Tag: stress

Ugh

Went to chiropractor this morning. Went to gym at noon for the workout. During the second round of goblet squats – I had only ten pounds, because I’m taking it extremely light with weight compared to the recommended – I had a sharp pain on the side of my left thigh, in slow-mo fast-time set down/half dropped the weights between my legs, and then fell over to the right. I cried. Only a little, but I cried. It’s kind of terrifying when something that normally works easily suddenly gives out, when the body is suddenly unreliable to do the basics of keeping us upright. Suffice it to say that I left the rest of the goblet squats alone, and moved on. Now, I’m lying in bed with medium-high pain – and, I think, swelling – on the right side of my back… Goodness, help me, please.

I really need to be careful right now. My body made it clear to me that it wants a rest from these work-outs right now. I’m hoping I can still be active in other ways – the long-boarding was mostly great physically, so I know there are things I certainly can do – while my body gets the rest it needs from the intense workouts. Perhaps this is a means of getting me to go do all those things we’ve been wanting to go do, but never manage. Like the long-boarding. And golf. And bicycle riding. And, maybe, even frisbee.

Thank you, God, for this opportunity. Please, help us to see clearly what is truly awaiting us in this opportunity. Show us your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Sunday, fun day

Some nights, I just want to lie down backwards in my bed after I shower, and pass out, wet hair and all.

But then I start to feel the layer of I-ate-food-today in my mouth, and I have to get up and brush my teeth, and then the whole feeling is gone, and I just continue with my regular bedtime routines, and get it bed normally at the end of them all…

Hmm…

P.S. I learned to do basics with long boarding today! We had a handful of minutes of major frustration, in which I nearly got hit by two different cars, just after my man had me follow him off the trail and onto the road, so we could to go a water fountain he said was at the park nearby. He had turned the corner already, and so didn’t see either car near-incident. I freaked out, because I wasn’t good enough yet with the board to be handling such situations, and because I couldn’t find him either for guidance/encouragement/moral support or even for directions. (I also didn’t have my phone, because we didn’t want me having to be concerned about not breaking it if/whenever I fell, which he knew.) So, I was dealing with both fear and a bit of abandonment, on top of my tiredness and thirst (because no water bottle, for the change in balance it would cause). That was a rough several minutes, to be sure, and neither of us was on our greatest behavior.

Post-a-day 2022

Bellyaches

For a few days now, I have had a sort of indigestion. I feel fine for a long while, and then a wave of ache and discomfort arrives, shaking my insides. I’ve had to rush to a bathroom more then once these past few days. How miserable it must be for people who have to live with something like this all the time… I am grateful this is only temporary. But I pray that it end tonight.

God, please heal this indigestion that is within me. Help me to pursue your will with my whole body functioning at its best. Please, heal all those in need of your healing tonight. In your name and with gratitude, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Staying up late

Tomorrow is the last day in my current teaching position. I don’t teach class until after 11:00, though. So, partly in celebration of my last day, I decided to go ahead and watch a movie, instead of going to bed when it was only around 7:30pm.

Yet, it is just after eleven now, and I am barely managing to write this as I lie in my bed, practically passing out… clearly, I need to work out a better sleep schedule again. This has been way too tough lately, and in many ways.

Post-a-day 2022

And what did she say?

“And what did she say?”

“She didn’t.”

“She didn’t say anything at all? She just packed up and disappeared?”

“Well, she packed bags and said she was going to visit her dad.”

“And she just never came back…”

“Yeah…”

“That makes it less surprising that you always have the experience of not being good enough, not being enough…”

Post-a-day 2022

Feeling crushed by gravity

I find myself not wanting to exercise or go to the gym. And I’m noticing how similarly it feels to before I had adjustments from a chiropractor, specifically a certain spinal adjustment. Afterward, I felt taller, and unbound from something I hadn’t known was binding me for quite some time. I actually wanted to exercise, then. I actually felt like doing it… in a way I hadn’t in years.

And so feel so much like that pre-adjustment time right now, when the idea of physical exercise feels exhausting. Where it feels like I’m tied up, somehow, like the puppet strings are all knotted up, limiting motion… I don’t feel terrible, but I don’t feel well and I don’t feel myself and I definitely don’t feel like working out. I just seem to want to curl up in bed and rest, really.

Thank you, God, for this appointment on Thursday. Please, please, let it be exactly what my body (and mind) need(s). In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Drugs

I have never once had a desire to participate in drugs. Never.

Yet, that seems to be more of the odd man out than the average…

I had no idea, growing up, that so many people had such great interest in drugs, even in just minor ones, like marijuana. But it has never had appeal for me. In fact, most drug use has always seemed sad to me, tied indefinitely with the idea of running away from or avoiding life on some level. But avoidance never truly helps in life, not in the long run, and drugs seem to prove the same.

Post-a-day 2022

Avoidance

I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow… But not because I don’t like school. Simply because I keep feeling a desire to avoid the situation as a whole. My assignment ends at 14:55 this coming Friday. With that, too, ends my clear daily goals and making a difference daily in the lives of others and having a clear purpose, as well as having a reasonable salary. All that goes away in a poof on Friday…

And I’m scared to face it, really, because the What’s Next is terrifying. Truly, it is. I’ll be pursuing coding full-time (as a learner, that is), in the hopes of finding work in the industry by January. That’s a lofty goal, I know. But someone told me today that I could make it happen in six months – he actually does this for a living, helping students pursue coding, you see, at a University, no less. If six months is his thought when he thinks I know nothing at all, then three months could be possible, right? I mean, all things are possible with God. And a lot will be up to me for making this all happen, though. Meaning just about all of it, really.

So, God, please, help me to be focused and effective and efficient these next several months as I pursue these dreams that have a massive edge of terror to them. The best ones always do, I know. Thank you for such a terrifying and wonderful opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thanks be to God. Hallelujah!

Exhaustion

When the fun things aren’t fun anymore, it really could be, quite simply, that we need rest and restoration. Perhaps we are not borderline tears because the world is miserable, but because our bodies and minds are struggling to stay awake, to continue without the appropriate rest and sleep. Perhaps, when the answer to the question of, “What’s wrong?” is something like, “I don’t know,” the answer is truly that we need to go to bed and sleep for a good while… just a thought…

Post-a-day 2022