Goodnight with Green lights

This evening, I did my first workout in what feels like quite a while. This Friday will make five weeks since I had that dreadful fall while on a workout run, and found myself tumbling through the street, and then lying in un-breathing shock and pain in the middle of a neighborhood road, while everyone around was too afraid to help me, for fear of catching COVID-19 from me… which, as it happens, I did not have at the time.

I was a total mess in a way I hadn’t been since last year, when I had fallen off the Vespa, going about 30-35 miles per hour one night… I guess I lacked all the padding and protection for falls this time, so such a fall, though at a significantly lower speed, left quite similar effects as a road accident, but with a lot more blood.

I tried jogging on Sunday or Monday, on a long walk with my mom, and it was fine at first, in a sort of lazy, easy, short-stepped jog. But, as soon as I increased to a regular stride for genuine but still easy running, the quivering feeling in my shin shook me to a quick stop.

Not ready yet.

Today, Wednesday, though, I was feeling very comfortable in my leg’s ability to function on low-ish-impact, smooth, easy activities. And my whole being wanted to exercise. So, I tested out a workout that didn’t involve much knee work at all…, and it was spectacular. I even was able to do walking lunges gently. And it felt really good to use my muscles in such a way again… gosh, it was lovely. One might think they were made for such things, even… ūüėČ

Yeah, I’m going to bed tonight feeling both relieved and enlivened. Thank you for such a beautiful opportunity and result today, World. ūüôā As Matthew McConaughey might put it, thank you, World, for these red lights turned green lights.

P.S. I started listening to his audiobook during the workout. It is delightful so far, as is he, the author and reader.

Post-a-day 2020

Physical healing

Well, further healing happened last night and today, but I am ridiculously exhausted tonight. By about eight o’clock I was already ready to go to sleep for the night, though I wasn’t even halfway to the house where I am house-sitting for a week. Now, hours later – because I had to be shown certain things by the owners before I could start getting ready for bed – I can barely think, my eyes burn, and I can’t even seem to keep myself from folding forward in a hunch while sitting. I am wiped, yet again. And I didn’t even get that nap in again today… bummer, right?

There only seems to be another couple or few days of recovery needed for my injuries from Friday evening. Though, I could see my knee needing a bit longer. My hands are doing really well, and only seem to need another day or two to be able to work almost entirely normally again.

For now, though, I rest and I sleep and I let everything heal. Then, after healing, I can jump right back into the exercise and the running on which I am getting very behind(!!!). (I never imagined having such a setback on this 100-mile goal… oops.)

Post-a-day 2020

Exhausted Healing

It is really rather amazing how, when the body is healing itself, one’s overall energy level seems significantly decreased. Without any conscious effort, most of our effort is going to our injuries, cell by cell, drop by drop, healing. I reached the end of my day, and I didn’t even have 4000 steps today, though I usually average over eight by 6 p.m., and sometimes reach over 14,000 before bed. However, I found myself already exhausted, and, now, lying in bed, I can barely keep my eyes open to write this. I am just so wiped.

And, by the way, I even took a two-hour nap this afternoon.

(!!!)

Frankly, I was already wiped only eleven hours after I awoke this morning, which is only nine hours of being awake.

It seems utterly ridiculous. And yet, after that amazing nap this afternoon, I noticed a significant improvement in my knee. I have a feeling that I will sleep even better tonight because of it. Though I likely won’t have any muscle growth happening, since I can’t really exercise anything on my body right now, I think a lot more healing will happen tonight, while I don’t even have to expel the energy of those nine waking hours and 3800 steps…

It is just fascinating, this body. And I am ever grateful for it and its glorious magic and skills and determination to work beautifully. ūüėČ

Post-a-day 2020

The Fall

So, here’s the short but sweet – well, you get the idea – version of what happened yesterday evening around 5:30. ¬†I had a pretty bad fall at approximately .68 miles into my run. ¬†I was supposed to do a little 5k to be in a sort of solidarity with a student I tutor, because we had to miss tutoring yesterday due to her mandatory participation in a 5k with her school. ¬†(She is neither fan of outdoorsy things nor of running.) ¬†I had already run just over that on Thursday, and I didn’t necessarily feel like getting out to run and do a whole workout (core upon return to the house, of course), but I’d told her I would do it on Friday, and I knew I always felt great after such a workout anyway. ¬†So, I headed out. ¬†It was an amazing start to the run, and the weather was great.

