Tomorrow is the last day in my current teaching position. I don’t teach class until after 11:00, though. So, partly in celebration of my last day, I decided to go ahead and watch a movie, instead of going to bed when it was only around 7:30pm.
Yet, it is just after eleven now, and I am barely managing to write this as I lie in my bed, practically passing out… clearly, I need to work out a better sleep schedule again. This has been way too tough lately, and in many ways.
Post-a-day 2022
I find myself not wanting to exercise or go to the gym. And I’m noticing how similarly it feels to before I had adjustments from a chiropractor, specifically a certain spinal adjustment. Afterward, I felt taller, and unbound from something I hadn’t known was binding me for quite some time. I actually wanted to exercise, then. I actually felt like doing it… in a way I hadn’t in years.
And so feel so much like that pre-adjustment time right now, when the idea of physical exercise feels exhausting. Where it feels like I’m tied up, somehow, like the puppet strings are all knotted up, limiting motion… I don’t feel terrible, but I don’t feel well and I don’t feel myself and I definitely don’t feel like working out. I just seem to want to curl up in bed and rest, really.
Thank you, God, for this appointment on Thursday. Please, please, let it be exactly what my body (and mind) need(s). In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow… But not because I don’t like school. Simply because I keep feeling a desire to avoid the situation as a whole. My assignment ends at 14:55 this coming Friday. With that, too, ends my clear daily goals and making a difference daily in the lives of others and having a clear purpose, as well as having a reasonable salary. All that goes away in a poof on Friday…
And I’m scared to face it, really, because the What’s Next is terrifying. Truly, it is. I’ll be pursuing coding full-time (as a learner, that is), in the hopes of finding work in the industry by January. That’s a lofty goal, I know. But someone told me today that I could make it happen in six months – he actually does this for a living, helping students pursue coding, you see, at a University, no less. If six months is his thought when he thinks I know nothing at all, then three months could be possible, right? I mean, all things are possible with God. And a lot will be up to me for making this all happen, though. Meaning just about all of it, really.
So, God, please, help me to be focused and effective and efficient these next several months as I pursue these dreams that have a massive edge of terror to them. The best ones always do, I know. Thank you for such a terrifying and wonderful opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thanks be to God. Hallelujah!
When the fun things aren’t fun anymore, it really could be, quite simply, that we need rest and restoration. Perhaps we are not borderline tears because the world is miserable, but because our bodies and minds are struggling to stay awake, to continue without the appropriate rest and sleep. Perhaps, when the answer to the question of, “What’s wrong?” is something like, “I don’t know,” the answer is truly that we need to go to bed and sleep for a good while… just a thought…
Post-a-day 2022
And what if we went into everything, prepared to be amazed by it, prepared for it to surprise us in a wonderful way??
Everything…
Post-a-day 2022
I washed my hair tonight, though very gently. Nonetheless, the scab from the removed mole bled a bit. I think a touch got on the white towel, but didn’t go back to clean it. It was hardly noticeable when I was actively looking for it in the first place. I touched a piece of toilet paper to it, though, then, and I was clearly giving off some spotting of blood. However, it hasn’t really hurt at all today, except when I accidentally forgot about it and scratched my neck or something. Nonetheless, it’s okay. We’re working through it!
Post-a-day 2022
My man is the greatest. Please, enjoy this little conversation we had today.
I love this man immensely and with such gratitude… Thank you, God.
Post-a-day 2022
Some days, perhaps, your world just has to fall out from under you… it is a necessity for moving forward, sometimes…
Post-a-day 2022
We went to the school black box musical tonight. It was cute. But it also showed how people tend to ‘deal’ with problems with alcohol. That sort of thing seems to make me even more upset than before. Well, okay, it doesn’t send me up in a fuss or anything like that. But it does make something less appealing to me when that is part of it. Alcohol only heals issues with bacteria. everything else is like turning to look the other way, and pretending the problem is solved. And I despise that so much of society finds it acceptable and not st all sad that people turn to alcohol for stress-relief and courage and all these other things that don’t include harming the body in their idea. But that’s what alcohol does, harm the body. And lives. We all would do much better to remember that.
P.S. Happy October, y’all!!
Post-a-day 2022
No, it isn’t poorly pronounced French, but I almost rather it were every time I encounter it. Despair is an odd one. For me, it is both kind of the worst and, in a small way, sort of the best. Sure, the bad part makes sense, but what’s this with the goodness of despair? Well, whenever I find myself in a state of despair, it is always the point at which the straw breaks the camel’s back, so to speak – it is the turning point for me. Simply by seeing the despair, by noticing and acknowledging it, I inevitably start to do something about it, and sort the whole situation out in a way that leaves me, well, being fully myself again. And isn’t that just wonderful?
So, as I said, despair is, while despairing, also gladdening for me. Thank you, God, for showing me this current state of despair. I trust wholly in my ability through your love and will to clear this up beautifully and to restore myself fully to life, better than ever, and every day showing more of the magical and astounding woman you created me to become and to be. I love you. Amen.
Post-a-day 2022
hannah ananas 