Tag: family

Great Films

Tonight, we finished watching Top Gun: Maverick… again.

We started it the other night, and stopped about halfway through to use the bathroom, and decided it was smartest to go to sleep immediately. So, we did the second half tonight.

And I was almost ready to hit start all over again once it ended.

This movie is just that great. And knowing how much of it was true flying, actually filmed in jets and all that jazz makes it all the better. Just such a good film. I really love it.

Thank you, God, for the blessing of wonderful art, especially wonderful films. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen! ❤

Post-a-day 2023

Just be

Tonight, instead of going straight to bed, I watched a terrible show with great dancing and waited for my man to finish exercising. After I shower in the evening, I don’t like touching anything dirty, so I purposely waited so that I could hug him when he arrived.

What was really awesome, though, was that he sat down with me to watch this terrible show with good dancing, and we just got to lie there together, half snuggling, half just lying on top of each other. It was lovely just being physically against one another, especially after having been apart for so long.

Thank you, God, for this man and his love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Did we grow up?

My cousin is staying with me the next few nights. My alarm is set for just after 4am tomorrow. I usually aim to go to bed no later than 9pm on such nights. Yet, she and I stayed up until after one o’clock just talking and hanging out together. Frankly, the disregard for a need to sleep and for the responsibility of sleeping enough reminds me of any sleepover we had as kids. The only thing missing was being yelled at by my aunt for being too loud and up so late. It all calls to kind the question of, “Did we actually grow up? Or are we still totally kids?” At least when we’re together, it seems to be the latter idea that is more true… 😛

And I am grateful for that. Though tomorrow might be more than a little tough at school. (See? School. Totally still a kid. 😛 )

God, thank you for this friendship and family tie. Thank you for the time we now get to spend together. Help us both to sleep well tonight and the next few nights, that we be energized during the waking hours and ready and able to take on the days and to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Breathing room

My man got real with me today about my current stress levels. I have been making an effort to see my grandma, who recently moved to town and is struggling with her physical body a lot at present, most days since she moved to town. He pointed out that I have been living as though my grandma were going to die within the next month… and that it is incapacitating me.

You see, I haven’t been able to get almost anything done at home. There is loads of tidying that I actually want to do, but I haven’t been able to do any of it. And I haven’t even been getting enough sleep at night as it is. I have so much work to do right now, that that, combined with visiting my grandma so often, has left me with no available time and still getting to bed later than I need to be getting to bed each night. What’s more, living on a lack of sleep means that everything with work takes longer and is a lot harder for me. So, basically, I’ve felt like I’ve been drowning for a few weeks now, and it really sucks. I normally get loads done at home whenever he’s out of town, and it currently feels worse than ever at home, though he’s been out of town for two weeks.

And I think he’s right. I can still love my grandma and not drain myself entirely. Even going every other day would be better for me and my physical body, as well as my mental state.

Plus, I need to honor not only my bedtime but my ‘be-home’ time, the time each day I need to be home in order to settle down and get ready for bed on time. I learned years ago that I cannot just slide into bed as soon as I get home. On a super fast night, it still takes me half an hour, which is usually rather stressful having to hurry everything along. A typical night makes my bedtime routine an hour to an hour and a half. If I’ve had a tough day, add an extra half hour of wind-down time. So, when my family thinks it’s no big deal for me to be hanging out for dinner at a quarter to seven, I need to speak up and leave, so I can actually be home by seven. Otherwise, I’m already getting to bed late. Just like tonight. I was just stopping by for 15 minutes. Over an hour later, after having been roped into helping with something, I was finally leaving, stressed and knowing I’d be starting the week off lacking sleep.

However, I did tell my grandma that I wouldn’t be back until Tuesday, the day after tomorrow, which was good for me. And she also seemed totally okay with it. I hope she is. As my mom mentioned today, my grandma hasn’t had so much company and so much visit time in who knows how long. She hasn’t had anything like it the past year and a half. And, even when she and my Opa still lived in their house the past decade or so, they didn’t typically have visits more than once a week from family or friends.