However, when my eye was caught by a mother doing a sort of super-protective stance between the road and her small child, possibly as a means of preventing his sprinting suddenly to the street when a truck was passing, that great feeling changed quickly.  Since I was caught off guard by her stance, and, of course, I had to process what I was seeing before moving on in life, I was mentally focused on the mother, even though I turned my head back to the road ahead of me.  And, though, I was looking at the road again, it was not quite enough time to process that one of the manhole covers a step and a half ahead of me, while it was supposed to be flush with the road around its rim, and concave for the actual cover, the indefinite-looking roadwork of the street turned that flush edge into a lip.

And yes, I did trip on that lip.

Put simply, I flew forward. ¬†I got another step and a half-ish under me as I began to fall, but I was already turning Superman, and I knew I was not going to recover my feet. ¬†I had a brief thought of not wanting to fall simply so as not to freak out the poor onlookers – it¬†has to suck to witness someone fall hard or be part of some accident… I regularly think of how terribly frightening it must have been for that angel driving behind me when I went down on my scooter on the road that night last year. ¬†Nonetheless, I saw before the thought even finished that, oh, well, they were just going to have to witness it, and I was just going not to worry about it, and to do what I needed to do for my own health and well-being.

And so, I went down, and I went down not just hard, but with a hard forward slide. ¬†Man, it was like I were Speedy Gonzales or something, because there was no way I could have been running very slowly to slide that hard and that far, and so quickly. ¬†And I always thought my longer running was slow. ¬†Good thing I’ve been working on improving that for myself… it really paid off yesterday evening. ¬†Not.

(Note: I’m not at all bashing improving one’s skills or athletic abilities – not at all. ¬†I am merely having a fun thought and play at how, in this particular instance, being better at the sport actually made for a worse situation. ¬†Think, I might not even have fallen, if I hadn’t been going so fast. ¬†However, that changes nothing in my plans to continue to improve in my running.)

Anyway, so I went down, and I knew people saw, and I had slight concern for them, but also didn’t care and didn’t have the mental space for almost any thoughts aside from dealing with my own body’s safety and survival at present.

It really sucked. ¬†I immediately rolled to my back. ¬†I was just lying in the street then, tears pouring from down my temples and upper cheeks, as I quickly examined my hands. ¬†They were a total mess. ¬†Gashed terribly, tissue fluid and blood already everywhere, and grainy gravel bits of all sizes and dark colors everywhere on them, mixed in with the blood and peeling skin and tissue fluid. ¬†My knee was stinging slightly, and I had a feeling it was much worse than it was letting on, hidden beneath my spectacular running pants – I could look at that more later, perhaps when I got home… it only would get worse once I let my attention turn to it. ¬†The pants had held up, so I knew they would hold in most of the bleeding that likely was underneath. ¬†Not that I spent more than a moment of thought on my knee… I just glanced and moved on mentally.

My hands… oh, my hands needed help.

While I was dong this self-evaluation and feeling growing intense pain, crying somewhat calmly yet entirely uncontrollably, the mother was talking to me from her spot back on the sidewalk.

Was I okay? ¬†Did I want them to call an ambulance? ¬†Did I want them to call somebody else for me? ¬†I answer with obvious shaking of my head to all of them. ¬†I was grateful to hear, when the husband was trying to move along, the wife (mother of the little kid) said pointedly, “No, she’s not okay. She’s really hurt.” ¬†Though, I only slightly processed it, what with the pain and my own mental focus at the time. ¬†When she asked if they could get me anything, I managed, after another several seconds of gasping-like breathing, to ask, “Do you have any water?” ¬†After which I resumed the intense breathing. ¬†The crying, of course, never paused.

