Tag: bedtime

Bedtime

I’m tired. And I want to be held. And I’m tired of going to bed alone. And I’m tired of not exercising enough.

I did actually get in some exercise both yesterday and today, though both were only partial exercise. However, they were more than I did the previous two weeks, which was an improvement, and I am grateful for that. I hope to do some tomorrow, too. Even that little bit today helped and that chunk yesterday helped, too.

I also wakes the dog today. It was the longer route, and we went kind of fast. I kept up my pace, which meant I was basically dragging the dog along by the final third of it. But it was good for us both. I got depressive today, which felt all the more terrible than I had been feeling lately for lack of sleep and for rodeo stress – aka people being stupid very unnecessarily. So, going outside into the sunlight and also doing a brisk walk we’re both helpful. And the dog’s being with me helped me feel like I had company. (I had thought my husband and I could spend the day together today, but hadn’t known until last night that he had his onboarding stuff at the office all morning today, then flying all afternoon. So, sad for the day’s plans, but good for his work, for his mental health, and for our income.)

But we got to have a Costco pizza pie for dinner (and a hot dog for me) to celebrate Pi Day together. We even shared one of the coffee freeze things that are delicious, which is rare for us – my husband doesn’t exactly share single servings of things, so that was big. We had a great little date night out at Costco, and we also got my grandma’s coffee things and fresh organic blueberries for myself (I’d say we got them for ourselves, but he never ate his half of the last batch, and they went bad, so I’m not bothering to share this time. Not in a mean way. Just in a practical sense. If he wants some, he can take them, but I’m not leaving any for him intentionally this time.).

I’ve been really wanting fresh fruits and veggies lately. I want all those awesome smoothies and juices from these couple super healthy smoothie places. But that’s super unaffordable. Why the stuff without all the added junk is so much more expensive is still baffling to me. It tastes better and is better for us, plus is easier to make, but costs loads more. I just wish I were better at making smoothies. I somehow mess them up 60-70% of the time and make something terrible, though healthy. That 40% where it is tolerable or delicious is giving me ever-decreasing confidence in trying to make them at all anymore.

But I really want a good smoothie. I can make this one morning one really well still. But making ones that don’t have too much sweet (to where they don’t give me gas) has been difficult for me the past few years. That’s why I stopped making them altogether, really. I need veggie smoothies, but don’t have any good recipes. I always just made it up. (Also why they often sucked.)

Anyway, I’m worn out. Off to snuggle with my stuffed animals and sleep half-upright, because that pizza was so bad for my digestion, I can’t even lie down flat without risk of things going back upward right now (hours later). Ugh…

Anyway, goodnight, folks! Sleep well, sweet dreams, and May God bless you beautifully and unexpectedly this week.

God, be with us all newly this week, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Done

We are done with our rodeo shifts for this year’s rodeo. “We” being my mom and sister-in-law and I. My husband still had two more to go with my stepdad. But we are finished for the year now. We finished this afternoon. And then we had prime rib for having paid our dues early as a team, then tres leches for my miniature surprise birthday celebration. My brother brought the cake and the surprise, and my husband joined us, too, for the planned family hangout. We then strolled around with purpose, aiming to have the random terrible-for-you food stuff we had wanted to try this year. So, we each had a fried Oreo, we shared a funnel cake, my man and I shared a fried Snickers – actually, I like those lots better normal than fried, because it just seemed like warm crunchy peanut butter when fried (Not that it wasn’t good. It just wasn’t snickers.) – we considered some Fruity Pebbles things – it sounded kind of awful, in the end, either with friend shrimp or pineapple – we sat in absurdly expensive massage chairs that were so-so, and we watched some steer being judged in one of the youth shows for ‘lightweight’ steers, which are up to 1150 pounds… can you believe that is considered light weight?

Anyway, it was a good time. I am grateful to be done with shifts for the year and I am grateful to have had a good time with my family this afternoon and evening. Now, I shall sleep and truly relax.

Thank you, God, for the good time. Help me to recover well with my sleep tonight, please, that I may continue to improve our home tomorrow and the rest of this week. Help me to honor you through honoring my family and our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Volunteering

Head of athletics asked me yesterday if I could help with the track meet after school today, 4-8pm. My man had his own meeting then, anyway, so timing worked and I agreed to help. Today, it made for a long day for me, but I was clearly a big help in what I specifically did, and I really enjoyed myself at the meet. Next time, I might opt for a different job, but this one was a fun mix of chill and on-ness, and I even got to hang with some students of mine for a while, just watching the events and getting all the details of each runner from them while I waited.

