Author: hannah.ananas

Goals by Christmas

Have a beautiful, humble, honest, loving man to love me and hold me and comfort me.

Speak Italian effectively in my thoughts (in my head and aloud) and in at least one actual conversational interaction with a native speaker.

Be financially comfortable and confident.

Go on a long run at least once, and embrace the air.

Be ridiculous loads, having fun while at play with the world around me.

Teach people wonderful things.

Love people openly.

Be open with people with my words.

Love myself wholly.

Sing and play much music.

Including some good Christmas music.

Sleep well and effectively at night.

Drink lots of tisanes and some teas.

Embrace my beauty as a goddess embodied in this human life.

Release freely what does not serve me at large and at small.

Learn some Python basics.

Increase my splits and kick height/ease.

Post-a-day 2021

Take a breath…

… exhale… then go for it. Sometimes, we just have to be brave and ask. We might be wrong, but that’s okay. Better to be wrong and know it already, so we can proceed forward, than continue stressing and wondering, and then, possibly, missing out.

Because there’s always that chance that we might be right…

Either way, it only gets better if we take on the bravery and just ask.

Be brave. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Trust

I trust that God and the Universe are acting in my best interest, helping me to be my best and highest self. As annoying as that may sometimes be, I still trust them. And I am grateful for their support and guidance.

He said he envied her height. She said that, if he had been taller she would have married him. But then, she wouldn’t have married the man she did marry, and had the children she had. And he wouldn’t have become a priest, and made the difference in the world that he has made in that role.

Thinking on this, it occurred to me that, though I may envy someone something or be jealous of someone for something, I need only remember that my not having that something is actually helping me to do what I am here to do, the make the difference I am here to make. If I had what that other person has, she would not be able to do what she is here to do, and I would not be able to do what I am here to do.

And so, when the World dishes out something specific to me and something specifically envious to someone else, it is intentional. I have what I was given, because that is what will help me to do what I am here to do in this life, both now and in the future.

Even if I did really want that something else (or someone else), the lack of it will prove much more fertile and endeavour than having it would have proven.

Post-a-day 2021

Thanks, Today

Someone picked me up today. And no, I don’t mean like a, ‘Did it hurt when you fell?’ kind of pick-up. I mean that he actually picked me up off the ground. And then he carried me up some stairs, my half flung over his shoulder and laughing, and walked us casually into our buddy’s house… like I weighed nothing. Suffice it to say that 1) I was surprised – I had no idea he was so strong already, and, also, he was somewhat intoxicated yet didn’t even come close to stumbling – and 2) I was basking – for whatever reason, one of the most attractive features for me in men, aside from good teeth, is their ability to carry me. No clue whence that standard came, but it has been a big deal for me, somehow, for my entire adult life so far. Absolutely, I was delighted at that unexpected event…

So, yeah… that was awesome. 😛 Thanks for that bit of icing on the cake that was this surprisingly wonderful day today, Universe.

Post-a-day 2021

le (gros) mot du jour

What could be better, more interesting, and more useful than simply the word of the day? The bad word of the day, of course. We cannot deny that, though we need not necessarily use bad words ourselves, it is important and valuable to know the bad words, so that we are able to recognize and understand what is being said in the world around us. Foreign language courses seem to avoid such things, but at what cost? Firstly, the individual is likely to be quite lost when interacting with a native environment. Secondly, loads of potential interest is lost without them. Because most teens and adults are quite interested in the bad words, whether they’re willing to admit it or not. And thirdly, such words and expressions share loads about the culture tied to the language.

I am very much not a bad word person. And yet two of my favorite words in Japanese are manko and oshiri. It’s probably because they are such silly yet useful words that I enjoy them so much. They are fun to know, more than useful. Which makes them even more fun to know, I suppose.

So, yeah… the (bad) word of the day sounds like a kind of amazing idea to me… so long as the students can handle it, that is…

Post-a-day 2021

Just breathe

I don’t know what this lesson is, but it’s starting to make me sick with stress from it. It felt like I had been exactly where I needed to be today and this evening and tonight. So, why did someone have to hit the car as I drive home? And why did he have to drive off, as though he hadn’t just rammed his car into this one?

What’s more, why did he have to be a clear stereotype expressed in reality?