I just hope she will heal and will get to enjoy living here.

God, help us all to pursue and to fulfill your will. Heal my grandma, please. Heal, also, my brothers’ dad, please. Lots of healing and love over here would be awesome, of course. Help us all to be filled with your love and your grace. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Wow

Three things (I think…)

Firstly, we got everything packed up and in the moving truck (or another vehicle that will go to Houston with us all tomorrow), or it was picked up by this couple who came at the last second and saved them from having to be thrown to the dumpsters, since they weren’t picked up by the donation place. Tomorrow, we go to Houston and unload it all and start unpacking it.

Success(!), Part I.

Secondly, my friends daughter just started ballet classes, and they are stupid cute. She is three years and a month old, as of yesterday. Her whole class is ridiculously adorable, and I can hardly wait to see her learn more. Also, it makes me want to teach such classes – super useful, super adorable, and, very likely, super fulfilling.

Thirdly, I love my man and am super grateful for him.

Dear God, thank you for the blessings of today and for the blessings of this life. Keep us happy, healthy, holy, and safe, always pursuing and fulfilling your will. Heal my grandmother, please. Help us all to love more like you each day. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Birthday

Today has been my man’s birthday. We had nothing big deal planned, yet it still turned out to be a wonderful time. I surprised him with chocolate-coffee pancakes, fresh eggs, and bacon (and a freshly brewed coffee) for an early breakfast before I went to school. Then I brought him a surprise chocolate-lovers’ large slice of cake from a restaurant that ships i their cake slices from this awesome bakery outside of town, which he promptly devoured. And I surprised him with a special hot sauce that is expected to be a slightly sweeter version of Sriracha. Hopefully, he likes it. (He told me over breakfast, “I know what I want for my birthday… Sriracha.” I snorted gently and told him something like, ‘Of course,’ and, ‘Yeah, right.’ No such thing right now, dear. We both chuckled over it a bit, but so knew immediately I would go get a bottle of this specific new version that was recently released to a couple Asian grocery stores in town, not far from school. So, I got him a bottle right after school and before the chiropractor appointment, and surprised him with the bottle at the house later, with the chocolate cake.

Anyway, we then went to a rodeo social and my stepdad got to join the committee very easily and be on my man’s team. So, they’ll end up working together for the rodeo this next year, which I think will be quite fun for the both of them, as well as good for them. We also had a great time at the social just being social and talking with a handful of specific people.

And then we had a great and silly dinner together, my mom and stepdad and my man and I. That was a good ending for the night, and I most certainly drove us home (because rodeo meetings typically have open, complimentary bars, and tonight’s was no exception).

Thank you, God for this blessed day and for this blessed man. Thank you for the love I am blessed to share with him and the life we are blessed to share together, through you and your love. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Monday

Well, I went and got the adapter from IT to be able to connect my external hard drive (with all my teaching documents on it) to the computer they gave me. Then I promptly returned to my office to get to work, only to find that I had left the hard drive at home… ugh! Haha

So, I got other stuff done today, and then left a little early. I then went to the chiropractor, who made a small huge difference for me immediately, which was awesome. And then I went to IKEA. They have a teacher discount right now, so, I went to re-purchase and then return the dresser we had just gotten (rather than hassle with a price adjustment that places don’t like to do, though it is the same thing. Anyway, we had gotten it at a 5% discount recently, because I’m an IKEA Family member. Awesome. But the teacher discount was a 15% discount, which was a difference of going from $16.50 of savings to $49.50 of savings. It was only $33, but every dollar counts right now especially. I confirmed twice with my man that it was worth doing, and we finally determined that it really was and today was the day.

