Tag: exercise

Bedtime

I’m tired. And I want to be held. And I’m tired of going to bed alone. And I’m tired of not exercising enough.

I did actually get in some exercise both yesterday and today, though both were only partial exercise. However, they were more than I did the previous two weeks, which was an improvement, and I am grateful for that. I hope to do some tomorrow, too. Even that little bit today helped and that chunk yesterday helped, too.

I also wakes the dog today. It was the longer route, and we went kind of fast. I kept up my pace, which meant I was basically dragging the dog along by the final third of it. But it was good for us both. I got depressive today, which felt all the more terrible than I had been feeling lately for lack of sleep and for rodeo stress – aka people being stupid very unnecessarily. So, going outside into the sunlight and also doing a brisk walk we’re both helpful. And the dog’s being with me helped me feel like I had company. (I had thought my husband and I could spend the day together today, but hadn’t known until last night that he had his onboarding stuff at the office all morning today, then flying all afternoon. So, sad for the day’s plans, but good for his work, for his mental health, and for our income.)

But we got to have a Costco pizza pie for dinner (and a hot dog for me) to celebrate Pi Day together. We even shared one of the coffee freeze things that are delicious, which is rare for us – my husband doesn’t exactly share single servings of things, so that was big. We had a great little date night out at Costco, and we also got my grandma’s coffee things and fresh organic blueberries for myself (I’d say we got them for ourselves, but he never ate his half of the last batch, and they went bad, so I’m not bothering to share this time. Not in a mean way. Just in a practical sense. If he wants some, he can take them, but I’m not leaving any for him intentionally this time.).

I’ve been really wanting fresh fruits and veggies lately. I want all those awesome smoothies and juices from these couple super healthy smoothie places. But that’s super unaffordable. Why the stuff without all the added junk is so much more expensive is still baffling to me. It tastes better and is better for us, plus is easier to make, but costs loads more. I just wish I were better at making smoothies. I somehow mess them up 60-70% of the time and make something terrible, though healthy. That 40% where it is tolerable or delicious is giving me ever-decreasing confidence in trying to make them at all anymore.

But I really want a good smoothie. I can make this one morning one really well still. But making ones that don’t have too much sweet (to where they don’t give me gas) has been difficult for me the past few years. That’s why I stopped making them altogether, really. I need veggie smoothies, but don’t have any good recipes. I always just made it up. (Also why they often sucked.)

Anyway, I’m worn out. Off to snuggle with my stuffed animals and sleep half-upright, because that pizza was so bad for my digestion, I can’t even lie down flat without risk of things going back upward right now (hours later). Ugh…

Anyway, goodnight, folks! Sleep well, sweet dreams, and May God bless you beautifully and unexpectedly this week.

God, be with us all newly this week, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Fitness

I’ve gotten lazy as of late, and it is not okay. My mind is also not okay, because of it. So, I need to sort out myself and see what I need to make this happen. I weight more than I am comfortable weighing right now, and that is not cool. My natural instinct is to eat less, which isn’t always the right answer. Presently, the answer is very much to exercise again. Almost no exercise in two weeks is too long for me, both in mind and in body. Too long by a lot.

So, I’m going to do a touch of ab work right now, even though I’m lying in bed to go to sleep. Then, I am going to do at least what I consider a half-workout tomorrow whenever I get up. It’ll be abs and some weight movements, but nothing to crush me or to crush my will to work out the next time. Something I can handle in my current state of fitness, but that still stretches me for growth in my fitness. And I’m looking forward to it, though I am a bit too tired right now, going to bed so late.

At that, goodnight!

God, help me to sleep well tonight and to do well tomorrow, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

A kick

Perhaps the fear was the kick I have been both wanting and needing. I have been busy and tired and not sleeping well and needing to do loads of work (though not necessarily being productive during the school day, anyway). I have not been exercising almost at all. Perhaps it has been once or twice a week for the past month. Three times one week, and only one or two since then. None last week at all. So, here I am, experiencing a terribly stressful level of fat on my body. It’s one thing not to exercise and to eat well. But not to exercise and then to continue eating the same easy way… bad recipe, as I have now proven.

Anyway, so here I am. And I exercised today, especially doing the interval cardio section that I really haven’t felt like doing lately. It was a good feeling afterward.

And I still feel and see the fat on me, so, hopefully, it will encourage me to keep going with the exercise. I was for so long at a point of not being as fit as I wanted but not being able to see excess fat… it led me to doing less and less, because it was neither inspiring/encouraging nor terrifying. Now, the scales have tipped, at last, and I am terrified. Though it inevitably will improve, until it is at the original ideal fitness I have for myself, the scale somehow always stays tipped to the negative.

Thus, to work!

Thank you, God, for this clarity and this opportunity. Help me to heal, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Returning

I’ve worked out normally again for the past three days, and it has been marvelous. I have been so sore that I moan and groan every time I go to sit on the toilet or bend over. My hamstrings in particular are shaking like they haven’t in a long, long time. It is much like when we first started working out – and that same friend is doing the sprite with me now – and it is amazing. We both are hurting in such a good way, and it feels oh-so-good to be back.

And it feels like I’m actually being myself again, which makes it all the better.

Thank you, God. And thank you, friend. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Baby steps

As I’ve started to sit in the space of that I was actually very strongly and negatively affected by the stuff with the gym folks in August, things are starting to shift slowly within me.