I don’t know what to do about it all, but I’m getting really sick of having a new car. Sure, it reliably gets me places. However, it also has cost me more in repairs than the old little blue car ever did. Plus, I’m paying literally thousands more for this one. All just to get ridiculously stressed out every handful of days.

But it does get me places reliably. And maybe that’s the point, somehow.

Somehow…

Things got messed up with school, and they didn’t pay me. Naturally, this happened just after my having to pay this lump sum of nonsense for the windshield repair BS the car dealership put me through. So, that all likely will be rolling into my credit tomorrow morning… they, of course, are providing me with a physical check to replace the digital error… tomorrow morning.

And then this tonight, just as that was potentially about to be solved.

God and Universe, please help me to read whatever this language is, because I’m not getting the message properly yet – I need help.

Post-a-day 2021

Perspective

I can actually quite well argue any side of a matter. I’ve known that about myself for a long time now. The use of this skill today, however, surprised me a bit. I was not in agreement about something, and had spoken up about it in private, but had not yet received a response. I did not want to undermine what this person had done, so, when a student came to me, upset in just the same way I was (but worse, because he was receiving the brunt of the blow), I had to hold my tongue a moment and reconsider. What stands before me here? Imagining nothing outside of this room will change, how can I encourage and empower this student here and now and going forward, and without laying anger or blame or frustrations elsewhere?

And then I did just that. I saw a beauty to this new perspective I was offering to him, and was completely impressed by and enrolled in the idea myself.

And no, I wasn’t BS-ing anything here. I was approaching it genuinely.

Which has me wonder if it wouldn’t be a beautiful practice to reevaluate situations and opinions more often in my daily life. Because I never would have found such a deep, powerful perspective had I not been presented with the sudden need to help this student while not disregarding the right of the other person in the situation.

So, I think I’ll be looking into that going forward…

P.S. The kid, I now know, as I’ve had a response to my earlier e-mail, very likely will not be having to serve the punishment he was assigned. It likely only will apply to those for whom it was truly applicable (Aka almost all the other students from that class), after a few further discussions with certain students to confirm.

Post-a-day 2021

Following

Bro, I don’t quite understand where God is directing me right now, but I am certainly following the calls and encouragements full-heartedly. There is now a very high chance that I will be helping with this martial arts thing at school, now, in the mornings… because, you know, I wasn’t busy enough already. 😛 My words and thoughts, by the way, and I believe them as both true and ironic. Haha

Anyway, must sleep ASAP, as it’s already after 9pm!

Post-a-day 2021

Works (of art and of grace)

I went to a different Mass than expected this weekend, but it was the one toward which I had had a sort of tug earlier this week. I had planned to attend a different Mass, and had this one as a back-up plan, and the back-up almost didn’t even happen – ate crappy food, and felt horrible all afternoon today, like I was about to pass out from exhaustion or hurl from the food at any given moment. But, despite feeling crappy in my belly, I knew I wanted to go to Mass this weekend – something about it just felt right, despite my body’s feeling so wrong today.

So, I sucked it up, and made the Mass happen. And, you know what, I not only saw someone who made me smile, but, after seeing that person, this absolutely gorgeous guy I’d met a couple years ago came walking in, and he sat the row behind me. (Eek!)

I felt like a high school girl, I swear. Lots of letting go of eekiness alongside all the emotions I experience throughout a beautiful Mass… silly, but also fun. I didn’t get to talk to him or anything, but we acknowledge each other’s presence both when he arrived and during the peace offerings. I told my mom that it was both exciting and slightly upsetting, because, yes, he was there, but he was there only at a distance, in a way. She said it was like a museum: Enjoy and admire the beautiful art, but you can’t touch it and you can’t take it home with you. Very true, Mom. Very true.

What I will say about his presence at Mass, though, is that it felt like encouragement, like a small reward, for my being there, that it was, indeed, the right place for me to be. Like God said, ‘See? Good things show up when you go where you are called.’

And that part felt very good and loving and encouraging. For it all, I am grateful. And, of course, I am very open to seeing him more regularly, God and Universe. 😉

For now, though, I thank you both. You hold my life and my heart with such grace and tenderness, and I am grateful. Please, help me to continue to step forward into what is next for me in this life, that I might be the love and creativity that I am here to be, to my full ability. Thank you, God and Universe.

Amen

Post-a-day 2021