I was still lying on my back in the road, and it had been at least a minute at this point. ¬†Granted, I was to the side of the road, but I was definitely entirely in the road, at least a yard or two from the curb. ¬†So, I ask again about the water, figuring out how to get water, if these folks don’t have any, and she answers to me that they do. ¬†A few moments later, I hear someone begin to approach, and a hard plastic cup being set on the driveway next to me. ¬†I say next to me, because it was perpendicular to the road, st the specific spot where I lay. ¬†It was not, however, actually very near to me. ¬†It was at least three yards away from me.

“Honey, just¬†bring it to her, ” I hear the wife say, followed by the husband’s hushed, “No.” ¬†Her response was borderline furious, and something within me felt like there would be a rage in their house tonight.

Alas, there was water, and I needed it for my hands. ¬†There was no possibility of my getting up from my spot in the road, so, I stuck my hands above my head, Superman-y again, and rolled two-ish turns toward the driveway. ¬†I then forced myself to sit up – though I’m really not sure how, seeing as my hands were no real use at that point. ¬†But I grabbed the little blue sippy-type cup, and started carefully tipping the limited, precious water onto one hand at a time. ¬†And it hurt. ¬†And I knew it wouldn’t be enough – there was far too much blood and dirt that wasn’t going to come off by just dripping a single cup-full of water onto it with no real rubbing.

Not that I wanted to rub my hands…, but I needed to do it.

A truck driving past as I fell, – the one from which the mother had possibly been”protecting” her child – backed all the way up the block, and stopped even with me in the road (in which I am still sitting, of course, but I’m by the edge now). ¬†It was, for lack of better descriptors, what I would call a Mexican work truck. ¬†Likely, the guy had been working on building a house somewhere down the road – one of the new builds I had passed on my way there, perhaps. ¬†The driver exited the truck and was doing something with the truck bed for a minute. ¬†I was almost certain what would come next – it’s just a part of the culture, you know?

After a few moments, I finally comprehend that the guy is standing near me, setting down a bottle of water. ¬†He then hands me a white piece of cloth and says, “Clean. ¬†I’s clean.” ¬†(That’s “it’s” without the t, by the way.). ¬†I could barely form any words in any language, though I knew he spoke Spanish and possibly almost no English. ¬†I believe I thanked him then. ¬†I set down the sippy cup back on the driveway, and picked up the icy cold bottle of water. ¬†This will hurt, I think, but I know I need to do it.

I struggle for a few moments in my efforts to open the bottle, but I cannot manage it – this simple task is impossible for me in this moment – and so I set the bottle back down on the ground. ¬†Within seconds, the guy was back at my side, picking up and opening the bottle for me. ¬†He then holds it out in a way that I know he is offering to hold it and pour for me, and so I extend my hands and allow him to pour. ¬†I cough out some tears at the pain of it, but we can both see that it is helping clear away the mess. ¬†When I’ve wiped away as much as I can tolerate, I nod and thank him a couple or few times, as I press the white cloth into my hands, absorbing what excess still remains, and shooting pains into my hands at every press. ¬†I was barely able to see his upside down face through my tears. ¬†But I saw him and thanked his face, even if I couldn’t see his eyes.

Meanwhile, the couple stood with their child on the sidewalk, watching, mumbling. ¬†As the Mexican guy stepped back into his truck, a white Mercedes that had been briefly waiting, with the guy and me in full view on the side of the road, and his truck parked in the middle of it – keep in mind, this is a neighborhood road, not some throughway or anything – decides to squeeze between me and the truck, now that the guy isn’t standing next to me anymore. ¬†When the mother on the sidewalk commented with fury at the fact that the woman had seen us and easily could have just gone around the block – and these are¬†tiny blocks, by the way, in a traditional square arrangement – I genuinely agreed with her. ¬†Though, I also felt sad at the driver of the Mercedes. ¬†How miserable must one be to be such an a** during an obvious “situation” of someone sprawled in the road?

Anyway… I really liked the wife/mother. ¬†Not so much the paranoia of the husband, though. ¬†Which, by the way, he picked up that cup after I set it back down to give it back to them… Just saying.

