

What’s my type??

People always seem to ask me my type.  Possibly, this is more of a recent thing, as it is one of the top questions Japanese high school students ask, and I don’t really remember having considered the question’s answer more than once or twice before this past year.  Nonetheless, it has been on my mind for quite some time now.

The deal is that I have never really known a type for my own interests.  I find attractive to be attractive.  Period.  However, I have been recently distinguishing even further the difference between being attracted to someone and that of wanting to be with someone.  On this distinguishing inquiry, I have at last found one definite common factor between men when I instantly find attractive, and with whom I always want to develop a relationship of some sort (even just a friendship), and often actively pursue.  That factor?  Being tall.  It’s not that I don’t find men I average height to be attractive – I definitely do find them quite attractive on a regular basis.  However, I tend to have a quite strong desire at least to be around handsome men who are also tall.  I have found shorts men to be handsomer than taller men, and yet the taller attractive guy always holds my attention much better.
Just something I discovered/noticed this weekend.
Post-a-day 2017

Still Awake at 6am

I’m sitting on the bathroom floor, eating bagel-shaped bread (that is not a bagel), stretching, occasionally gulping water, and writing this.  My two roommates are asleep already, it is 6:05am, and I have spent the past many hours dancing.

The ballroom sort of closed around 4:30, but I was having such a great time dancing, I didn’t want the music and dancing to stop.  Plus, I hadn’t gotten to dance with one friend who was still there, and I had been wanting to dance with him since I’d first seen him at the dance event earlier tonight.  So the DJ – he also happens to be the event director – said that just the friend and I would be dancing, and everyone else would watch (seeing as the ballroom was closing and all), and announced us as though we were a couple in a competition from earlier tonight.

For whatever reason, everyone, as they gathered around in the floor, ended up encircling us, and stretching out their legs so that they formed a very large star around us on the floor.  As we danced, they clapped along and cheered us on.  When we finished, everyone agreed that another couple needed to dance, now that we had started this whole contest idea.  The DJ, glorious in his will to be ever-spontaneous in order to suit the current situation, allowed and rolled with the idea.

So, another couple danced, and we cheered them on.  And we went through all five couples sitting on the floor, plus the one girl who had been recording, over to the side.  One of the other girls and I traded off dancing with her, since the DJ declared that he had to remain DJing.  (Cough-cough, though really I enjoyed getting to lead in his place.)

We didn’t do an all-skate at the end (where all the couple dance one song together).  Most everyone was too tired.  But that’s okay.  We had an amazing Superstar dance contest in the middle of a human star, and that’s more than fine with me.  ðŸ˜›
Post-a-day 2017

Our Stories

“Share your story here…”. Share your story here.  Share your story here?  What is my story?

Tonight, my story is that I am like Rapunzel, locked on my own in a tower, merely dreaming of what life could be if only I weren’t stuck in this tower.  I want to cuddle up and cry with my despair and loneliness.  The earth just shook long and low beneath me, deepening my unease for a handful of seconds.  I don’t want to turn off the light – there seems to be a certain power in its being illuminated (and I do not mean the electricity), a power to keep me safe and okay and able to handle things.

Tonight, my story is that I am lonely and alone, and, though I am so close to being in a place I could and do call home, I feel as though I am in the point A to point B race where you constantly only go half the distance, thereby making progress toward the desired destination, but never actually arriving there.

Also, that just reminded me of how much I love Patrick Swayze.  I wish I could have been in the film “Dirty Dancing”.

Anyway… I want to cry tonight, and to let it all go, leaving me to wake up refreshed and excited and capable in the morning.
Post-a-day 2017

The power of words

Today, I was told that something I had done was “really scummy”.  The truly unfortunate parts of this statement were the actions it was describing and the fact that they were falsely linked to me.  Put another way, I did not do what the person claimed that I had done (the action that was then, by that same person, declared to be “really scummy”).

As I absorbed the words, I felt a sort of shock and denial.  No, this person couldn’t be thinking straight – this must be coming from a state of panic of some sort.  It makes no sense otherwise.

And yet, here I am, hours and hours later, still with an underlying desire to cry desperately.  I did not do it.  I did not do it.  And I even took extra efforts ahead of time for the situation to go across as the exact opposite – I asked for help from all over to make sure what I would do would be fair and reasonable in every way possible.  I did not behave in a “scummy” fashion, and I did not do what I was declared to have done.

That person’s words affect me nonetheless.  To my dearest insides am I filled with a sense of desperation, sadness, shock, smallness.  I was helping freely, voluntarily in a situation that desperately could use some help from me in particular, and the one being helped spat on me.

I do not know if I will remove the help from the table.  Perhaps.  I merely know that those words hurt and were inaccurate, making them hurt even more, making their effect last.

I already cried on the phone to my mom, which was a somewhat unexpected occurrence.  While that cry was helpful, I still have an uneasy tightness within me, welling up, and dripping on my pillow in the form of salty water droplets.
***Oddly enough, this was in my bedtime reading tonight.  How coincidental, right? 😛
Post-a-day 2017

A match made in France?

In my first year of college, I went on a traveling Janterm, where we spent two weeks studying French in Cannes, and doing tours to the nearby towns and famous spots, and one week in Paris, exploring as we wished.  During the first two weeks, while a group of us were on a city bus, I noticed a French kid about our age.  He was sitting in a seat, on the left side of the bus, somewhat near the front, listening to music with headphones on.  I was curious what music he had playing.  I also thought he was cute.  Therefore, I wanted to talk to him.  The easiest thing for me to say to him was to ask him to what music he was listening.  I fought constantly with the insides of my brain and the fluttering of my stomach, and at last, I believe, he got off the bus.  Or else, we got off the bus.  I really don’t remember. However, I remember making eye contact with him at least once, if not a few times while we were all riding  the bus.

