Tag: trouble

Perspective

I can actually quite well argue any side of a matter. I’ve known that about myself for a long time now. The use of this skill today, however, surprised me a bit. I was not in agreement about something, and had spoken up about it in private, but had not yet received a response. I did not want to undermine what this person had done, so, when a student came to me, upset in just the same way I was (but worse, because he was receiving the brunt of the blow), I had to hold my tongue a moment and reconsider. What stands before me here? Imagining nothing outside of this room will change, how can I encourage and empower this student here and now and going forward, and without laying anger or blame or frustrations elsewhere?

And then I did just that. I saw a beauty to this new perspective I was offering to him, and was completely impressed by and enrolled in the idea myself.

And no, I wasn’t BS-ing anything here. I was approaching it genuinely.

Which has me wonder if it wouldn’t be a beautiful practice to reevaluate situations and opinions more often in my daily life. Because I never would have found such a deep, powerful perspective had I not been presented with the sudden need to help this student while not disregarding the right of the other person in the situation.

So, I think I’ll be looking into that going forward…

P.S. The kid, I now know, as I’ve had a response to my earlier e-mail, very likely will not be having to serve the punishment he was assigned. It likely only will apply to those for whom it was truly applicable (Aka almost all the other students from that class), after a few further discussions with certain students to confirm.

Post-a-day 2021

Nerves

Tomorrow begins my work at a school that neighbored my own high school.

I am nervous, because it is the first day on location of a new job – typical nerves.

I am also nervous, however, because of this inner piece of me that is terrified every time I consider stepping foot into their campus.

In high school, it was always a chance for me to be in trouble and to be yelled at by some authority figure, whenever I walked into their campus… yes, I had real reasons to be there, – attending classes or speaking with the teachers of those classes – however, I was fussed at a couple times for being there at a time I wasn’t supposed to be there, and, therefore, lived in an almost-constant fear of getting in trouble whenever I went over there.

Even this past year, going there twice a week for tutoring, being given a visitor or tutor badge by the same woman who always checks in on how I’m doing and occasionally jokes about my needing my own personal badge to use, since I am there so often…, even with that, there is always a little part of me that is terrified.

I’m not sure I’ll ever shake the feeling entirely, but I am glad that I have identified what the fear is, as the identification already removes almost all of the fear’s power, as it is.

… which, in a way, shows how great the fear used to be, since it is still right there in my gut every visit these days, more than a decade later…

So, I’m nervous about tomorrow… and also the whole quarter, which is when I will be teaching full-time… and also about the second quarter, which is when I’ll need to be finishing up my thesis that currently has yet to begin…

Yeah…

Dear God, grant me your guidance that I might do what is perfect for me to do, and that I might be fully true to myself in all that I do… bless us all that we be happy, healthy, holy…

Amen 🙂

Go get ’em, Tiger. 😉

Post-a-day 2019

Water on my mind

I am unnerved, and I don’t know what else to share.  I feel false even considering any other topic, as this is at the forefront of my mind.  This storm is scary.  Period.  The winds were so weak, it hardly felt like a hurricane as it flew above us, spinning along at its loping pace.  And the rain has reached such an amount that I might just forever be afraid of rain from here on out.  Water is powerful.  It is truly powerful.  Oh, how I would love to be the kid with the water ring from Captain Planet right now… or that guy from Twilight…

Post-a-day 2017