I hung with other coaches and teachers for a bit afterward before heading home, and that, too, was a delight. All in all, it was a great day, and I am now exhausted.

Thank you, God, for the extra day off school tomorrow. Even though I don’t get paid, the rest will do me good and give me a good start to be able to put away clothes this weekend. Help me to make our house the home we long for it to be. Thank you for this life and this opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Getting there

I have been quite stressed today. Actually, I was quite calm about everything this morning. I was calmly and efficiently working this morning on the things that still need to be done for the wedding (and that I could do today from home). But, for whatever reason, when my man got home, he was on edge. He did eat some food, when he realized he was quite hungry, but I think it wasn’t enough and was too little too late. He was already in a tough mood and he was getting hangrier and hangrier. It wasn’t a good combination.

So, we had a tough time doing errands together. I’ve been working so much on every detail for the wedding – mostly in my own, because he had work while I didn’t over the Christmas and new year holidays – that I have already thought through things enough to have determined which route I want to take on most things. For the ones where I’ve not been sure, I’ve asked for input and help. For many of those things, he has been very helpful. For some, he has shown that he genuinely has no preference one way or the other and trusts me to pick what I like best. Which is still helpful in its own way.

But today was one of the times where he tried to give help where help was not wanted and not needed. Yes, it could have been helpful a few weeks ago, even a few days ago. But he was a little too late to the mark for it to help today, and it, combined with his generally sour mood while we were doing something I had thought would be a fun time just being together intentionally, kind of set me off.

I have been under a lot of stress, and of all different kinds lately. There are deadlines for the wedding; goals and hopes and dreams for it; weather concerns, missing something important that will make everyone think I’m not good enough for him; the fact that I even feel like certain people (who really don’t know me very well, so it ought to be irrelevant, yet the brain clearly doesn’t care and won’t let it go completely) might think I’m not good enough for him; knowing that I am an amazing and wonderful person and that I love my man immensely and always the best for him, and sometimes feeling like I have to prove that to others; my grandma not being well and going up and down so much; the stress that gives my mom in general; the time that takes from my mom, preventing her in playing as big of a role as she has always wanted to play in helping to plan and prepare my wedding; my family who have always been there for me being pointedly absent throughout this whole process; the same family asking if there’s anything special I’d like for my wedding, and my not knowing how to say that all I want of for them to be here, helping me, enjoying this process with me, having fun with me; the dog throwing up and still getting black hair all over the house; struggling to find a pillow that lets me sleep well again; figuring out why on Earth I still haven’t taken the time to organize and put away all my clothes in the new dressers I got months ago, now; why going to bed alone is such a depressing piece of my day almost every day; not knowing what to do about it; not knowing yet how best to care for my family; struggling to find some calm and reliability in terms of having a consistent, decently-paid, fair job that makes a difference in the world; not being sure if I’ll be invited to work more permanently at this place I love and where I have felt called to be and to contribute; noticing that I have fears that I am misunderstanding God’s wishes for me, thereby doubting God; not feeling good enough because I doubt God through my fear; how stressed my man seems to be about his own career path and work future, as well as finances; not knowing how to ease his pain in all of that; forgetting that God is here for us and will support us always, so long as we choose him and let him support us…and that my hands keep cracking and bleeding and staying unrealistically dry, despite my efforts to avoid washing them anywhere near as often as I used to do.

Those are just the main ones of the moment… the ones on my mind every single day lately.

No wonder I’m exhausted.

And no wonder I kind of flipped on my man when he tried to help but kind of made it worse, having me feel like all my tie and effort so far on that particular matter wasn’t good enough for him, since he was suddenly doubting it and thinking we needed to adjust it.

Nonetheless, I still apologized immediately, before I even had relaxed enough not to be fussing with my words and stress popping out of me. It wasn’t fair for me to be angry towards him… well, it was absolutely fair for me to be angry towards him. It was, however, not kind and loving for me halfway to yell at him in the store. It was not respectful of me to react that way, and it put me further on edge that I had just done something unkind as an automatic response. I want my automatic instincts and reactions to be loving with my man. This one was not, and hurt all the more.