So, I go to purchase the dresser, and, when I look up the item location, I discover that it is on sale… for a hundred dollars off the original price. (!!!) And then I went to pick it up, and ended up helping this nice woman/girl load up her cart and not lose her wallet, then I got all my boxes in my cart and went to check out. I was worried the teacher discount wouldn’t work on already-discounted items. I was thinking about that before I even knew the item was discounted. But the discount still applied! So, instead of saving an extra $33, I saved an extra $141.25 (because of tax). Well worth the trip!

And then I celebrated with my free coffee (decaf, of course) and the currently anniversary-discounted apple cake that I’d never tried for a total of 87¢ with tax. And they were wonderful together. I felt like I was in a Scandinavian version of Café du Monde. And it was delicious. And then my man came and had coffee with me, and spun around a lot in the spinny high chairs I had picked for my snack time. 😛

So, anyway, be kind and love all, including yourself.

Thank you, God, for the successes and growth of today. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Saturday

Today was awesome. I got to see my aunt in the morning, eat fresh eggs with bacon, volunteer and make a positive difference at a rodeo event, learn loads about brisket and everything involved in it, eat great and free brisket, have a lovely free beer, be gifted some awesome paraphernalia with our family name, ride my Vespa, see videos of my man having a great time at the range, hang out with one of my best friends and her family, play with her daughter who is my former bedroom neighbor, have a dance party with the daughter and my friend, then play with my man with the daughter and even do some acro-yoga all together, and then come home for a great shower and some lovely air conditioning in our wonderful home.

Thank you, God, for this absolute blessing of a day – this was wonderful, and I am so grateful… Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Trust like children

I shared with my aunt today about the kakizome and the idea of these dreams God has given me being like the center of a labyrinth – they were recently just within sight and reach, but have suddenly swooped far away, like I have gone to the outer edges of the labyrinth… yet a labyrinth only has one path, and it eventually will turn all the way to the center goal… we just have to walk the whole thing, which weaves inward and outward many a times. She commented that the labyrinth comparison was a very good one to remember for all of life, that, yes, God is with us and guiding us and there is truly the one pathway on which He is guiding us, even though it seems to wander near to and far from our goals again and again…, but it still will reach there eventually. We just have to trust in God and follow His guidance.

On that note, she also commented that, when we trust in God, everything is easy. ‘That’s why He says to trust Him as children trust,’ she said. Because children trust wholly. As they grow up, they experience betrayal and they learn to be distrustful of others and of the world. But, when children are children, they trust wholly, and it is easy for them to be happy and free. Even when something bad happens, they are sad for a bit, and then bounce right back to being happy and free. They are trusting that they are cared for, that they are safe, that all is well.. even if they aren’t aware of it, they are trusting. And life is easy for them then.

What if we could trust God as children trust life? How free and easy we could be…

So, that is my goal: To keep an eye on my trust. If I am not free and easy, I can look to see where I am not trusting God in that moment. And then I can let it go and give it up to God, and trust in Him there, too. Just from our conversation this morning, I was able to see so much of how I was resisting trusting God, which was why I was so stressed still. As soon as I let it all go and gave it up to God, I suddenly was lighter physically, and was ready to go run errands I had dreaded so much, I had anticipated avoiding them entirely and skipping them. I went and shopped for – and found! – tops for work that fit me at two separate shops. And I had a great time. I wasn’t even stressed about it, though I had been the other day. I noticed the marked difference in how easy it was to find things and also to be okay when things didn’t fit, and just to move on without getting upset. It didn’t even occur to me to get upset when things didn’t fit, be they too big or too small, though that had not been the case the last two trips I’d made to look for work clothes. I’m not saying life was happy-go-lucky today. But it was significantly easier than it had been. And I actually had a great time today doing all of it.

