Tomorrow is the last day in my current teaching position. I don’t teach class until after 11:00, though. So, partly in celebration of my last day, I decided to go ahead and watch a movie, instead of going to bed when it was only around 7:30pm.
Yet, it is just after eleven now, and I am barely managing to write this as I lie in my bed, practically passing out… clearly, I need to work out a better sleep schedule again. This has been way too tough lately, and in many ways.
Post-a-day 2022
“And what did she say?”
“She didn’t.”
“She didn’t say anything at all? She just packed up and disappeared?”
“Well, she packed bags and said she was going to visit her dad.”
“And she just never came back…”
“Yeah…”
“That makes it less surprising that you always have the experience of not being good enough, not being enough…”
Post-a-day 2022
I find myself not wanting to exercise or go to the gym. And I’m noticing how similarly it feels to before I had adjustments from a chiropractor, specifically a certain spinal adjustment. Afterward, I felt taller, and unbound from something I hadn’t known was binding me for quite some time. I actually wanted to exercise, then. I actually felt like doing it… in a way I hadn’t in years.
And so feel so much like that pre-adjustment time right now, when the idea of physical exercise feels exhausting. Where it feels like I’m tied up, somehow, like the puppet strings are all knotted up, limiting motion… I don’t feel terrible, but I don’t feel well and I don’t feel myself and I definitely don’t feel like working out. I just seem to want to curl up in bed and rest, really.
Thank you, God, for this appointment on Thursday. Please, please, let it be exactly what my body (and mind) need(s). In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
I have never once had a desire to participate in drugs. Never.
Yet, that seems to be more of the odd man out than the average…
I had no idea, growing up, that so many people had such great interest in drugs, even in just minor ones, like marijuana. But it has never had appeal for me. In fact, most drug use has always seemed sad to me, tied indefinitely with the idea of running away from or avoiding life on some level. But avoidance never truly helps in life, not in the long run, and drugs seem to prove the same.
Post-a-day 2022
I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow… But not because I don’t like school. Simply because I keep feeling a desire to avoid the situation as a whole. My assignment ends at 14:55 this coming Friday. With that, too, ends my clear daily goals and making a difference daily in the lives of others and having a clear purpose, as well as having a reasonable salary. All that goes away in a poof on Friday…
And I’m scared to face it, really, because the What’s Next is terrifying. Truly, it is. I’ll be pursuing coding full-time (as a learner, that is), in the hopes of finding work in the industry by January. That’s a lofty goal, I know. But someone told me today that I could make it happen in six months – he actually does this for a living, helping students pursue coding, you see, at a University, no less. If six months is his thought when he thinks I know nothing at all, then three months could be possible, right? I mean, all things are possible with God. And a lot will be up to me for making this all happen, though. Meaning just about all of it, really.
So, God, please, help me to be focused and effective and efficient these next several months as I pursue these dreams that have a massive edge of terror to them. The best ones always do, I know. Thank you for such a terrifying and wonderful opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thanks be to God. Hallelujah!
When the fun things aren’t fun anymore, it really could be, quite simply, that we need rest and restoration. Perhaps we are not borderline tears because the world is miserable, but because our bodies and minds are struggling to stay awake, to continue without the appropriate rest and sleep. Perhaps, when the answer to the question of, “What’s wrong?” is something like, “I don’t know,” the answer is truly that we need to go to bed and sleep for a good while… just a thought…
Post-a-day 2022
And what if we went into everything, prepared to be amazed by it, prepared for it to surprise us in a wonderful way??
Everything…
Post-a-day 2022
I washed my hair tonight, though very gently. Nonetheless, the scab from the removed mole bled a bit. I think a touch got on the white towel, but didn’t go back to clean it. It was hardly noticeable when I was actively looking for it in the first place. I touched a piece of toilet paper to it, though, then, and I was clearly giving off some spotting of blood. However, it hasn’t really hurt at all today, except when I accidentally forgot about it and scratched my neck or something. Nonetheless, it’s okay. We’re working through it!
Post-a-day 2022
More like freeze and clamp and slice, but whatever. I pictured it much like dog nail clippers, to be sure. Even though the spot was numbed – something like a mole that I’ve had most of my life on the base of my skull at my hair line – I could still tell the moment she had clamped and sliced it off… there was just something about the movements and sensations around the area that made it clear for me. And now, it has completed its time with me…
It definitely freaked me out, having that mole thing removed so quickly and without almost any preparation or expectation of its going to happen, but I think it was appropriate. This way, once the spot heals fully, I can brush and comb the back of my hair and not have to be extra careful of that bump. (I genuinely nailed it with a comb far too many times, actually making it leak tissue fluid or blood multiple times in my life. I actually stopped using combs almost entirely because of it. Perhaps I shall begin combing my hair again soon…) I think it will be good.
Thank you, my man, and thank you, God, for this blessing of an opportunity today. And thank you for such a positive and comfortable experience with the skin doctor, and for her clear love and passion for her work and the true and full well-being of the people she sees. In your name in gratitude, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
P.S. God, please, help me sleep well tonight. I’m a bit nervous due to this healing, tender spot I now have on the back of my neck and head. Thank you. Amen!
“Thank you for praying with us today, and let peace be with you,” he closes out the rosary. And I wonder at this every time. Tonight, however, I think I have an answer.
You see, we always say either, “Peace be with you,” or “May peace be with you,” with both being intended as a blessing from one to another. However, Mark Wahlberg doesn’t say it that way. He says, “let”…
Let peace be with you…
Why let? Because we are the ones who determine if we have peace. In the harshest of circumstances, people find peace. In the most idyllic of circumstances, people lack it. Why? Because we determined, each and every one of us, for ourselves whether we are at peace, have peace, or not.
So, it’s up to me to allow peace to be with me… That exactly. We are surrounded by a world filled with peace, wanting to grant us peace. Yet, how often do we block it? How often do we push away from that offering of peace? How often do we decide to stay stuff where we are in our miseries?
Peace is knocking from every direction. Dare we to answer the door and to let peace come be with us??
I dare.
Post-a-day 2022
hannah ananas 