Okay, so everyone moves on. ¬†I have my keys and my phone again, and I roll myself the rest of the way fully onto the driveway. ¬†I lay there a handful of minutes, still crying. ¬†I hear a dog collar approaching on the sidewalk behind me, and am unconcerned. ¬†Minus¬†the tiny hope that the owner won’t be too distraught at the sight.

It turned out to be an older guy, out walking his dog. ¬†He asked if I was okay, and I carefully told him that I wasn’t but that I would be – I could talk now. ¬†Kind of. ¬†He offered to bring me bandages, saying that he lived just right nearby, and I said that that actually would be really great. ¬†His walk turned into a cautious jog of concern, as he raced around the corner, heading to his unseen home. ¬†I hardly even knew how he looked. ¬†I still couldn’t process such details.

And so, when her returned a couple minutes later, I sat myself up again, and got to work. ¬†I poured the hydrogen peroxide on my knew first, then my left hand, and both were okay. ¬†It hurt a bit, but it really just foamed and mostly was okay. ¬†The guy was surprised at this. ¬†He’d even said he would look away while I poured the peroxide, clearly indicating that he didn’t want me to be embarrassed at my likely reaction of intense pain. ¬†An old man had approached at this point, and was asking questions. ¬†I had already worked hard enough to answer them for the first guy – what happened; yeah, I’m definitely hurt; I’ll be okay, just not yet; I live about .62 miles that way – so I let him answer them for me. ¬†He didn’t seem to mind, once he saw that I clearly wasn’t up to it. ¬†Then, while they chatted, I poured the peroxide on my right hand. ¬†And that, my friends, was the exact memory I had had of hydrogen peroxide from my childhood, and the reason I was terrified of it as an adult. ¬†I had used it a couple times recently, and couldn’t understand why I’d been afraid of it. ¬†My mom had given it to me last year (?), saying that alcohol burns, not hydrogen peroxide. ¬†And it had been true so far in my adult life. ¬†Until this moment, in a stranger’s driveway with two older guys chatting about me and my present situation.

My body took over control as I convulsed and wailed, and even more tears poured from my eyes, the rate increased significantly from the original fall’s. ¬†I felt bad for this pour girl on the side of the road. ¬†I couldn’t imagine how the onlookers felt. ¬†(There was a secret onlooker across the street in the apartments, who had clearly been considering off and on whether to come help. ¬†She, too, looked hispanic, and I fear her concern was one not only of COVID-19, but mostly of a fear of not being able to communicate. ¬†I don’t exactly exude Spanish (or any language other than English, really), so I get it.

Anyway, so that really sucked, and I had to pour the painful cold water on it to make the pain go down at least somewhat – I couldn’t take it anymore. ¬†Funny how that cold water was suddenly not so big a deal anymore, right? ¬†Eventually, I blew my nose a bunch more with the rest of the paper towels the guy had brought, and I¬†put a compress on my knee. ¬†I had raised the pant leg while still in the street, and, aside from the clear layer of¬†skin that was plastered to the fabric, my knee didn’t look like it needed too much immediate attention. ¬†So, after the quick rinse of water and the peroxide, it was good to go, in terms of germ-prevention and safety until I made it home.

Now, all this time, I had been evaluating how I would be getting home. ¬†No family lives anywhere near me, so that was out as an option, if I couldn’t walk it. ¬†I considered a high school acquaintance who lived nearby. ¬†I was rather sure he would come get me and drive me home, if I really needed, but I didn’t want to turn to that except as a last resort. ¬†So, my options were really either to walk or to run home. ¬†If I ended up being able to run, I knew I would end up finishing the 5k. ¬†It was a slim chance, but it wouldn’t’ have surprised me. ¬†However, walking was the most likely of the three options. ¬†And, at this point in time, I noticed that I still had not felt that moment of,¬†Okay, let’s¬†get up, that we always get at some point after a fall. ¬†And, so far as I could tell, it was nowhere nearby either. ¬†I wasn’t going anywhere for a while. ¬†I mean, I hadn’t even fully stopped crying at this point, and it had been ten minutes already.

