As things fall apart, I recall that some of the best opportunities present themselves in times of opening, when space is suddenly made in life for new things to arrive… and I wonder about actually applying for this absurd grant and mentor ship program…
I think I might just do it….
Actually…
Post-a-day 2018
I am strong as a person, and I know it – I can take care of somebody else, easily.
That’s why one of the most appealing things to me in a partner is someone who will take care of me…, because I sometimes just want to take a break from taking care of everyone else – of anyone, actually – and have someone do it for me, instead of the other way around.
But I feel as though I am failing as a friend, if I ask that of a friend… it’s only acceptable, it seems, with a partner in life…, but maybe that’s just because the best kind of friends aren’t really in my everyday life right now, and so I can’t even imagine it being acceptable behavior, their taking care of me for once.
And then this reminds me of something from today.
I stopped in on an old co-worker’s class today while I was subbing, and the prayer she read to begin class was about reaching out to those who seem upset or alone, because, how does one know that that person has friends to cheer him up?… I might be the only one who’s even considered cheering the person up, it said… perhaps the person feels just as lonely as I do, and just no one has ever taken the time to see, it read…
And I cried during the prayer, because I felt like that person who feels so alone, but who no one would consider might ever feel like she’s all on her own and alone, with no one even to check on how she’s really doing, and not just how she might look from the outside…
Post-a-day 2018
It feels as though an absence of music in my life is a sign of an absence of delight.
When there is so much happening, that I do not take the time for music – either listening or playing – it usually results that I am stressed and haggard and, quite likely, too, sick.
No surprise that I haven’t had any music lately, and I haven’t played guitar or ukulele in a while…., and no surprise that I’ve been stuck with an icky cold for over a week and a half…, because I’ve been so stressed and strained with various topics in my life, I haven’t taken the time to take care of myself.
I haven’t taken the time to have music, one of the deepest joys of my heart.
Perhaps, if I had music for myself every day, I might never get sick… there’s likely some study about that anyway, where music makes the body healthier (not to mention improved brain function on the whole).
Well, I’ve been doing what I consider to be a very good job, as of late, feeding myself and preparing food for myself…. now to add music in there every day.
I wonder if I can really do it… can I see myself as really being worth that effort and time?? (I’m still only halfway there with the good food preparation mentality…)
But I think it is a good time to give it a go, so I’ll go for it… music every day… for myself…, because I not only need but deserve it.
Okay.
…Crazy how this scares me somehow…
Post-a-day 2018
I am enthralled by books of my childhood right now, and, while I love my life, I feel as though I have an almost addiction to them because of my total envy of the characters’ lives, thus making it seem as though my own life does not meet my own standards…. which makes me envy them all the more.
Post-a-day 2018
One of my favorite feelings is what ensues whenever I wrap myself up in towels – one for my hair and a big one for my body – after a warm shower in a cool room, and I collapse sideways onto the bed.
After a while spent snuggling in my towel in the bed, the towel in my hair comes apart, my hair falling, flowing, rolling out of it onto the bed in spurts as I roll onto my back.
And I just rest there for a while, in a place of bliss, nowhere to go and nothing to do but dry slowly from the shower and relax.
And that’s what I do.
Post-a-day 2018
Oktoberfest…
semi-unplanned friend visit…
Mid-Autumn Festival…
car accident…
Earthdance….
… with origami and Braille, both taught by a blind man with a blind man’s wristwatch…
stopping for toilet paper…
and a house gathering…
all with a rain storm pouring over us off and on…
How was this only one day?
Post-a-day 2018
I began reading last night a book that I had loved as a young girl… and I have found many similarities between myself and the main character…
Have I developed myself based on this character, though most of the details had long been forgotten, or did I originally like the book because I already related so much to the main character?
It kind of feels like I’m asking myself the deepest of psychological questions…
But it also feels like I’m asking myself a ‘chicken or the egg’ kind of question…
Post-a-day 2018
Why did I read the book Love in the Time of Cholera?
Because Sara, in the movie “Serendipity”, pulled it from her bag, and wrote her number in it, so that, after she sold it to a used book store the next day, Jonathan would have a chance of finding it and contacting her, if fate – serendipity – allowed it.
And her character in the film has always reminded me of the girl I want to be.
So, since she had it for some reason, likely to read it, I thought I’d have it and give it a read.
And I did.
And that isn’t the oddest of reasons I’ve read books, either.
(… just in case you were wondering…)
Post-a-day 2018
If another adult – recalling that I am, in fact, an adult myself – insists that I call him/her “Dr.”, because he/she ‘worked so hard for that degree,’ or because he/she is ‘so proud of having earned it,’ is that not quite comparable to my saying that people must converse with me in French, because I worked so hard to learn it and I’m so proud of being able to speak it?
(I’m not saying that it’s the same, but just comparable oddities with the same reasoning.)
It’s just a thought that came to mind today, and it has me a bit flummoxed.
I grew up in a world where we are all people, not classes or ranks, so I’ve never really been able to understand people’s required uses of name ranks (beyond someone’s voluntarily being respectful in addressing another, I mean [though even that gets me sometimes]).
Post-a-day 2018
Well, naturally, I am sick from stress, yet again.
My throat feels a fire burning fervently within.
Menstruation has been timely to increase my need for sleep.
And I’ve loads to do; so, please, let’s pray that I keep… up.
Post-a-day 2018
hannah ananas 