volunteering

Done

We are done with our rodeo shifts for this year’s rodeo. “We” being my mom and sister-in-law and I. My husband still had two more to go with my stepdad. But we are finished for the year now. We finished this afternoon. And then we had prime rib for having paid our dues early as a team, then tres leches for my miniature surprise birthday celebration. My brother brought the cake and the surprise, and my husband joined us, too, for the planned family hangout. We then strolled around with purpose, aiming to have the random terrible-for-you food stuff we had wanted to try this year. So, we each had a fried Oreo, we shared a funnel cake, my man and I shared a fried Snickers – actually, I like those lots better normal than fried, because it just seemed like warm crunchy peanut butter when fried (Not that it wasn’t good. It just wasn’t snickers.) – we considered some Fruity Pebbles things – it sounded kind of awful, in the end, either with friend shrimp or pineapple – we sat in absurdly expensive massage chairs that were so-so, and we watched some steer being judged in one of the youth shows for ‘lightweight’ steers, which are up to 1150 pounds… can you believe that is considered light weight?

Anyway, it was a good time. I am grateful to be done with shifts for the year and I am grateful to have had a good time with my family this afternoon and evening. Now, I shall sleep and truly relax.

Thank you, God, for the good time. Help me to recover well with my sleep tonight, please, that I may continue to improve our home tomorrow and the rest of this week. Help me to honor you through honoring my family and our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Shift three

Today was our third shift of four. It started at 6:30am and finished around 3:30pm. I didn’t go to bed terribly late last night, but I didn’t sleep very well. I got home at nearly five PM and have had to force myself to stay up until now, seven PM. But I might need food still. I’ll go see what I can find quickly, then brush my teeth and pass out for the night.

Thank you for rest, God. Keep my man safe, please, and me and my family, too. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Rodeo

I love volunteering with the rodeo. But things I love can become things I dread when I don’t get enough sleep. And that is somewhat the case today. I still love the rodeo and doing our shifts, but I found myself feeling worn out by the one committee and not being interested in our shift tomorrow morning, let alone the fact that we have another on Monday. I noticed that I could hardly wait to be done with the Monday shift, so I could be done with all my shifts for the year.

I think I’m just worn out in general.

Yes, from rodeo, but only in part. Mostly from work, I think. I have to strike a balance between doing all the stuff I really want to do for my students and what I’m actually being paid to do for my students – hint-hint: I’m paid roughly half a regular teacher’s salary this year, since the previous teacher quit right before school started – as well as between the two possibilities of whether I will be offered the position for real for next year or not, which determines whether I’m doing things one way now in preparation for next year or in preparation for leaving. And it’s a lot mentally, especially on top of all the regular stress of teaching I have in the first place. And on top of those caddy and rude girls in class… that, too.

And my sleep schedule has been wrong for me. I think I need to be absurd to society and go back to an 8:30pm bedtime. Lights out, goodnight. My body wants to be up before five AM, and I need to give it sleep when it will allow itself to sleep best, so that I can be my best.

Anyway, going to bed now, totally worn out but grateful to have had a delicious steak for dinner earlier.

Thank you, God, for my husband and our home. Please, help us both to be our best selves each day and night, always growing closer to each other and you. Keep us safe, please, and thank you for our food today especially. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Being of service

Today, there was much setting up done on the rodeo grounds here in Houston. I was volunteering for one of my committees. There were many times I could have left, but I stayed and worked more. I had hopes of getting something specific accomplished before leaving, but that didn’t happen. As I said to my husband on my way out, the true point of my being there was to be of service, and I was very much of service – I accomplished and helped loads. Though I was a bit sad and disappointed not to have achieved this one particular thing, and so have a tendency to be sad and disappointed about the whole day, I notice that I was actually very fulfilled every time I got to accomplish something for someone else. That is, I felt fulfillment in being of service.

Perhaps this is a big guide for me in life. In all that I do, I find true joy in making a difference for others.

Then again, there is also the thought that the reason I want to be of service is so that I become invaluable and thereby worthy of being loved.

However…

I once functioned that way. If I wasn’t being of service, I became somewhat stressed and panicked. I had to be of service. Because that was my unconscious way of guaranteeing love for myself. Once I saw that, though, I was able to do something about it.