I had started “chatting” with the younger of the two older guys, during the times that I could use my words, and, after I had finished all my dressings, ¬†he offered yet again to drive me home – “We can put the windows down, be safe…” – I said, at last, “I think that would be a very good idea,” nodding and speaking with obvious effort, pinches of tears falling. ¬†He hopped into action, and took his first aid kit and hydrogen peroxide and, even, the trash back to his home. ¬†A couple minutes later, a Jeep came roaring around the corner, windows down.

I struggled to find the least painful way, and managed myself to my feet without too much disruption. ¬†But, oh, did it hurt to use my right leg/knee… ¬†The guy opened the passenger door for me, and I struggled my way into the seat. ¬†I fumbled for a while, throwing in involuntary cries of pain, getting the seatbelt on myself and shutting the door… I just couldn’t use my hands almost at all: no pressure on them from the outside, and no muscle flexing within them.

We chatted on the brief drive back that almost-three-quarters-of-a-mile path, exchanged names, and wished one another well as we arrived and I struggled my way out of the Jeep.  I thanked him over and over again, both during the ride and at the end of it.  And also before it, too.  And then I slowly and painfully stumbled up the walkways and stairs, managed to unlock and open the door, and get myself inside.

I had sent my mom a couple photos after the first group had left, before I lay back down on the driveway, and then had called her when the guy had gone to get his Jeep. ¬†I had known that she was driving before then, so I waited to call when I knew she would be able to see the photos. ¬†At my first, “Hey,” she knew something had happened. ¬†“What happened?” she asked, concerned, but not freaking out. ¬†She probably had figured I’d had some terrible interaction with someone mean – that’s usually the answer to¬†What happened?. ¬†I told her to look at the photo I’d sent her. ¬†She looked, and understood immediately. ¬†I told her the present situation and that I thought I would be okay. ¬†Now that I was home, I called her again, just to let her know that I was there, and also to see what she recommended I do to help myself at this point.

She prescribed me some time with an ice pack of sorts and an elevated leg, a shower, and then just before bed, rubbing gently hydrogen peroxide into my wounds with a Q-tip (cotton, you see), since I couldn’t get all the dirt off my hands.

The shower was long and hot and extremely painful at first, but it helped significantly by the end of it. ¬†The hydrogen peroxide left me, yet again, wailing involuntarily in pain, pouring tears, and practically shouting half-comprehensible phrases and annoyances. ¬†By the way, blowing your nose with a tissue and non-usable thumbs¬†sucks. ¬†That’s to say the least.

When I woke up in the middle of the night with a need to pee, I not only had to detach my palms from the sheets (painfully, of course), due to sticking tissue fluid, but hobble down the stairs, squat down to the toilet seat, and then attempt to wipe myself with a clumsy and burning left hand (the right was a solid no-go).  This repeated itself when my alarms went off at five forty-something to get me up for test proctoring today.

Today, my knee¬†hurts. More like my upper shin than my kneecap, but it still hurts. ¬†It’s kind of like a super bruise feeling, but the skin doesn‚Äôt really hurt. ¬†My hands, however, have been bad. I still have no opposable thumbs for the time being… if I try to use them, I involuntarily wail from the instant pain in my lower palm. The right is the worst. ¬†The left, starting this evening, has actually started to come around a bit. ¬†They were both still producing tissue fluid 20 hours after the incident, but have since mostly ceased. ¬†But any sharp movements or pressure, and they resume it. ¬†They felt like fire last night period. ¬†Tonight, they only get that feeling when they are either bumped or wet. ¬†Or, of course, I attempt to use my thumb for any kind of grip, or clench my fingers in an attempt to grip anything. ¬†(I almost couldn’t get out of my room this morning, because the doorknob is very thin¬†and takes a lot of pressure to get open…) ¬†In fact, it is extremely difficult even to type this right now.

All in all, that totally sucked, and it still sucks now, but I am mending safely, it seems.  And I am grateful for that.

On that note, I shall sleep.  But first, the photos:

This was yesterday, after rinsing off and rolling into the driveway.