(I feel like Forrest Gump now…)

Well, that’s all I really have to say about that for now… so, goodnight.

Thank you, God, for this life and your love. Please, continue to guide me, and help me to see clearly my next step, always and forever, in pursuing and fulfilling your will for my life. Also, please, please, please, give us perfectly wonderful weather on our wedding day and evening and night, so we can do all our awesome stuff and everyone can travel safely. Please. In your name, I pray. Thanks be to God. Alleluia. Amen!

Post-a-day 2024

P.S. Thanks for getting him home safely from the poker night. Please, get him home safely to me from the gym, too. Thank you. Amen.

Reading

I’ve gotten a good amount done today, given that I went for a miniature movie marathon with a girlfriend for several hours – which was awesome, by the way – yet I had only expected to be about two total. I did some tidying at home and some reorganization that seems to be a step very much so in the right direction. I stayed up way later than intended, but even got a lot of folding and putting away of laundry done, too. And, of course, I had an audiobook running that whole time, which was great use of my time.

Thank you, God, for the accomplishments and the love and friendship of today. Help me to make tomorrow another great day, sharing and living your love and helping to be my best self. Thank you for this life and this man and these opportunities. Please, heal those in need of healing and call to you newly all those who most need you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Fantasies

Some people fantasize about being rich or indulging in fancy yet unhealthy foods or about diving into physical or sexual acts.

Actually, that probably covers most people…

Anyway, about what do I fantasize, pray tell?

I fantasize about not having to brush and floss my teeth before bed.

To each his own, you know? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Post-a-day 2023

Great Films

Tonight, we finished watching Top Gun: Maverick… again.

We started it the other night, and stopped about halfway through to use the bathroom, and decided it was smartest to go to sleep immediately. So, we did the second half tonight.

And I was almost ready to hit start all over again once it ended.

This movie is just that great. And knowing how much of it was true flying, actually filmed in jets and all that jazz makes it all the better. Just such a good film. I really love it.

Thank you, God, for the blessing of wonderful art, especially wonderful films. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen! ❤

Post-a-day 2023

Taking it easy

Today was a bizarre day of accidental/unexpected rest time. I had plans yet they all shifted to make for a very comfortable and satisfying day for me today, and it was just so lovely… I am very grateful. I wasn’t included in the testing happening st school today, so I wasn’t going to be paid for doing any work today…, so I didn’t work. I stayed home and planned a day to do whatever, and nothing specific but register my car’s title transfer. (Actually, the state cheated me out of tax on another $2000 that they said my car was worth… even though that’s actually illegal, since it was the dealer who had owned and sold the car to me at the end of my lease… but there is basically nothing for me to do about it that actually would change anything. Our legal system is too messed up, as is the government’s system, for me to be able to afford to do anything that would make a difference. Suing is basically the only way to hold big companies and organizations accountable, it seems. Perhaps, if people just did the right and fair thing in the first place, places wouldn’t have to worry about being sued. Anyway…) That was a pretty lame time, and I had to wait 40 minutes there, even though I had a scheduled appointment time and all. Despite that junk, I had a good day. I’m glad to have gotten the title stuff handled, at last. And I’m relieved to know for certain that I don’t have to get new plates. That was great news for me, even despite being cheated at the same time. Anyway, I went home happy while still annoyed at the injustice.

A bit later, I got to take my friend’s three-year-old daughter to her ballet class, which was awesome. The whole little car ride was a blast, her sitting in her cars eat in the back, telling me all about how she was going to dancing class and that she was going in my man’s car. It was awesome. And then dance class was also great to watch, as usual.

Then I got to go for a walk with my man and the dog in this amazing weather. I got to drink some eggnog. I learned a bit about the new car’s oil leak and the process to fix it. I ordered a gift for the birthday party we are attending next weekend, almost entirely using a gift card I earned for doing some volunteer-type stuff. And I got to hang with my man as we watched a movie, and then goof off and actually wrestle one another on the old Tempur-pedic mattress that is presently sitting in the living room. Now, I’m going to bed a touch later than desired, but satisfied and comfortable from the day.

Thank you for today, God, and thank you for my man and his dog and my friends and my mom. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023