Tag: emotions

At home on the range

Well, we went to the range today. It was only my second time going to an indoor gun range, but I believe I was much better prepared this time than last time. I had eye and ear protection that fit well (and didn’t hurt), for one thing. For another, I was mentally prepared for all the reverberations and all the physical shakes I’d get from other firearms being fired throughout the room/range. (You know, I feel like carpeted walls and floors and ceilings would go a long way for indoor ranges not being so loud and miserable… they’re only concrete right now, anyway, so I don’t see the carpeting hurting in any way…)

Now, I got to shoot two different revolvers and a 9mm, each for the first time today. The first revolver was a .22 caliber. The grip was a bit large for me, but I was able to shoot it okay, nonetheless. Starting with that one helped me significantly not to break down into ugly tears*. Then, after getting my man’s input on the kick of the .38 Special as compared to the .22 and the 9mm – double the .22, but much less than the 9mm – I reloaded the single round, aimed, breathed a bit, exhaled, and fired. And it was not anywhere near as frightening as I had been expecting. It felt doable, frankly. I put a full round in, then, and went through them all, and at a reasonable speed. And I nailed the target with all of them.

After that, I tested it at different distances from the target – I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had wonderful accuracy with this gun. Both its sights and its weight and lack of massive kick helped me in my accuracy, I know. After a few rounds, I knew we were running out of time, so I switched back to the .22 revolver to have a little more experience with the ‘little’ guy.

Then, in our last few minutes, I went back to my man’s lane to try the 9mm. 9mm had, so far, made me cry every time I start shooting one. I don’t necessarily cry the whole time – only with certain ones, it seems – but I cry after the first shot, at least, and for an unclear amount of time. So, he tried to get me to fire the .45 first. I watched him fire a round from it, and then firmly declined – that was the one that had hurt with a wall between it and me(!). I had him show me the 9mm, then, and determined I could give it a go. I only wanted a single bullet in the magazine/gun – mental safety right there – which he set up for me. I picked up the gun, aimed, exhaled, fi… and pulled the really light trigger a long way… and got stressed and released it…

I’m sorry – what?? I guess it had a really long pull. Try again.

So, I did. This time, I found the hard spot in the trigger action, paused, inhaled and then exhaled once more, and pulled that last bit.

And it wasn’t as bad as I had been expecting.

I immediately asked for five bullets, please. We were short on time, and I wanted to have the practice, so let’s do it. But let’s not overdo it or anything. Five is a good big number for me right now. Haha

I fired the five comfortably, especially after having discussed the trigger with my man, and felt a sense of relief. It was a bit of a wow: a 9mm that didn’t make me ball. And it was still a black pistol. That’s kind of a big deal.

After that, I packed up shop and got out of dodge (meaning the range room). It had been a good and successful time for me, and I wanted to end it all on a high note(!). (Our time was also basically up, and my man had to leave for a meeting, so I wasn’t just being dramatic or anything. It actually was time to go.)

I am both glad and grateful for our time at the range today. Yes, there were still people going at it with something loud down the way, upping my heart rate every time they decided to shoot – think a whole bunch of loud booms, one right after the other. And yes, my man’s firing of the .45 scared me every time he fired it. But I worked on accepting the noise and the shaking in my body from those Boom!s, and continuing my own steps, anyway. And it went really well. And firing the firearms I intended to test out went really well, too. And my aim was good with them all! It was a really good time at the range today. I genuinely wanted to keep reloading the revolvers, because – get this – it was fun! (Shocked me, too, I know, but it really was fun.) For the first time, I understood why people might want to compete in shooting competitions. Not that I intend to do that – my eyesight likely isn’t good enough, in the first place – but you never know. I can be quite competitive, and competition helps me strive and work to do better at something…

Anyway, I’m really glad we went, just the two of us, and that it wasn’t very busy at all. I don’t expect it always to be that way, but it was just what I needed for today. Baby steps, right? Today had several of them accomplished, that’s for sure.

Thank you, God, and thank you, my man, for such great support and such a great time today.

Thank you, God. Keep us always safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

*Okay, I did break down slightly, though. When we first arrived, my man told me he was going to fire the .22. Uh, okay… thanks for the warning… on a gun that barely will go boom at all… I was grateful he was watching out for me, right? So, then, after he fires it, I fire it, and then I go back to my own lane to see if I can get myself to fire the .38 Special revolver that is there. Just as I’ve loaded a single bullet into the cylinder and aimed, I am accosted by a sudden series of loud and repetitive Boom!s in quick succession that shake my insides and make my ears cringe. I set down the .38 Special, and step away from it, my eyes beginning to water.