We went on a long walk yesterday. Today, while relaxing with a film after dinner, I had a desire to do some arm work. So, I got the dumbbell and did sets of curls and strict presses for a bit while watching the movie.

These might and do seem small on their own. However, I can feel how massive they are by the weight they are both lifting from me. This is the direction I want to go. I so incredibly missed doing intense workouts, I can hardly stand it… lately, it has been hard to stand myself, really. I want these workouts and they make all the difference for me and my mental and physical and spiritual health. I want them in my life still.

And I know I have a lot to release in order to get back into them fully. Nonetheless, I will persist in my efforts to increase my exercise activity levels, as well as to release and release and release, so that I can complete. I have begun to reach a new stage of this strain. Instead of feeling pathetic as a victim, or apathetic or wanting to avoid every or merely depressed, I am entering the rage stage. I just want to scream and yell at them and be mad at how crappily they each did their jobs – I just want the whole world to know that these people failed miserably and neither noticed nor cared how any of it affected anyone else, especially me. The phase doesn’t feel long. I think I’ll just need to say it aloud and be angry for a few days, and then I’ll be able to let it go and move onward. Rage never lasts long for me. And it is always a sign of progress, as it is never my first phase in a situation. So, in this case, rage is good. Rage is very good. Haha 😛

Dear God, thank you for helping me to know myself and for helping me to experience this outrage and anger. Thank you for showing me the love and the responsibility that I do deserve and that does work in the world, such that I could be enraged at how these particular people treated me. Thank you for this opportunity to step away from a community that was no longer lifting me up and improving me. And thank you for whatever wonders are to come as I let this all go for good. Thank you for this life. Thank you. I love you. I love me, too. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Bedtime

Not doing great with the idea of getting to bed early and getting up early and going to the gym this week, but I have gotten up earlier than I had been getting up, and I have done the full workout at home just after getting up both mornings. And I’ve gone to bed a bit earlier than I had before (not counting last week, that is.) So, there’s a positive there.

More work to be done, more improvement to be had. For now, I bid you a good night.

Post-a-day 2023

At-home stuff

I haven’t much liked working out on my own in the past. However, there has been something about it this past week that has changed my mind a bit. I think the music at the gym has gotten too loud for me to want to be there so often, and the classes are sometimes too full for me; it has become a bit of a drain on me emotionally and social just being st the gym, I think. It’s almost like it has been overwhelming, in a way… just too much stimulation to be going five days a week. Even four days is a bit tough, it seems.

I think I am doing these workouts at home in large part due to the fact that I can stay away from all of that external stimulation and not have the shock it provides, let alone the reset and quiet time and relaxation it demands afterward for me. The mental disruption from classwork was already enough of a struggle before, but it has become increasingly obvious that the overwhelm of the scenario itself has become a bit much for me lately.

Perhaps working out at home once or twice a week will be all I need to get myself exercising five to six days a week again. I can still go to the gym three or four times, that way, and get that extra push from having folks do the workout with me. But I might strategize a bit and pick my classes as the lower-attended ones most weeks.

I’m wondering if this might just make a huge difference for me and my fitness and workouts, as well as productivity…

Post-a-day 2023

A different day

It was very difficult to get out of bed this morning. Very difficult. I didn’t make the first workout’s alarm, as I was way too heavy with exhaustion. However, I snoozed the second workout’s alarm twice and then got myself up before it went off the third sounding… something like that. It might have been only one snooze… Whatever the case, it took a lot of effort to get up, even then, but I did it and I exercised.

Afterward, I made breakfast tacos for me and for my man, and I even weight and measured for his macro and calorie counts for his food. Then, though I wanted to sleep, I showered and got to work on my coding courses. Early afternoon, while he went to the gym, I finally lay down for a nap for about an hour. I needed it at that point, as my brain was starting to take breaks all on its own.

Afterward, I got back to work. One of the things I learned in the history but I was reading was about the original NASA computers – real people who did mathematical computations, before machines existed for it – and about the original IBM used at NASA, which took up an entire large room and required a whole slew of people just to make it work at any given time. It was a massive advancement at the time, though it is comical to consider that it could do less than just about any digital device we have today.

Nonetheless, reading that bit of history finally put me over the edge for wanting to see the movie it briefly referenced, “Hidden Figures”. I’ve known about the movie since it came out in 2016, but never quite worked up the full desire to sit and watch it. But now was the perfect time. I could appreciate – and understand! – so much more about it now than I would have even several weeks ago, let alone years ago. The movie was quite cool and was well done. Though, my man and I both chuckled at the part where a new reporter in the film said some absolute bogus info, stating the craft and man, Alan Shepard, would be traveling “at an altitude of 116 miles per hour.” Because altitude is measured in miles per hour, and all… 😛 That was rather funny to us, and we both enjoyed that we both caught it, especially since it was more of a filler kind of shot than a main one.

Anyway, I’m really glad we watched the film tonight. Now, however, I just go to sleep. Much more to do tomorrow! (Including that 7:30am workout that I always dread, somehow. Haha)

Post-a-day 2023

Bedtime

Well, tonight, I am exhausted, but, for the first time in what feels like a very long time, I feel like it was from effort made and tasks accomplished. And it feels good.

I used to feel like this just about every day, and it was amazing. Here’s to resetting my routine and getting back on the track that was empowering for me and powerful as a whole. Cheers.

Alarm is set again. Let’s do this. Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023