The Next Day

Thank you, God. You have clearly given us your help, and we are incredibly grateful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amen.

When we’re not still in the middle of it all, I might come back and share what all this was. For now, however, I am grateful for the various resolutions we have reached, and I am hoping for continued increase in grace, joy, and ease for the both of us on this trip. God, please, continue to guide and to help us to be our best selves and to find love, grace, and joy in one another throughout this trip, and always. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Gas

Well, looks like the gas’s being out will be another few days at the least, and will cost use a minimum of a thousand dollars. Ugh. God, please, give us the strength to handle all of this with grace and ease. Thank you for my successful adapted shower tonight. Help us to eat healthily, even without our normal means of cooking. Help me to find fulfilling and paying work. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Drugs

I have never once had a desire to participate in drugs. Never.

Yet, that seems to be more of the odd man out than the average…

I had no idea, growing up, that so many people had such great interest in drugs, even in just minor ones, like marijuana. But it has never had appeal for me. In fact, most drug use has always seemed sad to me, tied indefinitely with the idea of running away from or avoiding life on some level. But avoidance never truly helps in life, not in the long run, and drugs seem to prove the same.

Post-a-day 2022

A drink in New York

We went to the school black box musical tonight. It was cute. But it also showed how people tend to ‘deal’ with problems with alcohol. That sort of thing seems to make me even more upset than before. Well, okay, it doesn’t send me up in a fuss or anything like that. But it does make something less appealing to me when that is part of it. Alcohol only heals issues with bacteria. everything else is like turning to look the other way, and pretending the problem is solved. And I despise that so much of society finds it acceptable and not st all sad that people turn to alcohol for stress-relief and courage and all these other things that don’t include harming the body in their idea. But that’s what alcohol does, harm the body. And lives. We all would do much better to remember that.

P.S. Happy October, y’all!!

Post-a-day 2022

Oh, no…

The.

Rash.

Is.

Baaaaaaack!

Ugh!!!

Once I noticed it tonight, I immediately took some of the supplement I had been taking back when we got rid of it. I also put some topical things on it, and I reached out to the nutritionist to ask his recommendation. (He’s the one who got rid of it last time.) I am praying and intending that this will sort it out within the next 24-48 hours.

Please, God and Universe, heal my body. I have been dealing with so much lately, it is starting to feel like it isn’t worth it to bother taking care of myself. My emotions are really starting to struggle here… please, please, please, help me to heal myself in all ways this week.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Pluses and minuses

Okay, I exercised again today. I was very aware of my bottom throughout several parts of the workout, wondering if my rash was doing okay, or if it was worsening. So, I was a bit stressed about that, off and on. Plus, ditto regarding my arm/elbow muscle situation. Depending on how everything looks and feels tomorrow, that will determine my next steps with each. I am really, really hoping that they both clear up by tomorrow night.

Ugh… speaking of tomorrow night, I have to work at that part-time job. And it is for a very long time. And it is until very late. I go to bed by nine pm usually. My body wakes me up before five am each morning. It is already dreadful whenI have to work until eight pm once a week. Tomorrow, I have to work until eleven pm. I won’t be in bed until midnight, best case scenario, which means I won’t even get five hours of sleep. What’s extra annoying is that I am given a mandatory 30-minute “meal break”, because I am scheduled to work for so long tomorrow night. I don’t even eat after five pm, even on my latest of days eating. Usually, it is three pm.

Ugh. The lack of sleep is definitely not going to help my current physical state. Really, it just makes me so frustrated that I want to cry.

Post-a-day 2021

Seriously?!

****Body issues in the following text – be forewarned!!****

I have a ridiculous rash and a strained muscle, so I can’t exercise, and I’m quite stressed today. What is going on with my body right now?

?????!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh!

It’s like a diaper rash, and is along my bum crack. It is possibly from not showering right away after exercising Monday afternoon, but we really aren’t sure. I’ve spent most of the day on my side, letting the area air out and, hopefully, dry out enough. I put some remedy stuff on it all, but I very much dislike being without underwear or pants/shorts/bottoms of some sort, so that has added an extra layer of annoyance to my day. The one positive about it is that it doesn’t actually hurt or itch, the rash, which is a positive sign. However, it is still a rash, and that is not good.

Ugh…

Post-a-day 2021

Say, what?!!?

Have you ever had that moment when something on your actual life sounds like something from a film? Where you have a moment of being unsure as to whether you will break into tears at the stress of it all, or you will break into laughter at how ridiculous and movie-like it all is…or, maybe, both?

I had one of those today: a genuine, ‘What… the…,’ mind-shocking unraveling of events. And I still don’t know what to make of it all.

The problems are just like in the films, with, I am almost certain, the exact same reasons for having developed as the film-problems have. And I don’t know if they are going to be solved, or just used as sad memories for those involved for years to come. Will righteousness and hurt, anger, frustration, and a lack of true and genuine communication reign, ruining the opportunity for intense, immense love? Or will those involved stop and breathe and acknowledge the love they have and want to share, and straighten out their words and needs and means of communications, and truly – possibly for the first time ever – and fully create the love they want to share?

I prefer the latter, without a moment’s hesitation or doubt.

Fingers crossed!

Post-a-day 2021

^Almost there! Still got it wrong at first, but corrected it immediately, with a little sigh, of course. ;P

Oh, goodness…

Because what would life be without a bit of toilet trouble and a plumbing conundrum to top off the ridiculous cut and soon-to-be massive bruise you got on your bum in the shower, of all places???

Oh, wait… not your life – mine.

Ugh(!!!).

Dear goodness, help me, please…

Post-a-day 2020

Meet me here, and stop fixing me

I think I prefer most people not knowing about my problems, because most people try to fix my problems.

When someone asks how I’m doing, and I share about something that isn’t going well, I’m not asking for advice – I’m just sharing, the same way I would about something that is going well in my life.

I usually can handle my problems rather well on my own.

And when I want and need help, I say clearly that I want and/or need help.

And, sometimes, if someone asks if I want help or guidance, I’ll say that I do…, but I usually am not looking for that, simply because I am sharing about something.

I think that’s part of why my cousin knows most of my most desperate problems… I call her and tell her that I am seeking guidance and help and please, tell me that I am not totally stupid for wanting this in my life, etc… and she does just that.

And, when I am not seeking a solution, and say that I just need to share, she lets me.

If she has something she deems valuable to share back with me, she asks if it’s okay to tell me what came up for her… sometimes the answer is ‘No, not right now,’ and she is okay with that, and she respects that.

And I do the same for her.

Sometimes, we just want to be heard and not fixed… sometimes, it only takes being heard, for us to be able to fix everything ourselves anyway.

Oftentimes, when I share about something that is bothering me, I am just sharing that I am struggling, so the person with me can understand where I am, and meet me where I am… I am not asking for a solution.

Tangentially…

Today, someone shared with me about a very painful incident within her life.

She said she probably would cry, and then she did… and her crying didn’t last very long – I gave her the space to express herself, and I didn’t get all sappy and apologetic with her about it, but merely acknowledged and accepted what she was sharing and the pain she was expressing… and I didn’t feel sorry for her, but just accepted her where she was, accepted things as they stood, and met her where she was.

And now, we have a fabulous plan going forward with things, and she not only trusts me but feels extremely comfortable with me… and I think a large part of that is that I didn’t deem her situation as having anything wrong with it that needed fixing… it was just what was so in her life, and I needed to met her there in order to move forward into tomorrow… and I did… and we are doing something together now because I did.

And I’m actually really excited about it. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020