As silly as it may sound, that was shocking and scary for me. It was sudden and very loud and very shaking for my actual body. Why was it so rough? Because it was a .45 shooting right next to me(!). Who shot it? My man.

Really, man?? You’re going to warn me for the .22, but not for the really big and loud .45 with a ton of rounds in it????!!! Massive eye roll, I’m telling you. I told him, too, of course, and we both laughed about the idiocy of it all. Baby steps. Haha. I didn’t end up crying full out; I just had tears prick my eyes, then go away. But that was how it happened today. Massive improvement from the constant ugly crying of the last two times I went to a range and shot guns. 😛

Post-a-day 2023

Yikes

I think it is time to start my days when I truly went to start them: before the sun fully rises. It has been long enough of not doing what I know I am here to do, including the little things.

God, guide us both, please, as we begin to pursue this goal. Thank you for this life and the opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Dinner

We went to an early dinner at the house of a friend of my man. The friend and his wife have two four-and-a-half-year-old boys – today is their half birthday – and a younger daughter, as well as a baby girl. Being at their house was loud, exacerbated by the open-plan two-story home, as well as the wooden floors and almost-no carpets or sound-muffling surfaces. It isn’t something I could or would handle every day, but I did enjoy being with all of them. The kids likely were extra wirey due to the rainy weather that’s kept them indoors all day today. We, on the other hand, we’re more drowsy for the weather, which was interesting to note for me.

However, the whole experience at their house was that of being in a space of managed chaos. They didn’t have control over the chaos, not directly. But they were able to redirect and manage parts of it all that affected the whole experience. There were ups and downs in the sound levels and the degrees of outright mania. And I enjoyed that. If it had been constant and consistent chaos, it would have been too much for me. But their management of it made all the difference. I truly enjoyed being with them all, and I look forward to spending more time with them, both in the house and out and about.

Thank you for these wonderful blessings, my Lord and my God. Heal us all. Help us to say what needs to be said in a way that it needs to be heard, always. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A change in plans

Today, I got to experience flying in a small airplane on a hot and clear day – loads of, basically, constant turbulence; high crosswinds with crazy-high gusts that made landing quite difficult and had several planes look insane as they were landing (successfully); an unidentified malfunction of the flaps – those help you slow down when landing, as I understand it – that prevented us from landing with those gusts, multiple times; the discovery that that malfunction was related to power… as all the plane’s electrical power eventually disappeared while in the air – remember that the engine still is running, just nothing else works, including the com system; navigating with no modern electrical airplane tools; and landing at a towered airport without radioing the tower, and, instead, by telephoning someone on the ground to let the tower know we have no power, and getting the all-clear from the tower through that person.

We never actually got to stop at the fly-in event we were going in the first place to attend, but we got to where we apparently needed to be today. Talk about a nutso flight… we certainly had it today! But I am extremely proud of my man and grateful for his passion and dedication to learning and practicing what he needed to learn and practice in order to handle it all safely and efficiently today. I mean, sure, I was definitely crying… a lot…, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t handling each situation well. That just meant I was terrified, which is really nothing new for me with flying.

(I know, it’s hard to believe, given all of my experience flying all over the world, but I genuinely am nervous and at least a little stressed every time I am preparing to travel by and am traveling by airplane. Walking off that plane and onto solid ground always gives me such immense relief. Seriously.)

Anyway, I prayed a lot today. I was definitely stressed as things were happening, but God and Mary and Jesus and Jude and Joseph of Copertino all came through and kept us safe and, eventually, gave us a safe landing… and on a real runway. (I kid you not, we never said it aloud, but we were both thinking that we were likely about to be emergency landing in one of the many fields we were passing.)

Thank you, God and Jesus and Mary and Jude and Joseph (of Copertino – grazie!), for keeping us safe and bringing us home, safe. Thank you for this training for the both of us. Please, help me to find a call around my man’s flying. And, please, help him always to have safe travels and departures and arrivals, especially for work. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

With Supernatural Speed

Dear God, we ask, through your love that you have granted to us, that this paperwork be handled and approved and granted to us with supernatural speed. As C— prayed, give all those involved in the process and on whom others must wait an inexplicable need to complete their portion effectively and with haste – wake them up in the middle of the night to go complete their portions. Help them experience an urgency with this process for us, that we may pursue fully and live the life you have so graciously offered to us. We wait with patience, yet anticipation for the beauty we will be able to create, especially once this paperwork is granted in our hoped-for direction. If it be your will, please, complete all necessary steps of this process, and grant us the declaration we long to receive. In your name, we pray. Amen.