Well, I was incredibly disappointed that I had not spoken with the boy, though not entirely surprised at myself – even today, I have to psych myself up for odd situations like that.  However, I usually succeed in making the interaction nowadays, whereas at the time, I did not.

But this tale does not end sadly.  At least, not yet.

I believe that it was that same night, or perhaps the following – but I really think it was that same night – that a group of us decided to go to a nightclub in the town.  Some of the older guys who were working at the dormitory where we were all studying offered to take us to some cool bar and club.  We all happily agreed.  Well, some of the girls and guys and I agreed, but not everyone.

So, a small band of foreigners temporary living in Cannes so they could study French headed to a nice bar for a while, and then to a dance club later on that night.  On the way, I learned that a Romanian speaker can understand other romance languages rather easily.  (Fun Fact: This was my first interaction with someone being able to understand another language that is similar to his/her own, without necessarily being able to speak that language.  Of course, I can now do that with various languages myself, but it was a fun start to the concept for me.)

The bar was fun and interesting, and we didn’t have to check our coats, but we did have to buy drinks to compensate for having not checked our coats, and we had to deal with a huge pile of coats, which we were somewhat hiding in the corner.  However, I need not say much more about the bar.  Rather, anything more.  The club is the important one, you see. 

First off, the club was huge and, really, quite an awesome dance club.  I was amazed at the environment, as well as the clientele.  People danced by themselves or with a friend or with friends, and it didn’t matter which they did.  There were no circles forming awkwardly, or anything like that.  People weren’t doing official or formal dances of any kind, though.  They were just free dancing, having a wonderful time, doing their own things to the music.  I happily joined in in this type of merriment, while being amazed that on one side of me could be a 17-year-old, and on the other side of me could be a 40-year-old – no one cared how old anyone else was.

In short, I loved the club, and I loved dancing in it.

And, while I enjoyed dancing in it, I saw a familiar head.  When he turned and saw me, we looked in each other’s eyes, and there was this sort of understanding.  We both knew that we had seen each other that day.  We both knew that we had not talked to one another.  And it felt as though we both knew that I at least had wanted to talk to him.  This time, however, it seemed quite clear that he wanted to talk to me, as well.  Shortly after seeing one another, he was dancing in front of me, with me.  We held hands as we danced with one another, and we danced without holding hands, too.  

Even though I could manage French rather well at that time, he never got to find out this fact, because he addressed me in English.  It was somewhat iffy English, but adorable, and I loved that he was trying and that he knew we had all been speaking English on the bus.  He had been listening to music, of course, but he clearly had been paying enough attention to us nonetheless.

I don’t remember how long we danced or how we started dancing with one another, but I remember that it was absolutely wonderful.  At some point later in the evening, a couple of the girls who were with me told me I needed to give him a way to contact me.  I didn’t have a phone, of course, but one of the girls had just gotten one that day, because she was staying for the whole semester.  So, we wrote my full name and her phone number on a piece of paper.  In the French conjugation of the verb to want, I couldn’t remember if the you form ended in an or a t.  So, instead of saying, “If you want,” I wrote, “If one wants,” which, in French, can also be read as, “If we want.”  (Si on veut.)

I handed him the paper and I said goodbye and rushed out with my friends.  I don’t even remember what I said to him, or if I even said anything to him as I gave him the paper.  I just know that I gave it to him.

I spent several hours throughout the following months searching a particular page on Facebook.  It was the page for the club where we had been dancing.  I was scouring the faces and names of all the people who had liked the page, looking for this guy.  I used to know his first name.  I honestly couldn’t tell you what it was now, though.  I do remember his eyes, though… those gray-blue, yet bright eyes.  But I searched long and hard for his Facebook, to no avail.

He never called.

Or, at least, if he did, it was after I had left, and my friend with the phone never told me.

I am reminded of all of this, because today, for the second time in my life, I gave a piece of paper with my name and contact info on it to a guy.  (My full name and LINE ID, to be exact.)  He has already contacted me.

Post-a-day 2017

You’ve got mail

During the credits of the film “You’ve Got Mail”, there’s a song that comes on where a guy is singing about how he is going to sit right down and write himself a love letter, ‘and pretend it’s from you.’  I’ve been thinking about it since then, and I’m going to do just that for myself.  I don’t know who you are, exactly, but I believe you are out there somewhere, and, if we were together – meaning a pair, duo – now, you might send me this email/letter.

-—————————–

Hey, hon.

Just sending you a quick message.

First off, I love you.
Secondly, I miss you (Duh, of course I do.).  And, though we are almost literally worlds apart, I am okay, because you love me and care about me and are with me.
Thirdly, I love you.  Just so we’re clear.  ðŸ˜‰  You have developed and changed so much these past few months, and I can hardly wait to get to know and to love all the new parts there are to you.  (I’m being somewhat sappy, I know, but I get to do that every so often, right? Right.)

(Now to the body paragraph(s).)

I hope you had a great day today.  We’re just getting started over here, and it’s a beautiful day.  How is your breathing?  Short, hot, and firey today, I presume, since it was a Monday.  Hopefully, you’ve stretched them out to long, slow, and deep by bedtime – I want you resting well while you are able to sleep, you know?  You’ve got to take care of yourself… keep your balance, now that you’re back standing again.

By the way, I think five minutes a day dedicated to your abdomen would get you the comfort you’re wanting for your beach-going.  You could do two and a half minutes just before sleeping, and another two and a half just after you wake up in the mornings.  That would give you a full five, and a significant improvement for that slightly-tubbier-than-usual belly of yours.  (We’ll be a rockin’ bods pair when you’re back here and we head beachside.)

Loving you with the sun and moon, babe,

~~~~