The final night has arrived: I return to Texas tomorrow.
It is weird; I don’t feel like saying, “I’m going home…” it just doesn’t feel quite right.
For at least part of me, this is home – I am at home in Japan… in a way.
No, I do not want to stay permanently.
In dinner conversation, the idea came up of my working at an international school or special private school in Japan… and I almost felt a need to quell a rising panic…
But I reminded myself that I am safe and okay, and that I am perfect as I am, and I was able to remain calm easily and communicate nicely – aka I didn’t shout like a five-year-old, “Dame!” (No way!), but instead moved the conversation forward with a different route, so as not to offend.
(Because who wants to be told, “I kind of hate living full-time in your culture, thanks,”?)
Japan is a place for me to visit, that is for sure.
I even could see myself coming for slightly-extended-stays in the future, maybe for photography or something of the sort.
But not living here again.
I am sad to leave, but I am relieved to be going home to Houston, a place that always will hold a spirit of home for me.
I am nervous to go back to my low-budget life as a graduate student slash tutor slash up-and-coming photographer.
However, I actually am quite excited at the terror of what is to come next with all of it – classes and thesis, lots of graduation announcement photos, developing my editing skills, creating my kimono art show, teaching art & yoga (bilingually at that!), tutoring and teaching French and Spanish And Japanese, studying Japanese… maybe even watching some Olympic Games (I did buy some temporary tattoos and nail art to be a Japan fan during them…)…
Yes, I am looking forward to the next steps.
Especially getting even more fit… the gym has been something crazy for me this past month.
I have been totally fine without it, and even eating anything and everything delicious-tasting… and I have grown accustomed to being comfortable with myself more fully…
I am excited to return to the gym as my more-developed self that I now am… more true to myself than before (which was already purty darn good and true).
I am excited to see and to interact with my semi-crush-ish guy, and to be totally comfortable and okay with our being friends forever…
And to have that place be cleared up for something new and a bagillion times better to come into my life… I am ready to take on this life…
Thank you, Japan.
Thank you, Sara, my once-again snuggle buddy (now aged nine years).
Thank you, God.
Thank you, Texas – here I come. 😉