When I am not of service now, I am not panicked. I do want to be of service. But I want to be of service. It is not longer a sort of necessity or obligation for me. It is something I can want freely, and do. And, when I am of service now, I find joy in sharing love. When I walk away from it, I am not crushed it is over or wonder if it was enough and if something will come along soon enough next… I just get to be happy about the service I gave.

So, that’s cool. I’m not sure I had really thought about that in recent years. And I may not have explained it well here, but the difference is massive to me, transformational, from back then to now. I love to serve, and I get to serve freely now. And I do it. And I love it. And I’m grateful for that.

I’m still bugged I didn’t handle what I had hoped to get done today (even though I did accomplish something very useful for myself and for many on my other rodeo team, which wasn’t expected for today), but I guess that’s okay. I didn’t speak up about what I wanted – I was embarrassed and opted not to ask. Okay, got it. Space for improvement next time. But I kept my integrity, which is more important to me than getting stopped by embarrassment on something that isn’t critical on any level. I’ve been working on speaking up, though, so I am still frustrated with myself. And it’s okay to be frustrated with myself. It’s part of my process of growing. I had a breakdown. Therefore, I now can have a breakthrough.

Work on the courage, babe. And, also, acknowledge when it feels greedy, and get clear on everything. Perhaps you need only share your concern of its being greedy to ask, and that will communicate clearly that you understand if the answer is no to the request. That’s okay. And it’s okay that you failed at this today. I’m still proud of you for keeping your integrity and for letting go of control many times today, especially considering that it often meant things being done less efficiently. Some people can only give certain service. Sometimes, being of service means letting people do things an inefficient way, so that they can contribute, too.

Thank you, God, for today. Thank you for the lessons of today. Thank you for my husband. I love him and am grateful for him constantly. Keeps us safe, please, and help us always to be our best selves through you, pursuing and fulfilling your will in our lives. Thank you. I love you, too. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Limits

“Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone,” so often declared my German professor in college. She was quoting roughly Neale Donald Walsch (It seems he said it first, anyway), of course, and she was saying it as a means of encouraging us to be uncomfortable and to speak German anyway. But it stuck with me beyond just that class. Here I am, 12 years later, and I still reference the quite and idea regularly.

Tonight, I stepped beyond my comfort zone by joining a service event that involved working in a sort of soup kitchen help staff role… not a comfortable thing for me in the first place. And it required a lot of me that is nigh on painful for me emotionally. I did adjust and shift a bit within the flexibility of the volunteering, so as to be of service without freaking out. However, I was still very much outside of my comfort zone in terms of my OCD. Many of my limits were hit.

Even the dinner we had together after the service required me to step beyond my comfort zone on multiple levels with the OCD.

And I had a very enjoyable time as a whole.

And I was uncomfortable for a lot of it.

But I adjusted, and it got less uncomfortable. By the end of the evening, I was genuinely comfortable. Looking back on it all – and act that alone gives me discomfort due to the circumstances of the service and dinner – I am impressed at how comfortable I ended up being in both locations and in driving between them. I won’t get into details, because that just helps to bring on the panic. However, I’ll add just that I impressed myself. I found a place of ease within myself as I did these things this evening, these things that, even considering doing, give me anxiety and stress. I almost didn’t go at all tonight, for that reason. But it felt right.

And that feeling was right. It was life, asking to be lived. And I did. And it scared me. And I’m so glad I went.

(And now, due to the OCD, I must set aside any clear memories I have of details, in order to be able to function the rest of the week!)

Thank you, God, for this evening’s events and developments. Thank you for helping me find a way to be of service. Thank you for helping me find a space of belonging and of being truly welcome tonight. And thank you for the innumerable blessings you have graciously planted in my life. And thank you for the story shared by Matthew Perry – May it help people as I believe it truly can. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Originally, I was really excited about this weekend. But, now that it is here, I’m so not ready for it… I kind of don’t want to do it. That just shows how darn exhausted I still am.

God, give me the rest tonight and tomorrow and the energy to do well all of the volunteering I have this weekend, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Only at rodeo

Only at a rodeo meeting can I casually mention that I discovered that Willie Nelson is 90 years old now, and have someone respond, and absolutely unpretentiously, “Oh, yeah… He is. He’s a long-time personal friend of mine, you know.”

These people. What a beautiful mix we all are. I love it and I am grateful to be part of it.