P.S. Please, heal us all. We’ve got some sick bodies right now, even with our friends. Heal us all, please, all in need of healing. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Another one

It seems my cold has changed it’s mind, or else I have yet another one now. :/ I was almost entirely healed. Now I have yellow stuff in my nasal cavity that I coughed up this morning – fortunately only a small little bit – and a sore through and somewhat stuffy nose that made me sneeze throughout the day and blow it often. What’s more, I have a sore spot under my left arm, in my underarm area. Nothing seems to be visible, but, boy, is it sore to the touch. It feels like a bruise. I’m not sure it isn’t a bruise. But can’t see anything colorful on the surface, so it isn’t looking like a bruise (literally). Might be a slightly swollen lymph node. Might be something else. I’m hoping sleep and water and care will heal it.

And my man is quite sick with his burning throat and constant coughing and nose-blowing. Poor guy despises blowing his nose, and now has to do it, or he’d be covered in icky dripping snot… eew. Anyway…

If you dare, please, pray for my healing, and for his.

Dear God, please, heal my body and heal all those in need of healing, in all the ways they most need it, please. Help us all to sleep well at night, always. In your name, I pray. Amen.

St. Jude, pray for us, please.

Post-a-day 2023

Prayers

Dear God, please, let our prayers be received and answered directly from tonight. Thank you for this blessing of life. Help us to live this life with full abandon in you, that we be our best selves, the people you made us to be. Help us to marry as we long to do, a longing given to us powerfully and blessedly by you. Set clear our paths, that we do spectacular things in your name in all that we are and all that we do. Help us to live the lives of our dreams and better, and help us to have always better dreams, wrapped up in you. In your blessed name, I and we and we all pray. Amen.

P.S. Please, make that paperwork happen – give each person involved and inexplicable urgency to do your will with it immediately. Grant us this space to create this life you now have offered to us, and now. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Roughness

Sometimes, I bite my nails, because they’ve grown too long, and I can’t seem to stand them another minute… and they end up being all rough and uneven around the edges. And then they catch on things a bunch, including my skin and face, until I bite them some more and/or eventually find a nail file and file them down to where I’d wanted them to be in the first place.

It seems an utterly ridiculous struggle to have, yet I face this struggle regularly and often. I have reminders on my phone, telling me to do my toenails and my fingernails at certain increments of time that I figured out were accurate about a year or so ago. And yet I still struggle more than half the times with availing cutting them and ending up biting them down out of annoyance a week or so later (al while my phone still displays the message telling me to trim and file my nails).

I haven’t quite gotten to the root of the struggle, as we can all see by my consistent struggling with this same issue. It seems like it must be an easy solve, if I just gave it a bit of actual time and attention again. Or followed my reminders like I once did. Nonetheless, a ridiculous struggle continues.

And it has me wonder: How many other ridiculous struggles am I having in my life right now? How many other seemingly rough situations actually have a simple solution, for which I need only give it some genuine attention and effort and consistency?

Likely loads…

Post-a-day 2023

Good day

Today was a good day, a beautiful day. The weather was lovely, even with the bout of rain in the late afternoon and early evening.

My friend got done shopping she’d much needed, some of which was entirely without her child, because he hung with me in the toy section and played with toys. (Whenever he said that he needed his mom, I told him that we could go find his mom as soon as he was finished playing. Did he want to stop playing and go find his mom now, or keep playing? “Keep playing.” And, so, he did… the whole time we were in that store! I can only imagine the relief she had in being able just to shop, and not also manage a two-and-a-half-year-old.) I made smoothies that were actually good-tasting and good for us, and we all actually enjoyed drinking them, the child included. The kid woke up in the first place feeling loads better, and, therefore, in a much-improved mood and attitude.

My man spent about half an hour plus in the back yard with the kid, letting him help with chores and just follow my man around to look at whatever he was doing. Some chores were genuine. Others, not so much. e.g. he was ‘mowing the lawn, too,’ by riding around on the little tricycle in circles around the fire pit… on the brick… where there was no grass. 😛 It was absolutely adorable watching the two of them out back. The three of us inside were enjoying our awesome meal in comfort and peace, all while admiring the good practice my man was getting for our own future as parents. I can hardly wait for him to be the amazing father it is so clear he can be and will be.

Yes, today was a good day, a very good day.

Thank you, God. Amen.