I even had the first shop accidentally not give me the shoes I’d purchased, and I didn’t find out until after dinner tonight. I was loaded with adrenaline when I realized the error, and I was hoping they hadn’t re-sold the shoes to someone else, but I didn’t have this heavy sense of panic I typically might have gotten (or would have gotten recently, anyway). I just took action, found out the shop still had them for me, and got back dressed instead of showering and going to bed, and went to pick them up. I’m getting to bed an hour later than planned. And yet I had a good time even going to pick up the shoes. I’m still in a good mood now, and hour and a half past when I’d hoped to be in bed tonight. And it’s okay. I’m taking steps to improve, and I am trusting in God on a whole new level now… and it is amazing. And it is growing. And I love it all.

And I even had horrible diarrhea today, and I’m still in a great mood. It’s ridiculous and wonderful.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

God’s plans

A few years ago, I started participating in a Japanese practice called Kakizome. On January second, one creates one’s kakizome, “first writing”, of the year. This first writing is a single word or phrase that is one’s goal and intention for the year as a whole. It is intended that we put our kakizome somewhere visible, so we see it regularly and consistently throughout the year. Since participating in this practice, I have found that my own kakizome has, unintentionally, and without my even noticing, been the challenge I end up facing consistently through ought that year. And, by facing that challenge again and again, I have overcome some big hurdle in my life and have become powerfully more the person I long to be and am called to be by God. Put differently, I have become a better version of myself in a significant way each year, after facing trial after trial of my kakizome for that year. And it was never on purpose – it just came up over and over again. One year was confidence in myself and heart (when I healed a lot of emotional and psychological wounds from some rather terrible abuse, and started writing wonderful songs and sharing myself with the world in a beautiful and loving and confident self-expression). Another was embodiment (that’s when I physically hit all my goals of fitness, felt the most beautiful I ever have been, met the man of my life, and became the person who prays whom I had longed to be). This year’s… well, we’ll get to that.

Now, sometimes, it is really hard to see and to understand God’s plans for us. Perhaps that is how He wants it to be. Perhaps that is how He needs it to be. Perhaps that is how we need it to be in order for everything to work out as God has planned so beautifully.

Whatever the case, it often is not very easy to be calm and easygoing when things seem impossible. When God has granted me these longings, these wishes, these dreams towards which to strive, and everything seems finally so close to fulfilling on those dreams, yet starts to pull away from that pathway… it can be extremely difficult to trust in God and His oh-so-unclear plans… When the labyrinth of God’s love and plans takes the route closest to the inside, and then swerves to the outermost path… faith gets tested, to be sure.

And that is, basically, my every day right now… and that kind of really sucks…

What is ironic – and, possibly, perfect and relieving – about it all, though, is that my kakizome for this year is “faith in God”, in the sense of trusting in Him, having confidence in Him – ‘Jesus, I trust in you.’ Like that.

So, I guess, it really is no wonder that I am having such massive experiences of having to trust in God this year, and on a whole ‘nother level from the usual trust I have to put in Him. Usually, it is for much smaller things and not all too often. This year, however, it has been for massive thing after massive thing. I have been hit with so many impossible-feeling situations, that the only consistency I have felt this year is a sense of everything being up on the air and unknown. I have handed thing after things up to God – here, God, I entrust this fully to you, has been a norm for me this year. I have even given Him some intense stuff that I would like to let go from my life entirely, demons that I have asked Him to take away from me fully… there is not much this year where I haven’t given it all up to God and entrusted it to Him and His judgement. But it seems there is plenty more to go still…

I’m genuinely laughing and crying right now. It is comical in its irony.

Okay, God, have it all. I am so scared, and I am trusting you, anyway, even with my fear – have that, too. I am hear to love you and to be your love in the world. You know best how to make that happen. So, though it terrifies you, I hand myself and my whole life you to. Please, take good care of us. We love you. I love you, Abba. I give up fighting you. I give up not trusting you wholly. Please, help me to find peace, even in my unknowing. Help my man to find peace in it all, too, please. And, if it be your will, please, grant us both these spectacular wishes and desires for the future that you have given to us both, with you at their center. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah.

Saint Jude, pray for us.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2023