Love is the answer

“Give him a taste of his own medicine.”

But I don’t want to do that. I dislike when he does it to me, because of the lack of love, acceptance, and care I experience when he does it. I don’t want to cause anyone else to feel the way I keep feeling over here. Even if it is the person helping me to feel so poorly. In fact, his doing it makes me want to do the opposite – show love, essentially – even more than I already do.

If I want to sort it out, I think I need just to talk with him directly about it, be straight about it all. Fire doesn’t extinguish fire, after all…

Post-a-day 2021

On thin ice…?

Tread lightly… tread lightly…, they say…

I am treading lightly….(!!!!)

And it’s making me sick.

My stomach actually aches from treading lightly here….

What if I just don’t want to tread lightly in this case?(!!)

And not from a place of egotism or righteousness or, even, disregard for authority…. from a place of genuine, heart-deep, conscious love and inspiration.

What if I want to break the ice, clear the surface, and plunge…?

The silly part is that I couldn’t even tell you why I want to do it that way, which is what makes me feel so stupid about it all…, and yet…

I want deep to my core to plunge… I am ready for it… I have been preparing…

And yet… I tread lightly…

Whatever the case, I think I need to give up treading lightly when it just doesn’t work for me – it is lacking in integrity for me to tread lightly, to be cautious… so, either I start doing some cracking and shaking, or I walk away, I think…

Neither feels amazing right now, but I can tell already that either is better than this as it stands… this is not uplifting for anyone right now; there is something better for us all here than the current state of affairs.

And my first step is to step already – either fully on the ice or back off to shore – and to do it fully and confidently… there is something better waiting for me…, for all of us, I guess, really.

Anyway, as Superchick says, though it might not be today, “someday I’ll hope again, and there’ll be beauty from pain.”

I am ready for this someday… let’s get to walking big time, Nanner, and deal with this ice situation, one way or the other.

Post-a-day 2020

Toddler Time, it seems

May I just say, for one last time, that I am so tired of these papers?

I am tired of these papers… I want to be done with them, but I don’t want to sit and write them anymore – I have lost my interest in them.  I’ve already done all the research, proven my hypothesis for myself.  Why do I now need to organize it all up for others to see?  I really am okay that the world doesn’t get to experience my findings and ideas on this point.  Although, to be fair, I think I would be quite annoyed, if someone else were to come up with a paper on the same topic, and I never finished this one… So, I guess I do want to finish this paper, actually do the rest of it.

Yeah…

I’m just sleepy now, and so don’t really want to hassle with the whole mess that sits in front of me, mentally.  I don’t want to sort it all out right now.  I guess this is a perfect time for me to begin with the Dr.’s “Baby Steps” method again*… always gets me through whenever I hit this sort of panic or despondency in the face of the pile of ‘Oh-my-goodness’ that seems, somehow, almost endless.

Okay, baby steps it is, Doc…  Here I go

*From the film “What About Bob?”, what I consider to be a fabulous and somewhat infuriating film.

Post-a-day 2018