This was the darned manhole cover with the “lip”.

This was after my shower last night.

I had to set the phone timer for this one.

And these were this evening, about 25 hours after the fall. ¬†I had to set the timer on these, too, because I couldn’t both hold the phone and click the shutter button… no thumbs, remember. ¬†(I tell you, it is one thing just not to have opposable thumbs. ¬†It is something else entirely not to have them in a world designed for opposable thumbs. ¬†I am having to learn drastic new ways of completing the formerly simplest of tasks[!!!].)

Post-a-day 2020

Bruised

Well, my toenail on my second toe on my right foot is officially bruised. It’s actually reddish purple now. Not the whole thing, but the whole left side, all the way to just past the center, as well as a small spot on the right side. And the tip is still white, of course, because that doesn’t change since it’s already been unattached to the skin for a while. But the attached part does not look very comfortable. Fortunately (?), however, it doesn’t look like it will be falling off.

I’ve had that happen before. It isn’t exactly unpleasant, but it isn’t pleasant either. I suppose the worst part is afterward, while there is no nail to protect the sensitive skin of the toe that is now suddenly exposed to the world and to shoes. That part of it totally sucks, actually, but it is still doable, easily survived. Just very uncomfortable for a while, I suppose.

I event had a run today as part of the workout, and it was totally okay. And even pressing on that particular toe and toenail doesn’t hurt anymore, which is quite good.

But yeah, it doesn’t look like this nail is falling off. Partially and strongly bruised, but not killed. Much like my pride and drive after that date with that guy way back when. Or like my brother’s when he busted a piece of his fancy motorcycle while pushing it up the loading ramp for the trailer to take it home from the racetrack…. and then shortly thereafter when he had his bicycle stolen out of the back of his truck (though it was locked up), after he had felt like it was a bad idea to leave the bicycles back there while he and a friend went into the store…. yeah, kind of like that… except probably nowhere near as bad. This is just a light bruising compared to all of that.

So… yeah… ūüėõ

And no, my hamstrings are not better today. However, despite the run, which wasn’t actually very difficult at all, they aren’t any worse than they were yesterday! ūüôā

Post-a-day 2020

Oh, goodness…

Because what would life be without a bit of toilet trouble and a plumbing conundrum to top off the ridiculous cut and soon-to-be massive bruise you got on your bum in the shower, of all places???

Oh, wait… not your life – mine.

Ugh(!!!).

Dear goodness, help me, please…

Post-a-day 2020

I’m doing loads better tonight.

I finally no longer have to slide down the stairs, nor do I have to do a wonky side-to-side granny hobble, pulling tremendously on the handrail to get up the stairs… I can actually walk up and down them, albeit slowly and carefully.

I went to the gym this afternoon, and kind of did the workout.

I completely skipped the strength portion, because finding a two-rep max on deadlifts was a solid no for my knees at present, so I did a 500m ski on the ski machine instead, since that didn’t really require much from my knees.

On the workout part, I did standing squats (only so low as I could go without it hurting my knees, which was just below a 45¬į angle) instead of these jumps from kneeling to squatting (which I can hardly do when I’m well, let alone right now), followed by frog jumps for distance… otherwise, I just did the easiest version of each movement, with the lightest weight options.

It was not the kind of hard that workouts usually are for me at the gym, but it was, I could tell, really good for my body to be moving around and using my muscles, albeit with minimal strain.

Everyone else seemed to feel utterly exhausted at the end, leaving me alone in my missing out on the experience, but I was okay with it – I’m the one who rolled all across the road two nights ago but still showed up to work out today.

And I’m okay with that. ūüôā

On a separate note, I’ve been wondering quite recently more and more about a someone else in my life… Universe, could you be a little more clear for me about this??

What am I meant to do now, and who is getting ready to show up for me?

What are my final steps for right now?

I suppose I could start by cleaning up my clothes in my room tomorrow… I did pass up an opportunity to do work I love tomorrow, in order to stay home and rest and get some things done before the weekend… hmm…

How amazing that would be… clean my room for this weekend, and meet this person by Monday evening…..?