God, please, continue to bless us all at the rodeo. Thank you for the blessings you have granted us thus far. Thank you for the love and the learning and the countless opportunities to make a positive difference for others and to share your love with the world around us. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Good start

Today was a success! Yay! Sure, there were definitely some moments of awkwardness, and I also had to sit around and wait for an hour and a half, simply because certain people did not communicate a schedule change to others. However, it all worked out okay, and I even got to walk around the festival for a while with my mom. I also got to sit in a shaded VIP area for a while with my mom and just hang out and rest somewhat. Both opportunities were great and greatly appreciated.

What’s more, my man built almost the whole chicken coop today!! ** So, an extra yay!! Yay!!

Thank you, God, for a successful day for us all. Grant us peace and purpose always, and heal all of us, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

**I only just a few days ago re-learned – because I definitely knew this before – that it is a “chicken coop,” and not a “chicken coupe.” To be fair, I once read a joke, after having already heard my cousin tell it, that kind of made me mess up my spelling of the word.

Relevant joke that is meant to be said and not written: Why doesn’t a chicken coop have four doors? Because then it would be called a chicken sedan.

Though, the written joke had “coop” spelled already as “coupe,” which really messed me up. Also, I never understood the joke, because it was also worded poorly, instead saying something like, ‘Why does a chicken coupe only have two doors? Because otherwise it would be called a chicken sedan.’ I massively struggled with this version of the joke, because I only knew of chicken coops that had just one door. So, the premise alone didn’t make sense to me. Nonetheless, the idea of the joke is cute and comical. Imagining a “chicken sedan,” whatever that is, as well as a “chicken coupe,” is quite a fun game to play in the brain. Give it a go! Vroom-vroom!

Post-a-day 2023

Volunteering

My volunteering is interfering with my volunteering! 😛

I already wanted to volunteer for a rodeo thing tomorrow. Then things changed in my schedule with volunteering for the festival this weekend, and what was supposed to happen today got pushed to tomorrow… in the middle of when I’m meant to be volunteering for the rodeo thing.

Gratefully, the boss-lady said I had no obligation to go tomorrow for the changed volunteering stuff – only for the Saturday and Sunday stuff did it truly matter that I be there. So, I felt it out emotionally, and I saw that I definitely feel it important to do the rodeo thing tomorrow. As for the evening volunteering for the festival tomorrow…, I am still undecided. Going to feel it out a bit tomorrow afternoon and see how I feel, but I likely will decline, not because of exhaustion, but because it would be during my only chance to attend the other important festival that is happening this weekend near us.

So, yeah… lots happening in the next three days for me! Gotta sleep now. Goodnight!

God, grant us all useful and refreshing rest at night, and help us to have the energy, drive, desire, and ability always to pursue and to fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S. May the Fourth be with you.

Post-a-day 2023

‘Til the pigs come home

My man had rodeo shifts all weekend. 5pm-1am Friday night; then 2pm-11pm Saturday night; then midnight-7:45am Sunday morning (that one was helping move-in for the pigs, so he was literally helping the pigs get into their temporary homes!); and finally 1:30pm-10pm Sunday.

Basically, that means he slept maybe six hours Friday night, then he slept an hour this morning from eight to nine, then took another hour nap after Church, from roughly 11:30-noon-thirty, and that was it for the whole weekend. Granted, he’s the one who scheduled himself for everything this weekend – he had other choices for how to do his shifts. But this was what he picked. I have a feeling he won’t be doing another weekend like this in the future, however. I think he learned that such a schedule just doesn’t work out for him anymore.

He barely made it to the rocking chair when he got home tonight, then talked to me intermittently for about fifteen or twenty minutes until he passed out in the chair. I finally got him up a couple hours later to brush his teeth and shower and get into bed. He resisted fiercely and definitely still half-asleep, giving me lots of nonsense declarations about, ‘Why are you starting there?!’ and the likes. Eventually, though, he did it. When he got into the shower, the massive sigh of relieve that he emitted made it all worth the hassle – I knew he would feel better and then sleep better if he had gotten to shower and then get into bed instead of sleeping all sweaty and sticky on the rocking chair all night. He would have woken up so miserable in the morning… I don’t know that he would have been able to get much work done.

At that, I’m setting his morning alarm and then going to sleep myself, now. Goodnight!

Thank you for a safe weekend, God. Thank you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023