Toddler Time, it seems

May I just say, for one last time, that I am so tired of these papers?

I am tired of these papers… I want to be done with them, but I don’t want to sit and write them anymore – I have lost my interest in them.  I’ve already done all the research, proven my hypothesis for myself.  Why do I now need to organize it all up for others to see?  I really am okay that the world doesn’t get to experience my findings and ideas on this point.  Although, to be fair, I think I would be quite annoyed, if someone else were to come up with a paper on the same topic, and I never finished this one… So, I guess I do want to finish this paper, actually do the rest of it.

Yeah…

I’m just sleepy now, and so don’t really want to hassle with the whole mess that sits in front of me, mentally.  I don’t want to sort it all out right now.  I guess this is a perfect time for me to begin with the Dr.’s “Baby Steps” method again*… always gets me through whenever I hit this sort of panic or despondency in the face of the pile of ‘Oh-my-goodness’ that seems, somehow, almost endless.

Okay, baby steps it is, Doc…  Here I go

*From the film “What About Bob?”, what I consider to be a fabulous and somewhat infuriating film.

Post-a-day 2018

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Will it ever end? I hope not

Well, well… lookie there: Malcolm Gladwell’s work is relevant yet again. 😛

Working on my second paper of three for finals, I discovered that the main character I’m following with the paper, the one who tackles a whole new way of living life despite societal standards and expectations, and aims at individualism and self-expression – by the way, this was a super huge deal at the time, if someone were to behave as she did – had lost her mother when she was just a small child…

Hmm… this suddenly called up all of Malcolm Gladwell’s reporting on social agreeableness in individuals and the commonality that around 30% (I believe it was) of top people in their field lost a parent during childhood…. this main character was suddenly yet another example of the amazing people Malcolm Gladwell analyzed in his book David and Goliath, which I just finished reading the other day.

(If you haven’t read it, read it, and what I’ve just said will make much more sense.)

Isn’t that awesome??

I keep telling people that Malcolm Gladwell’s books are genius-ly awesome and totally relevant in our lives today, so it only naturally follows that his work continue to be absurdly relevant in my own life. 😛

Post-a-day 2018

Check one

One down and two to go!

I actually wrote the paper this evening/tonight, and I like it!

Yes, it could be loads better, but I’m okay with how it is… I’m not trying to publish it, but complete it, and Inhabe done that.

Tuesday, I’ll present about it, and I likely’ll get super nerdy about everything I learned in my research, as well as all the new research I kind of want to do now, based on things I found that left my appetite unsatisfied. 😛

I’m a dork and nerd at heart, and I totally know it…

That’s a big part of why I’m in school again – I’m opposed to our grading system and standard assignment styles, but I love to learn and to share what I’ve learned. 🙂

Now, to do the whole paper thing over again tomorrow morning and daytime, with a presentation of that paper in the evening! (Yikes!)

Post-a-day 2018

That paper…

So, that paper, the one that was due yesterday… I still haven’t written anything for it.

I have done extensive research for it, learned loads, and have ended up fully confident in my belief that the book’s history is absolutely absurd and somewhat hilarious (though it might not have been to those involved at the time), but I haven’t written a word of the actual 12-15-page paper that is due on it.

The thing is, I can’t figure out how to argue something about this book.

Sure, I could say its history is absurd, but is that actually acceptable, and do I actually want to look up the definition of “absurd”, and then develop how the book’s history lines up with it?

Maybe… not too bad of an idea, actually… huh.

Let me see if I can somehow compare it to something like a soap opera or telenovela, but more clever and better related to the book and time period…, then, I think I could make it all work out okay.

Ugh.

Other parts of my life just feel like s total mess, and having these papers makes it feel like I can’t address the real stuff in my life, and it just feels like I’m focusing on something stupid that pales in comparison to the rest of my life…, and I can’t seem to make it feel worth my real time, effort, and attention…

But I signed up for this program, and I am definitely capable of producing results…, so, I guess, let’s do it.

Then I can always look back at it as a face-palm sort of event in my life – one that totally improved me as a person, but really(?), that’s the route you picked, banana?(!!!???)

Yeah… exactly.

Post-a-day 2018

School

Three papers and presentations to go, but I finally have topics that are not only good topics, but topics that excite me… phew.

At last: something this semester that excites me about this degree.

And yes, I remember fully that I out myself in this program, of my own will and volition*.

*Is that being repetitive, or are they actually different meanings? (Aha – I looked it up, and I found that volition is the power or act of choosing and/or willing something.)

Post-a-day 2018

School

I have to give a 20-minute presentation tomorrow on a 15-20-page paper I haven’t yet written, the research for which I have only just tonight begun reading… and had to stop reading, because money (aka real) work last night went so late that I didn’t get enough sleep to be at a level of quality functioning today…

I imagine I’ll manage something decent for the presentation, but ugh, this being exhausted so often and having to do work I don’t particularly want to do is just really exhausting. 😛

No wonder I feel ill.

P.S. I am a long-time procrastinator, so the last-minute work is nothing new – just the exhaustion from other stresses and whatnot combined with the procrastination is new and stressful.

Post-a-day 2018

Class quote, I say

Tonight at class was great, and for various reasons.

At one point, our usually-rather-serious-and-exhausted teacher is mentioning something she has said to us many a times, and I have to do an audio double-take:

“Did you just quote yourself with blah blah?”

She pauses… looks at me…, “I did.”

She ever so slightly smiles…, “I did.”

And then she, along with us, breaks into chuckles laughter, as she explains how she needn’t always be serious and that she finds it important for her to offer some humor for us from time to time, so we can remember that she is not just a mean old professor, but that she is a human being.

Then we went all into how students regularly think she’s mean and grades ‘too hard’ on assignments (definitely false on both accounts, but we could see how kids could think that).

And, somehow, it was all entirely relevant to what we were aiming to cover in class tonight, and we tied it all in with our research methods topics of the night, everyone participating in the conversation (at last!).

It was a great class meeting tonight. 🙂

Post-a-day 2018