Wow… that would be really cool…

Separately, tomorrow is my stepsister’s birthday… and my bruises have finally really started to come in… they are looking dreadfuller and dreadfuller as the time passes tonight. ūüėõ

Post-a-day 2019

Spin cycle update

The other day, when I was caught in the rain, the black from my glove rubbed off on me in a kind of purpley black. I thought that had happened again tonight…

Turns out, it is just bruising finally coming through on my palm

………

That’s two messages I sent to my mom tonight, after I’d gotten home.

I only went out briefly today, after having amassed a grand total of not even a thousand steps for the day by three p.m., in an effort to rid myself of my cabin fever and to get in some steps, all while carefully aiding my recovery by moving slowly but surely on flat surfaces.

I walked around Target for a bit, and was surprised to find it a loud and somewhat annoying environment.

So, I rather quickly left and went to hang out with my mom at the office where she works, so I also could work on some photos and use the Internet.

I made a quick and delicious pasta puttanesca again when I got home – with zucchini that I spiralized myself, of course – and then headed upstairs to get ready for bed.

Fortunately, I had already done it last night, so it didn’t take me long to figure out what all I needed on the first run (meaning super slow limping hobble) up to my floor, in preparation for the process of showering.

So, when I hobble back down to use the bathroom again in a bit, right before going to sleep, it will be only the second time I’ll have had to go down tonight…, which is much more ideal than the constant up-and-down I usually do each night.

Anyway, the point of all of this is really to share with somebody how my day was – lonesome a bit, but only in the send that I didn’t really have much of any physical contact today, and was somewhat surprised to find that it was all I really wanted, aside from ice packs… to have someone hold my hand, or lean against my skin somewhere, just to prove his or her existence and presence (and thereby love for me)…

I actually daydreamed about it… an arm or a thigh, just casually pressed against me, much like how a dog or cat will snuggle up against a person, when it wants to be nearby to sleep, but not necessarily to be pet.

I wanted someone to be with me in my room, so I could rest without worry, and know that I am being watched over and cared for…

My chest actually longed for the pressure of a hug or hand today, the feelings of slight panic taunting me ever so slightly… I wanted someone to quell the stirrings of panic within by his/her loving touch.

(And no, this is not at all in an erotic sense, but in a caring for someone, loving someone sense.)

But all my family is too far away for that, and my friends, too…, so I just daydreamed instead, breathing deeply, as is my custom, and going to walk around Target, so I could at least be around people, even if I had no loving touch from any of them.

Eventually, I got some love from my mom, but it was tiny in comparison to what I had been aching for all day, so it only eased the feeling temporarily.

It was nonetheless valued and valuable for me.

Now, I am home, carefully getting the rest of my steps before bed, considering the finally darkening spots around my body that are the near-only visible signs on my body of what happened last night…

And the palm of my hand looks like I’ve smeared ink on it somehow, again, just as it did when my glove got soaked in the rain… if only that were the cause of tonight’s “stain”… ::sigh

Anyway, I’m feeling better physically, but I’m really tired tonight… I’m thinking my body put forth a lot of effort today in dealing with healing, and so all the other little bits just put me over the edge baring exhaustion…

On that note, signing off for now, off to heal my body some more, and then discover more bruising in the morning. ūüėõ

Post-a-day 2019

BruiseFit much?

It’s only been about a week and a half that we have been gym-ing…

I’ve attended eight classes in the past nine days, taking two days off over the weekend…

Today, throughout the day, I kept finding new marks and bruises on various parts of my body…

I have no idea when or how specifically I obtained these bruises – the cuts and scrapes I know – but I am guessing that they all have the same locational origin: the gym.

I wonder how many more I’ll find tomorrow, and how much worse the already found ones will be…

As for the most recent discovery just barely below my elbow, on my back arm, directly where I usually place my arm onto a desk or a table (That’s how I discovered it in the first place, putting pressure on it via a tabletop, and suddenly withdrawing in pain.) it has already gone 3-D since I first discovered it.

Yikes…

What a life this is… ūüėõ

Post-a-day 2019